It sucks to be unattractive

[runningfar]

Not everyone is a 10/10... that and being average isn't bad. It's average. 4-6 out of ten is most people even if they all want to rate themselves top of the chart. I am not sure it's bad to think you look in general like the majority of people.

 

I do think most women will rate themselves lower than those around them.

 

Some confidence can matter, and being friendly.

 

I'm incredibly self conscious about my looks -mainly my body because I'm chubby! However, it is compensated by being downright egotistical about my physical ability - a lot of years of a lot of physical activity has built it - my intelligence, and my sense of humor. Your personality shines? Appreciate it more.

 

If you really want to learn makeup, cosmeticians will give you lessons in applications. They will do better than most cosmetics salespeople. What I typically see from there will have you looking more like you're auditioning for a job on the streetcorner. I don't like makeup and won't bother, but that is an option.

 

The thing is, looks really, really aren't everything.

 

But, people may have suggestions-0 though if you do share pics I wouldn't do it publicly where there are trolls. I would private message a few people who seem realistic. Not saying you SHOULD. But if you feel the need.

 

And nothing is going to block out that shining personality like negativity. Nobody - men or women - really want to be with a constantly negative person.

[MN85]

I'm not disputing that this is the case for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean that people who don't need external validation are lying to themselves. If every single person on this site told me I was ugly...I would still think I was a 10, and I would still behave as a 10. While I do enjoy compliments, my views on life are my own, not filtered by the opinions of others. For example, if I teach a class and I don't get compliments, I still know I've done a good job - provided I did. I know the difference.

 

The nice thing is that my feelings are not attached to my accomplishments anymore. They used to be, and they used to be attached to the perceived impression of others' opinions. That is not the case anymore. I hold myself up to my own standards.

 

If someone found me unattractive, that's fine. That's their loss and I wouldn't want to be with someone that dumb.

 

In my book, you're taking the easy way out.

Here's why:

 

While I agree that meeting one's own standards is key in life, some things can NOT be measured solely based on one's own standards. Attractinon is one of those things. You may think of yourself as a 10/10 but, if you are not a 10/10 in the eyes of others (KEY), you will never be a true 10/10 in the objective sense.

 

Here's an example:

- 1 average-looking girl with a rating of 6/10 - lets call her A

- 1 drop-dead gorgeous model (i.e. true 10/10) - lets call her B

 

A goes out to town for a night and gets hit on by 2 average-looking guys in the range of 5-7/10. She's a little flattered but her crush - a 9/10 - does not give a **** about her because he's too busy hitting on B...

 

Regardless of whether A feels like a 10/10 or not, her crush will not hit on her because HE perceives HER as a mere 6/10 (i.e. NOT an object of his desire).

 

See what I'm getting at?

It is great that you think highly of yourself BUT your thoughts alone can NOT bend reality to your will.

If you are NOT a 10/10 in the eyes of the people around you then you are NOT a 10/10 at all -regardless of what you keep telling yourself.

 

You can take the easy way out and say "their loss" and move on BUT this strategy alone will almost never help a 6/10 get a 9+/10....

 

period.

[Treasa]

While I agree that meeting one's own standards is key in life, some things can NOT be measured solely based on one's own standards. Attractinon is one of those things. You may think of yourself as a 10/10 but, if you are not a 10/10 in the eyes of others (KEY), you will never be a true 10/10 in the objective sense.

 

How can attraction be objective if I see myself as a 10 and someone else sees me as a 5? That's contradictory and further backs up my point that attraction is not objective, and if you're going to subject yourself to someone's perceptions, they should be your own.

 

Thus, I am a 10/10.

 

And at taking the easy way out. Getting to this point was not easy. It was harder than anything I've ever done in my life. The easy way out would have been to keep relying on my validation from others. No thanks.

[BluEyeL]

Yes, attraction is very subjective, so one man's 10 is another man's 5 and viceversa. Keeping the proportions. Trying to look put together goes a long way.

[SteveC80]

The market will dictate what you are all the other stuff said in here is fluff.You can be as positive as you want but if your goal is to find somebody and nobody wants to be with you then blindly believing how attractive you are isnt gonna make you happy if you still arent attracting anyone.

