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The ow was prettier

confused4321

By confused4321
in Infidelity

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confused4321 Member

confused4321

Posted
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I have read several articles about how most WS affair down, but in my case that is definitely not true. The OW is much prettier and skinner than me and I don't know how to get past that. I know that this doesn't mean she is a better person than me, but it really kills me. Being cheated on makes you take a huge hit to your self-esteem and I think that it is even worse when the AP is prettier. I have read several places that says it has nothing to do with what she looks like, but I know it played a huge part in him pursing her. I know it also had a lot to do with how she made him feel, but the fact that she was very pretty is driving me crazy. I just don't know hot to stop obsessing. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

  • Like 1
SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

Posted
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I have read several articles about how most WS affair down, but in my case that is definitely not true. The OW is much prettier and skinner than me and I don't know how to get past that.

 

If it's any solace, I think I'm prettier than his gf but -- he said he thinks she's a beautiful girl.

 

I know that this doesn't mean she is a better person than me, but it really kills me. Being cheated on makes you take a huge hit to your self-esteem and I think that it is even worse when the AP is prettier.

 

I feel genuine compassion at your words. I do.

 

I have read several places that says it has nothing to do with what she looks like, but I know it played a huge part in him pursing her.

 

I do. I think in my case, he became mesmerized by my photos online, and we happened to then find a compatibility as friends.

 

I know it also had a lot to do with how she made him feel, but the fact that she was very pretty is driving me crazy. I just don't know hot to stop obsessing. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

Well, where are you guys in the situation? Married? Cheating exposed? Why are you willing to be with someone with whom you feel you are not the goddess you truly in fact are?

  • Like 1
ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

Posted
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Pretty girls can be "easy" too...

exOW was thinner and had that look of a person that could get pretty much anything or one she wanted. She also looked like she "had" fine for more than a few rides.

 

Everyone who has seen her states the same thing, "Yes she is pretty but CIH You're Beautiful"!

 

I do appreciate the compliment, but I questioned it for a loooong time.

It really hurt.

It also didn't hurt that exow's biggest issue with me was that I was only 5' 4" weighing 128 at the time. I was old fat and ugly and she emailed me every moment she got to remind me.

 

Granted, the A diet is pretty great and back to my highschool weight. Kind fun that pisses her off so much...*

  • Like 3
Decorative Established Member

Decorative

Posted
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A pretty outside has nothing to do with character or the inside.

  • Like 13
Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
Posted
I have read several articles about how most WS affair down, but in my case that is definitely not true. The OW is much prettier and skinner than me and I don't know how to get past that. I know that this doesn't mean she is a better person than me, but it really kills me. Being cheated on makes you take a huge hit to your self-esteem and I think that it is even worse when the AP is prettier. I have read several places that says it has nothing to do with what she looks like, but I know it played a huge part in him pursing her. I know it also had a lot to do with how she made him feel, but the fact that she was very pretty is driving me crazy. I just don't know hot to stop obsessing. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

 

 

It makes me wonder why a young and pretty girl would be a with a marred man. Maybe beneath the skin there's a whole lot of issues.

  • Like 6
seren Established Member

seren

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Confused, sorry you are feeling this way, I would ask yourself if the OW's looks were all that and a bag of chips, why didn't he choose to be with her? Not saying she just had good looks going for her, but when a WS stays and a BS questions whether they were as pretty as, as thin as, as young as, I think, well if all that was the most important things the WS is looking for, then why stay?

Of course looks are important for the initial attraction, but in the long term looks fade for everyone, we all get older, if we have children some get bigger and so on.

 

Look at all the beautiful women who have been cheated on, if looks were the predominant factor in ensuring someone didn't look elsewhere, then there wouldn't be A's for the likes of Tiger Woods, it's a cliche to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it is true. I personally, value someone that makes me laugh, has my back and who I can have intelligent conversation with, looks make me look, but brains make me stay.

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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This isn't about you being flawed...this is about him being flawed.

  • Like 15
96nole Established Member

96nole

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It makes me wonder why a young and pretty girl would be a with a marred man. Maybe beneath the skin there's a whole lot of issues.

Probably has daddy issues or thinks the married man will be able to take care of her and buy her pretty things.

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Decorative Established Member

Decorative

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Probably has daddy issues or thinks the married man will be able to take care of her and buy her pretty things.

 

Like the OW's boobs in my sitch?

 

#badDecorative

 

#buttrue

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Furious Established Member

Furious

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Well, where are you guys in the situation? Married? Cheating exposed? Why are you willing to be with someone with whom you feel you are not the goddess you truly in fact are?

