Cheating,GIGS,Hurt,Happy ending.

[travelonic]

And you wonder why people don't come back to tell their stories because they are put on blast by people who are bitter..

 

Well, to be fair the way an opinion is expressed is critical to how it is taken in, and absorbed/replied to, and TBH responses *like* yours - by which I mean STRICTLY from this point of view often seem - to me, anyways, to come off as condescending, as if those who have hope of any kind are being talked down to in which case NO **** they're gonna reply bitterly - the psychological equivalent of Newton's 3rd law of motion ["For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."] if you will.

[all_cats_rgray]

Take every comment on here with a grain of salt.

 

You have to remember you are talking to strangers, that are making assumptions based on squiggly lines of communication on a computer screen.

 

Yes their is great knowledge on here.

 

But the snap rhetoric.. mostly does not have to do with your situation but with their own frustration and quick judgment. A lot of people use the statement:

 

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it is a duck.

 

You sound like a duck. aka, the relationship that gets back together then burns in the flames of its own naivety.

 

Btw, im one of them. Don't mind me, im bitter.. I don't believe in anything any more.

 

You could type about how. You guys are different till your fingers bleed.. no one will believe you, cause this is the land of no happy endings, stop trying to tell us other wise...lol.

 

 

 

BEST OF LUCK..

Edited April 21, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[OwlSoul]

, cause this is the land of no happy endings, stop trying to tell us other wise...lol.

So negative. D:

[all_cats_rgray]

So negative. D:

 

Yes, yes, I am.. but expectations are the source of disappointment. And misery love company.

 

And barky2 <3, I have no ill will and hope the best. States we have to "Let go" and than states one of the products of this letting go was that he got his ex back.

 

Its so easy to read, Let go = ex coming back. Thus it is even harder to let go. Its contradict and difficult to read success story's because "We are trying to let go" I don't know if its so bitter as self protection.

[barky2]

Yes, yes, I am.. but expectations are the source of disappointment. And misery love company.

 

And barky2 <3, I have no ill will and hope the best. States we have to "Let go" and than states one of the products of this letting go was that he got his ex back.

 

Its so easy to read, Let go = ex coming back. Thus it is even harder to let go. Its contradict and difficult to read success story's because "We are trying to let go" I don't know if its so bitter as self protection.

l

 

 

 

Listen, when you actually let go...your not doing it to get your ex back. It goes the same for NC. When everyone says go nc to let go and move on, it'll either bring your ex back...or you'll be on the road to full recovery.

 

Let me make this clear,this is what I read on LS and its true

WHEN OU GO NC AND LET GO OF ALL HOPE IS WHEN YOU OVER TIME RELEASE ALL THE PAIN AND HURT THATS THERE.

 

you

[barky2]

I'm not gonna sit here and BS to say I did nc for me ...nope. I did it to get my ex back. After awhile it turned into doing it for me. I was letting go of hope and pain. I finally got to the point I completely let go.

 

Update : had a great weekend with my ex. Its a completely different relationship. And for whoever said were "doomed"... ignorance is truly bliss.

[Am4Real]

You guys actually read the entire post...I dozed off somewhere in the words but woke up and read HAPPY ENDING. Given that, why is this post in the BREAK UP forum? :laugh:

[skydragon]

Thank you for sharing your story. It was wonderful to read and it opened up my eyes and it helped me a lot.

 

I'm about to go through a break up and I'm preparing myself for NC right for them get go.

 

I wish you the very best

[Radu]

I'm happy it worked for you ... for now.

 

 

Here's the thing.

She left you 3-4 times, and you went through hell trying to get her back.

She even left you for another.

 

And all of the sudden, when you do this [caused by her, but the action is 100% on you] she puts you through hell.

 

Yeah ... i think it's too early to call it 'working'.

[barky2]

Thank you for sharing your story. It was wonderful to read and it opened up my eyes and it helped me a lot.

 

I'm about to go through a break up and I'm preparing myself for NC right for them get go.

 

I wish you the very best

 

My pleasure. Make sure your doing nc to move on to someone else. I'm not aware of your story. But if there's a fighting chance...then fight. If you need to message me do so, or I will look for your thread and I'll help you in any way you need.

[barky2]

I'm happy it worked for you ... for now.

 

 

Here's the thing.

She left you 3-4 times, and you went through hell trying to get her back.

She even left you for another.

 

And all of the sudden, when you do this [caused by her, but the action is 100% on you] she puts you through hell.

 

Yeah ... i think it's too early to call it 'working'.

 

The breakup was on me...but we both realised our faults.

Her premature returns were justified BC she wasn't over the pain and hurt. Id keep pressuring her into a relationship when she wasn't ready.

 

It changed when she had enough tine away to process her feelings,think with a clear head and actually wanted to make it work.o

 

There was still so much hurt from me cheating and throwing her out.

