Jump to content

Be Honest....

DelusionalOne

By DelusionalOne
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
Posted

For all of those who are out of the PA/EA and into NC.....

 

Are you looking forward to the day when he/she is not in your head/heart and you moved passed it.....

 

Or, are you secretly holding on to hope (whatever that hope means to you)?

 

I am currently in the "can't wait until I'm past this" mode. I've made some bad choices/decisions in my life, but this has to rank up towards the very top.

  • Like 1
lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
Posted

I am looking forward to the time I do not think about him daily and, yes, he is out of my mind and heart. I am getting there, slowly but surely.

  • Like 1
  • Author
DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

Hope........I wouldn't pee on him if he were on fire. :D

 

OMG I just spit coffee all over my screen! LOL:laugh:

Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
Posted

I am still hoping...sadly enough. I'd prefer to be resolved and given up, I suspect it would feel better.

  • Like 1
  • Author
DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'd prefer to be resolved and given up, I suspect it would feel better.

 

Don't count on it. :( Resolved and given up just hurts in a different way.

Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
Posted
Don't count on it. :( Resolved and given up just hurts in a different way.

 

 

Have you tried dating others yet? Maybe that would help you close the chapter?

  • Author
DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Have you tried dating others yet? Maybe that would help you close the chapter?

Since I am a fMOW, I don't think dating would be a good option for me.

:eek: Been there, done that, want to burn the T-Shirt.

  • Like 2
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
Posted

oops, missed that you are married. Have you become closer with your H since the NC with MM started?

  • Author
DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
  • Author
Posted
oops, missed that you are married. Have you become closer with your H since the NC with MM started?

 

Yes and no. Somethings are never going to change. My R w/ fMM was a EA. I'm not trying to justify it, but I let it happen because no matter how hard I try, my H is never going to listen to me, talk to me, show any kind of affection or attention unless it leads to sex. Trust me, I've beaten it to death. For the most part we live together amicably. Nothing has changed in that regard. I just don't have a "distraction" now from being ignored.

  • Like 2
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
Posted

Ugh, yes. My exH was like that. Had we stayed married, I suspect I would have strayed, emotionally at least.

  • Like 1
AnotherRound Established Member

AnotherRound

Posted
Posted

I am not "waiting" for anything, personally.

 

I had a time where I wondered, distractedly, what it would be like for he and I to continue on now that he is divorced - but I'm two years out too, so, with absence, attachment lessens bc there is no/ or little bonding. Our relationship is much less now than it ever was - and we have both considered going back into it - but we also both have concerns (his children mainly).

 

It was nice when I was finally past that initial and brutal grieving phase - isn't it always? To finally wake up one day and realize that you are processing through the grief - and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel of that grief?

 

Don't feel bad that you are still hopeful - it's only natural after a break up that we wonder "what could have been". It's a grieving process, and it takes time... be gentle with yourself.

  • Like 2
AnotherRound Established Member

AnotherRound

Posted
Posted
I miss my friend. But it's impossible for us to have a friendship now, the boundary has been crossed. I remind myself that any contact we have, disrespects his marriage.

 

I don't think he'll contact me again. I know I won't. I don't regret what happened, I really hope he doesn't either. We met, we connected, it was wonderful, but it had to end. Onwards...

 

I like the way you put it here. :)

 

My exMM and I have been lucky in that we have been able to continue our friendship (at a much less level than before, but still very comfortably) - but he is also divorced now, been separated for more than a year - and I ended it with him over 2 years ago - so we have that luxury of time and distance to allow it.

 

I know what you mean about missing your friend - that was the hardest thing for me too when I ended it with exMM - letting go of that - and having to fill up all of those hours that we used to talk to each other about everything. It took a while before I stopped picking up the phone to call him every time something happened, good or bad....

  • Like 1
Praying4Peace Established Member

Praying4Peace

Posted
Posted

I'm completely broken hearted that I lost my best friend. It feels like a death. And as time goes on...he becomes less and less my best friend bc I don't know what he's up and we aren't sharing daily (obviously).

 

I also realized that what I thought was closure between us was not and has put me in a bad place. So the answer is Yes, I still have hope but if I think about it with my brain I know that nothing will ever happen. I'm straddling that 'hope' fence but leaning on the side of acceptance that it'll never be.

 

I can't wait until 2 years out. (stupid Gotye song is in my head)

  • Like 5
AnotherRound Established Member

AnotherRound

Posted
Posted
I'm completely broken hearted that I lost my best friend. It feels like a death. And as time goes on...he becomes less and less my best friend bc I don't know what he's up and we aren't sharing daily (obviously).

