Goodbye Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 During my relationship with the MM, I was always scared something bad would happen to him and I'd not find out. He got sick and had to have his gallbladder removed at one point, and I was freaked out when he went MIA for 2 days. Because he was long distance and we didn't have mutual friends, he gave a trusted friend my contact info to call me if something happened to him. He wasn't a secret in my life, as I'm single, so I told him he could contact one of my friends if he was concerned. This is just one of the many problems when your relationship is "underground."
So happy together Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I did not have a contact person. I did, however, make him change his will, living and other, to say that if anything happened to him, I was to be immediately notified, and to have access. So, he did. In his living will, it states that I am to be notified a.s.a.p and that I can be in the room with him. Since he left the marriage, he's changed it again to state that I am allowed access and can make decisions on his behalf and his wife cannot. He's also left a letter with his secretary that is notorized stating these things which she is to open and give to the doctor if the need arises. I was adamant on this because I did not want to be unable to to reach him.
Author Goodbye Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 I don't know if it is normal or not, but we did as well.
AnotherRound Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 We didn't have a contact person, per se - but we have many mutual friends. So, we were always able to be in contact, or to find out about one another if we couldn't make contact. My best friend and my sister were both aware and knew that they should contact him should anything happen to me - and his best friend and his sister were told the same regarding me. Honestly, his now exW maybe would have contacted me if something happened - lol, I dunno. He and I talked about this a few times. And discussed what would happen if one of us died or something - we had things pretty much planned out for any kind of disaster - as most couples do. Just because it was an affair doesn't mean that we didn't do the same things most other couples do - ya know?
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I did not have a contact person. I did, however, make him change his will, living and other, to say that if anything happened to him, I was to be immediately notified, and to have access. So, he did. In his living will, it states that I am to be notified a.s.a.p and that I can be in the room with him. Since he left the marriage, he's changed it again to state that I am allowed access and can make decisions on his behalf and his wife cannot. He's also left a letter with his secretary that is notorized stating these things which she is to open and give to the doctor if the need arises. I was adamant on this because I did not want to be unable to to reach him. Have you seen this in actual writing? Just wondering how someone can change their will and make their OW make choices when he isn't even divorced yet.. Unless he is and now you two are a couple. Sorry not sure of your situation.
So happy together Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Have you seen this in actual writing? Just wondering how someone can change their will and make their OW make choices when he isn't even divorced yet.. Unless he is and now you two are a couple. Sorry not sure of your situation. He is not divorced, but is in the middle of one. Anyone can change their will to be whatever they like. Hell, when my mom was very ill, she wrote "DNR" on her chest and signed it in magic marker. And yes, I've seen them both. 3
White Flower Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Who said wanting to have access to important info is "being like the wife"? How about its being like a human being? To the OP, yes we have a contact who has become a close mutual friend. Not only does/did he inform me of what xMM was/is up to, but I got/still get regular updates on how dismal xMM's life is. He's playing the happy camper not so well. It was awesome having this friend deliver a package to xMM after our last breakup. It took the power away from xMM to try to schmooze his way back into my life. 2
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 No, we didn't have a contact person during the affair. We all knew each other well. After the final d-day, there was one person that talked with him that I thought I trusted and she did convey some things back to me but after that - no. This situation was so messed up I didn't trust anyone. The only one possibly would have been my sister that could have been some neutral ground. The reason why I say that is everyone connected seemed to really have their own agenda for whatever reason. It became a sort of "his camp" "her camp" situation so even though there would have been people that would probably have loved to play the intermediary I did not trust anyone. Still don't. If someone came to me with any information or a message I would be questioning what they wanted and how it would benefit them. Nope - if communication happens it has to be direct - not through anyone.
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