cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 So there was this girl that I met on Plenty of Fish. We talked for about five days, and set up a date yesterday night. We went to Starbucks, went for dinner, then mini-putting... then we went to my house. After we got there, we had sex, and then she left. I texted her an hour later telling her that I had a good time and that I hope she did, as well... only to receive the following response... "I had a great time, too. To be honest you're one of the nicest people that I've met in a while, but I realized after being with somebody else that I am not ready for a relationship right now. I just got out of one two weeks (which is true) ago, and was wondering if we could be friends?.." Now, after this text I felt incredibly used. I will tell you why... she would text me every day, asking me how my day is going, would say "Good morning", and wishing me luck on my exams. She would let me call her, and we would talk for hours into the early morning. She talked about how she wanted to go on more dates, and I gave her a goodnight kiss at the end, which she reciprocated. Why did she say "Looking for a relationship" on PoF if she just wanted to screw me? That's what it seems like. It seems like every woman I have ever been with just wanted to be with me for the sex, and to be honest, it really bruised me when she said this.
todreaminblue Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 So there was this girl that I met on Plenty of Fish. We talked for about five days, and set up a date yesterday night. We went to Starbucks, went for dinner, then mini-putting... then we went to my house. After we got there, we had sex, and then she left. I texted her an hour later telling her that I had a good time and that I hope she did, as well... only to receive the following response... "I had a great time, too. To be honest you're one of the nicest people that I've met in a while, but I realized after being with somebody else that I am not ready for a relationship right now. I just got out of one two weeks (which is true) ago, and was wondering if we could be friends?.." Now, after this text I felt incredibly used. I will tell you why... she would text me every day, asking me how my day is going, would say "Good morning", and wishing me luck on my exams. She would let me call her, and we would talk for hours into the early morning. She talked about how she wanted to go on more dates, and I gave her a goodnight kiss at the end, which she reciprocated. Why did she say "Looking for a relationship" on PoF if she just wanted to screw me? That's what it seems like. It seems like every woman I have ever been with just wanted to be with me for the sex, and to be honest, it really bruised me when she said this. I am sorry this happened to you, women can use guys for sex just as much as guys can, whatever her reasons were ....its not going to help you to know them.......you do know next time though....just dont do the sex thing.....if you leave it until you are in an established relationship that is exclusive....you wont get used as readily or chances are the woman you are with is serious about you ......you will have someone who wants to stick around and be steady......best wishes....deb
coffeebean201 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 She had sex with you because she likes you. Don't smother her. Keep seeing other women - happily -and enjoy yourself. who knows maybe one of your newer dates will turn out to be a better match.
Author cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 She had sex with you because she likes you. Don't smother her. Keep seeing other women - happily -and enjoy yourself. who knows maybe one of your newer dates will turn out to be a better match. Yeah, this is true... but I am confused as to why she would just have sex and then DROP me if she liked me so much. Why not have sex with me, then set up another date with me to try and get over your ex?
coffeebean201 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 she pulled back because she felt smothered. some people are just like that. what do her friends think of you?
Author cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 she pulled back because she felt smothered. some people are just like that. what do her friends think of you? How could she possibly "feel smothered" when she was the one who was texting me the most? And I don't know what her friends "think of me". How smothered do you think I felt when she spent an hour and a half sending me questions about my life? Literally. There was about an hour's worth of questions one night because she wanted to "get to know me", and she always went on about how "I never ask her questions"... I don't see how she could have been smothered.
pbjbear Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yeah, this is true... but I am confused as to why she would just have sex and then DROP me if she liked me so much. Why not have sex with me, then set up another date with me to try and get over your ex? Welcome to what its like to be a woman. Men do this stuff all the time. I dont know what to tell you other than 1) women that sleep with you on the first date are more likely to just be looking for casual sex and 2) POF.com is the website where people go to for casual sex like this. If you want a relationship Id really recommend not using that website.
coffeebean201 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 women are talkers - this one is a texter. You don't have to answer the questions she asks. Just give a response. We women hate it when we ask a question and there is a non-response. But we certainly don't expect you to dutifully answer every question we ask. she called you "nice". this is a serious problem. this is why i gave you the advice about not smothering her. 3
Andy_K Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 she called you "nice". this is a serious problem. this is why i gave you the advice about not smothering her. There's truth in this. Women rarely describe a guy who they want to jump into bed with and rip the clothes off as 'nice'. Most likely the persona you've put forward, rightly or wrongly, gives the impression of expectations, emotional attachment, and so on. Sex puts pressure on her for these things to be real, and she panics and bails out. Most likely if you weren't so close and didn't connect as well, she wouldn't feel the same pressure and would keep seeing you. Sometimes it feels like you just can't win, right? 2
Author cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 From what I have read/seen, nice guys don't end up in bed with somebody; so, obviously I was "nice", but I had a backbone... otherwise I would not have had sex with her. I think I should have realized the red flags at the time, instead of in retrospect... 1. She regarded me as a "booty call" on the date... 2. Well, I live with my parents... so, when she wanted to return to my place, she said, "Well, what am I going to say to your parents? 'Hey, I am here to **** your son!'?". 3. She referred to the date as a "hang out". 4. She constantly said that she always had sex on the first date, and was shocked when I said that I usually waited. 5. She talked about her past "friends with benefits" situation.. 6. She talked about "one night stands"... even one instance where she said that a guy did not want to put on a condom, and she still let him put it in despite the fact that she said "no". 7. She talked about her ex boyfriend... but in all fairness, I also talked about my exes, and my past experiences with women, as well... All-in-all, now that I think about it, she really didn't respect herself much... and I actually don't quite feel as bad about things as I did initially... even though it still somewhat pains me that somebody who seemed so genuinely nice would do something like this...
