Goodbye Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Must be the weekend for it because it seems like there are a lot of down and out OW here. I'm coming up on a week of NC and I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I have two major events this week (not good) and I miss his support. I so badly want to break NC and send him an email, asking if he still loves me. But, I can't. Nothing has changed. I just wish I'd get that call telling me he was free. I miss him. I miss him.
lifelesson101 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I am so sorry you are hurting. God, how well I know what you are going through! It has been three months of no contact for me with ex-MM, after an VERY abrupt ending. I walk every day, I try to keep busy and do things for me. My job is also incredibly demanding which helps in a way - it keeps my brain busy. I still think of him everyday when I wake up. But it is getting better. I am starting to forget what he sounds like and looks like and taste like...this may sound crazy - but I view that as progress. He does not consume my every minute of every day anymore. NC gets better and it gets easier.... it just takes time. Huge, huge, hugs from a sister who knows. 1
AnotherRound Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Ugh - so sorry you are feeling so down. You are SO freshly out of this, and the way it ended - it sounds like it is compounding your grief and the process. What kind of self soothing skills do you use when you need to revitalize? I do a lot of reading, get a massage, watch old tv shows, play with my dogs, skype with my 2 year old niece, talk to my best friend, have a couple glasses of wine with friends, go see a band... You have to find what works for you and USE it!!!! If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream. Do what you need to do - but also be doing things FOR yourself that replenish your soul. The weekends can be hard at first - but they are also a time when most of us can lie in bed and be cozy more than normal... Hope you are feeling better soon!
lynn1954 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I'm so sorry that you're having a bad weekend. Stay strong, things will get better. What are you doing right now other than LS? What are you planning for Sunday?
zevahc Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I no its tough. Believe me...even as the OM, it's tough for me and I have many days I feel like I'm going inssane. I wonder why I can't get my emotions and my $!@#$ together. Believe me...you aren't alone. I have been spending a lot of time trying to see the practical side of things....telling myself it's stupid for me to want something or someone who can't even take the steps to meet me halfway...we all deserve better. Even if the emotions, feelings etc...are real. And I do believe they are....it doesn't mean we don't deserve better. Trust me...i know how you feel, I'm just on a good run of 3-4 days
who_am_i Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Must be the weekend for it because it seems like there are a lot of down and out OW here. I'm coming up on a week of NC and I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I have two major events this week (not good) and I miss his support. I so badly want to break NC and send him an email, asking if he still loves me. But, I can't. Nothing has changed. I just wish I'd get that call telling me he was free. I miss him. I miss him. I agree!! I think that the weekends in general are just harder. During the week I stay so busy that its easier to keep him out of my thoughts. But the weekend? Forget it! I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes get so close to just saying to hell with it and calling...but I know better. I read somewhere that so often people who are heartbroken will try and make contact to feel better, but you are not likely to receive the answers/response that you're so hopeful for. And that, in most cases, just makes you feel worse in the long run. I try to keep this in mind when the temptation gets strong. Truth is I'm not sure I could feel much worse...but I'm not looking to find out either. Also, I'd like to keep a little dignity. It's not often that I stood my ground where he was concerned and I know that if I contact him I'll just look even more pathetic and it may very well anger him. At this point I feel this is something I have to do for me (as much as I hate it). Reality is, if he wanted to, he could find me...he just doesn't want to. So why should I give him the satisfaction? When it had been a week for me I thought I'd never survive...but here I am at just over 2 months and still breathing. I've discovered that I'm stronger then I thought I was...and you will too! All the best. 3
DelusionalOne Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I know the feeling too. Coming up on 3 months NC. I can't believe it's been 3 months. The NC does get easier. For me now, I mostly stay NC, and I hate to admit this, out of fear. I ignored several "breadcrumbs" and they really were minor breadcrumbs. But my fear is that if I ever broke NC, he would ignore ME. Or worse, I'd get a nasty response... The pain involve with that happening is enough to keep me from contacting him with any lame excuse I can come up with. I don't know if anyone else experienced this... But there was a bit of an emotional landmine for me around the 6-7 week NC mark... The absolute realization that it is truly over and you will never see or speak to them again. The pain was stunning and I did a lot of sit ups and push ups that week to make sure I was too tired to think let alone do something stupid. I don't know if this was something just I experienced or others did as well but forewarned is forearmed. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Oh honey - hang in there - the weekends were always the worst for me. During the week I have some much going on with work, meetings, coaching, my daughter etc that it was (is) easier. I forget - are you married or single? It is best to make plans - do it ahead of time. Get together with some girlfriends, go for a jog, contact a friend you haven't seen in a long while (I don't know about you but there were friendships I let got because of my affair) - rekindle that friendship - go to a museum, revel in art and a big one for me was starting something new - I started taking guitar lessons and that has been such a help. I promise you it will get better. Be strong! Don't contact him. Until (or unless) he can offer you more, you will be back to where you started. You are doing great! Hang tough.
BrokenPrincess Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Hang in there! The first couple weeks are brutal, but it will get better. it really will. I tried to stay motivated with stubborn pride: I will NOT break NC. If he wants to talk to me, he knows where to find me. I will NOT put myself out there in a pathetic begging way, dammit!!! And don't be mistaken, I came sooooo close. His birthday, 6 wks post DDay, I thought I was going to snap. Keep writing him those emails and then send them to yourself! There's a thread on here too I think it's the Breaking Up board with a place to post instead of breaking NC. I used that a couple times in a pinch too. YOU CAN DO IT. Just try to sleep if you can, drink water, eat something if possible. do you have anyone IRL you can talk to? I ended up confessing to a friend on day 4 because I was just so upset & depressed & unhinged I didn't think I could handle it by myself. Hang in there sweetie...the first couple weeks, I think every HOUR of NC is a success, then you'll start counting the days, then weeks. And after a few months, you'll realize you've stopped counting so closely. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 its a journey...Ive heard it said by someone else and I thought it was worth repeating. Its like trying to mourn a passed on loved one, but they are still here... Which is why we all ruminate about it...Weekends are brutal-BTW.. Hang in there all.. TFOY 1
Author Goodbye Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Thank you all so much. Your responses are very helpful. I did finally just go to sleep. I will try to get out more today. I have a busy day and a pretty busy week, so maybe it will help. I'm coming up on a week of no contact. I will try and force myself to walk more, do projects...not just mourn. I cried so much last night, I wonder how I can't just be done. I do wonder if I'm not just grieving the end of the exMM, but also now my divorce/end of marriage. I don't second guess my decision to leave my H for one minute, but sometimes the reality of life alone is bitter. 2
GreyhoundtoNowhere Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I do wonder if I'm not just grieving the end of the exMM, but also now my divorce/end of marriage. I don't second guess my decision to leave my H for one minute, but sometimes the reality of life alone is bitter. you're going through multiple emotions at the same time and it's tough. i also went through my D while still in my A. And sometimes, I'd be just emotionally drained from all of it (even though I also knew that leaving my H was the right thing for us both, it still ain't easy..) So, writing helped me sort out those emotions and kind of pin-point what I was feeling. Stay strong. 1
Got it Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 (((((((Goodbye)))))))) I hope you are feeling better today, be gentle with yourself. 1
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