The over 40 and never married bunch

[amaysngrace]

you learn a lot from marriage.

 

I agree. I don't know if I'd hold it against someone for never getting married though. Maybe they just never met the right person and in that way have great judgement and excellent standards.

 

I wouldn't necessarily assume that there is something wrong with them. I'd get to know them first before forming an opinion, kinda the same way I do with everyone I meet.

[soccerrprp]

Sorry, but if someone else mentioned this, than I apologize.

 

Another reason for not marrying may have a lot to do with the mistrust in the institution of marriage. So many people, including myself, have become more cynical about it and simply do not want it. So, some of these may be avoiding it all together.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Sorry, but if someone else mentioned this, than I apologize.

 

Another reason for not marrying may have a lot to do with the mistrust in the institution of marriage. So many people, including myself, have become more cynical about it and simply do not want it. So, some of these may be avoiding it all together.

 

Bingo.

 

Divorce laws in the US are insane (especially for men). Anybody that does due diligence on them beforehand will be very skeptical of getting married in this country.

[Feelin Frisky]

Frisky do you meet people who ask you why you've never married? If so does it bother you that they ask?

 

No, I don't meet people who ask me that. I scare people a lot. I don't try to. I just do. It comes with being big and intense. I'm sure I'd get some of that if I got thin again, and actually put myself out there for social relationships. But if you're "big" and tall people tend to tell themselves whatever they want to not have to have to deal with you. I don't really care because I'm used to it. All I want to do is succeed at something I believe in. My charisma sells itself when I get the chance to lead. But I'm not going begging anyone for a date or meat marketing myself. That's over.

[curlygirl40]

Sorry, but if someone else mentioned this, than I apologize.

 

Another reason for not marrying may have a lot to do with the mistrust in the institution of marriage. So many people, including myself, have become more cynical about it and simply do not want it. So, some of these may be avoiding it all together.

 

I agree and that's why I wouldn't think about it so much if I knew the person had some very long term relationships but never married. It shows committment even if they didn't make it legal.

 

I don't know if I will ever marry again and wouldn't want that held against me in the future.

[El Brujo]

I can only speak for myself, but the reasons why I'm 45 and never married are:

1. when I was in my late teens and early 20s and really needed love, everyone and their grandfather was obsessed with going to college (everyone except me, that is... I went right to work and never had to deal with college debts).

2. when I was in my 30s and really needed love, everyone used to get all sadistic and tried to drive me to suicide because of it.

3. now that most of my family have died and I'm holding the fort alone, too much work and not enough play have made me a dull man... but I still do the meetup thing out of hope that a few of the women in my age group have stopped trying to kid themselves.

 

My $.02.

[Woggle]

I would rather that than somebody who crapped all over their marriages.

[El Brujo]

I would rather that than somebody who crapped all over their marriages.

 

No kidding. My best friend's ex is a 45-yo spoiled daddy's girl who damn near drove my friend to suicide. But get this, word has gotten around that she's put herself back on the market.

 

Anyone want to date a female MD who's obese, narcissistic, bossy, and immature? I didn't think so...

[jma500]

Yes I am. I've been verbally abusive 3 times after being rejected. 40+ single men tend to fall into 2 classes. Play/commitmentphobe OR bitter/angry men who've completely failed with women. I'm in the second class.

 

Speak for yourself. I am one as well and am not in either one of your classifications.

[Disinterested]

I would get leery about a woman who had the opportunity for marriage but passed on it.

[El Brujo]

I would get leery about a woman who had the opportunity for marriage but passed on it.

 

Unfortunately a lot of women today are married to their careers.

[Disinterested]

Unfortunately a lot of women today are married to their careers.

I only know of that kind from tv series and the movies.

[jma500]

I think most people are wary of...

 

- people of both genders (men especially) who are at least 35 years old and have never been married. There is a reason why and 9 times out of 10 that reason is not good. Some people simply don't believe in marriage, which is a dealbreaker for most people looking for something long-term.

 

- someone who hasn't had at least one long-term relationship by age 30. Again, nearly all possible explanations for that would be red flags or dealbreakers to the vast majority of the populace.

 

- someone who hasn't dated or had intimate relations with the opposite sex by their early-mid 20s.

 

The general consensus is that something must be seriously wrong with the person if he or she hasn't achieved the above things by those ages. In many cases...yes something IS severely wrong with that person. Nearly everything one needs (guys especially) to do fine with the opposite sex comes from within, and most folks reach that point between the ages of 15 and 25.

