Echo000 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 You know, I think the whole experience of losing someone and a relationship to be a crazy, paradoxical thing. SO many people-literally BILLIONS- of people have had their hearts broken in the history of mankind. Yet every single story, every heart break in itself, is so very unique. My broken heart is broken than yours, and yours is broken differently than another individuals. The hard parts of a break up are obvious: you loved that person- often still love them even as they belittle you, shatter you, and leave you to move on all alone. All this is obvious..hence the "my life is over" sob stories and "how could he/she!?" thread titles. What hurts the most (to me anyway) is the unspoken, effortless pain that is felt yet often not acknowledged. That pain is quiet, and it creeps in slowly. Its the pain of thinking that the friend, the lover, the homeboy/homegirl who used to bring you solace is now a distant memory and an object (and no longer a human being) that you must overcome. That their purpose in your life was not to love you, but to make you stronger through the pain that was caused. Moving on means accepting that all the dreams and memories and hopes you had for that person must forever be left in the past. It means accepting that "closure" is a myth- that the heart indeed never does break evenly nor can it ever be put back the same as it was before. It means accepting the fact that life can change instantly, and strangers can turn into our best friends, our lovers, then strangely back into strangers once again. And lastly, it means leaving the broken pieces on the floor and moving on. Accepting the broken pieces lying there and no longer trying to put them back together. Realizing that every time you try, those pieces manage to cut you deeper and deeper each time. There is so much positive to the experience. This post is not meant to be negative. But it does show how much a human being must go through, and what they must do, to move forward in peace. Because, after a break up, many people continue to merely exist. Few continue to live. 13
todreaminblue Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 You know, I think the whole experience of losing someone and a relationship to be a crazy, paradoxical thing. SO many people-literally BILLIONS- of people have had their hearts broken in the history of mankind. Yet every single story, every heart break in itself, is so very unique. My broken heart is broken than yours, and yours is broken differently than another individuals. The hard parts of a break up are obvious: you loved that person- often still love them even as they belittle you, shatter you, and leave you to move on all alone. All this is obvious..hence the "my life is over" sob stories and "how could he/she!?" thread titles. What hurts the most (to me anyway) is the unspoken, effortless pain that is felt yet often not acknowledged. That pain is quiet, and it creeps in slowly. Its the pain of thinking that the friend, the lover, the homeboy/homegirl who used to bring you solace is now a distant memory and an object (and no longer a human being) that you must overcome. That their purpose in your life was not to love you, but to make you stronger through the pain that was caused. Moving on means accepting that all the dreams and memories and hopes you had for that person must forever be left in the past. It means accepting that "closure" is a myth- that the heart indeed never does break evenly nor can it ever be put back the same as it was before. It means accepting the fact that life can change instantly, and strangers can turn into our best friends, our lovers, then strangely back into strangers once again. And lastly, it means leaving the broken pieces on the floor and moving on. Accepting the broken pieces lying there and no longer trying to put them back together. Realizing that every time you try, those pieces manage to cut you deeper and deeper each time. There is so much positive to the experience. This post is not meant to be negative. But it does show how much a human being must go through, and what they must do, to move forward in peace. Because, after a break up, many people continue to merely exist. Few continue to live. well written...it is possible to heal through all pain we endure that includes the pain of a broken heart, you are right about a heart never being the same...a heart can grow through pain though.....a heart can learn.....even when it has been broken...as far as closure goes...i think it is achievable.......when you move on....that is closure....you close one door behind you to open the other in front of you..........its the only way you should move on and live not just exist with all these open doors behind you......deb
Bigcitydreamer Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Very thoughtful and introspective! Thanks for posting this because it is the truth and it brings you back to reality.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) There is so much positive to the experience. This post is not meant to be negative. But it does show how much a human being must go through, and what they must do, to move forward in peace. Because, after a break up, many people continue to merely exist. Few continue to live. Few continue to live? I know you are just venting and getting introspective, but I just can't get behind that. I mean, I get what you're saying, but I am not sure if i agree with this... We ALL will continue to live, not just merely exist. It may take more or less time than others, but I honestly believe we will ALL get past this experinece. I feel I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am not sure I will ever meet another like her. BUT, I know I 'lived' before her and I will 'live' again after her. And so will you!!! We have to. There is no other alternative. Stay positive I bet I'm older than you, and my odds are probably worse. But I still have faith and so should you and everyone else. Edited April 21, 2013 by mtnbiker3000 1
CompleteFailure Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 What hurts the most (to me anyway) is the unspoken, effortless pain that is felt yet often not acknowledged. That pain is quiet, and it creeps in slowly. Its the pain of thinking that the friend, the lover, the homeboy/homegirl who used to bring you solace is now a distant memory and an object (and no longer a human being) that you must overcome. That their purpose in your life was not to love you, but to make you stronger through the pain that was caused. I don't ever want them to be a distant memory that I can forget or shrug off like nothing. I think that's why I'm still fighting to hold on. They will always be human to me. I can't ever imagine imagining them in a different light. To me their purpose was never to love me. Our purpose was to love one other and bring something of value to each other and the relationship It means accepting that "closure" is a myth- Closure is not a myth, we just reach it in different ways. I wonder if we are willing to accept it once we're there. life can change instantly, and strangers can turn into our best friends, our lovers, then strangely back into strangers once again. Life is full of cruel ironies.
