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What would you do if you found out your ex (dumper) was pregnant or engaged?

lemonlegs

By lemonlegs
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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lemonlegs Established Member

lemonlegs

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My boyfriend (who's only 23, as is his ex) just found out his ex is pregnant. Sh*tty deals haha. Naturally though, he was extremely surprised, but glad it wasn't him.

 

Obviously, most people have encountered having their exes become engaged/married or pregnant. But I'm talking about younger people here.

 

My boyfriend hasn't admitted it, but he's probably laughing on the inside. (Yes, she might be "happy" but still...)

Edited by lemonlegs
all_cats_rgray Established Member

all_cats_rgray

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she's "happy"... for how long is the question.

jjjman Member

jjjman

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My ex dumped me two and a half months ago and she is seeing someone now. If I found out she was engaged or pregnant........... I don't know, I think I would go into a spiral of depression. I would angry and I would feel like I just got betray. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this but, I don't think I can help it. Man, the thought of her getting engaged or pregnant makes me sick to my stomach now :(. Maybe because I m still in love with her that is why I feel this way........................

 

Im 25 and she is 24

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Cogee Established Member

Cogee

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No hypothetical here. She IS engaged to be married next month and we officially broke up a little less than 3 months ago.

 

I was devastated not only because she dumped me, but she dumped me for someone else AND engaged to marry them shortly after. What did I do? I came here, talked with my family and friends and went through a lot of pain/misery. I've stayed completely NC and realize now that I have no desire to see or talk to her again.

 

My feelings for her have faded away and I'm moving on. If she were ever to contact me again I will not respond.

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lemonlegs Established Member

lemonlegs

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she's "happy"... for how long is the question.

 

Exactly all cats!!! She JUST finished her Bachelor's degree... in something that will not get her a job by itself. Not mentioning, she's only been dating her boyfriend for under 2 years (most of which has been long distance as she was away for school), it's only her second "serious" relationship, and her boyfriend is 7 years older than her. And she'll be stuck in her small little town.

 

For jjj and Cogee, I think this applies. Cogee, if your girlfriend is getting married already, I find it hard believe she's given it sufficient thought. And jjj, it's easy to say that while you're still hurting, but if it happened, I think you'd feel more sorry for her than anything. I'm speaking from how my boyfriend feels... he's happy with me and GLAD that his ex broke up with him now.

Cogee Established Member

Cogee

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Exactly all cats!!! She JUST finished her Bachelor's degree... in something that will not get her a job by itself. Not mentioning, she's only been dating her boyfriend for under 2 years (most of which has been long distance as she was away for school), it's only her second "serious" relationship, and her boyfriend is 7 years older than her. And she'll be stuck in her small little town.

 

I don't see those as bad. The age difference is not a big deal due to her being 23, being long distance is hard work so if they are still together despite that then they must be really dedicated, and her boyfriend is close to 30 so he might be mature and in a stable career. Maybe she wants to be in that small little town with him, or maybe he will want to move eventually if she wants to move.

 

I guess what I'm saying here is you list those things as if they are bad but I can also see them as positives. If she wants to have a child she at least may be in a good position to do it.

 

For jjj and Cogee, I think this applies. Cogee, if your girlfriend is getting married already, I find it hard believe she's given it sufficient thought. And jjj, it's easy to say that while you're still hurting, but if it happened, I think you'd feel more sorry for her than anything. I'm speaking from how my boyfriend feels... he's happy with me and GLAD that his ex broke up with him now.

 

Of course I wonder if my ex has really thought things through but it really doesn't matter. Maybe she met her absolute match in life and is throwing caution to the wind.

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lemonlegs Established Member

lemonlegs

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I don't see those as bad. The age difference is not a big deal due to her being 23, being long distance is hard work so if they are still together despite that then they must be really dedicated, and her boyfriend is close to 30 so he might be mature and in a stable career. Maybe she wants to be in that small little town with him, or maybe he will want to move eventually if she wants to move.

 

I guess what I'm saying here is you list those things as if they are bad but I can also see them as positives. If she wants to have a child she at least may be in a good position to do it.

 

 

 

Of course I wonder if my ex has really thought things through but it really doesn't matter. Maybe she met her absolute match in life and is throwing caution to the wind.

 

I see those things as negatives, absolutely. I highly doubt it was "planned." And yes, he does have a stable career and might be ready, that's great. He also has 7 years more life experience, so while he may be ready, what puts her in the same position? And no, long distance is actually easy, cause you can do whatever you want while knowing you have someone waiting for you (I say this because she always was talking to several guys at a time, people don't change that easily if they're attention seekers), and my point about that was that they don't know what it's like being together in the sense that they're around each other every day for a long period of time. And seeing as she has an aspiration to do something that will require not living in a small town in the middle of butt f*** no where, it kinda sucks. Not mentioning both my boyfriend and his mom has stated how clingy, needy, and immature she is. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it's basically just to illustrate how things might not be so perfect and wonderful as you may imagine. Sure, you can call an unexpected pregnancy perfect and wonderful if you want. But, what do I know? I'm 21 and feel like a minority amongst the people I went to highschool with for not having a child. I guess it's the new "cool" thing to do these days. Have kids insanely young.

