Cheating,GIGS,Hurt,Happy ending.

[barky2]

first off let me state, this is going to be a long read. I want to thank everyone on here for reading this. First and foremost, I'm a long time reader first time poster. So many of us want successful reconciliation stories but they are few and far between because like me, once o was happy I had no need to come read. I think I owe it to ls to come back and retell my story. Yes, Gigs...cheating all of it. I'll be happy to answer all your questions.

 

 

So brief background...together for 10 years (15-25). Been through it all,miscarriages,ectopic pregnancies,cheating (my side) gigs ( my side).

 

At the age of 22, me and my gf moved 1100 miles together away from everybody to start out own lives together. The first year was awesome, we relied on each other so much because we didn't have anybody but each other. Prior to moving we did live together on our home town (21-22). After a month of us moving my gf got pregnant...we were over the hills happy.

 

This is where is started going downhill. She was on extreme pain on.night and we went to the hospital. Come to find out she needed emergency surgery BC she had a ectopic pregnancy and her Fallopian tube had burst. It was the hardest day in my life. All she wants in life is to be a mommy,and same for me.

 

The following weeks was very hard,I worked 12-16 hours a day (she didn't have to work BC I was providing plenty). Hindsight now...that was our demise. She sat around all day dwelling on the ectopic pregnancy that she got depressed... completely understandable. I was there for her every step of the way.

 

A month later woohoo were pregnant again. Few weeks later,miscarriage. In the forthcoming months,we had 3 miscarriages. Very tough time for us. I came home from work one day,and my house was packed up and she was nowhere to be found. She left. I call her and shes already 300miles away and saying she had to leave to go be with her family.

 

I immediately buy a plane ticket and fly to our home town. She meets me there,we drive back down to our house back in north Carolina. Few months later ...same thing. She left. I flew again,and we drove home. Few months later it happened again,I flew home...although she wouldn't meet me and wouldnt come back. I was devastated. I flew back to nc and went back to our house...all alone.

 

I had a few friends..but I was alone. I was 1100 miles away from friends and family. I became depressed. Drinking,partying ect. I decoded to move back home where I belong. During this time we still talked,I begged and pleaded with nothing in return but to hear she's now seeing someone....nice. After a few months I moved home,she met me the first day and we got back together. I had a lot of resentment. We moved on together.

 

Now this brings us to august2011. Both 24, prime age for gigs. Let it begin! So were living together,I got my girl back. Although I wasn't happy,I was miserable. I had resentment for her leaving me,starting a new relationship with someone else ect. Facebook is the devil. I really started to wonder if I was doing the right thing...I wanted to be free. I never got to party... hookup with strangers ect. I was always in a relationship.

 

Gigs hit me. I wanted out. I wanted to be free. I wanted to chase tail with my buddies, party all night. Now August 2012, I was home and some random girl sent me a message on Facebook...she was gorgeous. We talked for a longggg time. Finally one day I decided to go meet her.

 

Cheating. I went and met up with her and we really hit it off. Over the next few weeks we met up and hungout...I asked her to be my gf. She said yes. That weekend we went to a party and we took a pic together...she posted it on fb and I guess she was friends with my gfs cousin. My gf was on her way home from visiting her parents when she got the call. She immediately called me. I told her I found someone and I wanted her to.move out.

 

Regret. When she came home to pack....I wasn't myself. I was a cold hearted prick. I told her to get her **** and get out. I was fed up,I was miserable. But now I have this new girl who's perfect....blah blah.

She left. I truly felt I was doing the right thing. I told her id like to remain friends ect.

 

After a few days I would text her....and she wouldn't respond. She pulled nc on me. It drove me nuts. Ya I was with my new girl...but it wasn't the same. When she would respond I would get the emotional need to feed my new relationship.

 

Rebound. I found myself in the classic rebound. I lasted 3weekd with this new girl...and one of the biggest roles in us breaking....MY EXS NC AGAGAINST ME! It drove me nuts. Classic rebound,saying I love yous planning on moving in... marriage talks blah blah. I wanted my ex back.

 

Breakup. I told the rebound flat out my heart belonged to my ex. I had to let her go. I wanted my ex. I called her,she answered..I told her I wanted her back. She told me to pound sand. I told her I broke up with the rebound BC I realized what I wanted. She told me to pound sand. I deserved everything I was getting. The roles were reversed.

.I was now the dumpee. I tried and tried and tried to get her back. I looked online how to get her back for hours.

 

Welcome to ls. I read peoples stories ,I learned about gigs. Learned abut nc. I searched for days, I've prob read every thread on here.