Author Echo000 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Few continue to live? I know you are just venting and getting introspective, but I just can't get behind that. I mean, I get what you're saying, but I am not sure if i agree with this... We ALL will continue to live, not just merely exist. It may take more or less time than others, but I honestly believe we will ALL get past this experinece. I feel I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am not sure I will ever meet another like her. BUT, I know I 'lived' before her and I will 'live' again after her. And so will you!!! We have to. There is no other alternative. Stay positive I bet I'm older than you, and my odds are probably worse. But I still have faith and so should you and everyone else. when i say live..i dont mean that people become zombies with no thoughts beside that of their ex. I mean a lot of people get through months (even years) of nc and "move on" yet fail to take risks, to really do the things they want to do in life. And as for ALL people getting "past this experience"..i disagree. There are many people who do terrible things after a break up..they fail to cope and they do terrible things like hurting themselves or others. I see it on the news all the time. So i dont think its that far off to suggest that many people (although I agree its an exaggeration to say most) dont truly live their lives the way they want to after a really tough experience like a break up. MANY MANY do, but many dont as well. To me, thats just reality.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Fair enough... I, myself, truly want to move on, get past this and lead a happy and productive life. I only hope most others do as well...
Author Echo000 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Fair enough... I, myself, truly want to move on, get past this and lead a happy and productive life. I only hope most others do as well... Oh most definitely agree! just hurting right now..im about to hit 90 days nc in two/three days and idk why but im getting a flood of emotions (even like missing her, etc) which I have not had this strongly in a long time.
crimsoncurrent Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 This post is very honest and thoughtful. I think you bring up an existential question we all must ask after experiencing heart-wrenching breakup: am I simply existing or living purposefully after my breakup? If one does not obtain a deeper, transformative insight(s) after such a significant experience, not much progress has been made in my opinion. Thank you for your post. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Yeah, it's a wild ride. I'm at 35 days and it's been so up and down, I'm not even sure how I feel any more... I just keep trying to move foward and hope it works itself out in the long run... Very confusing and frustrating. Just plow on and deal with it I guess
Author Echo000 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Yeah, it's a wild ride. I'm at 35 days and it's been so up and down, I'm not even sure how I feel any more... I just keep trying to move foward and hope it works itself out in the long run... Very confusing and frustrating. Just plow on and deal with it I guess Just curious- how would you feel if you knew that you would NEVER hear from your ex again? Im just curious where your head is now/how that truth would affect you and your progress?
DavidSoBased Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Yeah, it's a wild ride. I'm at 35 days and it's been so up and down, I'm not even sure how I feel any more... I just keep trying to move foward and hope it works itself out in the long run... Very confusing and frustrating. Just plow on and deal with it I guess You're doing it wrong. NC is for you man, not for her. It's for you to heal. Abandon all thoughts and live your life as though that person will never contact you again. Improve on yourself, become the person that no one will ever want to let go of. I'm preaching this and even I'm having a hard time practicing it. It's hard man. I want to just casually stop by her work and pick up a pizza, ya'know? But it's not worth it man. If they come back, then awesome, but if they don't.. you need to be able to deal with that scenario.
Eggplant Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 4.5 months later... and I feel my life is destroyed. Nobody else will ever compare.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Just curious- how would you feel if you knew that you would NEVER hear from your ex again? Im just curious where your head is now/how that truth would affect you and your progress? Very difficult to answer that accurately. I believe I would be great with that. She has been contacting me regarding the deposit from our shared rental house and some other stuff, and it is bothering me. I do not respond. This morning for instance she texted two very strange messages regarding legitimate things, but still just strange messages. She seems to include extra info that I don't really care about or need to know about. Nothing about BF's or anything like that, but stuff that just has a weird effect on me. Not sure if it is on purpose or not. I like to think it doesn't affect me, but I think it really does. Probably why I am having a crappy day today. If she continues to do this past the end of this month, I am going to request she not contact me again... That is when we will be done with anything tying us together. Anyway, to answer your question: Really, honestly I don't know.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) You're doing it wrong. NC is for you man, not for her. It's for you to heal. Abandon all thoughts and live your life as though that person will never contact you again. Improve on yourself, become the person that no one will ever want to let go of. I'm preaching this and even I'm having a hard time practicing it. It's hard man. I want to just casually stop by her work and pick up a pizza, ya'know? But it's not worth it man. If they come back, then awesome, but if they don't.. you need to be able to deal with that scenario. Oh, I know it's for, and all about me. 100%. And I know we will never be together again. I wouldn't take her back even if she wanted to, which she doesn't I am confident that after the end of this month I will never hear from her again, barring maybe a breadcrumb or two, which I won't repond to... Edited April 22, 2013 by mtnbiker3000
Eggplant Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Because, after a break up, many people continue to merely exist. Few continue to live.Mostly numb. And despondent.
IS IT Better late Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 You know what bugs me the most is all the reminders. Such as the type of car she drove, the name of the town she's from, going a similar route I would've taken to her house, music we had on in the car when we were together, places we went for drinks. It's a never ending list of things that remind me of her. I can be doing fine and them bam she's back on my brain b/c something has triggered a memory we had together. Been 2-months since I've seen her, miss her, but she chose this path all I can do is accept it and move on.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 You know what bugs me the most is all the reminders. Such as the type of car she drove, the name of the town she's from, going a similar route I would've taken to her house, music we had on in the car when we were together, places we went for drinks. It's a never ending list of things that remind me of her. I can be doing fine and them bam she's back on my brain b/c something has triggered a memory we had together. Been 2-months since I've seen her, miss her, but she chose this path all I can do is accept it and move on. ^^ Agreed!!! I am at about 40 days and yesterday was really, really rough. Couldn't sleep and was late to work this morning I think it was so difficult because I got two texts from the ex. Half bread-crumbing, half legitimate things we are still forced to deal with... Either way I did not respond. I am thinking about sending this email to clear things up: Fridge is yours to deal with. I don't want to be involved with that, or anything else, any further. Please direct any future house/deposit issues to the landlord. Please don't call/text/email me again. I really don't want any more messages. I think they are causing me trouble!!
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