 

Speak for yourself. We are not all red flags. I would like nothing more than to be married and have kids. I have had women in my life. That i let them all go their seperate way is my fault . I spent a lot of my 20s/30s believing that while women would like me as a friend they would never love me. It took me till my 40s to begin seeing things differently though every once in a while i catch myself wondering if i could be loved still. Where did you find these so called facts? Do not pontificate as if you are an authority when clearly you are not.

[outsidethebox]

Stay away from them. I'm one of them and there's always a reason. Me, I'm 41 and have poor social skills, am 0 for 35 on being able to get a second date, and am verbally abusive. Last date I had, I told her I didn't have a relationship history, she said that made her uncomfortable, I got mad, we argued, she left. I called her 4am and screamed how I hated her and how judgemental she was and slammed the phone down. haven't dated since.

 

Good decision. Looks like the only good one you made in there.

[El Brujo]

No one said life was fair.

 

What I want to know is: who are the people who are actively making life unfair?

 

If you know, please send me their addresses and a baseball bat.

[mortensorchid]

I am fast approaching that bracket myself. Why? Well, no one's asked me to marry them, that's why. I'd like to think that I have a lot to offer others, but I guess men in general don't see it that way. I've looked up some old bfs of mine (thanks to Facebook), and I see a lot of ... Well, variety.

 

Some are married with little kids now. Some are divorced. Some are still out there "swinging single", and the reason some of them are swinging single is that they went for trashy girls rather than more stable ones. I don't really have a "type" as it seems. Quite honestly, I would give whoever would ask me the time of day and decide if I like them or not from there. Still, I wish I had an answer but this is the world we live in.

 

Should I encounter someone who is in their 40s and never married, I just figure I don't know anything about them so who am I to judge it? Once I meet the person and get to know a little about them, then I decide whether or not they are worth my time. Are ALL of those in the 40s and never married catagory bad? I don't know until I meet them.

[MoreThanThat]

I think it would depend on the situation. I'm 45 and have no trouble attracting men 35 and younger (mostly around 30 these days it seems) but men even close to my age are elusive. They either have too much baggage or are looking for someone much younger.

 

It's frustrating for me because my own marriage ended 8 years ago because he decided he didn't want kids (after 15 years together!) and clock is running out for me. I actually went to a fertility clinic in January to see about doing the solo mom thing because I don't have much time and it almost feels mutually exclusive at this point.

[ChessPieceFace]

I'm one. I was hoping this was a share thread. One thing I can tell you is if a divorced woman tells you it was all his fault, take it with a grain of salt.

 

Everything is always the other person's fault.

 

OP, it could mean a lot of things. In my case (37 but probably won't be married by 40) it's because of quite a few reasons - low self-esteem, my nature which is to only like certain girls (which don't like me), the fact that I don't meet many people and because dating just isn't a high priority for me. In short, I'm a hardcore introvert. There are lots more introverts out there and some of them may have it to blame for being alone.

 

You have to take it on a case-by-case basis, there's no use generalizing, especially since introverts are complex and varied. I'd be more wary of a divorcee than a "forever-alone" type.

[pcplod]

I think most people are wary of...

 

- people of both genders (men especially) who are at least 35 years old and have never been married. There is a reason why and 9 times out of 10 that reason is not good. Some people simply don't believe in marriage, which is a dealbreaker for most people looking for something long-term.

 

- someone who hasn't had at least one long-term relationship by age 30. Again, nearly all possible explanations for that would be red flags or dealbreakers to the vast majority of the populace.

 

- someone who hasn't dated or had intimate relations with the opposite sex by their early-mid 20s.

 

The general consensus is that something must be seriously wrong with the person if he or she hasn't achieved the above things by those ages. In many cases...yes something IS severely wrong with that person. Nearly everything one needs (guys especially) to do fine with the opposite sex comes from within, and most folks reach that point between the ages of 15 and 25.

 

And of course there is the general consensus that says young men just want to get married so they can have free and convenient sex and aren't all that bothered about the notion of having kids because that would inevitably be an impediment to that sex for them as well as being an unnecessary drain on their time and resources.

 

Any other inane, sweeping generalisations you can entertain us with? You read too many women's magazines.

[Radu]

I think most people are wary of...

 

- people of both genders (men especially) who are at least 35 years old and have never been married. There is a reason why and 9 times out of 10 that reason is not good. Some people simply don't believe in marriage, which is a dealbreaker for most people looking for something long-term.

I'll be this in 5yrs.

No way i'll get married without my life sorted, and sorting it will take many yrs.