 

With that said theyres somebody for everyone ugly and average people still find ways to procreate all the time so if your standards are somewhat realistic you shouldnt have huge problems.

[BluEyeL]

Yes, there is some objectivity and the market dictates. But still...confidence and being put together go a long way to influence the market. Cannot make you a super model if you are size 18, but different people are attracted by different types. Men have a type in general and even if you are a 10, let's say you are a brunette, and he prefers blondes, he won't like you as much as the blonde next to you.

 

I think women have a type too. For example I like blonde/ligher colored men and I find eyes to be the most attractive feature (sparkle, light), while many women like dark, tall men and care about the muscles and height more than the eyes. For example, on facebook, many of my girlfriends post sometimes pictures of guys they think the are soooo hot and they don't do anything for me, while I like other guys and they don't think they look that great. So it is subjective to some extent.

[Treasa]

I would take Russell Brand in a heartbeat, even though a lot of women find him unattractive. I would also take Peter Dinklage in a heartbeat even if he wasn't famous and had no money. They're both very attractive to me, make me laugh, have awesome personalities, etc.

 

If you showed me a guy that every other woman wanted, but he did awful things to animals, or was a dud, or didn't use punctuation, I'd have little to no attraction to him.

 

If I walk into a room full of quiet people, I can often have them laughing and talking within minutes. I light it up. I find beautiful and interesting things in others, and I let them know about it. And I realize what's awesome about myself. It's awesome being happy.

[BluEyeL]

I would take Russell Brand in a heartbeat,.

 

Hahaha, I was exactly thinking of Russell Brand when I was talking about other women liking men I don't like/find ugly. And that dude everyone makes a fuss about, the one from the Pirates of Carabeean, forgot his name....I don't get the fuss, I don't find him attractive in the least.

 

I like Bradley Cooper and, I'm ashamed to admit, at 41, a 23 yo contestant from last season's The Voice, Dez Duron.

[MN85]

The market will dictate what you are all the other stuff said in here is fluff.You can be as positive as you want but if your goal is to find somebody and nobody wants to be with you then blindly believing how attractive you are isnt gonna make you happy if you still arent attracting anyone.

 

With that said theyres somebody for everyone ugly and average people still find ways to procreate all the time so if your standards are somewhat realistic you shouldnt have huge problems.

 

Correct.

The only addition to this that I have is that, even if you're attracting some guys/girls, if these guys/girls are not the ones you're after (i.e. if you're attracting average girls while pining for models), you're still screwed.

 

So, you have 2 options here:

 

A. Do what Treasa did and lower your expectations while inflating your self image internally and adopting a "their loss" attitude to feel better (kinda like the fox who couldnt get to the grapes and then walked away saying that they were sour anyway).

 

OR

 

B. Make yourself more attractive.

 

Some ideas to beef up your physical attraction level:

- clean up your diet & hit the gym hard to loose fat/build muscle

- put on make-up or higher-quality make-up

- get a new haircut

- buy new, stylish clothes

 

A is the easy way for people who are too weak to embark on the hard, long, arduous journey that B requires.

 

Trust me - I know - I was in camp A once and decided to change my entire outward-facing image. It took me 12 months, a lot of sweat, pain and effort to go through B but I did it and nowadays I have an 8/10 hit rate wherever I go (as in I get positiver esponses from 8+ out of every 10 girls that I ask out).

 

Again, making yourself more attractive is hard as hell but it is definitely possible and definitely WORTH the effort.

[KungFuJoe]

Correct.

The only addition to this that I have is that, even if you're attracting some guys/girls, if these guys/girls are not the ones you're after (i.e. if you're attracting average girls while pining for models), you're still screwed.

 

So, you have 2 options here:

 

A. Do what Treasa did and lower your expectations while inflating your self image internally and adopting a "their loss" attitude to feel better (kinda like the fox who couldnt get to the grapes and then walked away saying that they were sour anyway).

 

OR

 

B. Make yourself more attractive.

 

Some ideas to beef up your physical attraction level:

- clean up your diet & hit the gym hard to loose fat/build muscle

- put on make-up or higher-quality make-up

- get a new haircut

- buy new, stylish clothes

 

A is the easy way for people who are too weak to embark on the hard, long, arduous journey that B requires.

