It sucks to be unattractive

[TacoGirl23]

Isn't this guy "extremely attractive" in your own words?

 

 

It's not shallow for an average gal to want a good looking man but it's shallow for a good looking man to want a good looking girl?

 

 

I hope you see the irony

 

I never fell hard for his looks. It is hispersonality that got me. He is a 9 out of 10. Nicely dressed. Typically OB look. I do admit it is a plus，but I would never have dated him without the personality. I know guys who are better looking than him and I didn't even liked them a bit because of the way they act. I do understand his position though. With his looks，he could do better. No negativity intended，just reality

[kyle77]

To be honest these days being good looking isn't really something you're born with. Yes there are some people who got lucky but for the most part everyone can be good looking if they want to. It all comes down to whether or not you really value your looks. Some people don't value their looks that highly and there is nothing wrong with that. But if you do, then you can always exercise and eat healthy foods, have good fashion sense, act confidently, ensure your skin is clear and make-up is well done. There are so many facets to being good looking that you don't have to be born genetically perfect. If you make the effort people will notice.

[carhill]

It sucks to be unattractive/not good-looking with the subset of the human population which requires attractiveness/good-looks as a condition of considering one as a potential. The good news is, with billions of people in the world, the subset of people who aren't like that is a lot of people. If invisible to the rest, that's OK.

[SJC2008]

So why do men die sooner?

 

On average, women develop cardiovascular disease about 10 years later than men. It's a good thing the fact that women lose collagen faster than men and their lower androgen levels (the reasons they age worse than men) aren't linked to cardiovascular disease.

Edited April 20, 2013 by SJC2008

[SJC2008]

 

I know I am reaching for the nearly impossible with this guy..but I can see us having a great relationship.We have amazing chemistry...and felt like we've known each other for years. It even got to the point where he told me I am one of the fewest girls he felt so comfortable and click with，and this is what gets me the most. If that is the case，why don't he give me a try？ Are looks really that important？A bit shallow，I must say.

 

Why won't that brounette bombshell with blue eyes and the ass of J-Lo give me the time of day? Shallow I must say. Right but you like his "personality"! Ok cool. Find a guy in your league with a great personality since his very attractive looks don't matter.

 

I hate to use this card but I'm starting to think you're the girl that I'd be THRILLED to date but gets ignored because you're crushing on Mr. Dream boat.

 

In all seriousness, you said he feels comfortable around you so he might actually like you. If he says something like that again jump on it and say "Well make a move tough guy" while smiling! The worst he can say is no.

[RedRobin]

On average, women develop cardiovascular disease about 10 years later than men. It's a good thing the fact that women lose collagen faster than men and their lower androgen levels (the reasons they age worse than men) aren't linked to cardiovascular disease.

 

Androgen levels are not as closely linked to aging in women as they are in men... and as far as collagen levels, that is tied much more to racial background, diet, and lifestyle than gender.

 

Androgen - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

 

Most Caucasian, light skinned men I know are getting wrinkles/sagging a lot sooner than women. That's because (in general) men don't care for their skin or bodies like women (in general) do.

[soccerrprp]

So why do men die sooner?

 

Stress and more stress.

[carhill]

Men are socialized to internalize stress ('be a man', 'don't complain', 'control your anger', 'don't cry', etc) and the chemistry of stress, if persistent, can prematurely age one's physically attractive features. If one was not blessed genetically with physically attractive features, the slippery slope gets a dose of Astroglide.

[soccerrprp]

Men are socialized to internalize stress ('be a man', 'don't complain', 'control your anger', 'don't cry', etc) and the chemistry of stress, if persistent, can prematurely age one's physically attractive features. If one was not blessed genetically with physically attractive features, the slippery slope gets a dose of Astroglide.

 

The sad thing is so many men buy into this. They think that they are being real men buy taking on all this stress and pretending to me invincible and "tough." In reality, they are suppressing their emotions to their detriment. Men need to wise up and realize that it's okay to share their emotions, allow women to be a "partner" w/o regard to preconceived and rigid gender roles, and stop hiding their insecurities to the point of emotional deterioration and frustration.

