Victory18 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 So for the past month and a half I have been combing through this site to try and relate to everyone on here who is dealing with the loss of a break up. One of the hardest parts of moving on is finding the best path for yourself to cope and come out the other side a stronger person. A little background -- when I was 20 I went through my first break up. We had been together for 3 years, and I ended up getting cheated on while I was overseas. I made (and I kid you not) every possible worst decision in the aftermath. I called, emailed, texted, crawled on my knees and begged her to take me back and ditch the new guy. I sacrificed my pride and everything that made me an individual in an attempt to gain her back. Those 2-3 months that I spent being a ****ing idiot are months in my life that I will never get back. After I came home, she did come back to me but by that time I wanted nothing to do with her and my only actual regret was how I handled the situation. Fast forward a few years, I moved to a new city to start my life and fell for a girl I worked with. Could have made a better decision on that scenario, but instead I let my heart take control. At the beginning (like most relationships), it was great. But there were always red flags with her that I chose to ignore. When you first start a new relationship, you always put these red flags on a shelf with the idea "I'll just deal with these later." Well, 7 months later, I dealt with all of them at once. We played a game of back and forth, and I truly did love this girl with everything I had. I tried to do everything right, but in an effort to keep her happy, I once again lost everything about myself that made me who I am. Things fell apart, I initiated the breakup but it was the last thing in the world that I wanted to do. This break-up, for whatever reason, was just as hard if not harder than my first one, and I found myself again at square one. Here's the fun that followed: For the first week I was in shock. I didn't want to admit that we had actually broken up, and I went through a full week of self denial. I barely ate, hardly slept, and dropped weight like crazy. The one thing that I have to say, is from the very beginning I wanted to do things differently than the first time around. So here's my first tip for the first two weeks of your breakup. 1. Buy a go-phone The very next day I gave my phone to my room mate and bought a cheap go phone at best buy. That way, I couldnt be contacted by my ex, and I couldnt reach out to her in a moment of weakness. I kept the go phone for two weeks. At the end of those two weeks, my room mate gave me my phone back and I deleted every last bit of information that I had on my ex down to her number and old pictures. that led me to my next move... 2. Delete your facebook I got rid of my facebook. I didnt want to delete her or block her as a friend, because that does not really address the issue. If I was truly devastated (which I was), I needed to work on myself. Facebooks can always be brought back, and everyone will still be there once I am ready to get back on. So facebook is out. I dont know what she is doing, and it honestly doesnt matter. The true matter is how I am going to move forward. I went through work like a zombie for a week and a half and it affected my performance. Everyone noticed, and I realized I had to take a new approach to my life in order to gain control. All I wanted to do was be alone and mope, but that is THE LAST thing that you should do. so.... 3. Join an early morning group fitness class I joined up with an early morning fitness group that absolutely pushed me to my physical limits. At the end of the day, after work, I would meet up with some friends and avoid my room until I could barely stand. That way, when you finally lay in bed, you are exhausted and you pass out in 5 minutes instead of staying awake wondering if your ex is hooking up with someone new. So here I am a month and a half later without any contact from her or making any contact. I am still sad about everything but I am gaining more perspective every day. So I wanted to wrap things up with my thoughts as of yet. This person, whoever they are and however much they meant to you, is no longer in your life. The most productive thing you can do, is picture how it would be to be married to this person, with all of their flaws, baggage, and immaturity. Then picture how they would affect your children (if you ever want to have any) and what effect that would have on your family. I came to the conclusion that even though I am still completely in love with her, she is not the right one for me. "Love conquers all" cracks me up, because honestly, its not always true. You can love someone who is completely wrong for you, and then you pay for it with each passing year you spend with them. I heard through the grapevine that she wants to eventually be friends, but I won't go that route. I can't be friends with someone i'm in love with, so I will maintain NC as long as it takes. Please take this approach. Respect yourself, build yourself, and love yourself, and everything will come around in time. Fight through each day, take it as a gift, and get as tired as you possibly can and AVOID YOU ROOM like the plague. Best of luck to you all 4
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