 

Trust me - I know - I was in camp A once and decided to change my entire outward-facing image. It took me 12 months, a lot of sweat, pain and effort to go through B but I did it and nowadays I have an 8/10 hit rate wherever I go (as in I get positiver esponses from 8+ out of every 10 girls that I ask out).

 

Again, making yourself more attractive is hard as hell but it is definitely possible and definitely WORTH the effort.

 

LS needs a dislike button SO BAD for this crappy post.

[Sunshine87]

Haha- can't stand Russell Brand. He looks scruffy. But I like Jonny Depp. I have strange tast in men too. I prefer a bit of the "rugged look" to the "baby-face/pretty boy" look. But looks can only go so far!

 

 

Hahaha, I was exactly thinking of Russell Brand when I was talking about other women liking men I don't like/find ugly. And that dude everyone makes a fuss about, the one from the Pirates of Carabeean, forgot his name....I don't get the fuss, I don't find him attractive in the least.

 

I like Bradley Cooper and, I'm ashamed to admit, at 41, a 23 yo contestant from last season's The Voice, Dez Duron.

[Sunshine87]

I think the writer of the post is proposing self- improvement. There's nothing wrong with that. I do not agree entirely with the post but it wouldn't hurt to make some effort. Most people do.

 

Correct.

The only addition to this that I have is that, even if you're attracting some guys/girls, if these guys/girls are not the ones you're after (i.e. if you're attracting average girls while pining for models), you're still screwed.

 

So, you have 2 options here:

 

A. Do what Treasa did and lower your expectations while inflating your self image internally and adopting a "their loss" attitude to feel better (kinda like the fox who couldnt get to the grapes and then walked away saying that they were sour anyway).

 

OR

 

B. Make yourself more attractive.

 

Some ideas to beef up your physical attraction level:

- clean up your diet & hit the gym hard to loose fat/build muscle

- put on make-up or higher-quality make-up

- get a new haircut

- buy new, stylish clothes

 

A is the easy way for people who are too weak to embark on the hard, long, arduous journey that B requires.

 

Trust me - I know - I was in camp A once and decided to change my entire outward-facing image. It took me 12 months, a lot of sweat, pain and effort to go through B but I did it and nowadays I have an 8/10 hit rate wherever I go (as in I get positiver esponses from 8+ out of every 10 girls that I ask out).

 

Again, making yourself more attractive is hard as hell but it is definitely possible and definitely WORTH the effort.

[mortensorchid]

I really don't get people anymore. I've met those who are extremely attractive, I've met those who are very unattractive and everything in between. Quite honestly, it doesn't matter. I've met those with wonderful personalities, those who are dumb as a box of rocks and everything in between as well. And they complain about having such bad luck. What's the problem here? Honestly, I don't know. One would think that one would want someone who is attractive and has a good personality (whether that's being a good person or even being a "bad boy" or a "bad girl" - because that's a personality as well, when you think about it). And honestly, I see the ones who go for someone who's less attractive and less charisma than they are. Why? Because they are deeply insecure and want someone who is lesser than they are. They want to feel that they are superior to that woman/man in their lives, one who will bow down to them and make them the center of their world.

 

Of course, I would be willing to make a man the center of my world, but those I meet don't seem to be interested in that. They're rather have trashy bad girls than good ones who treat them well, or ones who will take care of them financially and domestically rather than just be. It's a bad place we are in with this world.

[BluEyeL]

Haha- can't stand Russell Brand. He looks scruffy. But I like Jonny Depp. I have strange tast in men too. I prefer a bit of the "rugged look" to the "baby-face/pretty boy" look. But looks can only go so far!

 

Agreed looks go only so far and they are definitely subjective. Idea is don't be sloppy, and don't get too fat, fewer people like fat, although many men prefer curvy rather than skinny. I lost some weight last year and my platonic male friend, when I mention I need to lose more, looks geniunely concerned that "you'll look like crap":laugh: And I could really stand to lose a few more, objectively speaking )

 

I like the pretty boys. I actually had such a stupid crush on Dez duron that I went irrational, stopped eating and lost 3lb in one week:laugh: How embarassing

[MN85]

LS needs a dislike button SO BAD for this crappy post.