 

I would ask the same of you, being the goddess you are, why then are your an OW and not the only woman.

  • Like 9
96nole Established Member

96nole

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Like the OW's boobs in my sitch?

 

#badDecorative

 

#buttrue

WHAT?!?!? He bought her a pair of bolt ons? I guess I missed that post. Sorry to read that happened.

  • Like 2
SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

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I would ask the same of you, being the goddess you are, why then are your an OW and not the only woman.

 

2 reasons; he loves me as a friend & also: I know he knows how to lie.

Furious Established Member

Furious

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2 reasons; he loves me as a friend & also: I know he knows how to lie.

 

Liars don't make good friends.

  • Like 8
AnotherRound Established Member

AnotherRound

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For every person that thought the OW was prettier, there is another person who would think that you are prettier. Pretty is such a relative thing - depending on who is making the judgment. Most people are not ugly or even unattractive - we are all just different kinds of pretty. I personally do not think that you can really compare people in this way as like I said, it all depends on who is making the judgment.

 

I would ask this - was your Hs affair an emotional one too? How long did it last? I agree with you that he had to be attracted to her in some way to have an affair with her -BUT - that doesn't mean, imo, that she is "more" anything than you - just different (does that make sense?).

 

It sounds to me like this is really hurting your self-esteem, and I'm sorry for that. If I was you, I would start focusing on what you have to offer the world - what are your good traits? My guess is that you have just as many as the OW - maybe just different ones.

 

If you keep talking negatively to yourself, and comparing yourself to others, your self-esteem is NOT going to get better. Focus on your good traits, find your core self and KNOW those things about you that can't be taken away. This will help you develop a strong and positive sense of self and will allow you to look at the world a little differently - as in, not comparing yourself when we humans are very difficult to compare bc we are all so very unique.

  • Like 3
TheOW Established Member

TheOW

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It makes me wonder why a young and pretty girl would be a with a marred man. Maybe beneath the skin there's a whole lot of issues.

 

I completely agree, I'm a good looking girl and I am not being big headed or boasting about it either its just what it is. But I ask myself everyday when Im obsessing about him "why do I want him so?" He's almost 50 years old im 27 and I can get almost any guy i want (I am not the type of girl who sleeps around MM was my 3rd sexual relationship)

 

Why him ? He was happily married, why did persue him like I did ? Why was I extremely attracted to this old guy ?

 

These are things I need to work on and figure out before the thought of another relationship with anyone enters my stupid head!

 

OP you may not be "better looking" than the OW but your H married you not her your H wants you not the "good looking" one .. so who's the beautiful one in his eyes then ? Not her

  • Like 10
Lostinlife4now Established Member

Lostinlife4now

Posted
Posted
I have read several articles about how most WS affair down, but in my case that is definitely not true. The OW is much prettier and skinner than me and I don't know how to get past that. I know that this doesn't mean she is a better person than me, but it really kills me. Being cheated on makes you take a huge hit to your self-esteem and I think that it is even worse when the AP is prettier. I have read several places that says it has nothing to do with what she looks like, but I know it played a huge part in him pursing her. I know it also had a lot to do with how she made him feel, but the fact that she was very pretty is driving me crazy. I just don't know hot to stop obsessing. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

 

Hi Confused.....

 

xMM's wife is BEAUTIFUL! Great Body too! I have said this before in my postings regarding BW! But on the inside..just very cold.

 

I, on the same hand, am just as beautiful as she is. He always told me he liked my personality! He was very lucky, he had two beautiful women.

Decorative Established Member

Decorative

Posted
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WHAT?!?!? He bought her a pair of bolt ons? I guess I missed that post. Sorry to read that happened.

 

Yup. She worked him well. Mutual dysfunction.

 

People in affairs do insane things. This is an example. LOL

  • Like 1
HonestNeurotic Established Member

HonestNeurotic

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Pretty is as pretty does. I've always been the ugly girl with no boobs. The only thing I can control is my weight. Maybe. Surely physical stuff attracts people, but it's all what's really in our minds that matter. I think it's how that other person makes you feel, not what they look like.

 

Don't fall for the having to look "just so" nonsense. That's insanity. Brainwashed marketing at it's finest. (IMHO - as always)

  • Like 1
krazikat Established Member

krazikat

Posted
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My h xow was very pretty, petite and in shape...she was also a stripper who does drugs...

 

I am very pretty, some say beautiful, mostly in shape...I am a little thick but honestly I love my curves, and so does my h. I am losing some weight now and my h doesnt want me too, but I am doing it for me...