 

So starting October..I kept trying to get her back. Wed meet up,I confess my love,beg,plead ect u name it. It'd work for a few days...wed be "taking it slow, then shed tell me she can't forgive me and there's to much hurt. This happened in Oct and November.

 

Her rebound. Low and behold, she found a boyfriend. She was at my hoise and we were intimate ect. Just like we were back together. She left my house in the morning,gave me a kiss. Called me a few hours later to tell me she couldn't se me anymore. I checked her fb a few days later and there was a pic of her and another dude. I was crushed.

 

I searched ls to see how to get her back. All I read was go nc if she's in a rebound..hey it worked against me right? On my bday she wrote me a long text happy bday (about 20days nc). I read barons home brews advice just a simple thanks is what she got. I flew to vegas by myself (26 years old) to have the time of my life.

 

Around 35days nc I started dating someone..no titles just having fun ecg. After a night out with her on my way home my ex called me. I was floored. I answered, she told me she broke up with the rebound and she wants to see me....OK I said. We metup,hooked up. We were "back together " for a week. She went back to him. Now we are in January.

 

January-Feb they were together. I couldn't keep nc for the life of me. I think the longest I went was a month.

 

March they broke up.

 

 

We started hanging out , trying to win her back. Once again she said there's still to much hurt.

 

You have to realise all the pain...the ups and Downs this was doing to Mme.

 

Finally told her to meetup with me. She did. I regrew my balls.

I told her either we are together or not. If we are not I'm moving on and letting go. She said there's still to much pain and anger BC of what I did.

I held.my head high, I fought for this girl for 7 months....and I know I tried all I could.

 

1 month nc. Brings me to yesterday. I get a text. It says the ton of bricks hit me. I've let go of the pain,and we will work.

 

I didn't respond until she said I want you bCk baby.

 

I was very cautious. I told her she's told me that before...for her to change her mind.

 

Here's the difference. TIME AND DISTANCE apart...she was able to get thru her feelings of hurt to finally move on and let go of it . All this time I was the one doing the work to get us back together ,now she was.

 

HERES WHAT I LEARNED.

If I went nc immediately.... she would have worked thru her feelings along time ago. We would have been back together sooner.

 

Gigs is so real....I lived it. NC shut the gigs switch off.

 

Rebounds don't work.

 

True love never dies.

 

To have a successful reconciliation you need NC and time alone!!!!!

 

I was the dumper and dumpee... damn that sucked.

 

Let go,and let god.

 

ITS SO TRUE,when YOUR FINALLY LET GO AND MOVING ON IS WHEN THEY COME BACK!!!

 

Live your life like they aren't coming back.

 

LET GO.

 

 

So ya, were not out of the woods...although I can promise we are willing to do anything to make us work this time. 8 months apart,cheating,gigs,rebounds....everything. nc longest was a month,I broke it. She was rrallllly good about not reaching out.

 

 

So there. I hope some of you enjoy this...because I fked up....I realised it.....I've sat on this board for hours just like most of you. I've broke herheart,she's broke mine. We are dedicated to.make this work.

 

Any questions about gigs,rebounds ect feel free to ask...I'm.no professional but I can certainly give you my point of view.

 

Good luck everyone, LET GO.

[TearyEyedPride]

WOW!! Definitely not the norm lol, but very interesting to read though. I'd say your story is definitely still in progress... but at least it sounds like you both are trying hard to make it work. I wish you guys true happiness! Keep us posted.

[ThatJustHappened]

I'm happy for you and I agree that everyone needs to let go..but that doesn't mean the ex will come back. Your message is confusing. How can anyone let go if they think their ex will come back if they do? They won't really let go.

 

If we're being honest, your story is pretty unique. 90% of the people here will probably not get their exes back.

[McGriff]

Wow, very interesting read! Congrats! I wish you all the best. One thing though, all you wanted in life was to be a mommy? Haha---just kidding. Thanks for coming back and sharing your story, I hope you guys work out---seems like you've been through just about everything a couple can go through.

[barky2]

What everyone says is true, you have to let go. Moving on and letting go is the only way for both to have a clear head...and possible reconciliation. Definitely still a work in progress. Thanks for the encouraging words everyone!

[barky2]

Wow, very interesting read! Congrats! I wish you all the best. One thing though, all you wanted in life was to be a mommy? Haha---just kidding. Thanks for coming back and sharing your story, I hope you guys work out---seems like you've been through just about everything a couple can go through.

