curlygirl40 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I can't decide how I feel about this. Usually when someone contacts me via OLD and has never been married/no kids I take it case by case and decide to respond or not. But I have to admit I feel a little 'meh' about it in general. I just can't help but feel there's a reason they never married (maybe they are just lucky, HA). Those of you that are looking in that same age range (40 and above) do you automatically dismiss the never married group or not?
Feelin Frisky Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I'm one. I was hoping this was a share thread. One thing I can tell you is if a divorced woman tells you it was all his fault, take it with a grain of salt. 1
Author curlygirl40 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Share away!! Funny you should say that. When I was about 20 ish dates in to my OLD experience I realized that EVERY SINGLE GUY that I met told me that the divorce was his idea. All of a sudden it hit me that that was statistically impossible. Cracked me up. I think it's Dr. Phil that says that no matter how flat you make a pancake it still has 2 sides. I think there will always be his story, her story and the truth. 6
Author curlygirl40 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Frisky do you meet people who ask you why you've never married? If so does it bother you that they ask?
BluEyeL Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 You are not dating that 2 months guy exclusively yet? I haven't been approached by over 40 never married men too often, so I cannot contribute much, but my inclination would be to stay away from them, especially if they are good looking. 2
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 If women in their 40's don't want a man in his 40's who has no kids or divorces then his recourse is the 20 and 30 somethings and she has nothing to complain about. 3
soccerrprp Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I used to get a little "uhmmm" about women 40+ and never married until I met one, dated her and WOWSA! She turned out to be one of the most important women in my life. And still is! Many have had bad luck with men or were in a very long relationship that didn't work out. I, in no way, view them with suspicion now. 10
carhill Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Those of you that are looking in that same age range (40 and above) do you automatically dismiss the never married group or not? No That said, in my demographic, such a person would be exceedingly rare. I've personally never met one, ever, and I've been around here for 53. 1
rocketman122 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yes, im weary of those women, but I start from early 30's. you learn a lot from marriage. im very weary especially of pretty women who never got married. you would think they would get swept off their feet right away. so many of them on OLD. I feel bad for them because its saturated with 30+YO women who are single and no children and you read their profiles and they are very desperate to get married/pregnant. any decent guy can go in and party his azz off, screw left and right if he plays his cards right. but I see that men today arent in a rush to commit. why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. after 37, I think the woman can pretty much close shop. the good quality men selection is very small. 35-45YO men will chose the 26-30YO women. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 There's a difference between the genders tbh. Are you suggesting more suspicion should be placed on MEN who are 40+ and single?
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Are you suggesting more suspicion should be placed on MEN who are 40+ and single? and the first tool to use in the spy kids spy set is the semen light. 1
Author curlygirl40 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 You are not dating that 2 months guy exclusively yet? I haven't been approached by over 40 never married men too often, so I cannot contribute much, but my inclination would be to stay away from them, especially if they are good looking. I get contacted quite a bit by guys on Match who fit that criteria. Just never know what to think. I did meet a guy last summer who had never married but had been in two very long term relationships that didn't work out. So I get that there might not always be a 'bad' reason. And we're still dating but not exclusively. I'm breaking all of my own rules!! At some point I decided to see if I could still date him and keep my options open for something more fulfilling. I've never done this before it's a little experiment for me. lol In two months when I'm posting that I caught feelings but he still doesn't want a relationship and I'm crying about it feel free to hunt me down and bonk me on the head. It's all on the table though, we've discussed it. So in the meantime I'm still online and talking to other guys. I would like to be in a relationship someday so I will still seek it out. 2
soccerrprp Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 and the first tool to use in the spy kids spy set is the semen light. Call me daft, shoot, call me anything you like, but missing out on the humor that is certainly here somewhere! Does this suggest that these men sleep around? (player?)
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Call me daft, shoot, call me anything you like, but missing out on the humor that is certainly here somewhere! Does this suggest that these men sleep around? (player?) If your kit detects clues on their face and their crotch you know who they are sleeping with. Those yoga lessons sure paid off. 2
BluEyeL Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I get contacted quite a bit by guys on Match who fit that criteria. Just never know what to think. I did meet a guy last summer who had never married but had been in two very long term relationships that didn't work out. So I get that there might not always be a 'bad' reason. And we're still dating but not exclusively. I'm breaking all of my own rules!! At some point I decided to see if I could still date him and keep my options open for something more fulfilling. I've never done this before it's a little experiment for me. lol In two months when I'm posting that I caught feelings but he still doesn't want a relationship and I'm crying about it feel free to hunt me down and bonk me on the head. It's all on the table though, we've discussed it. So in the meantime I'm still online and talking to other guys. I would like to be in a relationship someday so I will still seek it out. Well, I don't know what to say, I'd say take them on a case by case basis, don't reject them just for that reason, get to know them a little and see what vibes you get. I didn't get any of those never marrieds. But the two men I'll go on dates this weekend with don't have kids. They've been married 4 and 5 years, respectively, so they are sort of in between, not long marriages God, you're breaking the rules! I hope he's worth it. But it's good you are still dating, that should help with the insecurity if it comes to that. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 If your kit detects clues on their face and their crotch you know who they are sleeping with. Those yoga lessons sure paid off. Disinterested, you are killing me! Now, what does this: Those yoga lessons sure paid off. have to do with anything?
