Sleazy e Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 We never even dated. We hadn't seen each other in over 15 years. Why has that one night we shared completely taken me out of my own life. It's been almost 3 months since I've heard from her so I know she doesn't feel the same way about me but I can't get past it. Done the classic get over it stuff...even went skydiving hoping the thrill would wake me up. It just saddened me even more since it was nothing compared to the feeling I had being around her. I fear that one night was the best I'll ever have. How can one night do this to me?
head/heels Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Sorry to hear you are so down, I know that feeling of longing as well. Tell us more about why it was only 1 night as I haven't heard the story yet (or just link me to the other thread if you have one)
Author Sleazy e Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Maybe not knowing why it was only one night is a lot of my problem. We were somewhat close senior year of high school. Thinking back she sent me some signals that she liked me back then. Fast forward many years and I come across her on that dreaded social site. We talk a few times...she is married with a son. Shortly after she is off the site...oh well that sucked. Fast forward a few more years and she is back on. Divorced...come to find out not too long after talking initially. Anyway, I send her my contact info and tell her we should catch up one day. After a few failed attempts "the" night finally happens. She picks me up and off to the bar we go. We stumble across another old friend I hadn't seen since high school. He joins us. Early on she says shes been dating a guy for around two months but feels like he is just playing her. Says she hasn't been comfortable enough with him to have sex yet. Ok. Well after one drink for me and a couple for them she suggests going to the club next door. While in the club I hear "we should kiss...you know to be weird". I turn and she was looking at me. So I kissed her. No biggie I always thought she was just that "weird" kind of girl. Later, my friend drags her to the dance floor. I'm absorbing the night and glance over to the dance floor to see her eying me. Giving me that same look I remember from high school...that look that always made me wonder. At that moment the switch flipped on in my brain/heart. She then drags me to the dance floor. We kiss some more. End up at my friends house and kiss some more. She takes me home and we kiss some more. We end the night doing what we probably shouldn't have done. Afterwards, she mini freaks out saying that she doesn't just do that. We hug and that was that. I wait a few days and message her asking if she wants to go out or just call what we did a mistake. Not a mistake but she can't do it right now. I persist that she say it was a mistake...but she won't concede. She didn't regret it. I ask her to say that she doesn't want to be with me. She won't just that now isn't a good time. Eludes to being busy...not having the time. That was that almost three months ago. Nothing since. That's my story. I never thought that night would end the way it did. I was so happy just to see her again. I didn't make any moves. Knowing she had a boyfriend should I not have slept with her? Should I not have kissed her when she said we should? Why do I feel like I need some closure or a sign to stick around? Why has nothing in my life given me the same joy I felt that night? I can't have such a deep attachment after such a short time...right? Why was she comfortable enough with me to have sex? I just want it all to go away. I keep saying that's what I want. Stupid pessimist in me. Lately I think I should just admit that I really want to be with her and she doesn't want that. I'm usually more rational than this. There appears to be something deep inside me that won't let it go. I feel like I'm waiting for something I'll never have. Why can't I just go back to my life before she entered it? Why does the entire world just feel so empty now?
esteem-jam Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Come on, how can you fall-so-quickly for a chick with a child? Why she had sex with you? -> Because you drank at bar, didnt you? She has a kid. Nothing will take that away. She will always have him, and that ex-bf will be somewhere physically or officially near. At the moment you are just a bystander. It takes very solid groundings, hard work and best intentions to make it possible with a woman with a child. Do you have that?
Author Sleazy e Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Come on, how can you fall-so-quickly for a chick with a child? Why she had sex with you? -> Because you drank at bar, didnt you? Maybe it's because we have history even from long ago...I would never consider her just a chick with a child. I know I'm naive but why would she not just say that sex was a mistake afterwards then? BTW I'm not a young kid and I never go to bars and clubs. They bore me. I went because she wanted to go. She has a kid. Nothing will take that away. She will always have him, and that ex-bf will be somewhere physically or officially near. At the moment you are just a bystander. It takes very solid groundings, hard work and best intentions to make it possible with a woman with a child. Do you have that?While I don't date I have had a couple of girlfriends who all had kids. I have never had any qualms with kids. I am probably far more grounded then I'd like. She said I was genuinely nice (whatever that meant) so I'm not sure she has worries about such. At the moment I'm just a stranger. I have no problem being her boyfriend or just her friend (if that's even possible anymore). I just don't want whatever is in my brain to consume my life. I've never felt this and just want it to go away. It just seems so irrational to be this way.
esteem-jam Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 I've never felt this and just want it to go away. It just seems so irrational to be this way. Agree. The same for me.
Author Sleazy e Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 So, if we are lucky time will help with this huh? Time seems to have stopped. It seems as though I can feel every second since that night. I just want to go back to the sad/lonely e that I was. He at least felt like he was in his own life...now he was rational. He accepted that he would die alone without finding happiness but this e experienced it for one night and can't seem to handle it.
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