The significance of meeting her parents.

[tricolors]

I'm being thrust into an interesting situation this week. "Thrust" might sound a little negative...I'm actually pretty into it.

 

I've known this woman for a couple of months now. We didn't officially even go out until about a month ago, but we talked quite frequently before that, both in person and in texts (we met in person, not through online dating or anything.) Since then, we've went out a number of times. Her birthday is this week (turning 40, so a big deal.)

 

She's very close and open with her parents, per her words. The very first time we went out, she told me how they were asking her about who she was going out with (me,) what I did for a living, that sort of thing. It's neither here nor there, but I'm a bit more guarded with my parents and tend not to tell them about my private life, which I told her. Well, I told them about her like a week later anyway, no big deal (which I made sure to tell her, of course.)

 

Fast forward to late last week...we went out, and I gave her a birthday present, a food delicacy from her home country in Europe that I ordered, which I told her was both for her, and I told her that I hope her parents would enjoy it with her as well. She was incredibly thankful, hugged me, and then unexpectedly told me that we should share it together.

 

Forward another day...she tells me some family from out of country are in town and staying at her parent's house to celebrate her birthday. More might even be coming this weekend.

 

Then she texts me and says "We would like you to come over sometime this coming week and have dinner, everyone wants to meet you. If you're okay with that."

 

Naturally, I say yes, which she responds with "Great!" I'm honored she'd ask. Somewhat frightened, naturally, but honored. So, instead of just meeting with her and her parents for the first time, which can often be stressful enough, I have the added bonus of meeting several extended family members. Oy vey.

 

Do women these days put a lot of thought into men meeting their parents? She's been single for a long time (5 years,) so I'm probably the first in a while, no less. I'm really happy she asked, in any case. First time in a long while I've been in this situation myself.

Edited April 20, 2013 by tricolors

[todreaminblue]

meeting parents is special.......nerve wracking but special......when i have a guy i am into and is into me i want my family to like him and see him how i see him....it is an important step in my opinion..i dotn let my family meet someone who i dont consider pretty darn special.......deb

[coffeebean201]

If you don't like sharing a lot of details, then avoid being the center of attention at the get-together and try to focus on the males in the family and they will help deflect some of the questions.

 

They just want to get a look at you, feed you well and see if you and their daughter are a nice match.

[tricolors]

If you don't like sharing a lot of details, then avoid being the center of attention at the get-together and try to focus on the males in the family and they will help deflect some of the questions.

 

They just want to get a look at you, feed you well and see if you and their daughter are a nice match.

 

No no, I don't mind sharing details at all. I was just saying I don't tell MY parents much about my social life.

 

Other people? Fine. Of course I want to make a good impression on both her mother and father.

[BluEyeL]

It might be a cultural thing, I don't know where is she from exactly, Eastern or Western Europe. I'm from Eastern Europe and families there are very involved compared to the US. My mom cries that I don't call her every day (I call her about 2-3 times a week) and is pressing me for all the details of my life. It is a bit like in the Big Fat Greek Wedding if you want. I could see what you describe happening in my family. It might be overwhelming for you, but if you really care for this lady, don't worry, and go with it.

[Mrlonelyone]

I suppose some of this is applicable to my situation.

 

Let me tell you what a friend told me. It means she likes you. It has meant that in every culture since the beginning of time. She likes you.

 

 

If she's into meeting your family to boot then you have a keeper.

[tricolors]

It might be a cultural thing, I don't know where is she from exactly, Eastern or Western Europe. I'm from Eastern Europe and families there are very involved compared to the US. My mom cries that I don't call her every day (I call her about 2-3 times a week) and is pressing me for all the details of my life. It is a bit like in the Big Fat Greek Wedding if you want. I could see what you describe happening in my family. It might be overwhelming for you, but if you really care for this lady, don't worry, and go with it.

 

Western.

 

I'm not overwhelmed at all. Little interesting situation this soon, but not overwhelmed. It won't be that big of a deal. She's mentioned the fact like three times on three different days..."I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable by asking," "Are you sure about coming?" etc. I've never said anything but positive things to her about it, so I've never shown any doubt to her.

 

I suppose some of this is applicable to my situation.

 

Let me tell you what a friend told me. It means she likes you. It has meant that in every culture since the beginning of time. She likes you.

 

 

If she's into meeting your family to boot then you have a keeper.

 

Yeah, I'll ask her sometime soon if she wants to go out to eat with my parents. I almost think it might be insulting not to, no?

Edited April 21, 2013 by tricolors

[NGC1300]

I didn't know it was something special.

 

I dated a girl for about 2 weeks before I was asked to meet her parents. Throughout our short time togther, she seemed really into me.

 

Then a week later I was dropped like a rock.

[aj22one]

haha I had only been dating my now wife for a couple of months before she asked me to meet her parents, for Thanksgiving dinner haha. I thought it was gonna be a bigger deal than it was, but no biggie. Just lots of good South Asian food and fun times haha.

[Mrlonelyone]

I didn't know it was something special.