coffeebean201 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 what do you like about her? did you get a sense about her friends?
MrCastle Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 1. She regarded me as a "booty call" on the date... 2. Well, I live with my parents... so, when she wanted to return to my place, she said, "Well, what am I going to say to your parents? 'Hey, I am here to **** your son!'?". 3. She referred to the date as a "hang out". 4. She constantly said that she always had sex on the first date, and was shocked when I said that I usually waited. 5. She talked about her past "friends with benefits" situation.. 6. She talked about "one night stands"... even one instance where she said that a guy did not want to put on a condom, and she still let him put it in despite the fact that she said "no". 7. She talked about her ex boyfriend... Red flags in bold. #6 is serious. Stop seeing this girl. 3
Author cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 I wish I was used for sex. Not when you're lead to believe that it will result in something more, only to have it reduced to a one-night ****.
Author cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) what do you like about her? did you get a sense about her friends? I liked the fact that she was actually pretty smart, and that we could talk about anything. I liked the fact that she sounded like she knew how to have a good time beyond the bedroom... I liked the fact that she was funny, and that she was pretty. I liked a bunch of things about her; as for her friends, she never really talked about them, honestly. The only time that she mentioned her friend was when she talked about a night on the town where a guy came up and started sucking on her friend's tits... and her friend did nothing about it. I guess this really wasn't a good situation at all... so many red flags that I just completely overlooked. Thing is, I really wanted sex, but at the same time I wanted a relationship... -_- It sucks. Edited April 20, 2013 by cdeyoung
MrCastle Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Just accept it for what it is. You met her on POF, a site not exactly known for the most quality people around. She had unprotected sex with a ONS partner even though she didn't want to. That is not only comically irresponsible but dangerous. Just be happy you got laid, and move on to someone who is a better fit for you. Chalk it up as a learning experience. 2
Author cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Just accept it for what it is. You met her on POF, a site not exactly known for the most quality people around. She had unprotected sex with a ONS partner even though she didn't want to. That is not only comically irresponsible but dangerous. Just be happy you got laid, and move on to someone who is a better fit for you. Chalk it up as a learning experience. Thanks, man! 1
Joaquin Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 It's not nice but crikey it's one night. You could have been a rebound for a few months. Now then you'll feel really used. Meh.. You got laid. Happy days.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 So there was this girl that I met on Plenty of Fish. We talked for about five days, and set up a date yesterday night. We went to Starbucks, went for dinner, then mini-putting... then we went to my house. After we got there, we had sex, and then she left. I texted her an hour later telling her that I had a good time and that I hope she did, as well... only to receive the following response... "I had a great time, too. To be honest you're one of the nicest people that I've met in a while, but I realized after being with somebody else that I am not ready for a relationship right now. I just got out of one two weeks (which is true) ago, and was wondering if we could be friends?.." Now, after this text I felt incredibly used. I will tell you why... she would text me every day, asking me how my day is going, would say "Good morning", and wishing me luck on my exams. She would let me call her, and we would talk for hours into the early morning. She talked about how she wanted to go on more dates, and I gave her a goodnight kiss at the end, which she reciprocated. Why did she say "Looking for a relationship" on PoF if she just wanted to screw me? That's what it seems like. It seems like every woman I have ever been with just wanted to be with me for the sex, and to be honest, it really bruised me when she said this. She sounds like a sl*t. I wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure she did the same thing to many guys.
aussietigerwolf Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 So many red flags there... I don't think its just pof, I think most online dating sites are crap. 1
neveragain34 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I hate to say this, but there's also a chance the sex was bad. If she's a very sexual person (which sounds like she is) and she didn't enjoy it, there's no reason to see you again in her twisted eyes. Not saying you are bad in bed, some people just don't have that sexual chemistry. That's very important to some people and they look for it as a relationship quality and will move on if it's not there.
Author cdeyoung Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 I hate to say this, but there's also a chance the sex was bad. If she's a very sexual person (which sounds like she is) and she didn't enjoy it, there's no reason to see you again in her twisted eyes. Not saying you are bad in bed, some people just don't have that sexual chemistry. That's very important to some people and they look for it as a relationship quality and will move on if it's not there. My back is scratched to hell, and her legs were shaking...
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