loredo21 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) So how often do you check your AP or Ap's BS's social media? Any and every site...What do you look at? How long has it been? And why do you do it? Edited April 20, 2013 by loredo21 1
Goodbye Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 As I've confessed, I check the exMM's FB, as well as his wife's. Very limited in what I can see, and not very exciting. Just a compulsion. I don't know of any other sites on which he is involved, so that is the extent of my cyber stalking. I need to stop it all together.
SweetiePie12 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 So how often do you check your AP or Ap's BS's social media? LOL, I don't look at his much. I'd rather hear things from him directly. I think he checks mine often but has cut back on clicking "like" (I know because he told me to my face he saw something I posted, and that he'd seen/liked it (liked it in his mind, not with a click). He must be on my page often, because he's firmly planted in the #1 spot.
SweetiePie12 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 not very exciting. If they're boring, I say keep doing it until it naturally runs its course...
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 LOL, I don't look at his much. I'd rather hear things from him directly. I think he checks mine often but has cut back on clicking "like" (I know because he told me to my face he saw something I posted, and that he'd seen/liked it (liked it in his mind, not with a click). He must be on my page often, because he's firmly planted in the #1 spot. What you see on your page, friends display in whatever order has nothing to do with who is looking at your page, it's displayed as who's page you look at, who you keep in touch with. As far as I know. 1
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I remember reading on here how one of the OW had the passwords to the wife's FB (or something) and read the BS stuff often. I can't recall exactly who it was. Sometimes the stories begin to run together. That's awful and a total invasion of privacy! Anyway, if your (general you) is over, facebook lurking or googling, or following twitter etc., serves no purpose and it does more damage to you, prevents you from moving on and healing. 6
lynn1954 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Loredo21: This is a great question to discuss, thanks for asking. My summary point below is: if checking an AP, AP's BS, exAP, or exAP's BS social media makes you sad or angry, then do whatever you can to stop that compulsion. Re: my exMM, one of his weird characteristics is that he doesn't do social media at all!! He doesn't even text on his cell phone! (Thanks for reminding me that I'm glad I ended the relationship, you just made me smile!) Re: my exH and his OW who is now his wife: when I've gone to view their FB pages, it made me so sad because there were happy pictures of them on vacation or doing activities or whatever. So, after a few times of sticking that sharp stick into my own eye, I ordered myelf to not go and look at their pages. exH is the father of my two children, so when he posts on my son's FB it shows up on my FB because both of us are son's FB friends. There are probably FB settings to suppress my view of anything from him or his wife on my son's FB, but I don't want to suppess because I want to know (or potentially need to know) what they're saying to my son. However, sometimes it makes me sad or angry when I see it. Bottom line is: if viewing anyone's social media makes you sad or angry, then don't view it. 2
SweetiePie12 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 What you see on your page, friends display in whatever order has nothing to do with who is looking at your page, it's displayed as who's page you look at, who you keep in touch with. As far as I know. In my research, Facebook hasn't revealed the exact science of which friends display in the top spot and in what order. But I do know this: among people who pop up on my top friends list are some whose pages I never, ever look at.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 First off...Facebook is a total joke. People show all sorts of rainbows and unicorns, as if their life is perfect-when in reality its the same old same old.... Nothing good comes from stalking someones FB. All its going to do is upset you and set you off course from where you want to be. Healed... Be well and happy weekend everyone... TFOY 4
skylarblue Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I've never checked xMM's or his W's media sites. I don't even know if or which ones he or she has, other than xMM has a Facebook page. We don't and never have communicated that way. I only saw it once from his computer when he was showing me some pictures of his grandchild. I have tried to find things to no avail, more so on her than him. Just curiosity about her and them. Every now and then, I used to do a quick search when I was just kicking around on the web doing nothing, but then I thought "why?" What's the purpose and why does it matter? I haven't or even thought about checking ever since. 1
sunshine6 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 First off...Facebook is a total joke. People show all sorts of rainbows and unicorns, as if their life is perfect-when in reality its the same old same old.... Nothing good comes from stalking someones FB. All its going to do is upset you and set you off course from where you want to be. Healed... Be well and happy weekend everyone... TFOY Glad to hear someone else say this - people either portray all the positivity of their life (even if it's little to none) or they play woe is me through this medium.