 

Basically, I sure as hell would not want a kid at 23 and anyone that "wants" one that young must be really happy staying where they are, at least for a while. Anyways, hopefully for her sake, she's happy.

 

Yeah, maybe your ex did, but that's pretty lucky. I just basically am wondering why people feel the need to rush into things? What's the harm in waiting to get married or have a baby if you're "so confident" that you'll be with that person for so long...?

Edited by lemonlegs
Cogee Established Member

Cogee

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I see those things as negatives, absolutely. I highly doubt it was "planned." And yes, he does have a stable career and might be ready, that's great. He also has 7 years more life experience, so while he may be ready, what puts her in the same position? And no, long distance is actually easy, cause you can do whatever you want while knowing you have someone waiting for you (I say this because she always was talking to several guys at a time, people don't change that easily if they're attention seekers), and my point about that was that they don't know what it's like being together in the sense that they're around each other every day for a long period of time. And seeing as she has an aspiration to do something that will require not living in a small town in the middle of butt f*** no where, it kinda sucks. Not mentioning both my boyfriend and his mom has stated how clingy, needy, and immature she is. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it's basically just to illustrate how things might not be so perfect and wonderful as you may imagine. Sure, you can call an unexpected pregnancy perfect and wonderful if you want. But, what do I know? I'm 21 and feel like a minority amongst the people I went to highschool with for not having a child. I guess it's the new "cool" thing to do these days. Have kids insanely young.

 

Basically, I sure as hell would not want a kid at 23 and anyone that "wants" one that young must be really happy staying where they are, at least for a while. Anyways, hopefully for her sake, she's happy.

 

Yeah, maybe your ex did, but that's pretty lucky. I just basically am wondering why people feel the need to rush into things? What's the harm in waiting to get married or have a baby if you're "so confident" that you'll be with that person for so long...?

 

I agree that I'd personally never get married to someone so quickly and would not want to have a child at her age, but for different reasons than just age. At 23, I just finished school and wanted to work a few years to save money and return to school eventually. I was at no point during that time ready for a family.

 

However, I do know people who were ready for children at that age precisely because they had already settled into a career / life together. Each couple is different and you don't really know what her thinking is. It may be unplanned, but it doesn't mean she shares the same opinion as you about what she wants in life. Perhaps she has a comfort in knowing her man is stable and can provide for her.

 

I'll have to respectfully disagree about your characterization of long distance. Perhaps this girl is immature (and really, at 23 she probably isn't mature) and she doesn't take the distance as seriously as he does, but maintaining trust and a bond over distance is much harder than in person. LDR is not for everyone, and I know from experience.

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lemonlegs Established Member

lemonlegs

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I agree that I'd personally never get married to someone so quickly and would not want to have a child at her age, but for different reasons than just age. At 23, I just finished school and wanted to work a few years to save money and return to school eventually. I was at no point during that time ready for a family.

 

However, I do know people who were ready for children at that age precisely because they had already settled into a career / life together. Each couple is different and you don't really know what her thinking is. It may be unplanned, but it doesn't mean she shares the same opinion as you about what she wants in life. Perhaps she has a comfort in knowing her man is stable and can provide for her.

 

I'll have to respectfully disagree about your characterization of long distance. Perhaps this girl is immature (and really, at 23 she probably isn't mature) and she doesn't take the distance as seriously as he does, but maintaining trust and a bond over distance is much harder than in person. LDR is not for everyone, and I know from experience.

 

Yes, you're right. I know many people that had kids young, and they're doing well for themselves. It was just much more difficult than what it would've been.

 

I'm saying all this based on what I know of her. Yes, MOST 23 year olds aren't immature, but then again, some are.

 

And yes, he probably could provide for her. If that's what you want out of life. I guess I'm projecting my values and aspirations onto her... I would NEVER want to rely on a man. So yeah, it could be worse.

 

Is your ex young? Did you want to marry her?

Cogee Established Member

Cogee

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Yes, you're right. I know many people that had kids young, and they're doing well for themselves. It was just much more difficult than what it would've been.

 

I'm saying all this based on what I know of her. Yes, MOST 23 year olds aren't immature, but then again, some are.

 

And yes, he probably could provide for her. If that's what you want out of life. I guess I'm projecting my values and aspirations onto her... I would NEVER want to rely on a man. So yeah, it could be worse.

 

Is your ex young? Did you want to marry her?

 

My ex is 27 but we are both still in school. She will be in school for another 2 years while I will be done school in a few weeks. I wanted to marry her, but needed to find a job close to her after graduating (which was very likely to happen). After securing that part of my life I would have been ready to propose.

