eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am super clueless when it comes to men what does it mean when someone you are seeing casually (no sex of course) takes you out to breakfast on thursday and says lets do something saturday but does not make a concrete plan and does not follow up? I am starting to think I should make alternate plans I haven't heard from him since thursday morning should I have been the one to make the plans? or the time? I mean does he expect to just call me up at some point during the day and that I will be waiting for him or something?
Treasa Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 If he was the one to bring up doing something on Saturday, he should have made sure you were available for a certain time, and made sure it was a definite. If he's being this careless with your time, then I think you have the perfectly right idea with making alternate plans. He'll figure out that you aren't going to sit around waiting on him. 6
Archgirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am super clueless when it comes to men what does it mean when someone you are seeing casually (no sex of course) takes you out to breakfast on thursday and says lets do something saturday but does not make a concrete plan and does not follow up? I am starting to think I should make alternate plans I haven't heard from him since thursday morning should I have been the one to make the plans? or the time? I mean does he expect to just call me up at some point during the day and that I will be waiting for him or something? It means he's lazy and you are allowing him to be by making it easy for him. Make other plans. It doesn't matter why he hasn't made firm arrangements with you - why should yo have to sit around waiting to find out , it just makes you feel insecure and self-doubtful -get out there and have a fun weekend. Then even if he does contact you wanting to see you, too bad you're busy living your happy full life which doesn't revolve around him. And same goes for if you never hear from him again. I guarantee if he does actually like you, he will start making plans with you in advance once you are unavailable a few times. Also: Hhihihihihihi Eleanor! 7
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 It means "Hmmm this sounds like a good idea in the moment and because I'm with you right now....but I'll probably forget or get lazy about following up when Saturday actually comes, and do nothing or something else entirely different" If they're not making it clear to you, then let it in one ear and out the other. A guy who is really into you will follow up, don't be "confused" and if men ask or say something about it because you ended up busy, tell them if they wanted to get together you would have been expected to be asked out by them or arrangements to be made. Some people are faithful to their commitments, even if they are very loose, but that should be communicated, without the communication or having a strong impression or sense that this person will follow through because that's been their behavior/pattern, then just don't take their word for it, by then they would have showed strong progressive interest anyway. 2
curlygirl40 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yup agreeing with the other posters here. If he contacts you today and you say 'oh, sorry when I didn't hear from you I made other plans' then he will know he needs to step it up if he wants to see you again. You teach people how to treat you. Even if those plans are sitting in your pj's watching Pretty Woman, you have plans. 6
sillyanswer Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am super clueless when it comes to men what does it mean when someone you are seeing casually (no sex of course) takes you out to breakfast on thursday and says lets do something saturday but does not make a concrete plan and does not follow up? What was your response when he said "let's do something saturday" ? Maybe he went away from breakfast thinking you weren't interested.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I doubt it will make him step up. There are men that are planners and those that are not. It's more down to personality. Super spontaneous types never worked for me.
Author eleanorhurting Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 What was your response when he said "let's do something saturday" ? Maybe he went away from breakfast thinking you weren't interested. I am pretty sure it was something along the lines of yes although I can't remember exactly what I said! I was pretty excited! maybe I need to point something out. After breakfast we ended up having a make out session in his couch and this is when the conversation happened. The make out session ended with me kindly reminding him that I am NOT into sex outside of relationships. He seemed OK with it he was mostly sleepy. He works the night shift so although it was my breakfast it was his dinner after working 12 hours straight... not that it should matter when you really like someone. I don't know I guess this was just a fun fling anyway maybe now that the sex is 100% out of the equation for him he lost interest 1
Archgirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yup agreeing with the other posters here. If he contacts you today and you say 'oh, sorry when I didn't hear from you I made other plans' then he will know he needs to step it up if he wants to see you again. You teach people how to treat you. Even if those plans are sitting in your pj's watching Pretty Woman, you have plans. ^^^^^ Yup! Luv ya style! And also: those were my plans! Only it was a six pack, chinese take-out and Ghostbusters 3
Archgirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am pretty sure it was something along the lines of yes although I can't remember exactly what I said! I was pretty excited! maybe I need to point something out. After breakfast we ended up having a make out session in his couch and this is when the conversation happened. The make out session ended with me kindly reminding him that I am NOT into sex outside of relationships. He seemed OK with it he was mostly sleepy. He works the night shift so although it was my breakfast it was his dinner after working 12 hours straight... not that it should matter when you really like someone. I don't know I guess this was just a fun fling anyway maybe now that the sex is 100% out of the equation for him he lost interest Maybe he was just too sleepy to remember I think there's a good chance you'll hear from him again, just stick to your guns and don't contact him first without good reason. Kissies!
