The over 40 and never married bunch

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

The US ones are not as bad as the UK and Canada ones.

I'm not really that sure about the Aussie/NZ ones.

 

When i was younger, in college actually i was thinking of leaving for Canada after college, my cousing was debating it too and it seemed like a great ideea.

So i spent some time reading up on comparisons regarding the laws in D there.

Canada and the US ... scared us. Even his wife remaked that the laws there have a strong anti-man bias [Canada especially]; he is still married 8yrs later and it's going strong, they never left, though they would be easily accepted.

He's a mechanical engineer who speaks fluent english and french, and she works in banking and is also fluent in english.

 

Interesting and good to know.

 

Thanks for the tips!

[MoreThanThat]

I think I'd prefer a man with no kids/never married to men with two ex-wives with or without kids. Most of the men over 50 seem to have that problem. Generally they are looking for a woman who has a nice, fat divorce and property settlement to make up for what they lost.

 

bingo - I see that in the over 40's.

[Eggplant]

I'm 26. If I dated a 40-year-old man, I would prefer one who had children and was a loving, responsible, very active father, and who was widowed, or divorced for some reason that wasn't his fault, to a man who had never married and had no children.

[mesmerized]

Yes, im weary of those women, but I start from early 30's. you learn a lot from marriage.

 

im very weary especially of pretty women who never got married. you would think they would get swept off their feet right away. so many of them on OLD.

 

I feel bad for them because its saturated with 30+YO women who are single and no children and you read their profiles and they are very desperate to get married/pregnant. any decent guy can go in and party his azz off, screw left and right if he plays his cards right. but I see that men today arent in a rush to commit. why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. after 37, I think the woman can pretty much close shop. the good quality men selection is very small. 35-45YO men will chose the 26-30YO women.

 

Dude, I'm in that age range and no way I would date a 40+ yo man. Even 35 sounds old to me. Same goes with most of my single friends. I dunno why close to 40 yo men are considered so desirable on LS. Yes they are popular with 30+ women who want to settle but not with younger ones.

[candie13]

I think I'd prefer a man with no kids/never married to men with two ex-wives with or without kids. Most of the men over 50 seem to have that problem. Generally they are looking for a woman who has a nice, fat divorce and property settlement to make up for what they lost.

 

Ha, this is where one can see that reality is far more complex.

 

I'm 32 - will turn 33 soon. Lost the V at 19, almost 20. Have had 2 LTR, one of 3 years, another one of 7 years. Was a successful professional, an expat in Europe, something that all of a sudden seem to interest men, far more than my nice curves, my favorite position in bed and my fave author.

 

Also this is a thread for 40 plus, I feel I am not that different. Sure, I have a fit body, I am attractive, but I am in that 30+ category. To men, that alone, is something they can "hold" against me, I feel, because yes, I would be lying if I said I don't want a relationship, marriage and kids.

 

I also admit, that after my BU, I really really wanted to meet up a new guy and be in R. It's what I knew. But that is not what I am, because the more men I met, the more I'd realize that those things are indeed, important, but not at any price. Not with whomever. So, after 2 years of intense dating, I relaxed and took a break, because I'd had enough of "wanting". Somewhere between my recent emotional failures, I'd found myself. And yeah, I am pretty happy with what I found inside. Sure, not tip top shape. Lots of fears. A lot of weakness. But also, sound values, passion and unwillingness to compromise.

 

It is easy to say, that should I decide to keep my trap closed, be less tough on my standards and more kitty-kat like, chances are I could snatch myself a nice husband, around these parts. But I did not wait this long to settle.

 

I think this is my thing. I refuse to settle with "a guy". To me, having a partner my size is very important. And I will wait as long as it takes, in order to meet that person.

 

I am not saying that my last 2 years were a mistake. I think one must date, meet people, make mistakes, fail, suffer, get disappointed and excited to learn what one wants / seeks. It's just that I feel that +30 yo women have a huge weakness, tattooed on their forehead: MARRIAGE and KIDS. And yeah, purposely on un-purposely, men will toy around with them, pressing on these buttons, to get a reaction / or a good time.