Thunderchild Established Member

Thunderchild

Posted
Posted (edited)
My boyfriend (who's only 23, as is his ex) just found out his ex is pregnant. Sh*tty deals haha. Naturally though, he was extremely surprised, but glad it wasn't him.

 

Obviously, most people have encountered having their exes become engaged/married or pregnant. But I'm talking about younger people here.

 

My boyfriend hasn't admitted it, but he's probably laughing on the inside. (Yes, she might be "happy" but still...)

 

My current ex cheated on me and got pregnant behind my back with her paramour. I feel nothing but loathing and contempt for her. At the break up, she attempted to make excuses for her conduct, so I told her to get out of my house. I have never heard from her again - and have no wish to do so in the future.

 

I do not intend to be sympathetic to her condition. I have no doubt she will have lots of her idiot friends who will trot out the female victimhood agenda for her benefit. They'll tell her that she 'made a mistake' and that 'it wasn't her fault'. I am led to believe that the father/paramour is no longer on the scene. As my mother would have said "she made her bed, let her lie on it!"

 

People make choices in life, and as adults they have to accept the consequences of those choices. Thank God the child isn't mine - I've dodged a bullet there and I am moving on with life!!

Edited by Thunderchild
lovelifexx Established Member

lovelifexx

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Posted
I see those things as negatives, absolutely. I highly doubt it was "planned." And yes, he does have a stable career and might be ready, that's great. He also has 7 years more life experience, so while he may be ready, what puts her in the same position? And no, long distance is actually easy, cause you can do whatever you want while knowing you have someone waiting for you (I say this because she always was talking to several guys at a time, people don't change that easily if they're attention seekers), and my point about that was that they don't know what it's like being together in the sense that they're around each other every day for a long period of time. And seeing as she has an aspiration to do something that will require not living in a small town in the middle of butt f*** no where, it kinda sucks. Not mentioning both my boyfriend and his mom has stated how clingy, needy, and immature she is. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it's basically just to illustrate how things might not be so perfect and wonderful as you may imagine. Sure, you can call an unexpected pregnancy perfect and wonderful if you want. But, what do I know? I'm 21 and feel like a minority amongst the people I went to highschool with for not having a child. I guess it's the new "cool" thing to do these days. Have kids insanely young.

 

Basically, I sure as hell would not want a kid at 23 and anyone that "wants" one that young must be really happy staying where they are, at least for a while. Anyways, hopefully for her sake, she's happy.

 

Yeah, maybe your ex did, but that's pretty lucky. I just basically am wondering why people feel the need to rush into things? What's the harm in waiting to get married or have a baby if you're "so confident" that you'll be with that person for so long...?

 

I don't know why you are being so judgemental on people who decide to have children young. I was 24 when I got pregnant and I moved to Sweden. Since my daughter was born I have earned a Master's degree, part of which I studied at a University in Beijing. I have learned both Swedish and Chinese fluently and I have travelled around Europe, gone surfing in Indonesia and worked on a project for the European Union in Romania.

 

And some people like living in small towns. My Dad was 40 years older than my Mom and they had a very happy marriage. 7 years sounds like a big age difference to you because you are very young and not very experienced (obviously by your view of things). When you get older 7 years is nothing.

 

Quit judging how other people want to live their lives. Besides, you have very little life experience for your opinion to matter.

love1336x Established Member

love1336x

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Lol, my ex best friend at the time when we was friends. Her ex GOT married for the woman he left her for, and now they're expecting their first baby.

 

I know deep inside she's dying, but ehh what are you gonna do? :/

 

My ex went back with the woman he cheated on me with. I was shock. I felt a little sting, but I brush it off. My fault for digging to see what he was doing. I promise myself never to want an update. ever. i just don't wanna care.

  • 2 weeks later...
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lemonlegs Established Member

lemonlegs

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I don't know why you are being so judgemental on people who decide to have children young. I was 24 when I got pregnant and I moved to Sweden. Since my daughter was born I have earned a Master's degree, part of which I studied at a University in Beijing. I have learned both Swedish and Chinese fluently and I have travelled around Europe, gone surfing in Indonesia and worked on a project for the European Union in Romania.

 

And some people like living in small towns. My Dad was 40 years older than my Mom and they had a very happy marriage. 7 years sounds like a big age difference to you because you are very young and not very experienced (obviously by your view of things). When you get older 7 years is nothing.

 

Quit judging how other people want to live their lives. Besides, you have very little life experience for your opinion to matter.

 

RELAX, you sound a touch butthurt if you ask me.

 

I view it as a negative thing because I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE KNOCKED UP AT 24. Get over yourself. I'm not 'judging her', as I said, if she's happy, all the power to her. And my opinion does matter clearly, otherwise you wouldn't have voiced your opposing one. Thanks though.

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