 

 

 

Doesn't everyone want to be a mommy? Lmao

[barky2]

I'm happy for you and I agree that everyone needs to let go..but that doesn't mean the ex will come back. Your message is confusing. How can anyone let go if they think their ex will come back if they do? They won't really let go.

 

If we're being honest, your story is pretty unique. 90% of the people here will probably not get their exes back.

 

Everyone's story is pretty unique.

 

And to answer your question, you haven't truly let go if you think there's still a chance. If your " letting go" or "doing nc" to get them back....now o understand what homebrew ment on the nc guide!

[CptSaveAho]

There's no happy ending

 

The party is just beginning

[barky2]

There's no happy ending

 

The party is just beginning

 

Honestly, the negativity is not necessary.

 

When you have two people willing to actually make it work and realize their faults.....that's a happy ending in itself.

 

Thank you for your encouragement .

[travelonic]

There's no happy ending

 

The party is just beginning

 

What does that mean, exactly, in the context of this thread?

[Weathergirl]

Thank you for sharing this with us.

I wish you both all the very best. I'm always of the opinion if you truely want something to work it will do, and I have no doubt in your writing that you will make it.

[barky2]

Thank you for sharing this with us.

I wish you both all the very best. I'm always of the opinion if you truely want something to work it will do, and I have no doubt in your writing that you will make it.

 

My pleasure. Thank you for the kind words.

[denxnis]

I see a lot of people referring to GIGS as some type of symptom, it's not. It's just an excuse for people to cover up their lack of self-control.

 

Sorry man, it's just my perspective nothing against you in particular.

 

Best of luck.

[ab5]

Wow very happy for you. Sometimes loosing the other person is when you realize their true value. For some people it's too late, but for others like you both, the love for each other stayed strong and endured the hardships. Please don't take each other for granted now. Best of luck.

[barky2]

I see a lot of people referring to GIGS as some type of symptom, it's not. It's just an excuse for people to cover up their lack of self-control.

 

Sorry man, it's just my perspective nothing against you in particular.

 

Best of luck.

 

I appreciate your perspective,I truly do.

[travelonic]

I see a lot of people referring to GIGS as some type of symptom, it's not. It's just an excuse for people to cover up their lack of self-control.

 

 

No.

From what I see/understand it's an explanation as to why a specific set of patterns occur the way they do - nothing more, nothing less, self control, inexperience, immaturity all fall into place as components - on the part of the dumper. [hint: the DUMPEES, from what I see, are the one who came up with the name. >_<]

[CptSaveAho]

What does that mean, exactly, in the context of this thread?

 

Most normal people want a relationship built on the foundations of "honesty, trust, respect, admiration, honor, communication, love"

 

There is none of the above in this relationship... I read this thread to me just by their actions it reeks "I can't be alone so I am going to rationalize it and lie to myself saying this will work" (Typical GIGS mindset)

 

I have heard that same bs spewed "Just let it go" so many times in my life. It means lets avoid the big red elephant in the room and we will continue to walk around it being careful not to touch it and disturb it for as long as it takes. Hopefully the elephant will go away. Well what people don't realize is that elephant, doesnt go away, people just try to cover it up.

 

This thread is all about ME ME ME ME... not once did op say he loves her. To him and all GIGS people, its a "Game" The game of wanting what you can't have and they mistake that and the thrill of the chase as "love"

 

Like I said earlier... this party has just begun

[all_cats_rgray]

Most normal people want a relationship built on the foundations of "honesty, trust, respect, admiration, honor, communication, love"

 

There is none of the above in this relationship... I read this thread to me just by their actions it reeks "I can't be alone so I am going to rationalize it and lie to myself saying this will work" (Typical GIGS mindset)

 

I have heard that same bs spewed "Just let it go" so many times in my life. It means lets avoid the big red elephant in the room and we will continue to walk around it being careful not to touch it and disturb it for as long as it takes. Hopefully the elephant will go away. Well what people don't realize is that elephant, doesnt go away, people just try to cover it up.

 

This thread is all about ME ME ME ME... not once did op say he loves her. To him and all GIGS people, its a "Game" The game of wanting what you can't have and they mistake that and the thrill of the chase as "love"

 

Like I said earlier... this party has just begun

 

I'm going to have to agree on some point here.

 

One is the big red elephant, people out of BU. Don't deal with it. aka the red elephant.

 

"JUST let go", is a bs, and ignores. Issues and problems of abandonment, rejection, and WHY did the relationship crashed, why it was not working, and will not work.

 

When people ignore the red elephant they repeat the relationship and the problems over, and over and over again.

 

Do you have that girlfriend that is always dumped, that guy friend that chases shallow women and it does not last.

