tuxedo cat Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 This will be the first time we've had a real conversation since he revealed to me that he has a STD. I really want things to work out but I have a suspicion this is the end. I'm nervous as hell and even had a glass of wine to calm myself down. Wish me luck!
BrownBarbie Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Good luck! I've been following your thread and you should stary its an in curable STD. I think if you are interested in having children don't risk it and end relationship now. I don't know what someone should do in this case. He's great for telling you! He gets brownie points. Have him tell you about how he contracted it? Was he engaging in risky sexual behavior. Are his herpes/warts/outbreaks visible?
PhoenixRysing Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I am still unclear as to why you are so nervous. Based on what I read in your other thread, you have the same disease. In other words, you also have an STD. You risk passing it on every time you kiss someone - including him. If he has HSV-1 genitally - he is actually the safer of the two of you since most people (like you I imagine) who have it orally don't reveal this to every partner they kiss (did you?) or every partner they have oral sex with (which by the way is how a lot of people get HSV-1 genitally). 1
salparadise Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I feel like I'm missing something here....I'm pretty sure they have different simplexes (WTF do I know this?), so its not really the same. Which raises the question, though, why would somebody be willing to double down on the herp? They both have HSV-1, he has it genitally and she has it orally. My understanding, though I'm not an authority, is that once a person infected they don't contract it again in a different location. So I'm thinking that they're perfectly compatible with regard to the virus and should give it a try if they're otherwise interested.
pyramid Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 They both have HSV-1, he has it genitally and she has it orally. My understanding, though I'm not an authority, is that once a person infected they don't contract it again in a different location. So I'm thinking that they're perfectly compatible with regard to the virus and should give it a try if they're otherwise interested. This is also my understanding. I, unfortunately, dated a guy with HSV-2... I had to end it after he told me. (His previous partner had lied about her status. Always ask to SEE test results, people.) It was sad because we would have continued dating otherwise.
Poppy fields Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Wait.. You're counting a canker sore as an STD? The cold sores from oral herpes is a STD. Canker sores are not a STD. 1
Poppy fields Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 That's what I thought. Sometimes I'm more beautiful than bright. Pay me no mind. How is that possible with my big, lesbian crush on you?
MidwestUSA Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 IIRC, she is HSV free; he has HSV1 in the genitals. So, it's a big deal to her.
Poppy fields Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I'm so confused right now. Aren't you a lesbian? 1
youaremysunshine Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 It's perfectly possible to get hvs-1 on the genitals. Ask him whitch kind he has. Also, i heard there is medication that reduces the outbreaks and risk of transmission. That plus condoms will reduce your risk but it's still scary.
Poppy fields Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Whaaaaaaat? No, but we have similar tastes.... Oh, my mistake. Actually , I had taken a quote from Mean Girls and put a spin on it, but you didn't get that. I guess you are not a Lindsay Lohan fan.
Poppy fields Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I feel like my masculinity has been challenged. Because you don't like chick movies? You should be relieved you didn't get my reference. I was referring to the crush someone here said I have on you. If it was a crush, I was going to make it a lesbian crush. Sounds hotter. 1
MsSmurf Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 This will be the first time we've had a real conversation since he revealed to me that he has a STD. I really want things to work out but I have a suspicion this is the end. I'm nervous as hell and even had a glass of wine to calm myself down. Wish me luck! Wait so this is the same guy who kept flaking on you, kept giving you a weirdo vibes, admitted having severe anxiety, and just confessed to having herpes? And you still want him? Good grief. 2
PogoStick Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 The type he has doesn't matter. 1 or 2 can end up in either area, it's a moot point. Blood tests are fairly meaningless because a person can develop an antibody response without being infected. If one doesn't have sores or outbreaks then there is no point in getting an HSV test. A culture from an open sore is the only worthwhile test. It shouldn't be a deal breaker for an otherwise good couple. Condoms+suppressive meds is pretty effective and many people will highly suppress naturally after a few outbreaks. There are far worse sicknesses like the flu that kill millions of people every year. But HSV is sexual so we have to make a big deal out of it.
PogoStick Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Valtrex isn't it? I remember this girl I was going to sleep with having a tube of Valtrex cream. She was trying to tell me it was for her shingles. Nice try bitch. Like shingles would be better. I thought they eradicated that back in the day like polio. So grimy. My friends and I still laugh about that. It could totally be for shingles, which is just recurrence of chicken pox, another herpes virus. My aunt just had shingles last month.