 

Like I said we are not out of the woods by any means.

Edited April 22, 2013 by barky2

[laceyjane]

Thank you for this post. Yes, I do think the relationship you had with her in the past was very toxic but who am I to say you're doing it wrong? I think that's just life working for you. We all learn a thing or two in every situation. Sometimes it's fair to us, sometimes it's not but that's just how it is and you have to keep living it. Sometimes it changes us, sometimes it molds us into someone else - maybe for the good or maybe for the bad. I'm in no position to oppose to what you've chosen. I think you're very brave to actually risk your heart again with her knowing you're very much aware of what you've gone through. You just love and no one can take that from you because at the end of it all, if it works or not - that's your life and happiness. Not everyone has that. Best of luck!

[Radu]

The breakup was on me...but we both realised our faults.

Her premature returns were justified BC she wasn't over the pain and hurt. Id keep pressuring her into a relationship when she wasn't ready.

Interesting wording, premature returns.

It implies that it was meant to be, her returning, just not then.

When then ?

When she got a new bf ?

When she sprang leaving you out of the blue, several times too ?

 

It changed when she had enough tine away to process her feelings,think with a clear head and actually wanted to make it work.o

Then it's not premature returns.

Premature returns, again, it implies that she always wanted to return.

She returned [and you admit it] when she wanted to make it work.

Because those other times she didn't want to make it work.

 

There was still so much hurt from me cheating and throwing her out.

She didn't cheat, but what she did was a betrayal of trust.

She got a bf without your knowing.

Left several times.

Are you trying to tell me that you were not hurt, lost weight, couldn't sleep, could barely function all the times she left you ?

 

Like I said we are not out of the woods by any means.

What i'm trying to say, is that you are letting her off the hook.

 

She did miscarry, several times, and there is probably no way in hell that a man will ever be able to understand what that means to her.

But that was your problem as a couple.

You are willing to let her back into your life, after she walked all over you during those horrible months.

During those horrible months, she pushed you away, she took another man, and she only got interested when you started playing games [NC, moving on].

If you do not make her face why she did this, it will all go horribly wrong, not now but deffinitely in the future.

Marriage is not a bed of roses, not always anyway, eventually you will face something hard again ... what will she do then ?

Edited April 22, 2013 by Radu

[CptSaveAho]

Radu... stop projecting all the blame on her... you are sounding like a woman hater

 

This is 2 GIGS idiots... he went first, she went second

 

You will have a better chance of arguing with a brick wall then getting any point besides what HE wants across to him

 

Like i said in my first post, the party is just beginning

 

Want to watch this in real life... Chris Brown and Rhianna

[barky2]

Interesting wording, premature returns.

It implies that it was meant to be, her returning, just not then.

When then ?

When she got a new bf ?

When she sprang leaving you out of the blue, several times too ?

 

!

Then it's not premature returns.

Premature returns, again, it implies that she always wanted to return.

She returned [and you admit it] when she wanted to make it work.

Because those other times she didn't want to make it work.

 

She didn't cheat, but what she did was a betrayal of trust.

She got a bf without your knowing.

Left several times.

Are you trying to tell me that you were not hurt, lost weight, couldn't sleep, could barely function all the times she left you ?

 

What i'm trying to say, is that you are letting her off the hook.

 

She did miscarry, several times, and there is probably no way in hell that a man will ever be able to understand what that means to her.

But that was your problem as a couple.

You are willing to let her back into your life, after she walked all over you during those horrible months.

During those horrible months, she pushed you away, she took another man, and she only got interested when you started playing games [NC, moving on].

If you do not make her face why she did this, it will all go horribly wrong, not now but deffinitely in the future.

Marriage is not a bed of roses, not always anyway, eventually you will face something hard again ... what will she do then ?

 

 

This is exactly why I'm on this site. For

Opinions like this. I greatly appreciate you taking the time to type that out.

 

 

When she would come back, she hadnt processed or relieved herself from all the pain I put her thru when I cheated and kicked her out.

After a while of being away and not talking she had the time to process those and get over it.

 

There was many days where I layer in bed,couldn't eat sleep work.

By far the most pain in my life.

 

Yes she did step all over me. I always thought it was retribution for what I did until our "final goodbye" when I regrew my balls and realised what she was doing. That's when I wouldn't remain a doormat.

 

What's going to happen when things go bad?

 

She's a notorious runner..just read the story it's evident.

 

Do I this time is different? I truly do.

I have to believe it. We had zero communication in our previous relationship.

 

We've sat and talked for hours before I agreed to tty again,and while we were together all weekend we talked about it.

 

She has the look in her eye that she hasn't had the previous times.

I'm not trying to be naive, I'm trying to be guarded knowing what has happened in the past.

 

She told me this weekend that over this last break she realised she was 50% in the wrong for us not working.