 

I havent thought too much about looks until reading this post...she is younger than me, but I am in my mid 30s, but still get idd for drinks and such...people are usually very surprised at my age and say I look much younger...but of course that will change as I age. I am also an honest person, a corporate chic with a successful career, generous, have integrity and looooove my family. Ow was nearly my opposite. She is someone who I would never have as a friend, just because of who she is, even if h had never been in the picture. Like I told her after dday what she verbally attacked me, my h would never leave me for a girl like her and the only way she would ever have him without me is if I sent him to her cuz I was done. And I believe that. Although I know it was a harsh thing to say, I also knew it was true.

 

i believe just about every woman is/can be beautiful...just take care of yourself!

 

There are so many visually beautiful people in this world, but the inside, what the persons values are, the integrity, their treatment of others...that is what counts.

 

Try not to compare your self to her, there is no comparison! She is she and you are you, love yourself and you will see there is no point in making that comparison.

Edited by krazikat
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Sadwife37 Established Member

Sadwife37

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My H OW was very pretty and very small. And killed me! And still does really. She is very deferent from me. I would estimate she is 5'3, 110 lbs with Maybe B boobs. And she has long dark hair with no bangs. I am 5'10 160 lbs with DD boobs. Shoulder length light hair with bangs. Him having chosen the physical opposit of me was very hurtful. To make it even worse I had 3 kids naturally and she had 1 child by a section. So other parts were obviously deferent too! But now I very much believe what LadyGray said. The A wasn't born out of what she looked like and him wanting different than he had. They were drawn together because they were both broken and messed up. His ego was stroked by a pretty girl who was available and willing because she was so messed up. Sure I wish she looked like a troll. :) but looks and size aren't everything. And we always think what we don't have is better. I struggle with this too. Good luck! I bet her looks didn't cause this. Being broken and messed up did.

  • Like 4
Jonah Established Member

Jonah

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It would be worse if you thought it was something that you could have done something about. If you had drove him out then you would have something to feel bad about. This way it ain't your fault. If she is all that, by golly let him go get a load of her! Then you could stand back and laugh as he continuously gets to eat crap.

 

Every day when you get up, be proud of who you are. Meet the day with full confidence.

  • Like 1
lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
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This one is tough. My xMM's wife is cute - she is quite a but shorter than me but brown hair, much bigger boobs than me (lol), wasn't a stand out personality (sort of meek and mild) not into athletics or anything like that.

 

I am tall, blonde reasonable body and I think I am attractive (or most say I am - lol) - I think the thing the drew him to me were a couple of things. He had sort of idolized me since he was 18 and I think because of my status in the community and church he sort of had me on a pedestal ( he explained it this way to his wife). In a way I think I was something to conquer and he always was pinching himself because he couldn't believe I loved him. He was very smart and kind of a geek in school - the kind of guy athletes put in trash cans because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

 

I was really pretty opposite her. I love to entertain and have parties, I am an athlete and loved sports (he loved that we could have a beer together and watch football or sports center and I am a musician - she wasn't interested in any of that), we could talk philosophy for hours or music and hang out in guitar stores for hours, and on and on.

 

Anyway - I am not her and she is not me - I am not a believer in there is one person in this world for you - I think you can be compatible with many people in any given time and this is why things like this happen.

 

So what I am getting at - I wasn't better than her - just different and for a season I guess I amused him. In the end he stayed with his wife.

 

So please don't beat yourself or compare. He is with you. He made a choice.

Edited by lilmisscantbewrong
  • Like 2
sunshine63 Member

sunshine63

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This may be a little bit different twist, ex-MM wife and I as so A LIKE it is scary! I had no idea who she was or anything about her at first and as time unfolded I learned we held the exact same professional degree, did the same thing for a living, had the same body shape, only I was taller. My hair is a different color, but the same length and similar hair style! She was 10 years older than I am. That was the only major difference. Looking back... he was just having an affair with a younger version of his wife! Ugh....

Saba Established Member

Saba

Posted
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Don't fall for the having to look "just so" nonsense. That's insanity. Brainwashed marketing at it's finest. (IMHO - as always)

 

I am with you on this 100%. There is no formula for pretty even though marketing companies would like us to think there is.

  • Like 1
underwater2010 Established Member

underwater2010

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Think of it this way....a "10" becomes a "7" when she/he has crappy personality/character...a "5" becomes a "7" when she/he has personality/character.

 

I work at a bar being 34 yrs and curvy but big personality. I compete against 21 yrs old petite and pretty/no wrinkle girls. I make more money than all of them. Looks only get you so far in life. Keep you head up!!!!

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