Miss1122 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 (edited) I've been dating this guy for about six weeks. We've gone out on four dates. Most dates were long dates. The last one, we spent the whole day together. He picked me up like around 11am and dropped me off at midnight. It was also our first time to be intimate. Everything seems great. He's a cool guy. He treats me well. The only problem is, he spends alot of time going out of town with his friends. For the amount of time I've known him, he has traveled out of town with his friends like four times which means four weekends. One was when they went up the mountain to ski. Second, went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Third, went to SF to river raft. Fourth, went to attend a birthday pool party. This coming weekend, he will go skiing with his friends again. When he comes back, he shares photos of his trip. Every week, he asks for my schedule so we can spend time together. But sometimes our schedule doesn't match. He works in the morning. Sometimes he works till night. I work night time. This week I have not seen him. But he asked for my schedule and it just didn't match with his. How do I tell this guy that I want to see him atleast once a week without sounding too needy or demanding? Thanks. Edited April 19, 2013 by Miss1122 Edit
Leegh Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Unfortunately, there is no way without you sounding needy. It is better, in general, if the guy suggests spending more time together. Instead of asking him for more time, possibly you could ask him to help you with a project, or mention that there is a movie that you would like to see or something indirect. 1
snowflakes88 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 If you're comfortable enough to allow him access to your body, you should be comfortable enough to say you'd like to see him more. 1
veggirl Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 "I don't see how this can go anywhere if I don't see you at least just once a week. What do you think?" 1
JourneyLady Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Unfortunately I think it will be very hard to do without risking his anger. I just went through this with a "nice guy" in an LDR. We used to chat in person every night and suddenly he just wasn't wanting to do that anymore. I knew he was online though, because we were playing word games. I approached him wanting to work that out in person and he got pissed off and bailed. The best approach, if you're going to let him know, is just send him a message you'd like to see him more often and if he doesn't start coming through with it, be prepared to pull back more from the relationship. Because no matter how little you want, the guys in my experience nearly always interpret any little minor need or desire as "neediness". And it makes them draw back, distance you, or get pissed off. If it works out, let us know, however you decide to handle it. I'd like to have hope that I could meet a guy who could handle a gal who wants to see him more!
JourneyLady Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Unfortunately, there is no way without you sounding needy. You're right, apparently. And I wonder why the heck this is, that guys would rather spend time with someone who doesn't care about them and give the girl who actually finds pleasure in their presence the cold shoulder or worse!
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 If you don't like the fact that he goes out of town a lot, maybe this is just a busy season for him? Does he give you the impression that he does this year round? Maybe there will be more time for you when his schedule slows down. If you are willing to wait that long.
soccerrprp Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 You're right, apparently. And I wonder why the heck this is, that guys would rather spend time with someone who doesn't care about them and give the girl who actually finds pleasure in their presence the cold shoulder or worse! Guys ask the same question about the ladies. Hmmmmm....
todreaminblue Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I've been dating this guy for about six weeks. We've gone out on four dates. Most dates were long dates. The last one, we spent the whole day together. He picked me up like around 11am and dropped me off at midnight. It was also our first time to be intimate. Everything seems great. He's a cool guy. He treats me well. The only problem is, he spends alot of time going out of town with his friends. For the amount of time I've known him, he has traveled out of town with his friends like four times which means four weekends. One was when they went up the mountain to ski. Second, went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Third, went to SF to river raft. Fourth, went to attend a birthday pool party. This coming weekend, he will go skiing with his friends again. When he comes back, he shares photos of his trip. Every week, he asks for my schedule so we can spend time together. But sometimes our schedule doesn't match. He works in the morning. Sometimes he works till night. I work night time. This week I have not seen him. But he asked for my schedule and it just didn't match with his. How do I tell this guy that I want to see him atleast once a week without sounding too needy or demanding? Thanks. i agree with leegh.....i hang with quite a few guys....the biggest thing they bitch about is having a needy girlfriend........i rib them about being whiney and to just be honest.....they decline........anyway.......to me i would never want a guy to feel that way about me so.....i just wait until they ask....if they are worth it.......until they ask to spend time with me.......and normally it is the guy who asks me to spend time with them.....i dont deny them time.....and they have fun....and want to spend more time.....if my schedule didnt match a person i love to spend time with....i would reschedule .....until i had time when they have time...everything can be adjusted....a rigid schedule is always set to fail...life happens in that schedule....and no one is truly psychic enough to prevent that....maybe try making some time too....he also needs to do this.......deb
snowflakes88 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 These responses are baffling to me. It's cool to hop into bed with him, but God forbid you say you'd like to see him more? Really? 2
Author Miss1122 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 If you're comfortable enough to allow him access to your body, you should be comfortable enough to say you'd like to see him more. I'm comfortable to tell him but I don't want to scare him away. I want to say it in a way that it wouldn't sound needy or clingy or that I'm demanding time. That's what I need help for. Thanks anyway.