 

I dated a girl for about 2 weeks before I was asked to meet her parents. Throughout our short time togther, she seemed really into me.

 

Then a week later I was dropped like a rock.

 

NGC... That might be a sign that the meeting really did not go so well. Look back at the meeting and ask yourself how it went.

[NGC1300]

NGC... That might be a sign that the meeting really did not go so well. Look back at the meeting and ask yourself how it went.

 

It was nothing formal; I was only there for maybe 10 minutes and it was all comprised of small talk. We were just stopping by; there was no dinner or anything like that.

 

I think part of what did me in what openly telling her I was planning to use steroids. At that point, I'm sure her friends and family told her to stay far far away. Lung cancer or liver failure is fine, but you can't be taking drugs to improve yourself physically now can you.

[Mrlonelyone]

It was nothing formal; I was only there for maybe 10 minutes and it was all comprised of small talk. We were just stopping by; there was no dinner or anything like that.

 

I think part of what did me in what openly telling her I was planning to use steroids. At that point, I'm sure her friends and family told her to stay far far away. Lung cancer or liver failure is fine, but you can't be taking drugs to improve yourself physically now can you.

 

 

It does not need to be formal. That first short impression is a powerful thing. Meeting the parents and family and really close friends of a possible long term partner.... are a big deal.

[NGC1300]

It does not need to be formal. That first short impression is a powerful thing. Meeting the parents and family and really close friends of a possible long term partner.... are a big deal.

 

 

I'm trying to look at this honestly and objectively.

 

Maybe I wasn't talkative enough?

 

That's the only thing that comes to mind. I know for sure I was polite to them.

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm trying to look at this honestly and objectively.

 

Maybe I wasn't talkative enough?

 

That's the only thing that comes to mind. I know for sure I was polite to them.

 

That could be it. You know how when you first meet someone if they seem to not want to talk to you that makes them look at least standoffish or worse? You may just have been nervous, but they didn't give you a chance.

 

After hearing that you're a this that and the other... she dropped you.

 

Now the one I'm dealing with. I seem to have made an overall good impression of her parents. I am on a first name basis with them, and even won over her sisters. She even agree'd to meet my mother and father etc.

 

Unless I am missing something huge.... that means she likes me.

[NGC1300]

After hearing that you're a this that and the other... she dropped you.

 

Frankly, it's disconcerting the amount of stock women may place in the opinions of their friends and family.

 

I know some of it is unavoidable, but honestly shouldn't a woman also be able to think for herself?

[Mrlonelyone]

Frankly, it's disconcerting the amount of stock women may place in the opinions of their friends and family.

 

I know some of it is unavoidable, but honestly shouldn't a woman also be able to think for herself?

 

I agree with that strongly. Especially when it comes to who they date on a more casual basis. I don't mean just FB's, I mean men they have "relationships" with but they know they aren't trying to be married to that man.

 

When it comes to the kind of man they might want to marry. The men they are really crazy about. Meeting the folks is a huge part of the deal. Things just go smoother if you can get along with eachothers families.

 

i.e. You go the distance, get married, have kids. Do you want to have strife and acrimony with grandma and grandpa and inlaws? Or would you rather have family that can at least get along? Wouldn't you yourself want your family to like your wife?

 

Now if it's just a total BS reason...like race or class that's different. If it's a matter of your family not even giving them a chance that's different.

[Divasu]

Do women these days put a lot of thought into men meeting their parents? She's been single for a long time (5 years,) so I'm probably the first in a while, no less. I'm really happy she asked, in any case. First time in a long while I've been in this situation myself.

 

Ah meeting parents for the first time, both frightening and exciting!

 

I'd introduce someone I was dating to parents if I was really interested in him and things seemed to be progressing at a steady pace and things were getting serious. Parents are a tricky subject because you don't want the other person feeling overwhelmed by it so I'd ease into it (IE: meet friends first, or extended family, etc.).

 

Above all, try to relax and have fun and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

[StanMusial]

Ah meeting parents for the first time, both frightening and exciting!

 

I'd introduce someone I was dating to parents if I was really interested in him and things seemed to be progressing at a steady pace and things were getting serious. Parents are a tricky subject because you don't want the other person feeling overwhelmed by it so I'd ease into it (IE: meet friends first, or extended family, etc.).

 

Above all, try to relax and have fun and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

 

It's a big deal typically.

 

I remember this girl I dated years ago. We had been going out for about a month or so and we ran into her parents early one Sunday morning at a restaurant. We went for breakfast after a long Saturday night of lovin' and sure enough, her parents were eating at the same place. She acted sort of awkward and that made me feel awkward and her dad had that icy look on his face the whole time.

 

I dated that girl for a year and a half and that s.o.b. never warmed up to me.

[Divasu]

It's a big deal typically.

 

I remember this girl I dated years ago. We had been going out for about a month or so and we ran into her parents early one Sunday morning at a restaurant. We went for breakfast after a long Saturday night of lovin' and sure enough, her parents were eating at the same place. She acted sort of awkward and that made me feel awkward and her dad had that icy look on his face the whole time.