 

That makes me a bit sick. Of course, I realize that I most probably am risking my chance of having babies and I really want to be a mother. However, I'd rather have no children of my own, than make them with the wrong person, with a guy who tries to be in control on the relationship, only because he can give me marriage and kids... if I behave .

 

With these thoughts in mind, sometimes, I still find myself rushing, when I meet a new guy: is he the one? Does he want to settle down? Is he serious about me? Does he only want to "date" me? Irrational fears taking over again.

 

I know for sure I am good enough to date, I know I am great fun, in bed and outside the bed. I am also a huge pain in the arse. I give a LOT and I ask just as much. I also realize that my last relationship left me bitter, because my ex liked me, loved me, but was not ready to marry me. One can always 30 is early to do this. I don't know. I feel that I've wasted my best years with a man who knew that, deep down inside, didn't want to marry.

 

However, the thing that I find most amazing is that until I turned 28, it didn't really bother me. I was having a great time and really didn't want marriage. I was a kid. Funny how people evolve and change, in a few years.

 

So, to come back to this thread's main point: I don't think I will marry by the age I am 40. Or have kids. And I do want both. Why? Because I want a really really good man by my side. That is very hard to find. Ever. It doesn't mean that I stop trying or seeking. It's just that ... special people are very very few. I wish I were as lucky to find one before I am 40. But if I get to meet him before I die, than I'll still consider myself lucky enough.

 

In the mean time, I simply hope not to be even more disgusted / disappointed by men . Still working on my expectations, a lot. On my vulnerability. On my anger and resentment. On my lack of patience. I am WIP.

[phineas]

i don't understand why it matters.

 

It's very simple.

 

If you are a woman over 40 & never married it's because no man wanted to put a ring on it for one reason or another. That is significant.

 

If a man is over 40 and not married it's because he's still keeping his options open and never had long term serious relationships. That is significant also.

 

There are exceptions but I can say without a doubt every time i've met a woman like the one I described she was bat-chit crazy, had princess syndrome, made poor choices in men over & over again while ignoring the good guys, massive attention whores leading at least a handful of men on who were tripping over themselves to do her favors, and selfish.

 

All in all they are just not good people & as soon as I realize it I bounce.

 

The men i've been meeting in my age range who never married act like guys from the movie "boiler Room" their Bro's & brah's & they are well to do & date women 10-15yrs younger than them & at 40+ still live like their mid-20's.

 

I can't relate to these guys at all because they work hard & play harder.

[jma500]

It's very simple.

 

If you are a woman over 40 & never married it's because no man wanted to put a ring on it for one reason or another. That is significant.

 

If a man is over 40 and not married it's because he's still keeping his options open and never had long term serious relationships. That is significant also.

 

There are exceptions but I can say without a doubt every time i've met a woman like the one I described she was bat-chit crazy, had princess syndrome, made poor choices in men over & over again while ignoring the good guys, massive attention whores leading at least a handful of men on who were tripping over themselves to do her favors, and selfish.

 

All in all they are just not good people & as soon as I realize it I bounce.

 

The men i've been meeting in my age range who never married act like guys from the movie "boiler Room" their Bro's & brah's & they are well to do & date women 10-15yrs younger than them & at 40+ still live like their mid-20's.

 

I can't relate to these guys at all because they work hard & play harder.

Interesting. I am 44 and have never met guys like this. Sounds like your example is the exception.

[candie13]

It's very simple.

 

If you are a woman over 40 & never married it's because no man wanted to put a ring on it for one reason or another. That is significant.

 

If a man is over 40 and not married it's because he's still keeping his options open and never had long term serious relationships. That is significant also.

 

 

ever heard of double standards?

 

Men can be persuaded into "putting a ring on a finger". A value of a woman should not lie in her persuasion skills. But in her genuine wish to find a partner fit for her. Who wants the same things as her. That and "a ring on the finger" aren't always the same thing.

 

I don't see why the above would be any different for men.

 

You seem to believe men want to always wait to "trade for better". But there is no rule that says that the best woman is the one you will meet in your 40's. She can be the one you meet in your 20's, actually. Or 30's. Or 40's. Or never...

