CDMarie89 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up after two and a half years together at the end of January. It started out as a break but I panicked and it turned into a break up. I kept calling and texting non stop, sometimes sending hundreds of text messages in a day and a few times calling 65-300 times in one night. Then I would go three days or so without calling him n then break and he would talk to me a bit and we would be ok, but then I would start to panic again and the cycle would start. This has been going on for 11 weeks. Finally, the last time I panicked, he ignored me all together for three weeks and the one day I really panicked and started calling crazy, he threatened to block my number. I panicked that time because I got a clue that he might have a new girlfriend. The other day i told him i was robbed at gunpoint and he finally broke the silence and showed concerned and even said that he would try to find some money to send me (we're jobless college seniors). Then yesterday, after calling around 25 times, he finally answered and was very annoyed. I was just trying to ask why he had been ignoring me and treating me coldly and why he wouldnt answer my question about whether or not he had a girlfriend. He told me that the girlfriend situation was none of my business, and that its over and all but whispered for me to move on. When i asked if thats what he wanted me to do he hesitated and said yea pretty low. I told him he wasnt even being a friend and he said its because his other friends dont call 65 times in one night. I have cried and apologized. I even sent two small gifts, one for valentines day n one just because over the past 11 weeks. We're in two different states for school but are from the same city. We were already in school when we started, so most of our relationship has been long distance. I miss him so much and he is being so cold and distant and he keeps threatening to block my number if I keep calling like crazy. I know he told me to move on, even though he all but whispered it, but did I really ruin my chances of fixing this by trying to fix it too early? We will be home for summer in a few weeks, do you think he will come around if I just fall off the face of the earth for awhile? We were so in love. Planned our wedding, named our children, went on vacation, he even rode the greyhound 15 hours there and 15 hours back to come see me several times. He's not perfect but he's really a good person, and I didn't mean to mess things up and push things to this point. Will he ever come back around?
GorillaTheater Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Will he ever come back around? You need to give him a reason to, and blowing up his phone ain't it. It would drive me absolutely batsh*t to get that many calls a day, and I might conclude that the person doing so may not be a person I want in my life on a regular basis, especially a person who broke up with me in the first place. Calm down and take a breath. Give the poor guy some space.
Author CDMarie89 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 I didn't break up with him!!! That's the problem!! But you're right. I've finally started backing off. I'm halfway through day one!! But do you think there's even remotely a chance? He broke up with me because of how I handle things and my unnecessary insecurities and jealousy...about nothing! I hope I haven't lost him forever!
GorillaTheater Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Okay, I misinterpreted what you were saying about how the break up came about. Is there a chance? Well, there's always a chance, but honestly and speaking only for myself, I would be pretty alienated and put off by all of the insecurity and phone-blowing-up. Your best bet will be to SHOW him you've changed (if you have), instead of trying to repeatedly tell him how you've changed. Actions, not words. The best advice I can give you is to work on yourself and sort out the insecurities and crazy-making behavior. Relationship success, either with this guy or the next one, will naturally follow.
Author CDMarie89 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Thanks. Yea, I think he is exactly that...put off and probably extremely disappointed. I was trying so hard to be his dream girl that I never stopped and realized that in his eyes, I was already his dream girl. I haven't changed yet, being honest, but I'm actively working on it. But how do I show him if he's not even talking to me anymore?
LumberJack Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 In my (limited) experience, change doesn't come about that quickly. We all want to rush in and fix everything before the dust settles, that way we can just blow off the breakup as some silly mistake born out of confusion and get back to normal. Personal growth takes months & years. It's not a quick-fix or a party trick that you master overnight. It's about changing patterns and leaving your comfort zone. I think once you've stopped obsessing over him every waking minute, that might be a sign that you're ready to get in touch with him again. Keep in my mind that this might be years from now, and that by then - you probably wouldn't want to. Lots of fish, be strong, love yourself!
todreaminblue Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I didn't break up with him!!! That's the problem!! But you're right. I've finally started backing off. I'm halfway through day one!! But do you think there's even remotely a chance? He broke up with me because of how I handle things and my unnecessary insecurities and jealousy...about nothing! I hope I haven't lost him forever! calling someone like that, 300 texts multiple phone calls.... is a recipe for disaster because it is harassment.......i think you should take it as over......do what you need to do ...so that you arent co dependant..... spend time with your friends, get a hobby,have some fun with your family and maybe one day a fair way down the track you will see you pushed the guy away...dont concentrate on getting him back concentrate on school......let it go.....deb
Author CDMarie89 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 I hadn't heard much about codependency, but I just researched it a little, and I think its exactly me. I am now focusing on getting myself together and I know I have to let him go, but in the bottom of my heart, I hope that he will come around, and if I've changed, give me the chance to at least start to show him I've changed.
todreaminblue Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I hadn't heard much about codependency, but I just researched it a little, and I think its exactly me. I am now focusing on getting myself together and I know I have to let him go, but in the bottom of my heart, I hope that he will come around, and if I've changed, give me the chance to at least start to show him I've changed. You can do it, and yes one day he will see a strong beautiful woman who isnt dependent on getting him back, but that strong beautiful woman that you are....just may have found someone else who loves them more than what your ex did......hugs..best wishes...deb
Author CDMarie89 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 I woke up today with a very heavy heart and mind. It led me to look at his instagram and then her instagram. She recently posted a pick and he commented on it with three heart-eyed emojis. That hurt so bad to see. I'm so confused about that though because she goes to school in another state from him, so how could he move on from me and jump into another long distance relationship with someone he hasn't seen in 3 years?? Thats so crazy to me, but he really seems to be into her, and that hurts so bad. I cant help but wonder if its genuine or if he dove into her to escape all of the emotion I was dumping on him, and his own heartbreak from our situation. Our relationship was comprised of so much, I just don't understand how he could move on so fast. I want to call or text him and ask so bad.