 

Some dudes may see this as being a wimp, but I guarantee they're not living any longer, healthier, nor getting more girls or remaining in meaningful LTRs than anyone else.

[Woggle]

Men traditionally have embraced more dangerous lives than women plus they drank more, smoked more and in general abused their bodies more. Now that women are pretty much the same as men when it comes to this behavior I am sure things will change in the coming decades.

 

I think aging better has more to do with the individual than the gender.

[MN85]

Attraction and looks are two different things. Attraction is how you feel about them. I can find guys good-looking but not be attracted to them, but be attracted to them and not initially think they are good-looking.

 

I know some of you are young and sort of naive and new to dating based on previous threads you've posted, but I'm sure you'll figure it out. I'm chalking it up to wanting to blame it on everything except your personalities. Which is fine.

 

The guys who are super attractive here are the ones who are mature and confident and who actually listen. You guys know who you are.

 

Hey now hey now - just because Im new to the dating/relationship thing and because Im having trouble finding a girl with whom Id actually like to be in a relationship (since Im super-picky) doesnt mean that I havent been successful in attracting/sleeping w women

 

and let me tell you - since I got my physical appearance in order, my success rate skyrocketed - regardless whether we're talking about a "classic" pick-up in a bar/club or in a more randome location (bookstore, coffee shop, metro, etc).

 

Coincidence? Id venture a guess and say: probly not ^^

 

I do agree that personality goes a LONG LONG way in dating (which is why I rarely make it past date 2 with many girls) BUT when it comes to attracting guys/girls so that they can actually accept your invite to date 1, physical appearance/attraction is KEY.

[MN85]

Key word relationship. You're not getting into a relationship if you can't attract the other person. Looks are everything in terms of approach and weighing the effort. Once you realize that she meets the eye test, only then can you really find out the other stuff.

 

That being said, there are women who are attractive to all men. There are also women who are attractive to some and not attractive to others. Most women fall in that category. If you got it going on to the BEST OF YOUR ABILITY and you're feeling it... There will be a guy attracted to you OP. I promise.

 

exactly! key here is that we're talking about attracting a guy/girl so that he/she actually goes out with you in the first place

We're NOT talking about how attraction in a relationship works

[filani]

Why won't that brounette bombshell with blue eyes and the ass of J-Lo give me the time of day? Shallow I must say. Right but you like his "personality"! Ok cool. Find a guy in your league with a great personality since his very attractive looks don't matter.

 

I hate to use this card but I'm starting to think you're the girl that I'd be THRILLED to date but gets ignored because you're crushing on Mr. Dream boat.

 

In all seriousness, you said he feels comfortable around you so he might actually like you. If he says something like that again jump on it and say "Well make a move tough guy" while smiling! The worst he can say is no.

 

@ sjc2008

 

How about she does you one better?

I'm thinking she needs to WOMAN UP , grow a pair of ovaries and then she can just plain ASK HIM OUT!

None of that subtle hints B.S ! She doesn't have to make a big production out of it,just something simple like a coffee date. She would save herself a whole lot of time and drama that way don't you think?

However If the OP won't do what I suggested above then she can't blame anybody or anything but herself if her crush gets snapped up by another woman who isn't ready to sit on her ass waiting for the hot guy to fall into her lap!

[MN85]

Yes they do. Between 30-60 men age far better, after that women age better.

 

so, SO true - especially for men who take care of their bodies

My dad is 67 but since he's well-groomed and works out, he looks like 50 (that comment came from a 24yr old student who asked us for directions a few months ago btw )

[carhill]

exactly! key here is that we're talking about attracting a guy/girl so that he/she actually goes out with you in the first place

We're NOT talking about how attraction in a relationship works

I should have conditioned my responses upon that. People's first impressions of other people are visual. When reading the OP, I presumed we were discussing 'it sucks to be unattractive' in the first impressions of others. Later, the discussion evolved into 'aging' and how people can become physically less attractive with age.