 

As long as you keep your eyes open for "the one" and look at women as people and not as a bunch of bones and meat, you won't be able to perceive the difference between a good woman and "fresh piece of meat". Might as well hit the 18 years old - it hardly gets any "fresher" than that... and it's legal too!

[mesmerized]

It's very simple.

 

If you are a woman over 40 & never married it's because no man wanted to put a ring on it for one reason or another. That is significant.

 

If a man is over 40 and not married it's because he's still keeping his options open and never had long term serious relationships. That is significant also.

 

There are exceptions but I can say without a doubt every time i've met a woman like the one I described she was bat-chit crazy, had princess syndrome, made poor choices in men over & over again while ignoring the good guys, massive attention whores leading at least a handful of men on who were tripping over themselves to do her favors, and selfish.

 

All in all they are just not good people & as soon as I realize it I bounce.

 

The men i've been meeting in my age range who never married act like guys from the movie "boiler Room" their Bro's & brah's & they are well to do & date women 10-15yrs younger than them & at 40+ still live like their mid-20's.

 

I can't relate to these guys at all because they work hard & play harder.

 

That is such a dumb assumption. Honestly it says a lot about you and how limited your can think than about those women. I'm in late twenties and I had men wanting to put a ring on it, but guess what? I didn't want to go along with it. Same with tons of other woman. Being a woman does not equal wanting to get married to whoever is willing to put a ring on it. lol

 

The second assumption about men is dumb also. No wonder you're divorced, how do you like the judgment ha? lol

Edited April 22, 2013 by mesmerized

[pcplod]

I am WIP.

 

We are all "work-in-progress", cradle to the grave. If one cannot 'see' that, come to terms with it and see it as a positive thing then one is a simple fool with no anchor in reality, nor any ability to bend with the wind, to turn circumstances to your advantage.

 

Being angry, resentful, frustrated, exasperated or whatever just equals stress, big STRESS, that only does you harm and even more harm. Even when confronted with what seem like immovable obstacles it is better to pause for thought, reflect, (re-)act diffidently and try your best to find a way around the issue rather than try to knock it down.

 

Stress, no matter what form it comes in, is both a literal and metaphorical killer. It can kill the kindness and compassion within you, even towards yourself. It can kill your hope and aspiration. It can even kill any hope or expectation that anyone will even just accept or welcome you. It turns you into an alien being.

[Radu]

It's very simple.

 

If you are a woman over 40 & never married it's because no man wanted to put a ring on it for one reason or another. That is significant.

Reducing it to the bare minimum, this is true.

Men do bending of the knee and popping of the question.

If a man is over 40 and not married it's because he's still keeping his options open and never had long term serious relationships. That is significant also.

 

Not always true, he could just as well be immature or that nobody wanted him.

[mesmerized]

Reducing it to the bare minimum, this is true.

Men do bending of the knee and popping of the question.

 

Not always true, he could just as well be immature or that nobody wanted him.

 

But women don't always say yes or want to marry men who want to marry them or marry at all. Gee people, where is the logic in this place

[Eternal Sunshine]

But women don't always say yes or want to marry men who want to marry them or marry at all. Gee people, where is the logic in this place

 

 

Exactly. What if a woman said no?

They just assume that women are so desperate for marriage, they would say yes to anyone that asks.

[ltjg45]

Exactly. What if a woman said no?

They just assume that women are so desperate for marriage, they would say yes to anyone that asks.

 

And people wonder why the average age for a first marriage is getting higher and higher?

 

If you offer marriage to a female and get turned down, the massive amount of embarrassment that comes from it will be too much for him to try it again for another decade.

 

This is why I'm thinking that, if I want to marry a female, it will take at least 2 years before I pop the question, perhaps longer. I want to make sure, with no doubt, that she does want me as her life partner. If I have doubts, I'm not asking the question.

[Imajerk17]

I can't decide how I feel about this.

 

Usually when someone contacts me via OLD and has never been married/no kids I take it case by case and decide to respond or not.

 

But I have to admit I feel a little 'meh' about it in general. I just can't help but feel there's a reason they never married (maybe they are just lucky, HA).

 

Those of you that are looking in that same age range (40 and above) do you automatically dismiss the never married group or not?

 

I'm quoting this to indicate that I am responding to this. I still need to read the rest of the thread.