soccerrprp Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yes I am. I've been verbally abusive 3 times after being rejected. 40+ single men tend to fall into 2 classes. Play/commitmentphobe OR bitter/angry men who've completely failed with women. I'm in the second class. I hear you.
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Disinterested, you are killing me! Now, what does this: Those yoga lessons sure paid off. have to do with anything? Yoga is a good place to meet women. 1
GravityMan Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I think most people are wary of... - people of both genders (men especially) who are at least 35 years old and have never been married. There is a reason why and 9 times out of 10 that reason is not good. Some people simply don't believe in marriage, which is a dealbreaker for most people looking for something long-term. - someone who hasn't had at least one long-term relationship by age 30. Again, nearly all possible explanations for that would be red flags or dealbreakers to the vast majority of the populace. - someone who hasn't dated or had intimate relations with the opposite sex by their early-mid 20s. The general consensus is that something must be seriously wrong with the person if he or she hasn't achieved the above things by those ages. In many cases...yes something IS severely wrong with that person. Nearly everything one needs (guys especially) to do fine with the opposite sex comes from within, and most folks reach that point between the ages of 15 and 25. 1
taiko Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 We deserve our yellow flags, but it is not a red flag by itself. 4
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I can't decide how I feel about this. Usually when someone contacts me via OLD and has never been married/no kids I take it case by case and decide to respond or not. But I have to admit I feel a little 'meh' about it in general. I just can't help but feel there's a reason they never married (maybe they are just lucky, HA). Those of you that are looking in that same age range (40 and above) do you automatically dismiss the never married group or not? Based on my observations from spending time with a large variety of people, I've noticed that people that get married later in life tend to be happier.
soccerrprp Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Based on my observations from spending time with a large variety of people, I've noticed that people that get married later in life tend to be happier. Interesting and I would agree, but are these people who married for the first time or on their 2nd or 3rd or 4th marriages? After "seeing it all" they are finally aware of what it takes to have a more successful relationship.
Author curlygirl40 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Based on my observations from spending time with a large variety of people, I've noticed that people that get married later in life tend to be happier. Get married later in life for the first time you mean? I'm assuming? I know a handful of people who got married for the second time later in life and are much happier the second time around. I attribute that to knowing yourself better and choosing more wisely the second time around.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Interesting and I would agree, but are these people who married for the first time or on their 2nd or 3rd or 4th marriages? After "seeing it all" they are finally aware of what it takes to have a more successful relationship. Get married later in life for the first time you mean? I'm assuming? I've seen both first timers and people that have been in multiple marriages. Generally, I've noticed that the happiest people in life are usually the ones that don't have ridiculous expectations and have a lot of life experience. These people tend to be: 1) Older (at least in their 30s). 2) Went through a lot of crap in their youth (and, thus, have a greater appreciation of things). That's why I don't even think about marriage now. At this point in my life, I would either pick the wrong girl or not appreciate the right one. 2
SJC2008 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I think most people are wary of... - people of both genders (men especially) who are at least 35 years old and have never been married. There is a reason why and 9 times out of 10 that reason is not good. Some people simply don't believe in marriage, which is a dealbreaker for most people looking for something long-term. - someone who hasn't had at least one long-term relationship by age 30. Again, nearly all possible explanations for that would be red flags or dealbreakers to the vast majority of the populace. - someone who hasn't dated or had intimate relations with the opposite sex by their early-mid 20s. The general consensus is that something must be seriously wrong with the person if he or she hasn't achieved the above things by those ages. In many cases...yes something IS severely wrong with that person. Nearly everything one needs (guys especially) to do fine with the opposite sex comes from within, and most folks reach that point between the ages of 15 and 25. Nice societal windows! It's better to to have a couple of marriages go sour than to have had a rough life and be a late bloomer and be a red flag. I'm pro marriage but I want to get it right the FIRST time. Yes people change and you never know but the 50% divorce rate in the US tells me people have shytty pickers or don't take marriage seriously. Death do you part sound kinda scary? Mabye marriage isn't for you. 2
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