lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Nofool4u- There are all types of people out there who have fallen into a 'cheating' relationship. Some of them might be fickle ones who just want to liven things up. But there are others. Please understand that I agree it is a sign of weakness...I get that. But not all cheaters sought out someone to be unfaithful with. I have been married a dozen years. I've never so much as LOOKED at another man with those thoughts. I'm not one of those girls that even lusts after good looking movie stars. For me its all about connection and personality. I could have cheated many times. I'm not the best looking person but I've been told I have a magnetic personality and an air of confidence (which is now in the toilet). I've always had my filters set really high and very strict boundaries. I don't even have friends that are male. I don't think a married person needs friends of the opposite gender. For someone to get around my walls and boundaries required extreme compatibility and extreme chemistry...and a captive audience (where you have to see each other). Just hope this NEVER happens to you! You never know that perfect woman you meet one day might be married (and didn't tell you) or separated (and oops...needs to go back and give it one more try) or already in a relationship. It's just HELL on earth and believe me for the ones that weren't in it for ****s and giggles the punishment is built into the crime. I could have written this post almost verbatim. I had high, thick walls around me - no one penetrated them - NO ONE - not even my husband really. Then came xMM....the rest is history.
Coolit Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 What happened that you no longer had sex with your spouse? Was that before the affair? My husband isn't physically attracted to me. I have not gained weight but I am older.
2.50 a gallon Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 For a brief period after the breakup of my marriage I had sex with about half a dozen of my co-workers. It was all about sex. Two of them claimed that I was the second man they had had sex with. Another I was the third, the others claimed I was the fifth. Other than one, they were all in their 30's, married over ten years, had children and two had teenagers at home All of them were totally unsatisfied and frustrated with their sex lives. As Coolit says, their sex lives had almost totally died. And when they did have sex, it was no longer loving, but rather for their H to get his jollies. No long sessions. All of them with children, were no longer seen by their H's as their lovers, but rather the caretaker of their children, the one who cleans and does the cooking. The one who was under 30, had been with her H for almost a decade, they met in college, and married after graduating, and then put off having kids until they were financially ready. With their 5 year anniversary coming up, they had decided to go off BC, and hoped to conceive on their anniversary. She was all excited about it. A week before their anniversary, her H informed her he would not be in town that weekend as he and a friend were off to watch a poker tournament. When he got back on Monday his marriage was over.
Author selfawareness Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 My husband isn't physically attracted to me. I have not gained weight but I am older. Sorry to hear this. Thank you for answering, maybe he has other issues, I don't think he "stopped liking" you out of the clear blue sky. My wife thought I didn't like her but I have never loved/liked anyone like I have her. There were issues on my end, and she explained things away saying that she didn't think I liked her anymore. It's ironic that someone can be so loved/liked/desired yet due to issues the other person feels unwanted, ugly, lacking, inadequate ... Her past, though very mild, had me really angry for years, she didn't think I liked/loved her ... she is the woman of my dreams and that's precisely why I was so pissed ... things are awesome now, we have grown so close through communication and resilient love but there for a while it was HELL on earth.
Coolit Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 He likes me. He loves me. His feeligs towards me have just become platonic (his words). I am the coward and biatch for not just leaving but instead fulfilling that outside the marriage at his expense.
Ladydrib Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Hi thank you in advance for reading my post. I'd like to hear from a WW with a conservative, reserved, 'puritan,' 'good,' background. If you're a WW who was a virgin when you got married, maybe just one bf but never had sex with him, a woman who believed in chastity until marriage, and then you found yourself being a WW ... would you please share your story. Would you 'enlighten' me as to how you went from being such a 'pure' woman into having an affair? I'm not so much interested in hearing about how bad your husband/marriage became but rather what happened to your altruistic morals? What was the process by which you caved in, into the very thing you 'hated'? If there is a WW who doesn't fit this profile yet you understand the gist of what I'm trying to understand, please feel free to share as well. I was grudgingly and aggressively against infidelity and never even considered the possibility that I would become guilty of it. The best way I can describe it is staying in a marriage out of commitment alone until the point of extreme deprivation and then what you are missing suddenly appears and before you realize it you are guilty of what you thought you would never do. I imagine it is similar to what happens to straight people in prison. Whether it is physical intamacy which drives you or emotional intimacy. In my case it was emotional which turned physical. And yes because I'm so rigidly against infidelity, I do hate myself now and feel like a ruined person.
Journee Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 (edited) Sorry to hear this. Thank you for answering, maybe he has other issues, I don't think he "stopped liking" you out of the clear blue sky. My wife thought I didn't like her but I have never loved/liked anyone like I have her. There were issues on my end, and she explained things away saying that she didn't think I liked her anymore. It's ironic that someone can be so loved/liked/desired yet due to issues the other person feels unwanted, ugly, lacking, inadequate ... Her past, though very mild, had me really angry for years, she didn't think I liked/loved her ... she is the woman of my dreams and that's precisely why I was so pissed ... things are awesome now, we have grown so close through communication and resilient love but there for a while it was HELL on earth. My H and I have similar issues as I have a pretty disturbing past complete with abuse of the psychological/sexual/physical varieties. I never believed I deserved my husband and his love. Could not believe he wanted me and loved me. I pushed him away. I am embarrassed and disgusted that I hurt him by constantly questioning his love...I'm broken and he tried to fix me. I pushed him to the brink. Most men would had given up on Not him. He and I separated because of another issue and he started seeing another woman. Before this, he had done everything to heal us. He met OW at the time I was letting my guard down. It was almost too late. I was pregnant with our second child. He asked to come home when we found out I was pregnant. I was afraid he only wanted to come home because he felt obligated. I thought we were working towards getting back on track when I learned of OW. He resented me and felt abandoned. He was scared I didn't want him anymore. In reality he is all I eve wanted. The exact thing I was so scared of from him ,I did to him. Seeing my own mother abandon me scared me to thinking everyone would. His A woke us both up. We recommitted and have been communicating amazingly. We almost lost it all. One's past can haunt them for many many years. I still struggle. Even with him forsaking all others. He came home when he could had kept his freedom. He wanted me despite myself and I him. Letting go is freedom. Freedom to be happy. To Live. I hope you both can allow yourselves to be happy and love one another. Edited April 28, 2013 by Journee 1
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