Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 OP, if the person in this thread, apparently being seen casually for about ten days or so, going out to breakfast followed by a 'make out session' at his place followed by no contact indicates to me that you're a short term option and, given your disclosure about lack of interest in casual sex, an unproductive one for his 'normal' style. Perhaps you can clarify if the details are off. Hey yes it is the same person We have been seeing each other for 3 weeks and have gone out on 9 dates (I just counted them). I say casual because like I mentioned I am relocating. We both agreed not to take it too seriously but we are both open at the idea of something more developing and at visiting each other if that were to happen... I guess it was a good shot at getting myself out there after my ex but you guys are probably right I should let this one go
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 You know he only has 4 free hours any day he has a 12 hour shift for doing everything he has to including eating, showering, and working out if he does that. In a week if 12 hour shifts are the norm he could be working 36-72 hours. After a 60 or 72 hour week I'd crash like the Hindenburg and have a hard time getting back up. today is his free day so he does not have to work until sunday night but friday nights during his night shift he usually sleeps so last saturday for example we were together all day from like 2 pm until midnight
tbf Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Since the two of you have gone on 9 dates, what's his normal pattern for setting up the next date?
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Hey yes it is the same person We have been seeing each other for 3 weeks and have gone out on 9 dates (I just counted them). I say casual because like I mentioned I am relocating. We both agreed not to take it too seriously but we are both open at the idea of something more developing and at visiting each other if that were to happen... I guess it was a good shot at getting myself out there after my ex but you guys are probably right I should let this one go He can't have sex with you outside of a relationship and these casual encounters for all practical purposes can't develop into a relationship since you're relocating. Even if it did it would be long distance. That's a bit of a catch 22 with the solution being about as sexless as what you have. Expecting an adult to stay celibate for any appreciable amount of time is unreasonable. He may have done the math and it is coming up short. He could be disinvesting or he could be playing this more casual than you wish or are capable since there is no certainty.
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Since the two of you have gone on 9 dates, what's his normal pattern for setting up the next date? 1st: he asked me that same day 2nd: he asked me the day before and then texted me that same day to confirm that we were going to the movies 3rd: this was actually totally spontaneous we bumped into each other at an event and then made plans right there to see each other after the event was over. This was the first time we kissed 4th: we made plans at the event we bumped into each other to go to the beach the next day 5th: I asked him that same day if he wanted to have ice cream 6th: he asked me to have breakfast with him with 2 days of anticipation 7th: he asked me the day before and i actually cancelled plans i was feeling lukewarm about in order to go 8th: he asked me on the spot and I went and had a drink with him 9th: he asked me 2 days in advance for the breakfast
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 He can't have sex with you outside of a relationship and these casual encounters for all practical purposes can't develop into a relationship since you're relocating. Even if it did it would be long distance. That's a bit of a catch 22 with the solution being about as sexless as what you have. Expecting an adult to stay celibate for any appreciable amount of time is unreasonable. He may have done the math and it is coming up short. He could be disinvesting or he could be playing this more casual than you wish or are capable since there is no certainty. I think adult are perfectly capable of staying celibate but I agree that maybe it is a catch 22
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I think adult are perfectly capable of staying celibate but I agree that maybe it is a catch 22 They can but you'll find few who will prefer it.
tbf Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 6th: he asked me to have breakfast with him with 2 days of anticipation 9th: he asked me 2 days in advance for the breakfastOf these two with 2 days advance, did he give place and time during the asking or when/how did he firm up plans?
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Of these two with 2 days advance, did he give place and time during the asking or when/how did he firm up plans? yes to place. One of them he gave me time, the other it was just by agreement that whenever he would get out of his shift we would meet which is usually around 9 am he could be sleeping and he could text me when he wakes up but still I found the whole thing super flaky compared to past attempts
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 They can but you'll find few who will prefer it. i dont know i guess i find the idea of a man who is willing to wait a couple of months to sleep with me sexy
tbf Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 yes to place. One of them he gave me time, the other it was just by agreement that whenever he would get out of his shift we would meet which is usually around 9 am he could be sleeping and he could text me when he wakes up but still I found the whole thing super flaky compared to past attemptsMaybe but if you also look at the pattern of your dates, a lot of them were spontaneous and with little notice, where you'd drop your plans to be with him. In doing so, you haven't set up any boundaries of how your time matters too. That said, he might be flaking since his ego got hurt over the "no sex outside of relationships". I wouldn't contact him or make other plans. Just see what he does and if he doesn't contact, it's time to move on. 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Maybe but if you also look at the pattern of your dates, a lot of them were spontaneous and with little notice, where you'd drop your plans to be with him. In doing so, you haven't set up any boundaries of how your time matters too. That said, he might be flaking since his ego got hurt over the "no sex outside of relationships". I wouldn't contact him or make other plans. Just see what he does and if he doesn't contact, it's time to move on. you guys are right i hate men. and dating
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 you guys are right i hate men. and dating You give off the impression you are overly invested in something that was suppose to be casual.
