singme2sleep Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 As a scorned dumpee, which have you done and which is better... Telling your ex off, to release some of your anger towards them. or Taking the high road, by just not responding or yelling at them at all. I've been wondering about this the last few days, because I sent my ex a message basically saying he was a huge jerk etc, after I found out he had a new girlfriend. But I'm questioning now if it would have been classier of me to say nothing so he feels like the coward he is. However, I did feel good after so I guess I shouldn't look back. Any personal experiences???
JourneyLady Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 As a scorned dumpee, which have you done and which is better... Telling your ex off, to release some of your anger towards them. or Taking the high road, by just not responding or yelling at them at all. I've been wondering about this the last few days, because I sent my ex a message basically saying he was a huge jerk etc, after I found out he had a new girlfriend. But I'm questioning now if it would have been classier of me to say nothing so he feels like the coward he is. However, I did feel good after so I guess I shouldn't look back. Any personal experiences??? I've done both, but as I've matured, I've tried to keep to the 2nd way. (Case in point, I really don't know if I'm broken up permanently with recent guy, because he refuses to talk to me. I'm just staying silent but will only give him so much time.) The first way, you risk burning your bridges. If the other party is tough enough, sometimes you won't. But it still creates resentment that might stick around if you do ever try with that person again. So taking the high road is likely the best way.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 SM2S I am beginning to change my attitude on a lot of things.... Basically you do what you feel was right at the time. Trust in yourself that you made the right decision, based on the cicumstances. That being said, you did the right thing. Because if you suppressed it because someone else said you should-then that isnt really being true to yourself. You would have had all that rage bottled up. Forget about that jackass. You should have tons of better offers by now. If not, put this behind you so you can find it. Be well TFOY 2
thefooloftheyear Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 The first way, you risk burning your bridges. If the other party is tough enough, sometimes you won't. But it still creates resentment that might stick around if you do ever try with that person again. So taking the high road is likely the best way. Thats nonsense.... She called him a jerk..Its not like she shot his dog or burned his house down. Most adults can let that episode roll off their backs if there was real love and a reconciliation was approached at a later date. TFOY
siankat Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 When i was younger i did the whole shouting thing thinking if i told them how they were they would realise it wasn't good and change... :- Now i take the high road. Not to sound lofty or anything and i guess i think this because i am not suffering over him anymore but, as science proves energy is never lost or gained, only converted, any anger should be channeled in a positive way toward yourself because in a way what you give to them you lose for yourself. Even if you maintain nc, any energy spent on them after a certain point is a waste of time. You are still giving to them no matter how small the gesture. And we have ascertained they do not deserve it. Fundamentally there is always something worse about getting pissed at someone else for leaving us than the fact they left us (regardless of the circumstances to be honest). Totally hard to initiate and zen like but, thats what i think, thats what i strive for.
siankat Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 SM2S I am beginning to change my attitude on a lot of things.... Basically you do what you feel was right at the time. Trust in yourself that you made the right decision, based on the cicumstances. That being said, you did the right thing. Because if you suppressed it because someone else said you should-then that isnt really being true to yourself. You would have had all that rage bottled up. Forget about that jackass. You should have tons of better offers by now. If not, put this behind you so you can find it. Be well TFOY I like this as well: basically thats all anyone can do, what they think is right at the time, what they can do at the time, with the knowledge and beliefs they have...at the time. I think my point was to say that i have learned so...i have to put it into practice or all that suffering (energy) was wasted. Depends where you are at in yourself as well i guess,
Author singme2sleep Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 I don't remember all of what I said, but I told him: It's nice to know you're enjoying being "alone." It's interesting how you said you couldn't be in a relationship and that it had NOTHING to do with me, yet here you are with somebody new. I'm going to assume I meant nothing to you and that it was all lies! You and the new chick must have had an awesome time laughing about that bday card I sent you, I guess I was out of my effing mind when I sent that. You're a coward and a liar, please lose my number! Peace out...