 

This is often supported here on LS by women describing an 'old, creepy, overweight, balding' man as unattractive, especially when he happens to be 'hitting on' her. At that point, his personality, family values, charitable contributions, service at church, giving to the homeless, ad nauseum, is unknown. The same goes for an 'unattractive' woman, whatever the usual description of that is. It's how a subset of humans are. Accepted.

[MN85]

A lot of women are also nicer and less apt to criticize men openly. Trust me, we aren't really THAT attracted to dudes who are visibly aging, unless they are awesome in other ways.

 

I'm still a 10!! And so are a lot of the lovely people in this thread, IMO.

 

LOL "I'm still a 10!!" ????

 

Now you have to keep repeating it on this forum over and over again just so you believe it?

 

Please... I'm sure you're a nice girl and stuff but this "I'm still a 10 no matter what people say" business is starting to sound really pathetic...

 

Unless you've the body of a super model, you are NOT even close to a 10 in terms of physical attractiveness - that's just a fact.

 

Or you're a 10 on a scale from 1-20 then - that would work too...

[ltjg45]

The day where I say that "I'm a 10" is the day where I have given up completely trying to date.

 

Because, in my heart, that is a complete and total lie I told to myself.

[Disinterested]

The day where I say that "I'm a 10" is the day where I have given up completely trying to date.

 

Because, in my heart, that is a complete and total lie I told to myself.

People who judge themselves to be a 10 would be so in love with themselves they would practically be dating.

[soccerrprp]

I think that Treasa was being supportive and encouraging. The reality is that there is little that we can do about our physical attractiveness no matter how much confidence we have. But, there comes a point when one must admit this and the next difficult option is to believe that you ARE worth more than how the rest of the world sees you.

 

Treasa is, I believe, indicating as much. For her, she has that confidence. She doesn't need validation from anyone else but herself and that works for her. For the OP, she needs to believe that she has potential. Clearly she's dated before, right? So, it sounds like a confidence issue and recognition that she may need to change some things about her, if possible.

 

In the end, having a relations is not the make or break of one's existence. Believe you don't NEED one...

[ltjg45]

People who judge themselves to be a 10 would be so in love with themselves they would practically be dating.

 

That just it.

 

When you think you are a 10, you think you are perfect.

 

However, you also came to the conclusion that there is nothing left to change. Nothing to improve on.

 

If I say that "I'm a 10", I'm basically saying that I have no need to continue looking for work (no job in 5 years), no need to learn how to have sex (virgin at the age of 26), no need to pick up better clothing (my wardrobe is mostly white shirts and 2 pairs of pants), no need to look at higher education.

 

Nothing.

 

"I'm absolutely perfect and anyone who tells me otherwise is idiots."

 

.....

 

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

[pbjbear]

LMAO

The men on this site crack me up. They bitch that women arent pretty without makeup but unfortunately, when most girls wear makeup and you dont, unless you have Angelina Jolie features you wont stand out. So now all these guys are telling you to wear makeup.

 

If every girl around you is wearing makeup, youll need to wear some. Sucks but it is what it is. In my hometown, I didnt wear any makeup. Why? When I wear makeup all the time and then take it off at night around my S.O Ill look like a completely different person. Its funny because alot of guys make comments when a girl takes off their makeup yet they choose women that wear makeup in their dating choices because they look better.

 

I now live in NYC and am surrounded by beautiful women. I wear makeup and style my hair because legit, every single girl around me does. What am I to do? On days where nobody sees me, I wear none and dont do much for my hair. However, men dont accept that sort of look anymore so in public, I have to conform if I want someone to give me the time of day.

