omit Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I shall get straight to the point, I was in a long term relationship which ended recently. It ended because of an argument the argument started because I couldn't tell my partner that I was unhappy with my job were it was going or was not going. There was plans for me to move in with her and I was not sure that was for me. I found the unhappiness with job and some other things in life rather consuming. It affected our relationship I felt, after the argument I told my partner how all this had been building up and affecting my ability to feel any thing positive. My partner said she felt that what I was saying was not what was happening, She also said that she couldn't keep falling out or dealing with my lack of emotional consistency. Recently my sudden realisation is that I don't want to be with any one else, that what I had with her was great and that I should focus on that and to hell with any thing else. I recently told her exactly how I felt, her response was that if we were to get back together it would be because she feels bad and that this would not be the right reason. Recently I found out that she's joined an online dateing site looking for some one new, I'm not sure what else I can do, I sent flowers to her work and said how I feel. I feel sort of over a barrel almost with the dateing site thing we have barely split up two weeks ago. Would further pursuit of her drive her away?
Darren Steez Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 She's joined an online dating site looking for someone new. Says it all doesn't it? You probably don't want to hear this but she's moved on. She looks like she wanted a provider, someone who makes decisions and gets things done, sounds like she was unhappy for a long time because of the indecision and lack of commitment. That builds up resentment, so now she's free and looking for someone new. I'd back off, do what you have to do in terms of sorting yourself out, you can't force her into making any decisions about you and being over clingy will just make you look weak and desperate. Don't make the mistake of begging and jumping to answer every text or call. Play it cool, stress you would like to be with her but you're not going to follow her around like a puppy dog. This..if you two do get back together in the future might be a chance to reset this relationship and move forward together as equals.. but for god's sake..don't smother her and blow up her phone ok. 1
Author omit Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Darren thanks for replying, I think your right. I have stopped contacting her I guess there is not much more I can say.
Author omit Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 27, two years looking at what she's doing well a mate of mines on the site too seen the profile and decided to tell me. May be right now it doesn't matter who ended it. Was not my idea to end it, I wanted time to get things straight and She wanted to make a decision on the spot as to what we are going to do. The job being the reason is not quite right but I do see were your point is and I agree
Author omit Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 just realised I was vague there about what problem was, in a nut shell I was not exactly happy with any thing really emotionally empty. Too much alcohol mixing with the wrong people. I also allowed other peoples opinion to influence how I seen things, This is really first time I've actually stopped to think what's happening. She was always my sun shine and I tried to keep my **** away from dampening that.
Author omit Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 yea reading over it, looks that way original post of mine didn't have the whole deal. Your right
Author omit Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) I think your next point would be who's going to go back to that, I believe I can change. I was surprised that it seems so simple for her just find some one else. I don't think I could do that Edited April 21, 2013 by omit
Author omit Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 I hate to say it but I think every one is right, Some times I hope for the opportunity to try again. The odds don't look good on that score. I don't want to be one of these people that just hurt other people and push other people away. I know some times people do end up on their own, at least two people in my family that is the case. I find it hard understanding who I am and what I want.
Author omit Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Would making an attempt to contact her about it be such a bad thing?
maiden555 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 My situation is kind of similar. My long distance bf of 2+ years wouldn't move out to be closer to me or in with me, supposedly because of paying off loans. He could have found a better paying job but didn't (couldn't? I dont know). I started to press him more about our future and he wanted to be together but didn't have any ideas or enthusiasm about it. He struggled with depression and not getting the teaching job he went to grad school for because of the economy. To me, he just didn't want us badly enough to make those moves. I wanted someone who felt passionate about me, who wanted to be near me. I loved him more than anyone but it began breaking my spirit that he wouldn't plan a future with me. It was hard seeing other couples who moved in together or even just talked about a future. He blamed it on other circumstances but I felt abandoned, rejected, and like he saw me as not worth it. He got so angry after we broke up that it makes me think he thinks I ended it, but to me, HE ended it by not stepping up to the plate. Did you tell your girlfriend you weren't sure about moving in? How did you phrase that? It can be a hard thing to hear. How long has it been? Space can help both parties figure out what they want. I wouldn't think the online dating is the end of the world, I've been on a site for 2 months and haven't chosen to go out with anyone because I'm just not ready. It makes me feel better to know there are options and there is hope. If you're thinking there was misunderstanding, maybe you should contact her. I have been thinking about doing that myself lately, though I can't tell how receptive he is. It just kills me to think that he maybe didn't understand why I had to go. All I ever wanted was for us to be close. But I felt like I had no choice if he wasn't going to be passionate about us. I wouldn't usually recommend this, but in this situation it couldn't hurt to just let her know how you're feeling and what is/was going through your mind. Well, it could hurt, but I think it's important to clear up any miscommunication as soon as you can. 1
sweetjess1951 Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 You sound like my ex. He is SO unhappy with his life. He really took it out on me and basically ruined my relationship. Although it is day 25 and he hasn't realized anything yet. I treated him like GOLD
Author omit Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 maiden I'm not sure I did tell her shortly after how I felt. My big mistake was I kept the two separate if I was finding that things were not so great in life in general I tried to deal with it on my own alone. I should have been sharing and keeping focused on what actually matters being her and our relationship. I have this sinking feeling some times, comes a time in life when second chances don't come along. Supposed to be at a stage were making the right decision rationally should be possible. I also don't think text messages would make a difference, I have been doing the no contact thing recently. Some times I feel like this has happened to me because I failed to act and failed to act in the right way. Its hard to do nothing and believe that either way it will be ok. I know for a fact that I want to be with her, but I accept I was completely wrong and I have to be able to take the consequence at same time.
Author omit Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 we are not contacting each other it seems, I would like to make contact but I don't think I can find the words to make the difference.
Author omit Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I had to try something if people refuse to talk or ignore each other, what hope is there can I actually fix this or is it done and I need to get used to that.
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