 

Previously it was all me...it was all my fault. She's finally owning up to it. Like I agree its very early to determine if we will work out..most relationships don't. But I think we have a fighting chance ,after all we've been through we still have a powerful love between the two of us to WANT to make it work.

 

That's why I shared my story. Even after so much has gone wrong ,there's still so much love between us that brought us back.

 

Ya OK she had a rebound, I had one too.

 

I never stopped dating,I would force myself to go on dates. I lived as though she wasn't coming back. I didn't date seriously,just being single and enjoying other peoples company.

 

That was the turning point for me,that's why I stress letting go.

 

I lived my life as though she wasnt coming back. When I finally was about it,and wasn't just talking about it....my life's door opened a million different ways.

[barky2]

Captsaveaho...ur a bitter prick. Unless you have something constructive to say about my post go **** yourself.

 

I could truly give a fuxk about your view. Your prob some bitter old fucm who is sitting on the computer playing solitaire BC the girl of your dreams has run off with a real man and your going to take it out on everyone else. I honestly feel bad for you. I hope you posting on someones thread downing them makes you feel better.

 

Get a life bro seriously.

[OwlSoul]

Opinions like this. I greatly appreciate you taking the time to type that out.

It's rather overthinking the situation imho.

I would not post on this forum to know people's opinion or advises, since they project their own bad experiences over your situation and share the advises which would be good mostly for them.

You know, when we think about future or fantazise we use the section of our brain responsible for memories and experience. So welp, when people try to guess over your situation or try to judge, they talk about their own experience.

[barky2]

It's rather overthinking the situation imho.

I would not post on this forum to know people's opinion or advises, since they project their own bad experiences over your situation and share the advises which would be good mostly for them.

You know, when we think about future or fantazise we use the section of our brain responsible for memories and experience. So welp, when people try to guess over your situation or try to judge, they talk about their own experience.

 

Ya absolutely understandable.

 

I just dont need criticism from someones who's bitter .

 

Not all relationships are the same.

 

Not one mile in one mans shoes is the same in another.

[Radu]

Radu... stop projecting all the blame on her... you are sounding like a woman hater

 

This is 2 GIGS idiots... he went first, she went second

 

You will have a better chance of arguing with a brick wall then getting any point besides what HE wants across to him

 

Like i said in my first post, the party is just beginning

 

Want to watch this in real life... Chris Brown and Rhianna

 

Maybe he will understand this, maybe he won't ... who knows.

 

I honestly don't know if she had GIGS, i just know that losing a pregnancy is a massive blow to any woman, and that in her moment of despair she did not handle it well.

And if she is not made to see this ... well, there is no guarantee she won't do it again.

 

Get her to do therapy, to figure out why she reacted like that, why she lashed out against you, why she came back, etc ...

Edited April 22, 2013 by Radu

[barky2]

Maybe he will understand this, maybe he won't ... who knows.

 

I honestly don't know if she had GIGS, i just know that losing a pregnancy is a massive blow to any woman, and that in her moment of despair she did not handle it well.

And if she is not made to see this ... well, there is no guarantee she won't do it again.

 

Get her to do therapy, to figure out why she reacted like that, why she lashed out against you, why she came back, etc ...

 

 

Us and I mean that..US losing the 5 pregnancies were extremely tough.

 

Not just her endeared pain because of it.

 

We have our first therapy sesh tomorrow...really excited.

 

I can only speak on her behalf of what's she told.me about leaving coming back all those times was....she wasn't ready to trust me with her heart again. I her hurt so bad. I'm extremely lucky to have another chance.

[moneyneversleeps]

Hey barky,

I would really appreciate any help you are wiling to give me.

My ex keeps making excuses to catch up with me (pretty much like once a week).

Its really hurting and everytime i see her i end up a mess. She ends up telling me that we are not back together and she cant forgive and forget all the pain i put her through.

We were together for 4 years.

every time we meet we do get more intimate however she keeps telling me that she is more sure that we can't be together, i can't change etc etc.

She wants to be friends. Last night we had sex.

I told her i cant be friends it is hurting too much and we need time apart.

She made me promise to see her next week and said this will be the last time. We can both make love together, have a romantic dinner and achieve closure to move on.

truthfully, i dont want to ler her heal while i am an emotional wreck.

please help i am desperate.

[OwlSoul]

If she keeps telling this, she needs some space.

Do you want her back? Or you want her just not to move on and feel the pain she caused to you?

 

She made me promise to see her next week and said this will be the last time.

I'd tell her that I cannot change my plans all the time and that she should call for the meeting 1 hour before she will drop in.

 

btw, it's a bad idea to seek a closure after the break-up. Less time you spend emotionally connected to each other after the break-up, more chances you have to get back together or move on faster. Stop desiring, and you'll stop suffering.