 

REALLY LOOK AT THE F U C K I N G red elephant. WHY did your relationship crash and burn, why do you feel so bad, guilty angry about it.

 

Everyone gets very nervous when they see someone so happy to be back with their ex. BECAUSE, you aren't really dealing with the issues.

 

AND everyone is just bitter and worried. WORRIED is a never important thing to pay attention to here.

 

Relationships and people create patterns. This relationship looks like it has a very unhealthy pattern. And well they need to be dealt with. JUST because you LET GO, does not mean anything has changed. If you haven't put the effort into looking at the problems with in your self and the relationship.. Patterns will repeat themselves.

 

It just seems a little fast to say.. Happy ending. I'd recommend couples therapy. And remember this is called the get back together honeymoon stage. Ignore the **** thats happen.. stage.

Edited April 21, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[barky2]

How about this...I'm back with my girl. One of us LS ers finally got back our s/o. If your going to hate on it take it somewhere else. My ending id a happy ending.

[CptSaveAho]

yup getting back together with someone you don't love, incapable of showing love to and cheated on numerous times....

 

if you call that happiness... i'd hate to see what you call misery

[ThatJustHappened]

Everyone's story is pretty unique.

 

And to answer your question, you haven't truly let go if you think there's still a chance. If your " letting go" or "doing nc" to get them back....now o understand what homebrew ment on the nc guide!

 

My question was rhetorical. You just made the exact same point I made...

[all_cats_rgray]

How about this...I'm back with my girl. One of us LS ers finally got back our s/o. If your going to hate on it take it somewhere else. My ending id a happy ending.

 

 

The fact you are defensive and hostile proves my point. First the "hate" that your feeling should be understandable to you. And you should be able easily talk about steps of how this is a "happy ending" rather then saying.. well since i'm back with my girl its a "happy ending".

 

The key word here is ending. Unless this is a Disney movie relationship don't end when you guys rid off into the sunset.

 

You know that stuff call communication, hard work is on going, everyday...for yearrsss. You have to remember this is the start to a new relationship, thus no happy ending yet. YET, don't get mad at me. Just because you are willing now dose not mean you know how to. Cause you both did a pretty bad job in the past.

 

Look everyone is happy, hopeful, and wants it to work out. Even the people that say really harsh stuff. But just wondering how things have changed, because everyone here wants to be where you are now.

 

How are you going to make sure this does not happen again?

Edited April 21, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[barky2]

And you wonder why people don't come back to tell their stories because they are put on blast by people who are bitter.

 

Let me break this down since noone can seem to grasp the meaning of letting go.

 

MOVE ON. Stop sitting there pining for someone who doesn't want you in their life. If they wanted you in their life ...you would be there.

Tell yourself its over,there's no chance....its time to find the person your suppose to be with. If its ment to be, its ment to be.

 

 

Now, first off I didn't go into long detail about our long talk before jumping back into this. I love this girl with all my heart....and that goes both ways.

Yes there has been cheating,sure. I fked up, I owned up to it.

That doesn't mean my feelings aren't genuine.

 

 

Let me just say this for the record,I don't need justification from bitter people who are still pining for someone who has left you bitter and hurt

 

My intention was to share a story about how something can be so broken and when two people love each other ,want to be with each other,will do what ever it takes to make it work. That's love.

 

So if you want to come on here and bash me ect...it doesn't affect me, o hope some people can look at this not to give false hope,but sometimes it does happen.

[barky2]

For the record, there will be intense couples therapy.

 

And absolutely 100% agree....we both know the old relationship is dead and gone, it's a new slate. The other times we've tried one of us always had resentment coming into it,doomed from the start.

 

Were both open and clear minded coming into a new relationship, yet with an intense amount of love for each other.

Edited April 21, 2013 by barky2

[OwlSoul]

And you wonder why people don't come back to tell their stories because they are put on blast by people who are bitter.

Welp, I agree and disagree at the same time. I agree with some people being too judgemental perfectly knowing they know hardly anything about the situation. Like calling and telling someone is immature/not healthy/giving diagnoses and etc. This really hurts sometimes.

 

On the other hand, they're most likely to be right.

“It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible....” © Oscar Wilde

 

Sometimes I prefer not to post on this forum, when I catch myself on trying to overjudge people or maybe hurt them. Mostly, the reason for this is that there are so many topics about the people being dumped in the same manner, told the same thing and etc. Long-term poster are probably fed up and feel themselves being really experienced and etc., forgetting to share the experience and best advises without sounding harsh