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up after two and a half years together at the end of January. It started out as a break but I panicked and it turned into a break up. I kept calling and texting non stop, sometimes sending hundreds of text messages in a day and a few times calling 65-300 times in one night. Then I would go three days or so without calling him n then break and he would talk to me a bit and we would be ok, but then I would start to panic again and the cycle would start. This has been going on for 11 weeks. Finally, the last time I panicked, he ignored me all together for three weeks and the one day I really panicked and started calling crazy, he threatened to block my number. I panicked that time because I got a clue that he might have a new girlfriend. The other day i told him i was robbed at gunpoint and he finally broke the silence and showed concerned and even said that he would try to find some money to send me (we're jobless college seniors). Then yesterday, after calling around 25 times, he finally answered and was very annoyed. I was just trying to ask why he had been ignoring me and treating me coldly and why he wouldnt answer my question about whether or not he had a girlfriend. He told me that the girlfriend situation was none of my business, and that its over and all but whispered for me to move on. When i asked if thats what he wanted me to do he hesitated and said yea pretty low. I told him he wasnt even being a friend and he said its because his other friends dont call 65 times in one night. I have cried and apologized. I even sent two small gifts, one for valentines day n one just because over the past 11 weeks. We're in two different states for school but are from the same city. We were already in school when we started, so most of our relationship has been long distance. I miss him so much and he is being so cold and distant and he keeps threatening to block my number if I keep calling like crazy. I know he told me to move on, even though he all but whispered it, but did I really ruin my chances of fixing this by trying to fix it too early? We will be home for summer in a few weeks, do you think he will come around if I just fall off the face of the earth for awhile? We were so in love. Planned our wedding, named our children, went on vacation, he even rode the greyhound 15 hours there and 15 hours back to come see me several times. He's not perfect but he's really a good person, and I didn't mean to mess things up and push things to this point. Will he ever come back around? I'm going to be honest. You need to leave him alone. Your relationship with him is over and has been for a while. Learn from this, don't let yourself go nuts like that over any guy, it's just not healthy, calling someone so many times, especially when they don't call you back and they ignore you. Sorry that you're hurting and I know it sucks when there's a break up. Do talk to a professional, get counseling to help you cope with this, and also so you can learn how to handle this kind of stuff in a heathier way. Surround yourself with good friends and family, grieve the loss and just know that you'll be okay.
swiftly333 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I woke up today with a very heavy heart and mind. It led me to look at his instagram and then her instagram. She recently posted a pick and he commented on it with three heart-eyed emojis. That hurt so bad to see. I'm so confused about that though because she goes to school in another state from him, so how could he move on from me and jump into another long distance relationship with someone he hasn't seen in 3 years?? Thats so crazy to me, but he really seems to be into her, and that hurts so bad. I cant help but wonder if its genuine or if he dove into her to escape all of the emotion I was dumping on him, and his own heartbreak from our situation. Our relationship was comprised of so much, I just don't understand how he could move on so fast. I want to call or text him and ask so bad. It's not anything you should try and understand. You need to stop checking up on him, it will get you no where. I think you need to accept this is over and you need to focus your energy on yourself so you don't continue the same mistakes. If I were him I'd think you were crazy and unstable and I wouldn't want to even think about getting back with you. Sorry if that hurts, but its the truth. It's not healthy the way you've been acting! That doesn't make you a bad person, but you need to sort this out if you ever hope to have a healthy relationship with anyone! With this guy or anyone else. I wish you the best of luck. I'm ruined a relationship because of my own internal problems and it sucks. It hurts so bad. But all we can do now is work on ourselves. Maybe it'll get our exes back. Maybe so we can attract the right person. But staying stuck on what happened and what he's doing now will not serve you well at all.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Did you really get robbed at gunpoint? If so, are you ok? You really do need to stop harassing him. It's not doing you any good. It won't help you get him back and it won't make you feel better. You shouldn't wait for him to block your number, you should block his so you're not tempted to call or text him anymore. You should also delete him from all of your social media sites and block him so you can't check. You need to come to terms with the fact that it's over so you can grieve properly. I'm sorry things are bad for you. I'm sorry you're sad. I hope you feel better soon.
iouaname Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I understand what you're going through! I left my ex alone for two months and then he kept contacting me, when I finally responded it set off my panic button and all I wanted to do was continue to contact him to sort things out. He told me recently that he needs space from me and has begun telling mutual friends that I am insane and won't leave him alone. I feel very emotionally toyed with, and I even feel crazy and codependent and insane. The best thing that we can do at this point is just leave them alone for good. It's hard and they've moved on, so we need to as well. And eventually we will be strong and independent and on our own, and they'll be regretting what they treated like ****
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