Charlotted29 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I think what I'm looking for is some reassurance, guidance, and hopefully some advice!... Here's my brief story... We were on and off for about 10 years since we were teenagers. We had relationships in between but the last few years we were in a 'non-committed relationship'. Of course I wanted more, I wanted more than anything for my best friend and the guy I loved to call me his girlfriend, but he just couldn't/wouldn't. Looking back on it now, he never needed to commit when he had a 'girlfriend' with no ties. I fell in love, hard, but eventually he started seeing someone else and I was heartbroken. So much so I was signed off work for 6 months. Today, over a year on I am pretty much back to normal. I see my friends, I go out, I work, I do what most people do! However ever since this horrible experience I just have not been or felt the same person since. It sounds cheesy but the only way I can describe it is that I have lost my 'sparkle'. That one part about me that made me tick... The getting excited about things, and feeling just okay! and not worrying about everything and questioning what is life all about? I just don't feel me... You're probably wondering if I have dated since? well.. no in fact I havn't even kissed another guy since him. I am terrified whitless of having an emotional connection with someone again and havn't wanted to go near a guy....
january2011 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 One year is probably as good a length of time to "get over" most relationships, but not all. It sounds like you've known him for most of your formative years from adolescence to early adulthood. It's not surprising that he has left an indelible mark on your personality. In my experience, it's possible to rekindle your sparkle. You just have to get out there and try lots of different things to find something that will stick and that will make you feel alive again. Try to find "you" first before you find someone else. You don't have to be 100%, but near enough. You can then share the rest of the journey with your SO. You won't know that you are ready to move on until you actually take that leap of faith and just do it. 1
coltsfan1 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I spent 4 years with a previous ex and it took well over a year. Even after a years I still thought about her daily, with time feelings tend to fade. Even more so once you spend time with another person who sparks your entrance.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I'm nearly at one year post BU after eight years together.(and engaged) Haven't heard from her, summer is just around the corner. Meh. Nothing I can do. I really haven't moved on either- she clearly has. Who's the dummy? Me! 2
Comfortably Numb Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Don't beat yourself up! I still have highs and lows almost a year and half later. Some days you feel like throwing in the towel. It's a difficult road, but hopefully you will be more in tune with yourself and be stronger in the end. Even falling forward is still progress! Just have to approach it day by day. Don't dwell or snowball on the negatives. 1
Author Charlotted29 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Thank you for all the advice. It is reassuring that other people are still suffering after a year (while it isn't nice) it is normal! It seems that everyone else who still isn't over it.. like me, had known or had been with their other halves a long time. I think perhaps it's only logical... if it was a long relationship it takes longer to get over. There are still things that I need to accomplish I think before I were to take a chance with someone new, like being settled in a good job and having my own place. As Jan said, something like this could give me a push in the right direction to start feeling like me again, and a new chapter.
youngnlove89 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I think what I'm looking for is some reassurance, guidance, and hopefully some advice!... Here's my brief story... We were on and off for about 10 years since we were teenagers. We had relationships in between but the last few years we were in a 'non-committed relationship'. Of course I wanted more, I wanted more than anything for my best friend and the guy I loved to call me his girlfriend, but he just couldn't/wouldn't. Looking back on it now, he never needed to commit when he had a 'girlfriend' with no ties. I fell in love, hard, but eventually he started seeing someone else and I was heartbroken. So much so I was signed off work for 6 months. Today, over a year on I am pretty much back to normal. I see my friends, I go out, I work, I do what most people do! However ever since this horrible experience I just have not been or felt the same person since. It sounds cheesy but the only way I can describe it is that I have lost my 'sparkle'. That one part about me that made me tick... The getting excited about things, and feeling just okay! and not worrying about everything and questioning what is life all about? I just don't feel me... You're probably wondering if I have dated since? well.. no in fact I havn't even kissed another guy since him. I am terrified whitless of having an emotional connection with someone again and havn't wanted to go near a guy.... Don't tell me this. I was in a off and on pseudo relationship with an emotionally constipated guy for 2 years. I finally walked away after I asked him for the 50th time if he will ever be my boyfriend and he said no for the 50th time. I always question whether I will be able to move on and be happy without him again.
Comfortably Numb Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 You are young and beautiful. I'm sure, there will be many guys swooning over you. In due time, it will all be a distant memory. It's hard to get out of that mindset, because you were hoping that they would have been the person you wanted them to be. Even when they turn out not to be you still care. If only we had a switch to so easily be carefree again. Think happy thoughts, one day the right guy will be there and you will be thankful!
Author Charlotted29 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Young Love - I had known my guy for 10 years, and we had experienced family deaths, graduation and many Christmas's together. Lots of history. Emotionally, I invested alot into this relationship. If you had only known your guy 2 years I have every faith your experience will not be like mine. Especially being so young too, you will find someone more suitable for you.
Author Charlotted29 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 I'm nearly at one year post BU after eight years together.(and engaged) Haven't heard from her, summer is just around the corner. Meh. Nothing I can do. I really haven't moved on either- she clearly has. Who's the dummy? Me! The only thing I have found to get through it, is to just take each day as it comes. At some point those days turn into months and years... and hopefully with time the pain fades! It's been over a year now for me, the feelings have faded and i'm only just getting to a point where i'm thinking... i'm really going to have to let go of this aren't I? I feel 'scarred', from the experience but again in time this should heal too.. 2
Jingle14 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Thank you for all the advice. It is reassuring that other people are still suffering after a year (while it isn't nice) it is normal! It seems that everyone else who still isn't over it.. like me, had known or had been with their other halves a long time. I think perhaps it's only logical... if it was a long relationship it takes longer to get over. There are still things that I need to accomplish I think before I were to take a chance with someone new, like being settled in a good job and having my own place. As Jan said, something like this could give me a push in the right direction to start feeling like me again, and a new chapter. Not necessarily, I'm 22 month post BU and 6 months NC but think about him every single day, he's in at least the back of my mind all the time. We were together only 10 months but it was a highly significant and intense relationship (for both of us, not just me, but he couldn't cope with the strains of our respective divorces). So it's the strength of feeling rather than the length of time - I was with my ex husband for 23 years and didn't grieve the end of that anywhere near how this has affected me. 1
candie13 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I was a wreck, one year after the BU. Two years later, I am better. I think three years down the line, I'll be even better. Time does heal everything, just be patient with yourself. 1
HumptyDumpty Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 As a matter of fact, it's a good question! My BU was last year march, and I was pretty messed up, first love, feeling blabla It was only a 6 month relationship, not a big deal, but a lot had happened and I was head over heels! I had troubles for a very long time to accept it's over, and be "friends" though feelings were still there... got moody and in december I finally had the courage to cut contact and reject a so-called "friend"! Even in february I reached out with a text, excusing my moody behavior when my mum was in the hospital, with no response (luckily)... Quite messy thing that's why I was hurt for so long.... Right now, I'm ok! Sometimes I'm depressed and all alone and often I regret the "happy" times, since I was so happy, the happiest after so many years of problems... He was not right but I still dwell on this sadly! But.... it did get a bit better! Already I don't wish to text anymore whereas it was unimaginable months ago! And the day I'll get out more and make new friends, I think it'll be forgotten Guess I'm too emotional about life
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