OwlSoul Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Continuing my observations started here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/385457-breaking-up-q. Every relationship is based on the balance between the attractivity levels of the partners. Community do not expect someone obese to hang out with someone fit, young and beautiful, dor example. So there are 3 major aspects which dictate the health of your relationship and its existence. Physical Appearance (beauty, health, weight, youth) Social Status (work, income) Social Activity (friends, popularity) So, I suggest marking yourself and your partner according to those criterias from 1 to 10. Physical Appearance. It was scientifically proven that people normally prefer healthy partners. For instance, female 90-60-90 parameters are just indicators that she is fertile. Health also means youth. So younger partners receive more points. Disabled. Yes I know, sounds gross, but it's how human brains work. By disabled I mean any physical, mental injury, illness which does not allow the person live normal life. 1 - Disabled mid-Age 2 - Disables Young Obese. Again, it might be hurting, but let's face it. Obesity is not healthy. Beauty and chosing the partner is a lot about health. here could also be added extremely anorexic people, but they're so rare. 3 - Obese mid-age 4 - Obese young Ordinary. By ordinary I mean people with some excess weight/or body disproportion, and/or slight facial disproportions, some skin or hair problems, just a lot of details which would you make you think that the person is average-looking. 5 - Ordinary mid-age 6 - Ordinary young Pretty. Usually ideal weight or close to it/or ideal body proportions, attractive facial proportions, good skin and hairs and etc. 7 - Pretty mid-age 8 - Pretty young Gorgeous. Athletic, ideal weighting, ideal body, ideal style, everything ideal. 9 - Gorgeous mid-age 10 - Gorgeous young Social Status. 1 - criminal/drug addict 2 - alchhohol addict 3 - no work, no education 4 - housewife (thanks to men, they're not valued at all) 5 - college student 6 - low qualification worker 7 - university student 8 - mid q. worker 9 - high q. worker 10 - actual middle-size business owner or something equal in income Social Activity I found it quite hard to classify the social activities part. Generally, higher the rank of the person is in this, less emotionally attached and dependent the person will be. 1 - Anti-social person, psycho 2 - No friends, a bit of sociaopath 3 - One or two friends, hermit 4 - Few friends, sometimes goes out 5 - Middle number of friends, goes out every 2 weeks or so 6 - Lots of friends, popular person 7 - Volunteer (it takes a lot of emotional energy) 8 - Involved into sport or other contest activities, popular person 9 - something between 8 and 10 10 - Leader of some kind of movement, a group of people. Okie, so I'll show how it works on my example. At the moment of the BU Me (Dumpee) ________________________ He (Dumper) Appearance - 4 _______________________Appearance - 8 Social Status - 7 _____________________ Social Status - 6 Social Activity - 4 _____________________ Social Activity - 6 Currently, when he is getting back his feeling and working on things out: Me (Dumpee) ________________________ He (Dumper) Appearance - 6 _______________________Appearance - 8 Social Status - 7 _____________________ Social Status - 6 Social Activity - 6 _____________________ Social Activity - 6 So welp, it was quite disbalanced. In the beginning of a relationship those parameters do not normally play role, but after the honeymoon stage it shakes everything. Basically, for a loving relationship you need to be equal in any parameters to your partner. If there is a diviation in 1-2, it is co-opable, but a bit unstable. It lasts untill someone will start feeling insecure, and might last for years. Deviations in 2-3 points is more critical. It will cause the drop of interest in 6 or so months. 4 and more Ofc, there is more likely a lot of flaws in the ranking and there are involved a way more factors like childhood and experience. But those parameters I see as a core which gives us confidence or drains it. The thing is, the marking is the way how you feel yourself, not how your partner see you. Once you start feeling yourself equal and etc. you gain bigger chances for the relationship to survive. Confidence is the key in the relationships.
grace777 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 But you're basing self-worth, and the worthiness of others to be in your company on solely superficial items. There's no mention of personality, values, beliefs, sensitivity, interests, connection, communication, commitment, etc... These things are way more significant than how hot he/she is, how much money they make or how popular they are.
Author OwlSoul Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 I know, it all sounds so harsh. Yes, in the eyes of others those things are critical. However, I mentioned that the parameters told are what you are feeling about yourself. Appearance - what you think you are, the way how you feel. It is proven that people doing sports are more organized and feel less stressed. Your job - your life aim, what you do, your interests, personal qualities and etc. Popularity - what people think about you, how they value your beliefs, interests and etc. The love and passion relies upon the inner feeling, subconcious. It is all the time determines how we feel in the relationship. For instance: the dumper usually is extremely loved and being treated very well. Logically, they should stay in such comfortable relationship where he/she is loved so much. But… the person feels deep inside that something is wrong, loses all the love, feels guilt, starts blaming self for being such a bad person for not loving back. Logically, we should stop loving or even hating the person who hurt us so much. Logically, we should stop wanting someone who does not want us, since it is useless and hurting. Your brains tell you that the person does not worth your tears and your time, that the person is not ideal. But once we have invested so much into those relationships, dumpees’ gut feeling just cries and shouts that you want only and only this person.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Yeah, I don't really buy this at all. Way too many things that are overlooked. Your effort probably could have been best used in another way.
Author OwlSoul Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Yeah, I don't really buy this at all. Way too many things that are overlooked. Your effort probably could have been best used in another way. Proably it is not quite correct in some parts. Who knows. It took about 10 minutes to type this while I'm waiting for my taxi. If you're about the self-improvement, I do not think so. Anything what makes you feel better is for the better.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Proably it is not quite correct in some parts. Who knows. It took about 10 minutes to type this while I'm waiting for my taxi. If you're about the self-improvement, I do not think so. Anything what makes you feel better is for the better. Did you write this while waiting for the taxi? Doesn't really make sense.
Author OwlSoul Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Welp, as you say then. You're most likely much older and experienced + native English speaker, so I really have no wish to argue and agree with you, that pobably it is far from reality.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Welp, as you say then. You're most likely much older and experienced + native English speaker, so I really have no wish to argue and agree with you, that pobably it is far from reality. My bad, I just thought you were drunk. Carry on.
Am4Real Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Way too complicated. Go out and have fun - see where things go - learn from mistakes - try again. How's that? I little easier to digest I hope!
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