Star Gazer Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 NO. Do NOT end it by email. That's cowardly. He's gone down on you, and shared a deep secret. Do NOT end it by email. 2
Star Gazer Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I just don't feel that my interest is reciprocated. Also, you go on and on about this being the reason why you're ending it. But it's really not, is it? You've already lost interest, because of the "nigging feeling" you have about him, based on the things written in a post above. And it's that lost interest that is the reason you're ending it. If you're going to express why you want to end it, you need to be honest. Otherwise, he might jump through hoops to try and express that your interest is reciprocated... but you still won't be feeling it anymore.
MidwestUSA Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Agree with Star Gazer on both counts. Email, texting, even a phone call are too informal for what you've shared with this guy. 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Agree with Star Gazer on both counts. Email, texting, even a phone call are too informal for what you've shared with this guy. Fair enough; I'll do it in person. I actually thought he would be more receptive to an email because he told me that he feels more comfortable talking about serious subjects through text, and he even told me about the STD in an email. I have no problem telling him in person, as I'm not somebody who avoids confrontation. Just was trying to be considerate to his style.
Star Gazer Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Fair enough; I'll do it in person. I actually thought he would be more receptive to an email because he told me that he feels more comfortable talking about serious subjects through text, and he even told me about the STD in an email. I have no problem telling him in person, as I'm not somebody who avoids confrontation. Just was trying to be considerate to his style. Just because he's not comfortable communicating like an open and honest adult, doesn't mean you should communicate like a cowardly child. Ya know? 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Do you think he was being sweet to compensate for the herpes thing, and then once you were ok with it, he felt like he had more leeway with you? Yeah, I never considered that but it would make sense. It was like I noticed a sudden change in his tone as soon as I "accepted" his condition. I mean there were issues with his reliability before that but his whole demeanor around me changed since he told me about the herpes. Before he had been a really positive, warm, tolerant seeming person. Last night he said a bunch of critical things about other people. He is roommates with this girl who was a good friend of his in college and he told me that he doesn't really like her anymore now that they live together because she sometimes leaves water on the floor in the bathroom after using the shower. He said to me, "she fcking annoys me." Just seemed a bit petty.. I asked him if he has any friends in the area and he told me that he has cut off most of his friends from the ivy league he went to because he doesn't like people at that school--they're too full of themselves apparently. I guess if he had been a complainer from the start it wouldn't have unsettled me but it's kind of jarring after how nice and polite he seemed initially. He also told me he did a TON of drugs in college, like was constantly using coke in the last couple of years. Again wouldn't be a big deal if it was somebody else but it just was not at all what I was expecting from him.
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Just because he's not comfortable communicating like an open and honest adult, doesn't mean you should communicate like a cowardly child. Ya know? Yeah, I agree.
MsSmurf Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Fair enough; I'll do it in person. I actually thought he would be more receptive to an email because he told me that he feels more comfortable talking about serious subjects through text, and he even told me about the STD in an email. I have no problem telling him in person, as I'm not somebody who avoids confrontation. Just was trying to be considerate to his style. Yet another red flag about this guy. I agree with the others that because you've been so intimate with him already this is a face to face conversation. One of you has to act like an adult here and there is no reason that shouldn't be you. Sit him down and be honest with him, really honest about why you're ending it. Think about all the stuff you've been posting about.... the flaky behavior, his interest in you seeming only sexual, his severe anxiety that he refuses to work on, how insecure he makes you feel, his coldness, his inability to discuss serious matters in person, etc. The bottom line is he's got a lot of stuff he needs to deal with and it isn't fair for you to have to make all of these compromises in order to accommodate him. You want more out of a relationship with that and you want to feel as if you can really open up to someone and emotionally connect. You don't feel he can't offer you that and you want to find someone who can. 2
outsidethebox Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 This will be the first time we've had a real conversation since he revealed to me that he has a STD. I really want things to work out but I have a suspicion this is the end. I'm nervous as hell and even had a glass of wine to calm myself down. Wish me luck! Are you kidding me? You want things to work with someone that has a sexually transmitted disease? Why?
Archgirl Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) You, my dear, just dodged a bullet. Babes I totally disagree with everyone telling you to ditch him face to face. He's a total d*ck. He's a guy you dated a couple o times not your boyf. You don't owe him a damn thing. If it was me I wouldn't do more than send a text saying "this isn't working for me. I think we're done here". In my book you're a saint for being so thoughtful as to send an email. And I'm really sorry this has been such a tough sitch for you - I've been following it since you first posted about him Edited April 21, 2013 by Archgirl 2
outsidethebox Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Are you kidding me? You want things to work with someone that has a sexually transmitted disease? Why? Ok, read a little further and PheonixRysing answered all my questions: I am still unclear as to why you are so nervous. Based on what I read in your other thread, you have the same disease. In other words, you also have an STD. You risk passing it on every time you kiss someone - including him. If he has HSV-1 genitally - he is actually the safer of the two of you since most people (like you I imagine) who have it orally don't reveal this to every partner they kiss (did you?) or every partner they have oral sex with (which by the way is how a lot of people get HSV-1 genitally).
Star Gazer Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Are you kidding me? You want things to work with someone that has a sexually transmitted disease? Why? Are you saying anyone with herpes is unworthy of someone wanting to have a relationship with them?
outsidethebox Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 They both have HSV-1, he has it genitally and she has it orally. My understanding, though I'm not an authority, is that once a person infected they don't contract it again in a different location. So I'm thinking that they're perfectly compatible with regard to the virus and should give it a try if they're otherwise interested. This is scarily logical.
outsidethebox Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 This thread makes me so depressed... I was diagnosed last week with Herpes after contracting it when the condom broke while having sex with my boyfriend (now ex. he dumped me). I posted a venting thread about it and got a lot of positive responses about how it won't matter and I'll still have a perfectly normal dating life, and then come to this thread and see the exact opposite with people saying it's not really worth it to date someone with this condition, and with some people saying it's downright gross. Tuxedo, I'm glad that you did attempt to keep seeing him and didn't run at the first mention of his condition. I'm sorry for you to hear this. And then get dumped. It is depressing.
outsidethebox Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Are you saying anyone with herpes is unworthy of someone wanting to have a relationship with them? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's too dangerous for those without it. But those with it can date each other freely without worrying about it so that's a plus.
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