unsettled3 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Quick question... If you and your spouse were in your mid to late 30's and struggling financially but one of you had the opportunity to move home (1000 miles away) to get a higher paying job would you consider that? The scenerio I am asking is that the one who has always been the breadwinner moves but the other spouse stays as there is a home that has to be dealt with and no opportunity just yet for them to move as well. No kids and some issues with the marriage (happiness on the breadwinners part). Is this an automatic death sentance for the marriage in your opinion?
Author unsettled3 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Technically yes but that really is over... I honestly wasn't even thinking of that. This job will pay me almost 40% more, I love the company and would fit right in. The only thing that would hold me back would be to worry about husband.
Author unsettled3 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) I see it as paying down debt, saving money and re-evaluating in 3-6 months...maybe spouse follows or other spouse goes back... Current job for leaving spouse is doomed... layoffs are coming within a month almost certain so leave now make a lot more Spouse who is staying needs to step up and may benefit from having to push harder too so... Just feeling like as well as friends telling me even if the marriage was perfect its a no brainer as its a good opportunity... not long term but for the immediate future. I have a friend who moved to the US (we are in Canada) that I think may be too far. Edited April 21, 2013 by unsettled3
pink_sugar Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Only if it was a very temporary situation, otherwise you aren't really a married couple.
january2011 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Why can't you rent out your house so that he moves with you? If he's not working, why can't he move as well? You don't have any kids, so what else is tying him to your current location? If you move together, perhaps this could be a new start for both of you. Unless, you want to use this as an exit strategy and get away from him. 3
2sunny Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Is there a reason your H can't hold a job? It must be difficult respecting a man you can't count on and respect.
Author unsettled3 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 He does have a job here now. His track record with working is not great but right now he is working so to move him along with no job would make the financial situation worse. I am not using as an exit strategy at all but I do need to clear my head... Maybe seeing how he does without me will help, i don't know. I just know I can't keep on the path we have been on..
Fugu Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) I think people need to be open-minded and flexible in a marriage. People are telling you that moving apart would be a death sentence for the marriage, but I can assure you that struggling to make ends meet is also a possible death sentence in a marriage. My wife and I have lived apart before - still quite happily married. I had to take a job out of state because there simply were no jobs in the area where we were and she had a good paying job that I didn't want her to feel compelled to give up. Rigidity. Close-mindedness. Not wanting to help each other out and support each other. Those are the things that destroy a marriage. Obviously, living apart is not the ideal, and I agree that every effort should be made to be living under one roof ASAP. But people gotta do what they gotta do. These are hard economic times. People need to adjust. Maybe the deeper issue here is, you're actually quietly beginning to resent being the breadwinner and having to do all the work in the marriage. I think that might be the deeper issue here, and to be honest, these are not abnormal feelings. Maybe this new job is a turning point for him, or maybe not. I think you may need time to assess his capabilities and willingness to step up to the plate to help your marriage. Maybe distance and a new job would be helpful in this regard - I really don't know. You have to make that call. Edited April 22, 2013 by Fugu
LittleTiger Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 If you want your marriage to end this is an ideal way to do it. 2007 my husband was unhappy in his job and our marriage was in trouble - no infidelity, just not getting along for all sorts of reasons. 2008 he took a job overseas as a temporary measure - change of scene for him and enough money to keep us afloat (I was left to run our joint business alone). 2009 he extended his contract overseas without discussing it with me and then announced he wanted out of the marriage. 1
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