Author Miss1122 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 If you don't like the fact that he goes out of town a lot, maybe this is just a busy season for him? Does he give you the impression that he does this year round? Maybe there will be more time for you when his schedule slows down. If you are willing to wait that long. He loves skiing. The other outings were planned ahead of time before I met him. He said its just a busy month for him. I did not ask. He brought it up. Maybe he's just taking advantage of the now season.
curlygirl40 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Unless you want to risk appearing needy (which it sounds like you don't) I think you just need to wait it out for a bit longer. If all or most of these outings with friends were planned before he met you, then give it time for his schedule to clear up and for him to start asking you out more and/or including you in things he does with his friends. It does sound like he's making an effort during those times you do get together so give him credit there. If you don't want to wait it out and see if he picks it up, I think the only other thing you can do is to maybe ask him out to something specific for a specific day. 'I have tickets....., this band is playing I would love to see them.... I've been dying to try this new restaurant would you like to go....' It's an option and I don't think it comes across needy for a guy that you're dating and sleeping with. I think it's best to let him lead and let him naturally progress the relationship for now. If this is still going on say 6 weeks from now, then that's been 3 months and it's probably time to be more vocal. But be prepared to walk if you find that what you're looking for is different than what he's looking for. There's a chance that this is all he's looking for and if he hasn't picked it up by the 3-4 month mark then I would address it head on. And if it's not enough for you then you have some decisions to make. Good luck
Author Miss1122 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Unless you want to risk appearing needy (which it sounds like you don't) I think you just need to wait it out for a bit longer. If all or most of these outings with friends were planned before he met you, then give it time for his schedule to clear up and for him to start asking you out more and/or including you in things he does with his friends. It does sound like he's making an effort during those times you do get together so give him credit there. If you don't want to wait it out and see if he picks it up, I think the only other thing you can do is to maybe ask him out to something specific for a specific day. 'I have tickets....., this band is playing I would love to see them.... I've been dying to try this new restaurant would you like to go....' It's an option and I don't think it comes across needy for a guy that you're dating and sleeping with. I think it's best to let him lead and let him naturally progress the relationship for now. If this is still going on say 6 weeks from now, then that's been 3 months and it's probably time to be more vocal. But be prepared to walk if you find that what you're looking for is different than what he's looking for. There's a chance that this is all he's looking for and if he hasn't picked it up by the 3-4 month mark then I would address it head on. And if it's not enough for you then you have some decisions to make. Good luck I don't initiate texts to him. Do you think it's ok if I text him saying to have fun and be safe and that I will see him when he gets back?
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I don't initiate texts to him. Do you think it's ok if I text him saying to have fun and be safe and that I will see him when he gets back? No. Haven't you guys already said your goodbyes?
Author Miss1122 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 No. Haven't you guys already said your goodbyes? No, I saw him last weekend. He told me about this trip Tuesday that he might be going skiing. He loves to skii. Then he confirmed Wednesday when he asked for my schedule this week that he's for sure going out of town this weekend.
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 No, I saw him last weekend. He told me about this trip Tuesday that he might be going skiing. He loves to skii. Then he confirmed Wednesday when he asked for my schedule this week that he's for sure going out of town this weekend. That was goodbye. If he wanted to say more he would contact you.
mammasita Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Why don't you go out casually with other guys. You're not exclusive, and saying something would sound a bit needy.....so occupy your time.
Author Miss1122 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 That was goodbye. If he wanted to say more he would contact you. I guess your right. Since he's been the one contacting me all the time. I spoke to him on Wednesday and I just wanted to talk to him before he leaves but I will just wait when he comes back. Thanks
sillyanswer Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 How do I tell this guy that I want to see him atleast once a week without sounding too needy or demanding? Thanks. Tell him you're horny. He'll be there in 10 minutes. 1
Author Miss1122 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Why don't you go out casually with other guys. You're not exclusive, and saying something would sound a bit needy.....so occupy your time. Yeah. Someone actually asked me to hang out so I might go out with him. I'm not really a needy or clingy girl. I've been told "cold" sometimes by guys. And I don't think a clingy or needy girl can deal with someone like this guy who travels almost every week. But it would be nice to see him once a week.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Since you said he's already established these out of town trips before he met you, it's safe to say you can't make him change his plans. Wait until he comes back from his trips and then make new plans with him. Have you thought about going skiing with him? If you guys already set up rapport and have established exclusivity with each other, then you are entitled to at the minimum see him once a week.
Archgirl Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) Why do you want to see him more often? Seriously think about it - what are you looking to have fixed by seeing him more often? I'm betting theres this litlle voice in your head telling you something along the lines that you should be seeing each other more often and that there is a problem if you don't. Don't go looking for trouble coz in this case you'll end up creating it. He's clearly making very deliberate effiort to be respectful and fit you into his life. Bringing it up will only sound like you are unhappy and critical of him after only six weeks. But it's really early days and frankly you are being needy. Like who cares if he's off doing this or that, what are you doing? If you are bored and lonely fill it the time you think you should be filled by him with fun things you enjoy doing. You'll feel less insecure and reliant on him and he will be more attracted to the confident independant woman you are. And for god's sake please read my post about dating strategies to do with contact frequency on this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/387541-really-hot-date-went-really-cold-real-fast Best of luck! xox Edited April 20, 2013 by Archgirl
runningfar Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 You slept with him. I am sure you can communicate a simple desire. If you don't harp on him or expect all his time, I don't see how it is needy. Trips are usually preplanned and this is pretty new. He's being great about it. I wouldn't worry too much. After this trip, maybe plan one of your own with him! Sounds like he likes going places and doing things.
blueskyday Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Um, just say "I have so much fun with you and would like to see you more." Really, if that drives him away, you don't want him, honey. Two people need to be running towards each other in relationships. Once I'm sleeping with a guy, I like daily contact on the phone and seeing each other a few times a week. It sounds like he is trying to see you, which is good. I would see if his schedule frees up after these trips. If he keeps planning bro trips without you, then you may want to reconsider being with him. I would also mention to him that you would love to go on a trip with him....I tend to be skeptical by nature and would need to know he had the time, energy, and emotional availability to be in a relationship with me. 1
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