 

I dated that girl for a year and a half and that s.o.b. never warmed up to me.

 

Yeah, fathers can be tough. I recall when I introduced my (now) ex-fiance to my father for the first time, my father grilled him for the first 1/2 hour. He handled it like a champ though.

[StanMusial]

Yeah, fathers can be tough. I recall when I introduced my (now) ex-fiance to my father for the first time, my father grilled him for the first 1/2 hour. He handled it like a champ though.

 

I usually do pretty well with the parents. In that case there was zero preparation and I had just rolled out of the bed with the daughter about 30 minutes prior. Not ideal circumstances for the first meeting.

[tricolors]

Well, I had dinner with her and her parents...and it was great. I felt slightly nervous walking in the door, and after that, everything was on cruise control. Great people, lots of fun, very good dinner. She and her mother are both pro-level cooks, literally...so that was nice. 3 hours went by very quickly.

 

I sent some flowers to her mother today in appreciation...I hope that goes over well, haven't heard the reaction yet, as they went on a day trip.

[BluEyeL]

Well, I had dinner with her and her parents...and it was great. I felt slightly nervous walking in the door, and after that, everything was on cruise control. Great people, lots of fun, very good dinner. She and her mother are both pro-level cooks, literally...so that was nice. 3 hours went by very quickly.

 

I sent some flowers to her mother today in appreciation...I hope that goes over well, haven't heard the reaction yet, as they went on a day trip.

 

Sounds great! So happy for you!

[tricolors]

Sounds great! So happy for you!

 

Thanks. It's been an interesting, short journey this past few weeks...I think you've posted in every thread I've made about her.

 

We went from "hanging out" on a long date one time, to her not knowing I was into her, to me telling her I was into her, then she was freaked out by it very briefly...then we went out a couple more times, her birthday came up, I bought a gift she could share with her family (the food.) Then she tells me it would "be more special" if we could share it together, in which she invited me to her parent's place. And here we are.

 

You want to know the interesting thing here? She said to me, after I told her I was into her, that she wanted to take things slow. So, that's what we're doing, and it's very nice.

 

Many of the threads here are filled with things like "if you're not having sex with her after the third date, she's not into you, dump her."

 

Here's something waaaaaaaaaay against the grain of this forum: We've went out about four times in the last three weeks...she invited me to her parent's house to eat dinner...and we haven't even kissed yet. And here's the thing that goes against the forum: There's nothing wrong with that.

 

Her parents have invited me back again sometime, she wants to keep going out, as do I, naturally. She told me when I first confronted her about wanting a relationship with her that she had been single for five years after a bad long term relationship. So, I think she wants to build trust before anything else. I really appreciate that kind of thing...I've been single a long time too. Why would I even care to rush things? We're having fun as it is.

 

By the prevailing logic on this forum, I should be completely scared off and running away because we're not more physical already...but it's fine just the way it is.

[BluEyeL]

Thanks. It's been an interesting, short journey this past few weeks...I think you've posted in every thread I've made about her.

 

We went from "hanging out" on a long date one time, to her not knowing I was into her, to me telling her I was into her, then she was freaked out by it very briefly...then we went out a couple more times, her birthday came up, I bought a gift she could share with her family (the food.) Then she tells me it would "be more special" if we could share it together, in which she invited me to her parent's place. And here we are.

 

You want to know the interesting thing here? She said to me, after I told her I was into her, that she wanted to take things slow. So, that's what we're doing, and it's very nice.

 

Many of the threads here are filled with things like "if you're not having sex with her after the third date, she's not into you, dump her."

 

Here's something waaaaaaaaaay against the grain of this forum: We've went out about four times in the last three weeks...she invited me to her parent's house to eat dinner...and we haven't even kissed yet. And here's the thing that goes against the forum: There's nothing wrong with that.

 

Her parents have invited me back again sometime, she wants to keep going out, as do I, naturally. She told me when I first confronted her about wanting a relationship with her that she had been single for five years after a bad long term relationship. So, I think she wants to build trust before anything else. I really appreciate that kind of thing...I've been single a long time too. Why would I even care to rush things? We're having fun as it is.

 

By the prevailing logic on this forum, I should be completely scared off and running away because we're not more physical already...but it's fine just the way it is.

 

You are doing wonderfully and you are a great man!! Why can't I find someone like you?

 

I 100% do not think that you should have been having sex by now, I really don't care what the posters here think, they are completely wrong. I can tell you that I wouldn't have had sex with you after meeting you four times even if I was crazy about you, because I'd need more time to know and trust you, for some women sex is not like brushing our teeth. Continue to build intimacy and sex will happen naturally if things go well, and it will be so much hotter! Best of luck, I really mean it, keep us posted! I'd give you a hug if I could

[BluEyeL]

My ex husband waited one full year for sex. Granted, I was a virgin. And he was the love of my life so far, 20 yrs together, so absolutely not true that she's not into you if she doesn't put out by 3rd date.