 

fine fine

 

everybody is very and equally beautiful in his/her own way and deserves love, respect and happiness and will clearly find his/her perfect match regardless of superficial characteristics such as looks, wealth, etc.

 

was this politically correct for you?

 

I'm gonna diverge from my previous point a bit now:

 

See, this is exactly wtf is wrong with this country/world. We have started to praise mediocrity and, in some cases, even inferiority (best example of this are all of those people out there saying that it is good to be fat...)

 

We should replace this attitude with a striving for bettering ourselves. In this thread, I'm talking about becoming fitter and more attractive physcially, but I'd expand this to every other human characteristic as well.

 

Just to continue on with my example about fat people - here is why being overly fat or obese is borderline criminal. I personally dont care whether a person is fat or not. I choose not to date and/or hang out with these people and I'm faring wuite well so far. However, a significant portion of my tax dollars are spent on fat diabetics who:

a. only have diabetes bc they did not ****ing stop eating stupid crap

b. were and are too lazy to work their fat off

c. go to the hospital 10x a year because they were dumb enough to put themselves into a glycemic shock by eating a snickers bar despite the fact that their physicians have explicitly told them to stay away from sugar...

 

Just one clear example of how people's settling for mediocrity is damaging not only themselves but society as a whole.

 

So, to tie this back to my initial point, if you people are at peace with yourselves and accept that certain goals that are currently unattainable for you will remain unattainable due to your own inaction - fine

BUT don't hate on those of us for successfully making an effort to achieve those goals that previously were unattainable for us

[MN85]

I think the writer of the post is proposing self- improvement. There's nothing wrong with that. I do not agree entirely with the post but it wouldn't hurt to make some effort. Most people do.

 

you are correct.

Dont expect you to agree 100% with me but as long as you get the core message (which you do), I'm happy

[Treasa]

Hmm, ok, if you want to go there:

 

1. I graduated with honors from college and got a job after sending out two resumes within three weeks of graduating. And it's a job in my field, and my pay has gone up 40% in eight years. I make a very good salary.

2. I lost 120 pounds and kept it off.

3. I went from being a couch potato to running a half-marathon.

4. I once paid off $35,000 in debt in one year.

5. I'm one of the highest-ranked martial artists in my organization, and definitely when it comes to weapons training (sword, three-foot staff, six-foot staff, etc.)

6. I've been proposed to three times but never got married (my choice). There is a guy right now who wants to marry me, and I could be married by the end of the week if I wanted it.

 

And you know what? None of my self-esteem comes from any of those things. It came from an epiphany on what self-esteem, self-respect, and happiness truly are.

 

Your mileage may vary. That's fine. But I'm going to keep being happy and thinking I'm a 10, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

 

In 50 years,when youth and good looks have faded, let's see which method of validation holds up. See you then.

[KungFuJoe]

blah blah blah

 

It's a crappy ass post because you decided to single out one of the most well grounded and likable people on LS.

 

Your premise is fine, even if you come off as a blowhard...but next time, pick someone else to use as an example.

[Treasa]

You know what beauty really is to me? Seeing lovely qualities in others, and being compassionate, having fun, and being myself. Who I really am. Not conforming to someone else's ideal.

 

That's all my mom, who is awesome, ever wanted for me, and after 38 years I FINALLY "got" it. It took a hell of a lot of hard work mentally, but it was worth every single moment, and every single moment I will continue to work at it.

[TouchedByViolet]

Being attractive allows you to be 100% yourself and still have plenty of options. It doesn't matter if you have baggage, are an *******, broke, a liar, mental issues, made tons of mistake in the past, etc. People look past beautiful people's short comings.

 

There is a reason Tyrion Lannister (peter dinklage's character) is treat like **** by most and has to use whore houses to get laid. The Maiden of Tarth wouldn't be a maiden if she was hot. They both have awesome personalities and strengths but minimal luck in the relationship department.