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am super clueless when it comes to men what does it mean when someone you are seeing casually (no sex of course) takes you out to breakfast on thursday and says lets do something saturday but does not make a concrete plan and does not follow up? I am starting to think I should make alternate plans I haven't heard from him since thursday morning should I have been the one to make the plans? or the time? I mean does he expect to just call me up at some point during the day and that I will be waiting for him or something? OK. Here's the thing. If he's a desirable guy, he has other women as options who are as good or better than you. And if doesn't, he knows they will pop up eventually. So, he's not going to put in maximum effort. In this case, YOU have to put in the effort. Chase him around a little bit. If you don't want to do that, then settle for one of those nice, less desirable guys that chase you around and worship the ground you walk on. As for myself, if I tell someone that I'm going to do something, then I do it. I wasn't always like that. But from years of getting blown off by friends, I've decided to never blow off people myself. So, I don't care if you're a Victoria's Secret model I have a date with or a 75 year old man I'm having coffee with. If I say that we'll hang Saturday, then we will, or I'll come up with a good excuse as to why I can't make it. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I actually think that contacting him about Saturday would NOT decrease his interest level. Sigh. Too much game playing all around. You could just remove the anxiety with direct communication, especially since he already suggested Sat. 2
sillyanswer Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am pretty sure it was something along the lines of yes although I can't remember exactly what I said! I was pretty excited! maybe I need to point something out. After breakfast we ended up having a make out session in his couch and this is when the conversation happened. The make out session ended with me kindly reminding him that I am NOT into sex outside of relationships. He seemed OK with it he was mostly sleepy. He works the night shift so although it was my breakfast it was his dinner after working 12 hours straight... not that it should matter when you really like someone. I don't know I guess this was just a fun fling anyway maybe now that the sex is 100% out of the equation for him he lost interest Ahh! Maybe he felt rejected and got butthurt by that, or focussed more on your actions (no sex) than your words (no sex until relationship). We do often give people advice to look at what people do rather than what they say, afterall! You could call him, you know. Your phone does work in that direction! If you're stubbornly "waiting" for him to call then that's what I call playing games, especially if you really are interested. On the other hand, if you'd prefer to be doing something else then go and make plans to be doing something else. 1
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I actually think that contacting him about Saturday would NOT decrease his interest level. Sigh. Too much game playing all around. You could just remove the anxiety with direct communication, especially since he already suggested Sat. and if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. Plenty of time I am guessing to do other things. 1
sillyanswer Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I actually think that contacting him about Saturday would NOT decrease his interest level. Sigh. Too much game playing all around. You could just remove the anxiety with direct communication, especially since he already suggested Sat. Totally agree, and you put it much better than I did. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Totally agree, and you put it much better than I did. Are you flirting with me?
Archgirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I actually think that contacting him about Saturday would NOT decrease his interest level. Sigh. Too much game playing all around. You could just remove the anxiety with direct communication, especially since he already suggested Sat. I know right!?! Wouldn't it be great if the early stages of dating actually worked like that!
carhill Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am starting to think I should make alternate plans Carhill likes this. It's normal to leave things in the nebula when one's interest isn't substantial or where one has died in the interim. 1
Archgirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I know right!?! Wouldn't it be great if the early stages of dating actually worked like that! Hmm and also but I was too late to edit: But there's nothing like appearing nagging and needy too early on to scare guys off. It's not nice and it's dreadfully unfair but that's what she risks by contact him. He suggested it, if he doesn't follow through...? If you really want to contact him El, don't do it on the weekend, do it after and say something like that you are sorry you didnt get to see each other over the weekend and that you hope he had a good one. And see what his response is then.
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I actually think that contacting him about Saturday would NOT decrease his interest level. Sigh. Too much game playing all around. You could just remove the anxiety with direct communication, especially since he already suggested Sat. What a novel concept. Communication, treating people like people, and not blowing people off whether you are romantically interested in them or not. An amazing idea. I wonder if it will catch on?
carhill Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 OP, if the person in this thread, apparently being seen casually for about ten days or so, going out to breakfast followed by a 'make out session' at his place followed by no contact indicates to me that you're a short term option and, given your disclosure about lack of interest in casual sex, an unproductive one for his 'normal' style. Perhaps you can clarify if the details are off.
KathyM Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I haven't read the whole thread, but wanted to point out that some men are like this, and some women too. They like to be spontaneous and not make concrete plans in advance. It doesn't mean lack of interest, or laziness, it's just their casual style. My sister had dated a guy like this. A really great guy, and she dumped him for this very reason. He would suggest doing something on Saturday, and if he waited until Saturday to call and make plans, she'd be mad by that time and refuse to do anything and tell him she made other plans. He wasn't intending to blow her off or anything. They were really into each other in every other way. They had been dating about three months. But she was like you where she expected the man to take all the initiative in planning and arranging dates. And she lost (dumped) a great guy because of this. I think the thing to do would have been when he suggested on Thursday that you get together on Saturday, that would have been the time for you to step up and suggest a specific time and dating idea. You could have said, for example, "Great. Would you be interested in going to the beach on Saturday? We could leave in the morning, and maybe have dinner at this one really great little restaurant down there that I know. My treat." So you take the initiative about the dating plan and not leave everything up to him and whether he calls or not. He suggested getting together and the day. You can take it from there, and should have, rather than waiting for whether or not he will call. Some people are just not good at planning dates. Some are more spontaneous people that aren't so inclined to make plans in advance. You can train these guys and take some of the initiative yourself, and not leave it all up to him and whether he calls or not on that day. He may have forgotten that he suggested Saturday if no concrete plans were made at the time.
Disinterested Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 You know he only has 4 free hours any day he has a 12 hour shift for doing everything he has to including eating, showering, and working out if he does that. In a week if 12 hour shifts are the norm he could be working 36-72 hours. After a 60 or 72 hour week I'd crash like the Hindenburg and have a hard time getting back up.
iris219 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am pretty sure it was something along the lines of yes although I can't remember exactly what I said! I was pretty excited! maybe I need to point something out. After breakfast we ended up having a make out session in his couch and this is when the conversation happened. The make out session ended with me kindly reminding him that I am NOT into sex outside of relationships. He seemed OK with it he was mostly sleepy. He works the night shift so although it was my breakfast it was his dinner after working 12 hours straight... not that it should matter when you really like someone. I don't know I guess this was just a fun fling anyway maybe now that the sex is 100% out of the equation for him he lost interest This. ^ He didn't exactly lose interest. He realized you guys weren't on the same page and that there was no point in continuing dating. Move on!
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