 

 

- someone who hasn't had at least one long-term relationship by age 30. Again, nearly all possible explanations for that would be red flags or dealbreakers to the vast majority of the populace.

I am this.

My longest relationship has been of 8 months.

 

- someone who hasn't dated or had intimate relations with the opposite sex by their early-mid 20s.

Wooohooo, 3 strikes !

Lost my V-Card at 25.

 

The general consensus is that something must be seriously wrong with the person if he or she hasn't achieved the above things by those ages. In many cases...yes something IS severely wrong with that person. Nearly everything one needs (guys especially) to do fine with the opposite sex comes from within, and most folks reach that point between the ages of 15 and 25.

Achieved ?

I could have spent 15$ and lost my V-Card at 15, would that have made me a better person, achieving that ?

I love achieving things you know, collecting 'achievements' is a great thing ... i never thought of collecting achievements through vaginas though.

I wanted the 'LTR by 30' achievement too, so damn important.

I could make a badge, wear it proudly on my chest, show it to everyone.

Or better yet, i could provide proof of that achievement in the form of a lovely, screaming, belching, bouncing, annoying, depressing little progeny.

That would have totally made me a better man, to carry that around with me and try to answer the question 'mommy is so popular, all sorts of men seem to want to be their friends, why don't you daddy ?'.

'Well son, your mom is very popular, and learn from her, because one day you will also want one who spreads it for the weakest compliment'.

 

I miss having that achievement.

 

PS: In case you haven't figured it out, i think the opinion expressed in your post is idiotic.

 

However, i also know that, that's how many ppl think.

Good, if a woman judges me for not cumming without protection as a waste of a human being, it saves me the trouble of telling her 'get out'.

Edited April 21, 2013 by Radu

[Radu]

Bingo.

 

Divorce laws in the US are insane (especially for men). Anybody that does due diligence on them beforehand will be very skeptical of getting married in this country.

 

The US ones are not as bad as the UK and Canada ones.

I'm not really that sure about the Aussie/NZ ones.

 

When i was younger, in college actually i was thinking of leaving for Canada after college, my cousing was debating it too and it seemed like a great ideea.

So i spent some time reading up on comparisons regarding the laws in D there.

Canada and the US ... scared us. Even his wife remaked that the laws there have a strong anti-man bias [Canada especially]; he is still married 8yrs later and it's going strong, they never left, though they would be easily accepted.

He's a mechanical engineer who speaks fluent english and french, and she works in banking and is also fluent in english.

[Radu]

Everything is always the other person's fault.

 

OP, it could mean a lot of things. In my case (37 but probably won't be married by 40) it's because of quite a few reasons - low self-esteem, my nature which is to only like certain girls (which don't like me), the fact that I don't meet many people and because dating just isn't a high priority for me. In short, I'm a hardcore introvert. There are lots more introverts out there and some of them may have it to blame for being alone.

 

You have to take it on a case-by-case basis, there's no use generalizing, especially since introverts are complex and varied. I'd be more wary of a divorcee than a "forever-alone" type.

 

Introvert to the point where meeting ppl gave me anxiety.

It can still happen, it's kinda nasty because on one hand you feel relaxed when you are alone, but on the other hand you don't want to be alone, you want to have someone you could trust 100% and feel them close to you, hugging you.

 

So it creates this fight inside your mind, you try to reconcile the two parts of you, and it doesn't happen over night.

[irc333]

One could always tend to question why someone has a divorced under their belt.

 

Usually people assume someone is a confirmed bachelor (ie - likes to sleep around with a bunch of women, spread their seed, enjoy going home with a different woman at a bar, etc , a commitment phobe, etc) if they've never been married.

 

Which is sometimes simply not the case.

 

 

I can't decide how I feel about this.

 

Usually when someone contacts me via OLD and has never been married/no kids I take it case by case and decide to respond or not.

 

But I have to admit I feel a little 'meh' about it in general. I just can't help but feel there's a reason they never married (maybe they are just lucky, HA).

 

Those of you that are looking in that same age range (40 and above) do you automatically dismiss the never married group or not?

[phineas]

At 41 & divorced women my age never married with or without kids are insane in the membrane.

 

The men I meet are not much better.

 

There are exceptions. I've met a few but for the most part I do not expect much from said women I meet.

[FitChick]

I think I'd prefer a man with no kids/never married to men with two ex-wives with or without kids. Most of the men over 50 seem to have that problem. Generally they are looking for a woman who has a nice, fat divorce and property settlement to make up for what they lost.