cjo1978 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 My girlfriend and I have decided to have some space for a bit. Things got strained but now after agreeing to a break I've found out she kissed someone and flirts with another via text. I so want to let her know that I know this but I'm confused. Do I tell her after the break I know about it or tell her just now?? She says she is confused about how she feels......I don't know what to do. I love her and never really said and I said a few things to test the water and get a reaction rather than tell her new I felt. We talked but if I asked what she waned she said she didn't know. We have been ona beak for a week and she says she doesn't know what to do cos one minute she knows the she doesn't and it difficult.........I'm so confused and need some advice......anyone????
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Oh, my wee little 'North o' the Border' pal, you are not going to like this, but - you are so dumped. There is no such thing as a 'break'. Whenever you hear the word, 'break' you should always follow it with the word 'up'. Immediately. And the way she has behaved - forget the 'break' - she's still with you.... You tolerate that from a girlfriend? I'm sorry mate, but this is kicked to the touchline. If I were you, I would definitely man up, make the decision, and declare this match a non-event. You don't 'decide what to do' by inviting a third party into the situation to muddy the waters. I'm really sorry - but honestly, do not put up with this. Tell her it's over, and move on. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. The thread gets ever longer by the addition of new posts from grateful readers..... Please, make yourself a brew, sit, and read. You're gonna need it..... 5
Weathergirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Not knowing can be worse than knowing. In my case, my ex told me he wanted 'space' as he was in the process of buying a house, and wanted time to himself. I asked numerous times if it was over, because I just wanted to know. He replied numerous times it was not, he just wanted some time. All this was done to spare my feelings, I assume. The truth was he was already with another, I found out 3 months later still 'waiting' for him, when I got a call from his new gf. I can quite honestly say hand on heart, it would have hurt less just knowing in the beginning. You are torturing yourself because it doesn't appear to me she will give you the answer you want, or deserve. I wish you well. 1
Author cjo1978 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Do I tell her I know what she done?? I've went NC and spoke to her best friend but I don't know whether to let her know I know what's happened and walk away with pride intact or wait till she makes a decision and then tell her......this probably doesnt make sense but I feel like breaking NC to tell her just now. The guy she wad texting is married with a pregnant wife and she kissed a guy which she regretted after......do I tell her I know know or wait???
Weathergirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I can totally understand that you want an explanation. I would be the same. You can either hold out for her decision, if you are strong enough to sit and wait (personally it would kill me), or tell her what you know, and on the basis of her reply or explanation make your decision. I know what the right thing to do is, to walk away now without going into it all, I think you will end up hurt if you do this any other way. That's just my opinion though. Sorry I can't be more helpful.
Chi townD Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yeah dude. She goes on "a break" from you and IMMEDIATELY starts kissing up on some dude. No mourning the loss of you...no mourning the loss of the relationship... Dude, taking a break = breaking up. Don't kid yourself. Sure, you can tell her what you found out. But, it won't make any difference. She'll just say that what she does is none of your business because, you two aren't together right now. Don't you just LOVE the technicalities of "taking a break"! Dude, time to move on. Start going NC on her. NO CONTACT!!! don't call her, text her or email her. Don't answer anything from her. And here's the tough one. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!! You don't need to see her status updates. As soon as she realizes she's blocked, she'll try to contact you. IGNORE HER. Remember, this is what she wanted. You out of her life. So, give her what she wants. Time to heal and move on.
Author cjo1978 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Taramaiden......we were together for 13 months and never really spoke. We never had any issues before now but maybe because we never spoke about them. She seems upset just now and her friend says she is confused about everything. There was no hate in the relationship.....is that what your meaning??? She has told her best friend I'm such a nice guy........
Author cjo1978 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Sorry chi town, the kissing was the day before the break....I wonder if she is confused cos she has been trying to juggle us all and it's not worke??? Just don't know
Author cjo1978 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 We are both in our early 30s.......
Echo000 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 the truth is that it is over. You will gain a lot of power and self respect if you immediately go NC and do not contact her under any circumstances.
fancy feast Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 She kissed a dude before the "break?" ...cut her loose, man.
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 When a woman says she's "confused", it's because she's "confused" about feelings she's having for someone else. But, she can't be THAT confused if she made the decision to cut you loose. She seemed pretty certain of that. That should give you an idea of where you stood with her. The reason for the "taking" a break is probably because she wants to explore things with this other dude. And if it looks like things aren't going to work out with him...well, she has you as the back up plan. "Hi honey! Guess what! I'm not confused anymore. So, breaks over. We can go back to dating again." Dude, you are no ones back up plan and you shouldn't be someone's second choice. 1
Cogee Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Chi Town is absolutely right. The only thing left for you here is to walk away and not look back.
Author cjo1978 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 Just an update.....i told her I'd heard at work she had cheated. She never admitted. Or denied but was upset 'someone' at work is talking about her and demanded to know who told me. I haven't heard from her since........ Not sure what to do now....
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Just an update.....i told her I'd heard at work she had cheated. She never admitted. Or denied but was upset 'someone' at work is talking about her and demanded to know who told me. I haven't heard from her since........ Not sure what to do now.... Stop talking to her. That's what you do. Do not inform her of co-workers. Do not stir the pot, to get a reaction from her. Listen to Tara...a break is "up" it is over...it will hurt your progress to keep in contact with her. She is bad. Find better. 1
Chi townD Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Just an update.....i told her I'd heard at work she had cheated. She never admitted. Or denied but was upset 'someone' at work is talking about her and demanded to know who told me. I haven't heard from her since........ Not sure what to do now.... Wow dude, see? She wasn't concerned about how this has affected you, how much pain you might be in and if it were a false accusation; doing whatever it took to calm you down and reassure you that it wasn't true and will do anything to prove that to you. She was more concerned about who narc'd her out to you. I think you got your answers. Time to move on, dude. Ignore her. Anything she says now is BS fluff. 1
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