JourneyLady Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Loredo21: Re: my exH and his OW who is now his wife: when I've gone to view their FB pages, it made me so sad because there were happy pictures of them on vacation or doing activities or whatever. So, after a few times of sticking that sharp stick into my own eye, I ordered myelf to not go and look at their pages. Ah, you have one of those too, eh? On occasion I have looked. And yeah, I get tired of seeing my daughter reply to their messages that I can't see. (They not only blocked me, but they also blocked my ex-bf, if you can believe that! lol) As to the OP, I check every so often. Most recent ex still has all this stuff on his page about how he loves me and I'm special etc. But he stopped talking to me at all, so I think he is just saving face and not wanting people to ask questions. Though most already know.
AnotherRound Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I don't check them at all. I actually blocked his exW from my site, as it came out that she was checking mine often, and even though I have mine set to private, it just felt odd to me that she was trying to look into my life - especially now, 2 years after I broke up with him. Sometimes, I will check his schedule, so as to avoid going to events that he is sponsoring. I look when I'm making weekend plans, as I'm trying to avoid us running into each other in that way. Other than that, no need/want to check at all. I just add people to my block list - which means I can't see them/theirs either - and find it's better that way. IRL, they wouldn't have access to look in my windows, or talk to me about what I'm doing - so I just don't let them have access online either.
HonestNeurotic Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Never looked ever. Of course, I don't really use FB as a place for ME as in the personal me so much as I use it for activism and yeah, my art. A few groups that are specific to the causes I am engaged in. There are a few old lovers that are my FB followers. Though they were over before I even joined FB. There are at least four degrees of separation between me and my MM. Even if he asked me to, I would not ever accept him as my FB friend. We text, we email - though at a very minimum. I don't know WHY people choose to portray themselves only in a certain light. I know that back in years past, when I did online dating, back around 1999 or so, the people that I met seemed to be amazed that I was who I said that I was. Certainly I don't go out of my way to "advertise" my bad points, my character defects, but I am who I say that I am. Use actual pictures of what I really look like to. I. Don't. Get. That. I also don't get the fascination with being THAT connected. Part of what I like about my MM is that he has absolutely nothing at all to do with my "real" life. Though of course, he can look at my "stuff" on the web. I write a column for an independent news site and I also have my own website under my artist name which is a pseudonym. Both sites collect stats, so I can see who is looking at my stuff, though I use the analytics for marketing purposes, i.e., I seem to be most popular in Europe with my art. It does make a smile come to my face a bit when I see his IP address though. I'm an old IT tech nerd, and while not possessing the skills to be employed in that arena these days, I am hyper aware of what CAN be done. He's an executroid in an IT capacity. Hence, we're both smart enough to not use those connections. I learned back in the 80's - if you don't want it published on the front page of the NYT, don't put it in writing. That said, yes, I am HERE, on LS, but it's highly doubtful that my anonymous status would be breached by anyone, and I certainly don't have anything to HIDE, per se. I follow the "don't say anything about anyone that you aren't willing to say to their face" mantra.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I don't know what that means. If it has to do with Face Book, I despise that POS. I am learning to use Twitter however and last night I got the first follower of national renown because I have been Tweeting two petitions I hope to get enough signatures on to send to the President and I have written on the Daily KOS and other places about a story that could be a national sensation. I won't say who is following me, just that he's a US Senator from a Midwestern state. I plan to keep up the campaign now that I've got the attention of somebody who can do something to change the debate about a certain issue that affects us all. I'm excited as can be that my Tweets are going to this dude's world. And maybe this week I will start being followed by other media folks who might want to make this a story. The petition route takes too long and too much is at stake. That's why I hope Twitter gets me to a serious journalist might see it my way. This Senator sure didn't have to follow me. Let's go me. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 *No FB, Twitter etc. Thank goodness. Not sure if you are aware of this or not, but.... In the eyes of men, your "stock" as a woman is through the roof because of this(no FB/twitter).... 1