 

We have had debates on here about this before. One way to look at this indeed is that you are looking for a man who "gets" your world, and a guy who is married has been vetted in a way: (a) he knows his way around women well enough so that at least one woman finds him desirable enough to want to be in a serious relationship with him (b) he is commitment-minded enough to marry someone, even if it didn't work out.

 

Another way to look at this though, is that there is a reason to be concerned why someone is divorced too. He either picked wrong or he had issues that came to light. It's not all the ex-wife's fault. As divorce is so costly isn't it better to just be very careful whom you marry?

 

I am a never-married guy approaching the age-range you are talking about. We're not all these Peter-Pans who are hooked on being PUAs, nor is there just something off about most of us that makes women bail early on. It is actually surprisingly hard to meet someone you are attracted to and are compatible with. Especially if (a) you are in a male-dominated career, (b) you moved around a lot as an adult. This can be hard to form a good social circle where you meet your life partner--especially if you move to a new place in your 30s. I mean, you could get good at approaching women at Whole Foods but how many guys are? Basically there are reasons why a good person for you might have never married, just as much as there are reasons why a good person for you might be divorced.

Edited April 22, 2013 by Imajerk17

[danny in van]

2 ways to view it- 1 is how you're viewing over 40s never married . The other is they may be a rare non conformist (that does not mean not loyal however...) Keep in mind, marriage is a church invention, so if you're not a church person then, should u just play along with their rituals? I don't think so...

 

 

Now over 40 and never had a significant LTR ?? definitely would be red flag for me...

[Woggle]

To me the bigger red flag would be somebody who seems incapable of having a healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex. If somebody is 40 and has yet to have any positive or happy relationships I know I won't be the exception.

[candie13]

Exactly. What if a woman said no?

They just assume that women are so desperate for marriage, they would say yes to anyone that asks.

 

Lol. My big ex, after seeing how serious I was about the BU and the fact that I asked him to take his stuff back from my apartment, brought an engagement ring with him, instead of a van. Yeah, I sure am the type of girl to marry a guy with a gun at his head, now... my dad thought that was a great idea, though. Go figure !

[Radu]

But women don't always say yes or want to marry men who want to marry them or marry at all. Gee people, where is the logic in this place

 

Men will always say 'No' first by not proposing in the first place.

That's the one great thing about our gender, we can deny your gender by doing ... nothing.

[Radu]

To me the bigger red flag would be somebody who seems incapable of having a healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex. If somebody is 40 and has yet to have any positive or happy relationships I know I won't be the exception.

 

But by definition a relationship that ended, failed.

 

Which pretty much makes everyone in this thread serial failures.

[Radu]

Lol. My big ex, after seeing how serious I was about the BU and the fact that I asked him to take his stuff back from my apartment, brought an engagement ring with him, instead of a van. Yeah, I sure am the type of girl to marry a guy with a gun at his head, now... my dad thought that was a great idea, though. Go figure !

 

You know what they say ... ii mai iei si cu arcanul.

[BluEyeL]

You know what they say ... ii mai iei si cu arcanul.

 

Candie speaks Romanian??

[mesmerized]

Men will always say 'No' first by not proposing in the first place.

That's the one great thing about our gender, we can deny your gender by doing ... nothing.

 

lol you don't have to go as far as proposing. Any man with half a brain tries to make sure his lady will say yes before he does so. My ex told me "do you know how many times I fantasized about asking you to marry me?" and I gave him this empty look that he knows I'm not ready and that marriage is not what I want with him. He said he's afraid to do that with me cause I make it so clear. Now who do you think said no first?

 

Come on people, don't be dense lol

[Radu]

Candie speaks Romanian??

 

It's either that or i'm making a fool of myself.

[Radu]

lol you don't have to go as far as proposing. Any man with half a brain tries to make sure his lady will say yes before he does so. My ex told me "do you know how many times I fantasized about asking you to marry me?" and I gave him this empty look that he knows I'm not ready and that marriage is not what I want with him. He said he's afraid to do that with me cause I make it so clear. Now who do you think said no first?

 

Come on people, don't be dense lol

 

He said ... right there.

Men win !