 

I also realized that what I thought was closure between us was not and has put me in a bad place. So the answer is Yes, I still have hope but if I think about it with my brain I know that nothing will ever happen. I'm straddling that 'hope' fence but leaning on the side of acceptance that it'll never be.

 

I can't wait until 2 years out. (stupid Gotye song is in my head)

 

I love that song... but yes, 2 years out is a good place to be. It has provided me a lot of distance and healing time from the loss. I don't miss those first few months of missing him so much that it hurt. Even though I ended it - it was still a loss - and I still grieved.

 

You will get there - I know that you wish for a fast forward button, I ALWAYS wish for one when I'm grieving - bc I know that eventually, I'll be okay and back to myself and it won't hurt anymore. But, there is no fast forward button, unfortunately - and we just have to feel it and go through it.

 

Be gentle with yourself - and allow the process to take place. In the meantime, listen to those sad songs sometimes - nothing like a good cry to increase your dopamine and serotonin!

  • Like 1
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
Posted

MetalChick, I can relate. You sound like a good woman.

 

I feel sad when I think of how "full" my MM's life is with his wife in his community. During my own divorce, I really isolated myself. During this affair, I isolated myself further, as people don't really embrace hearing of love for a married man, regardless of the full story. So I didn't share the past year with many friends, and now I grieve pretty much alone. And here...a message board, lol. I've never spent as much time online as I have this past week. I'll give it a few more days and then I'll force myself to try and be one with the world again.

 

I'm lonely, and I hurt. And I MISS him even though I do know what is best...and that was to let him go.

movingon45 Established Member

movingon45

Posted
Posted

7 months since I broke up with him. NC, LC. Roller coaster ride. It has been much better. I don't think I can ever forget him, I tried. Like most of you, I miss the attention and the friendship, but once the boundaries have been crossed there's no turning back. I have reached the point now where I can see his name and not cringe. Indifference should be my goal.

psm04 Established Member

psm04

Posted
Posted
I miss my friend. But it's impossible for us to have a friendship now, the boundary has been crossed. I remind myself that any contact we have, disrespects his marriage.

 

I don't think he'll contact me again. I know I won't. I don't regret what happened, I really hope he doesn't either. We met, we connected, it was wonderful, but it had to end. Onwards...

 

Exactly the way I feel, except that I'm married also, so it disrespects both of our marriages to have contact.

  • Like 3
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
Posted
Exactly the way I feel, except that I'm married also, so it disrespects both of our marriages to have contact.

 

 

PSM...did you have a D-day? Does your H know about your affair? I'm just thinking about how the dynamic would be to be grieving an exMM while fixing a M. It must be complicated.

psm04 Established Member

psm04

Posted
Posted
PSM...did you have a D-day? Does your H know about your affair? I'm just thinking about how the dynamic would be to be grieving an exMM while fixing a M. It must be complicated.

 

Hi Goodbye, no we didn't have a d-day. We ended it because we knew the reality of us not being able to be together, and it was not healthy to stay in the affair with the intense feelings and emotions. The final end (after several attempts from both sides for 2 years) was initiated by me.

 

My H knows about the EA but not the PA. Yes it is a tough predicament since one day, I'm bawling my eyes out thinking about the xOMM, but then the next day, I'm feeling thankful for how nice my H is, and I feel that this is where I want to be. Well, I know that the affair is NOT what I want, but I miss the friendship and the conversations that he and I shared. I miss that more than anything. Unfortunately, I don't think that it is possible to go back to that, at least not for a while :(

  • Like 1
natty moppet Member

natty moppet

Posted
Posted
Yes and no. Somethings are never going to change. My R w/ fMM was a EA. I'm not trying to justify it, but I let it happen because no matter how hard I try, my H is never going to listen to me, talk to me, show any kind of affection or attention unless it leads to sex. Trust me, I've beaten it to death. For the most part we live together amicably. Nothing has changed in that regard. I just don't have a "distraction" now from being ignored.

 

This my H as well and is exactly why I have a hard time saying no the PA even though I am trying to end the EA....

  • Like 1
HeartWon'tHeal Member

HeartWon'tHeal

Posted
Posted

I cannot wait until I am to the point of indifference and it cannot come fast enough. My head knows I am better off without him but my heart still longs for him. Deep down I know we will never be together again.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...