Author loredo21 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Not sure if you are aware of this or not, but.... In the eyes of men, your "stock" as a woman is through the roof because of this(no FB/twitter).... No more FB or twitter here! got rid of em. It's Pinterest I cannot live without! 1
Author loredo21 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Sorry to disappoint, TFOY, but I have a FB, xMM doesn't. I have a lot of family & friends separated by distance. FB is useful there. Also, all my favourite bands are in one place on FB, so I know when they're touring etc. I don't play that farming game or whatever though... No Twitter. Don't know how to use it. I am super bummed I got rid of FB ONLY because of the band thing. I have seen so many awesome shows thanks to FB. It is so easy to keep track of them all! 2
DelusionalOne Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Never. Not once. I hurt enough. I'm not willing to torture myself. I deleted him from everything. 3
lifelesson101 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 We were never connected or friends on Facebook, I don't use Twitter at all. I doubt anyone is going to learn anything on Facebook. In my experience, everyone is so freaking pretentious on Facebook it is enough to make you PUKE! I doubt my ex-MM is going to post, "The lil-woman sure is pissed at me after discoivering the affair." Um - Not... I don't stalk him on line. No point. 2
movingon45 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 So how often do you check your AP or Ap's BS's social media? Any and every site...What do you look at? How long has it been? And why do you do it? OUCH! He doesn't have fb thank goodness. But we both have Instagram because we are into photography. I've had to delete my account 3 times because I couldn't stop looking at his account! 7 months after I broke up with him, I am back and can now look at his photos with indifference. I still look because he's a great photographer. I have accepted the fact that I can never forget him, but at least I'm now feeling much better. 1
AnotherRound Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Sorry to disappoint, TFOY, but I have a FB, xMM doesn't. I have a lot of family & friends separated by distance. FB is useful there. Also, all my favourite bands are in one place on FB, so I know when they're touring etc. I don't play that farming game or whatever though... No Twitter. Don't know how to use it. That damn farming game is SO stupid - but I can't stop playing the stupid thing! lol I know it's a waste of time, and so silly - but eh, it passes the time some days. I hoard animals on that game... I'm living out my animal hoarding fantasy on there... lol 1
DelusionalOne Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 That damn farming game is SO stupid - but I can't stop playing the stupid thing! lol I know it's a waste of time, and so silly - but eh, it passes the time some days. I hoard animals on that game... I'm living out my animal hoarding fantasy on there... lol LOL ... FV2 I play it too... Level 44 and I haven't spent a dime to Zynga. It's mindless. Sometimes mindless is good. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Not sure if you are aware of this or not, but.... In the eyes of men, your "stock" as a woman is through the roof because of this(no FB/twitter).... Not sure what this means? But I got rid of fb a long time ago. His bs uses it to portray something that isn't real and most people do - its narcissistic - anyway, nope - I can't and won't look. That knowledge of what they are or aren't doing doesn't change what is right now. It only serves to hurt me so it doesn't really matter what they post - if I don't see it I can't be hurt so I won't subject myself to that any longer. It's masochistic.
BrokenPrincess Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I am actually REALLY surprised to read that so many of you don't or have never checked your APs social media! Does this mean you actively use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and don't ever check your APs page? Wow, I'm impressed. Also I must be a super weakling because I checked social media all the time with xMM. When we were "friends", I liked seeing the pics of what he was doing (example-we were chatting a day he was out fishing, and later I could see the pics of their catches & how sunburned he said they'd gotten) Post DDay (not friends anymore), I did still try to look but the few new things I saw, definitely stung (his birthday, holidays, looking happy with W). I just tried to remind myself that if someone was looking at my page, it would be the same. They wouldn't know all the inner turmoil and depression I was internalizing in the months after my A ended. On my end, I actually changed a couple of my fb pics to public view, thinking maybe he'd want to look some day. I did find out later that he'd been pulling my page up quite often during our 4 months of NC.
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