Star Gazer Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Valtrex isn't it? I remember this girl I was going to sleep with having a tube of Valtrex cream. She was trying to tell me it was for her shingles. Nice try bitch. Like shingles would be better. I thought they eradicated that back in the day like polio. So grimy. My friends and I still laugh about that. Shingles still very much exists. It's one of the herpes viruses, so it hasn't been eradicated, but it's typically ONE outbreak, like that of chickenpox, and it usually comes later in life, after 60+ years old.
Star Gazer Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 This thread just inspired me to get tested. Make sure you get IgG typing.
Archgirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I feel like I'm missing something here....I'm pretty sure they have different simplexes (WTF do I know this?), so its not really the same. Which raises the question, though, why would somebody be willing to double down on the herp? :lmao: double down on the herp!!!!:lmao: I know right!? Like why when there are so many men without highly contagious totally incurable gross sore producing infections of the penis?!? I think she is just one of those lovely people that invests a lot of herself early on. It probably means she's a much nicer person than you or me. 1
salparadise Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 She has 1 but not 2. He has 2. Therefore, he can give her HSV-2, and I'm not sure she wants that. she is HSV free; he has HSV1 in the genitals. So, it's a big deal to her. No, this is not right- go back and reread. Both have HSV-1, same virus. She has cold sores, he has genital sores. The location does not define which HSV, and either can be in the oral or genital location. My understanding is that once you have the antibodies you will not become reinfected in a different location. If they could confirm resistance to reinfection with a medical professional, I believe they would understand that they are compatible.
PhoenixRysing Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) I feel like I'm missing something here....I'm pretty sure they have different simplexes (WTF do I know this?), so its not really the same. Which raises the question, though, why would somebody be willing to double down on the herp? In the other thread she was very clear that they both have HSV-1. There is some misinformation in this thread and it is somewhat concerning to me as it means many of us don't know how to protect ourselves or understand the risk with sexual contact. 1. You can have HSV-1 or 2 either genitally or orally or both. Cold Sores are generally HSV-1 but a lot of folks who have HSV-2 orally still say they get cold sores because they have never been typed and did not realize this simple fact. FACT - the only way you know which version of HSV you have is through a blood test. HSV-1 prefers oral sites, and HSV-2 prefers genital sites. This is a preference for the virus just like my preference is Tall Thin White guys. Still. I have dated short stocky asian guys, and average black guys, etc. Preference is not a guarantee. Only a blood test is. 2. If you have either version of HSV you can pass it to another person - whether you are actively having an outbreak or not (through viral shedding). 3. You are less likely to pass on the disease if you are on suppressive medication or the other person already has HSV (either type) since they have some immunity to the disease and suppressives slow down viral shedding. 4. If you have the same type but in different locations (one orally, one genitally) you can still reinoculate each other, though it is even less likely. 5. If you have ever tested positive for the antibodies you have the disease - period. Whether or not you have ever had an outbreak you can still pass the disease on. This means - if you have HSV-1 antibodies but you have NEVER had an outbreak, you still can pass on the disease to your partner either orally or genitally. Most people who get HSV-1 genitally got it from someone who never thought to mention their "cold sores" and thought they could not pass it on if they had no active lesions. I am not hammering anyone here, but we all need to understand our risks of getting and spreading the disease. Then we need to think about why we stigmatize people who have the decency to be honest about their own exposure. Every time you have sexual contact with someone - yes even kissing - you are risking HSV infection unless you have negative blood tests from both parties in front of you and you know they have not kissed or had sexual contact with anyone else since the tests came back. This is not about fear-mongering, this is about fact. Once you get real with your risks - you really start to wonder. You really have two choices - eliminate all sexual contact or realize that most people already have it or will have it before they die and stop worrying or stigmatizing folks about it. The latter is a hard pill to swallow and I vacillate on it myself, but I am also not going to keep myself up at night wondering about every guy I kiss and worrying about contracting HSV. That said - if you know you have it - which the OP has already admitted to - and you know you have the same type - which again the OP has already admitted to, I don't get the stress about it. At all. Edited April 20, 2013 by PhoenixRysing 3