Author singme2sleep Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 And whether or not I burned bridges doesn't matter because he burned them first by lying and betraying me. When somebody "does me wrong" I have to tell them off otherwise I explode inside. I'm not sorry for sending that message to him, I just wonder if I would have looked like the bigger person if I hadn't. But like TFOY said, I did what I felt I needed to do, therefore no regrets. 2
Mack05 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I've done both Sme2 in my past. I wish I took the high road all the time. Some people view this as weak/being a doormat. Fair enough, but for me it's rising above anything petty..Believing u are 'better'...and deserve 'better'
ThatJustHappened Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I think age has a lot to do with it. When I was younger I would not hesitate to explode on exes who made me angry. Now I don't. It never really does anything except remind them that you're still thinking about them and it's faintly embarrassing to think back on it now. Meh..oh well. 2
Am4Real Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I'm with you all the way except for the "peace out", LOL!!! JK I don't remember all of what I said, but I told him: It's nice to know you're enjoying being "alone." It's interesting how you said you couldn't be in a relationship and that it had NOTHING to do with me, yet here you are with somebody new. I'm going to assume I meant nothing to you and that it was all lies! You and the new chick must have had an awesome time laughing about that bday card I sent you, I guess I was out of my effing mind when I sent that. You're a coward and a liar, please lose my number! Peace out... 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 For.me releasing.it always feels better...bc I had the last word and I can leave with some dignity. Why i didnt do it this time?? bc I had hope and didnt want to.make.things worse. I regret it. if u can get him on the fone and curse.him out...i would say do it. f uk the high road. 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 if that bitch called me for another cutain call...i dont know what will come out of my mouth...but i assure you it will be nasty and foul. 1
2sure Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 It's wonderful when you get to the place where you know how to do both. Being able to let someone know what you think of them, while at the same time not losing power. It has the benefit of also showing them : I'm better than you. That's how We mow MFs down on the high road. 2
destroyed4sho Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Im glad your FINALLY angry. I think.knowing.the truth has boosted.your.recovery a couple.of.notches. 1
Am4Real Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Not always, not in my case anyway. I'd agree in saying it might lead the progress to the next stage, acceptance for example, but I think "boost" as in change one's mood is not necessarily so, at least not for me. Im glad your FINALLY angry. I think.knowing.the truth has boosted.your.recovery a couple.of.notches.
KatZee Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I went off on my ex. But that was the first, only, and last time I ever did. I had been so nice, caring, supportive and respectful to my ex DESPITE everything he did to me. Even the break up was handled well by me. I let him go. I sent him the caring break up email after the fact saying I respected his decision. I then congratulated him on his graduation saying I was so proud of him. Then I was completely silent. 5 weeks later out of no where, he sends me a text message telling me to sell all the jewelry he ever bought me, that there was no us. I was like, excuse me?? We haven't even spoken, and what you're saying is completely dick right now. So I completely flipped. Almost 3 years of resentment completely erupted and I tore him about five new a.ssholes. It was hands down, one of the best days of my life. He needed to know I wasn't taking his s.hit anymore. 3
Am4Real Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Hello Kat, Like with Singme2sleep, you have to do what is right for you and the terms under which the relationship ended. Mack points out he has followed a script that related to bad terms and later wished he had not, others might be glad they did. McGriff for example, when he's not being a woos these days (JK), live by the standards of "what would James Bond do". In other words everyone of us has our means and reasons for our actions. As we all find out, life progresses and changes us. Some posters have commented as they became older and wiser, perhaps, they steered towards the high road. That is me now. It doesn't make me any better or worse, nor anyone else. My reasoning is learning. Each person I meet brings me new wisdom, however if I'm crazy enough to repeat a mistake or not learn from a past encounter, I might not have arrived at this stage. We all change over time - we all do what we think it right for us at that one moment - it will not likely always be the same. Have a great evening. I went off on my ex. But that was the first, only, and last time I ever did. I had been so nice, caring, supportive and respectful to my ex DESPITE everything he did to me. Even the break up was handled well by me. I let him go. I sent him the caring break up email after the fact saying I respected his decision. I then congratulated him on his graduation saying I was so proud of him. Then I was completely silent. 5 weeks later out of no where, he sends me a text message telling me to sell all the jewelry he ever bought me, that there was no us. I was like, excuse me?? We haven't even spoken, and what you're saying is completely dick right now. So I completely flipped. Almost 3 years of resentment completely erupted and I tore him about five new a.ssholes. It was hands down, one of the best days of my life. He needed to know I wasn't taking his s.hit anymore. 1
carhill Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Any personal experiences??? I found it far more satisfying to treat my exW well and I continue that to this day, showing balance both here on LS and with my friends, some of which are still her friends, and to be neutral to positive. I think most of our vitriol was spent in MC and that controlled environment largely processed it to a productive end. In the past, when LTR's or 'girlfriends' ended, they were erased. No residual issues remained after a couple of weeks. I learned a lot about this type of acceptance from women; they are amazingly well-versed in handling emotions and processing them. Add in a man's pragmatic logic and it's pretty easy to take the high road. Nowadays, when I try to be mad at past lovers or my exW, it's a spectacular failure. The emotions just won't come. In fact, I'd probably be mad at someone talking dirt about them, just like I would about that topic in general. I think everyone has their own style of dealing with emotional/spiritual pain. We're all different. I'm currently watching all the Bostonians on the street celebrating some apparent resolution to the horrific bombing in their city. That's their style. Good luck.
Author singme2sleep Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 The thing that really makes me angry, is that after I messaged him, he texted me and basically said that I was overreacting. It went something like "Well I'm sorry you fell that way because I never meant to hurt you." SERIOUSLY?!?! If he had been physically in my presence when he said those words, I truly would have punched him...
destroyed4sho Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 he sounds like selfish cold.prick....he doesnt care...thats something.my ex would say or has said. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 he sounds like selfish cold.prick....he doesnt care...thats something.my ex would say or has said. It's funny how you find out who someone really is, when you part ways. 3
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