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 You give off the impression you are overly invested in something that was suppose to be casual. I always get invested in everything i do
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I always get invested in everything i do Casual might not be the kind of dating you can get comfortable with.
JourneyLady Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am super clueless when it comes to men what does it mean when someone you are seeing casually (no sex of course) takes you out to breakfast on thursday and says lets do something saturday but does not make a concrete plan and does not follow up? I am starting to think I should make alternate plans I haven't heard from him since thursday morning should I have been the one to make the plans? or the time? I mean does he expect to just call me up at some point during the day and that I will be waiting for him or something? Yeah, don't ever wait for a guy like that. If they treat you that way during the initial stages, it only gets worse later on. 1
crude Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 This is the kind of things that proves the stereotypes are garbage. If men are such pursuers and hunters who don't want things to be easy, why is he so casual with you and willing to risk losing you with no sex? Also, when two people (let's say friends) begin making plans, one person suggests you spend Saturday together,the other chimes in with the time they prefer, and they go back and forth working out the details together. In dating, the books claim the man should do the initiating and present the details while the woman stands there like a passive dope. As a result, sometimes things are left up in the air and your time is wasted. If the guy suggests you spend some time on Saturday, jump in there, contribute, nail down the details, do your share, don't just be the stereotype that sexists claim is the only way to go. 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 I'm so confused you realize most people have said different things on here
BluEyeL Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 This is the kind of things that proves the stereotypes are garbage. If men are such pursuers and hunters who don't want things to be easy, why is he so casual with you and willing to risk losing you with no sex? Also, when two people (let's say friends) begin making plans, one person suggests you spend Saturday together,the other chimes in with the time they prefer, and they go back and forth working out the details together. In dating, the books claim the man should do the initiating and present the details while the woman stands there like a passive dope. As a result, sometimes things are left up in the air and your time is wasted. If the guy suggests you spend some time on Saturday, jump in there, contribute, nail down the details, do your share, don't just be the stereotype that sexists claim is the only way to go. I kinda agree with this,sort of. The books are right in general terms and in some aspects (men need to do the initial approach, follow up first most of the time etc), but some (like the Rules) are way too rigid. Like if he doesn't do that, he's not interested, move on. In OLD is kinda hard to get super interested right away, I think interest starts somewhere, and then is built over time and being overly passive cannot help that, it creates some misunderstandings and maybe something good can be lost. I think we need to take everything case by case and try to understand the other person. In this case, this guy is the "spontaneous" type, but also I don't see a future here, for the reasons others stated (especially the moving away part). He shouldn't leave you hanging, but you could have also asked and double checked, then made other plans.
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I'm so confused you realize most people have said different things on here You'll do what comes naturally.
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 You'll do what comes naturally. what comes naturally to me is usually something stupid 1
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 what comes naturally to me is usually something stupid That's how we got chocolate chip cookies. Something stupid.
crude Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I'm so confused you realize most people have said different things on here I was just thinking that if a woman said we should spend some time together on Saturday, it'd be normal for her to expect me to start discussing what we should do on Saturday. If I just stood there dumbfounded, waiting for her to work out all the details and present the itinerary to me, she might think I wasn't all that interested, and might very well walk away and forget about Saturday. Men actually do want women to contribute and show interest, not play it aloof and leave all the running up to him.
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 he finally texted he wrote" "hi how are you? long time no talk" me: "good and you?" him: "good. I woke up a while ago. I am going to go out with my cousin and my brother. The beach is cancelled. for the beach (which is what we had discussed at some point during the week). me: yes, today was not a good day for the beach him: what did you do today? me: brunch. him: you've been lost! you don't text me anymore! me: well, you haven't called me or texted me either. him: you're mad?? I have been really busy working but I haven't forgotten about you... NEXT!
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