 

Also, men on this site bash me when I say its all about looks with men but everyone on here is encouraging you to work on your looks. LMAO

 

What Ive learned about men? They want all the perks of a hot, attractive woman without all the drawbacks. They want a girl who rolls out of bed looking perfect who doesnt have to wear makeup and put time and effort into her appearance by working out. They want a girl who looks awesome without putting effort in and who wont spend their money trying to attain such a high level of beauty. Unfortunately, only around 2% of the female population falls into this category and are legit naturally very beautiful. The media has affected the standards of beauty males feel entitled to- scientific studies done on this too by the way. Most girls will have to style their hair, wear makeup, work out and eat restricted and healthy diets to compete with their physical standards they expect from women. Then when they do this, men complain about it.

 

You want the real truth? Looks are very very important to men. Take a look around on this forum and there are a ton of men who call themselves "average looking" and "I need to lose weight" that are holding out for a hot girl. That thread Tara Maiden posted was so sad to read. That girl is not ugly, shes not a model but shes about average looking but still pretty and most of the men said "not good enough" when alot of those male posters admitted they need to work on their looks.

 

So work on your looks. In a perfect world, Id say theres gonna be a guy who will love you for who you are, but that isnt reality. Personality becomes important to them once you satisfy their physical standards, but FIRST YOU HAVE TO meet their physical standards or else they wont give you the time of day. So yes, work on your looks. Looks are very important to men.

 

Men age just as badly as women, objectively speaking. The difference is men arent judged for aging- women are. Aging for men is not as big of a deal because women are attracted to things other than looks for men, while men value women primarily for her looks and fertility which fades over time. Anyone who doesnt see this is delusional.

Edited April 20, 2013 by pbjbear

[RedRobin]

Men age just as badly as women, objectively speaking. The difference is men arent judged for aging- women are. Aging for men is not as big of a deal because women are attracted to things other than looks for men, while men value women primarily for her looks and fertility which fades over time. Anyone who doesnt see this is delusional.

 

I see it. I choose not to participate. I've never had a problem attracting hot men, rich men, whatever. Super hot men, actually. My ex-H looked like JFK Jr. My 1st boyfriend looked like the Russian boxer in the Rocky movies. meh... Don't care.

 

Caving and wearing makeup or whatever because everyone else does it only perpetuates stereotypes. F men and their stupid standards.

 

Men aren't judged for aging because they spend their time doing other shyte and obliging women who want them to put up with it. Women can do the same.

 

I guarantee that if the OP spends her time getting an education and a kick-ass life, she'll have more than enough spare time to do whatever she wants... including f*cking the hot pool boy for fun if that trips her trigger. or wearing makeup or not. She certainly won't be obliged to put up with men's crap in order to keep a roof over her head... and that is saying a lot.

 

Edited: IME, most women dress up for other women... not men. People do form first impressions based on what one looks like. Both men AND women. It pays to learn how to work a particular look for your own benefit... if and when you want to work it. Certainly don't hold yourself hostage to it though.

Edited April 20, 2013 by RedRobin

[Roadkill007]

He fell hard for me for my personality and told me that it is what makes me different from other girls，even though he dated other prettier chicks...I've always gotten the your cute comments，but never the your pretty one... It even got to the point where he told me I am one of the fewest girls he felt so comfortable and click with，and this is what gets me the most. If that is the case，why don't he give me a try？ Are looks really that important？A bit shallow，I must say.

 

 

Am I the only one confused by this? How could he have fallen for you if he wants you to change your looks? It's not even as if ever since you started seeing him, you suddenly grew a mustache, gained 200 lbs, and decided to start doing professional sumo. I've fallen hard for only three girls over the course of my entire life, and NEVER, did I care that any one of them wasn't a maxim supermodel, or whatever random determinant of attractiveness in today's society. Hell, I don't even think any of them wore makeup regularly. And you know what? I didn't think any of them were "pretty girls", either. I'd classify all of them under the "cute" category.

 

And it's not even just a point of me not caring... One of those girls started having major acne issues (this one was in my teen years if you can tell), and while a part of my brain registered that fact, I could still only see the twinkle in her eyes as she laughed. I was literally lost in her smile, and everything else felt secondary. If he really fell for you in any way, I don't see how on earth he could feel that way about your physical looks, much less voice those feelings. IMO, physical looks are only really important for the initial barrier. The fact that it was still an issue for him(your ex), I think, means that you were never really serious gf material for him to start with, which is a different issue altogether. Either he doesn't know himself as well as he should, or he's deceiving you for the ego boost.