PhoenixRysing Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) I believe HSV stands for herpes simplex virus, of which there are diffrent types (1, 2, etc). My understanding is that HSV-1 is the type that typically shows up as cold sores around your mouth. Very common. I know I have it, because I used to get cold sores around my mouth when I was a kid. However, I haven't had a cold sore in more than 30 years, but the virus is still present in my body. Genital herpes is typically HSV-2. Just because you have Type-1 doesn't mean you have Type-2, nor does it mean you have a resistance to Type-2. Viruses are just little protein coated bundles of DNA and are technically not alive, but I'm assuming there's enough of a genetic difference between the two simplexes to make them a different virus. In other words, just because you have Type-1 doesn't mean you should run right out and get Type-2. She has 1 but not 2. He has 2. Therefore, he can give her HSV-2, and I'm not sure she wants that. Mostly correct. HSV-1 and 2 are both just viruses. Either can be contracted in either location though each has a preferred site of infection. Having 1 type provides some resistance (though not total immunity) to the other. In this case, I am pretty sure she said in the other thread that they both have the same type. The only difference is that he has HSV-1 genitally and she orally. My main concern with this thread, is to educate people with cold sores (oral herpes) since this is a huge percentage of the population and most studies indicate this is the number one transmission vector to uninfected parties. If you have or have ever had cold sores, if you have ever tested positive for HSV - you can pass it on to anyone you have skin to skin contact with anywhere that contact occurs. People who know which version they have and where they are susceptible to outbreak therefore have the best chance of protecting their partners since they know when and where they could be "shedding". The rest of the time we are all mostly ignorant about our chances of infecting another person or being infected ourselves. ETA - Article from the CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm Though the article is specifically titled genital herpes it would be more appropriately titled HSV-1 and 2 since it discusses oral, genital, and anal infection of both viruses. It is very clear in the facts about transmission of either virus to either location. Interestingly though it is still not completely clear that even those sites are not the limit. Both viruses can be passed to fingers, eyes, etc...It also does not quote statistics of how many are infected with HSV-1. I strongly suspect this is because so many people have it (even from very early childhood) that the CDC can't keep up. Most people don't get tested unless something is wrong "down there" and completely gloss over their cold sores. This is why I have concerns with this thread specifically. Edited April 20, 2013 by PhoenixRysing
StanMusial Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Good luck! I've been following your thread and you should stary its an in curable STD. I think if you are interested in having children don't risk it and end relationship now. I don't know what someone should do in this case. He's great for telling you! He gets brownie points. Have him tell you about how he contracted it? Was he engaging in risky sexual behavior. Are his herpes/warts/outbreaks visible? Good on him for being honest about it...
salparadise Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) I need to amend what I said before (wish I could edit previous post) about HSV-1 reinfection in a different location. Based on further reading, the consensus seems to be that it is possible, although resistance is developed during the first year of infection, making it less likely if initial infection was not recent. HSV-1 is adapted to and prefers the trigeminal ganglia nerve bundle near the neck, while HSV-2 is adapted to and prefers the sacral ganglia in the pelvis. Either virus is more likely to be contracted, and thrives better, in the location it prefers. Genital HSV-1, the location it does not prefer, it will likely become asymptomatic after the first few outbreaks (and visa versa for HSV-2). For two people already infected for a year or more, the odds are greater that the person with genital HSV-1 would become reinfected orally than that the person with oral HSV-1 would become reinfected genitally. In other words, the antibodies provide some degree of protection, and in addition HSV-1 does not transmit as easily to the genitals due to it not being the preferred location. In the OPs situation, the boyfriend has a recent HSV-1 infection of the genitals, whereas she has a long-time oral infection. He will not have the same level of protection due to antibodies as she, plus he is infected in the non-preferred location. So he would be more likely to become reinfected orally than she would be genitally, given the same degree of exposure. But his is more likely to be contagious since he is having outbreaks. After a year passes he will likely become asymptomatic and the chances of transmission (him to her genitally) will be reduced. The more you learn about this virus the more you realize that it's about odds and there are few absolutes. Most people already have HSV-1 and don't realize it. Johns Hopkins website states that 50-80 percent of the US population is infected with HSV-1, and that by age fifty 90 percent are infected. Other studies estimate as many as 98 percent. So anytime you kiss somebody new for the first time, the odds are pretty overwhelming that one or both is already infected (the older you are the greater the odds). The good news is that the virus is dormant in most people, and if such is the case they are less likely to transmit it, however it is still possible. Edited April 20, 2013 by salparadise 2
MidwestUSA Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I missed the part where she had HSV1 (oral). Interesting reading, as I found years ago that I carry some antibodies from an exposure, but do not recall having been exposed. Interesting to see how this plays out. I agree, a lot of great people walking around with it. It doesn't have to be a deal breaker.
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