youaremysunshine Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 so I've posted on here recently on how to end it with a young man who I care for deeply but is unwilling to commit and is often very disagreeable. I thought he had lost interest in me after not hearing from him in a week. Turns out the SIM card on my phone was out of place and I hadn't received and calls or texts in a week. I met with him for dinner finally and I told him, gently that I was not getting what I needed from the relationship and it was making me feel insecure. I said I still wanted him in my life but I want to see other people, enjoy life and not feel pressure. I also said that I he deserved to find someone who was truly right for him. Interestingly he replied that I am the one who is right for him because I am his intellectual equal, that I have taught him so much and that by constantly challenging me he is showing the utmost respect He said he would not want to spend his life with anyone but a proud, firey woman like me. It's too ****ing tragic because I feel like I was being a doormat to please him last few weeks! I thought the fact that we were debating constantly was a sign he disliked me. He also really appreciated he books I gave him food I made him and understood them to be meaningful gestures. He said although I am his first girlfriend he thinks the ultimate goal of all relationships his life partnership and children (I AM SCARED) He is scared of not experiencing sex with other women but he will commit to me if that means not losing me because he thinks he will never meet a woman like me again when I suggested that he will find someone he loves he said "could we not grow to love one another?" he said it like a whisper and held my hand. He takes the whole idea of love so bloody seriously that committing or expressing his feeling is a HUGE DEAL I also can't help but feel my distancing myself (somewhat unintentional) has drawn him closer to me he was really sad and I can't stand hurting him. I want to comfort him
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 I am SO TEMPTED to contact him and try to reconcile.... I think I've made a huge mistake
CompleteFailure Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Interestingly he replied that I am the onewho is right for him He said he would not want to spend his life with anyone but a proud, firey woman like me. he thinks he will never meet a woman like me again when I suggested that he will find someone he loves he said "could we not grow to love one another?" he said it like a whisper and held my hand. He takes the whole idea of love so bloody seriously that committing or expressing his feeling is a HUGE DEAL I also can't help but feel my distancing myself (somewhat unintentional) has drawn him closer to me he was really sad and I can't stand hurting him. I want to comfort him So he said you are the one? Or did he say you are 'like' the one? So he doesn't 'love' you right now but is up for commitment? His Idea of love and commitment is a huge deal but he doesn't love you and wants to commit anyway? Something doesn't seem right. Also, if he feels so strongly about love - what happens when he does find his version of 'the one'? Where does that leave you and any commitments you make in the meantime?
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 I just hate that it has to be so much pressure. I just want to be exclusive. He's willing to do it to avoid losing me and because he thinks he will never meet some one like me but he ultimately isn't ready... It gets me because all of the things he values in women are things I feel like I lost to insecurity in this relationship.
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 He seems pretty certain he will die alone if I leave him, it's rediculous
CompleteFailure Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 So is it a low self esteem issue with him? Or he just doesn't want to settle with anyone else, but you? If he gives you that security, won't that allow you to be yourself - the woman that he values? If he's willing to give you what you want and that will in turn make you the person you want to be, what are you waiting for? Worst case scenario nothing changes and you're back to where you are now, ready to call it quits. Except next time you'll see through the bullsh.t
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 You think that I should apologize and call off the break up? I am so proud and stubborn though...
CompleteFailure Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I think you should consider everything and think about what you really want. Is the relationship worth losing your ego and risking your future self to be humiliated worth it? Only you can decide that. The question I want to know is, if you call and apologize(giving up your power) will he think he no longer owes you anything(change/commitment)?
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 He deffinately has low self esteem though he often acts arrogant, he's a complex guy for sure...
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 I'm so unsure! Honestly. I like the way he challenges me too, and now that I know that my strong convictions are what attracts him to me i'll stop compriming to keep the peace! I do have the power right now and I have no idea what will happen if I give it up
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 It sounds soooo manipulative but he really responded to the week NC and them my asking to end it. I had already talked myself out of this relationship, saying it was unequal, that I liked him more than he liked me. Now it seems he actually does care for and respect me. Too bad I had to find out this way. I want to beg for him back but I feel like I put him through all this pain for nothing!
CompleteFailure Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 If he genuinely wants to be with you, he'd be happy to hear what you have to say.
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