 

 

 

 

 

The last thing I'd like to address is not directly about the OP, but about the whole "I'm a 10" issue that people have been talking about. I also believe I'm a 10. It doesn't mean that I think I'm perfect; it simply means that I am a 10 to myself. To me, I am just damn amazing. I may be a bit out of shape, have stretch marks, etc., but whenever I look in the mirror, I smile. Because to me, I mean the world. And you know what? Those three girls I fell for that I was talking about, objectively I doubt many people would rate them over a 7. However, to me, they were all 10's (no, really, I mean it with all my heart).

[LeGenDary_Man]

In my group of girl friends，I hardly get any attention from guys if they are around. It used to bother me，but not anymore. I am always the girl all the guys like to talk to， but not date. It is hard for me to fall for a guy，but if I do，I fall hard. So far，I have only dated one guy and went on dates with two others in my 21 years if life. My first boyfriend always tried to get me to change the way I look in a subtle way. He fell hard for me for my personality and told me that it is what makes me different from other girls，even though he dated other prettier chicks. I guess I couldnt take it anymore and finally broke it off. It's not that I don't date guys who like me for my personality，but in the end...they still think they can do better. I've always gotten the your cute comments，but never the your pretty one.

 

I know I am reaching for the nearly impossible with this guy..but I can see us having a great relationship.We have amazing chemistry...and felt like we've known each other for years. It even got to the point where he told me I am one of the fewest girls he felt so comfortable and click with，and this is what gets me the most. If that is the case，why don't he give me a try？ Are looks really that important？A bit shallow，I must say.

Their is nothing wrong with making yourself more "presentable/appealing." Your first boyfriend perhaps wanted to convey this to you but you didn't paid attention to his POV and he left.

 

Just because you are "average" in the context of looks; doesn't means that you should not do your best at "beautifying" yourself. Your intention is not just to attract a potential suitor but also boost your self-esteem.

 

If Mr. Right will fall for you, he will not just do so for how you look and present yourself but also your personality. However, you would have a greater chance at attracting Mr. Right if you make the best out of yourself.

 

This whole "accept me as I am" BS is less likely to work in life. No wonder, you are experiencing problems.

[Els]

In my group of girl friends，I hardly get any attention from guys if they are around. It used to bother me，but not anymore. I am always the girl all the guys like to talk to， but not date. It is hard for me to fall for a guy，but if I do，I fall hard. So far，I have only dated one guy and went on dates with two others in my 21 years if life. My first boyfriend always tried to get me to change the way I look in a subtle way. He fell hard for me for my personality and told me that it is what makes me different from other girls，even though he dated other prettier chicks. I guess I couldnt take it anymore and finally broke it off. It's not that I don't date guys who like me for my personality，but in the end...they still think they can do better. I've always gotten the your cute comments，but never the your pretty one.

 

I know I am reaching for the nearly impossible with this guy..but I can see us having a great relationship.We have amazing chemistry...and felt like we've known each other for years. It even got to the point where he told me I am one of the fewest girls he felt so comfortable and click with，and this is what gets me the most. If that is the case，why don't he give me a try？ Are looks really that important？A bit shallow，I must say.

 

I have not found that they are so important that they outweigh all other aspects for every single man, no. That doesn't mean that you should let yourself go and turn into an obese woman with hair that hasn't been washed for weeks, because I think every one of us has a minimum as to what we're physically attracted to. But some people do develop lasting love (which includes physical attraction) despite your looks not being the primary factor in attraction to begin with.

 

IMO if you already look decent (healthy weight, etc), there is no harm in doing all the primping stuff if you want to and can afford the time. But it may be more beneficial for you to talk to a wider variety of guys.

 

How did your first boyfriend 'subtly try to get you to change the way you look'?