 

Also, personality is a tricky thing. We all have our unique dispositions. If your natural personality is not highly desired by the opposite sex and you are not attractive life becomes very lonely.

[Treasa]

Being attractive allows you to be 100% yourself and still have plenty of options. It doesn't matter if you have baggage, are an *******, broke, a liar, mental issues, made tons of mistake in the past, etc. People look past beautiful people's short comings.

 

There is a reason Tyrion Lannister (peter dinklage's character) is treat like **** by most and has to use whore houses to get laid. The Maiden of Tarth wouldn't be a maiden if she was hot. They both have awesome personalities and strengths but minimal luck in the relationship department.

 

Also, personality is a tricky thing. We all have our unique dispositions. If your natural personality is not highly desired by the opposite sex and you are not attractive life becomes very lonely.

 

Hahaha, do you know how many people think Tyrion Lannister is the best part of Game of Thrones? And how many women freaking love Peter Dinklage? I assure you, it's not because of his money or fame for a lot of women. Just because a character is written a certain way doesn't mean that it's indicative of how people would really feel.

 

I guess that if you are basing your fun/loneliness or happiness on what the other sex thinks of you, then you should, by all means, do whatever it takes to make the other sex happy.

[normal person]

I think having an optimistic attitude and loving yourself for having something to offer is attractive, but I've got admit that I really don't like it when people cross into delusional territory. The "I'm perfect the way I am, I don't need to improve and anyone who doesn't agree with is missing out" mentality just seems a little misguided and arrogant. If you're using that as an internal mechanism to just improve your external attitude, then that's fine. But when it starts creeping outward it can be incredibly unappealing.

 

No one's perfect, we all have things we can improve on. Insisting that you don't is a flaw itself. I'm really irked by people who claim to be amazing/great/sexy/intelligent when they have blatantly obvious shortcomings. There's no shame in admitting you need to improve parts of yourself, in fact I find that sort of honesty to be much more attractive.

[MN85]

Hmm, ok, if you want to go there:

 

1. I graduated with honors from college and got a job after sending out two resumes within three weeks of graduating. And it's a job in my field, and my pay has gone up 40% in eight years. I make a very good salary.

2. I lost 120 pounds and kept it off.

3. I went from being a couch potato to running a half-marathon.

4. I once paid off $35,000 in debt in one year.

5. I'm one of the highest-ranked martial artists in my organization, and definitely when it comes to weapons training (sword, three-foot staff, six-foot staff, etc.)

6. I've been proposed to three times but never got married (my choice). There is a guy right now who wants to marry me, and I could be married by the end of the week if I wanted it.

 

And you know what? None of my self-esteem comes from any of those things. It came from an epiphany on what self-esteem, self-respect, and happiness truly are.

 

Your mileage may vary. That's fine. But I'm going to keep being happy and thinking I'm a 10, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

 

In 50 years,when youth and good looks have faded, let's see which method of validation holds up. See you then.

 

uhm, not what I was getting at but fine - lets have some fun w this:

 

1. I graduated with honors from college and got a job after sending out two resumes within three weeks of graduating. And it's a job in my field, and my pay has gone up 40% in eight years. I make a very good salary.

 

- hones + summa cum laude, actually graduated w. a job lined up in 2009 which was arguable the worst year to look for a job in the last 8 decades, pay has gone up 60%+ over past 4 years, 2 promos

 

2. I lost 120 pounds and kept it off.

 

- well, I didnt have that much to loose - lost 20 and am maintaining a 6-pack for several years now

 

3. I went from being a couch potato to running a half-marathon.

 

- went from 180lbs skinny fat to 190lbs w. sub 10% body fat, increased my lifts by 300%+, never ran a marathon tho (never had an interest to do so)

 

4. I once paid off $35,000 in debt in one year.

 

- never had any debt - got a 75% ride from the arguably most expensive US college + financed rest by working every summer

 

5. I'm one of the highest-ranked martial artists in my organization, and definitely when it comes to weapons training (sword, three-foot staff, six-foot staff, etc.)

 

- actually, this is pretty impressive. I'm boxing 2x/week for fun but never picked up any other martial arts training (no time )

 

6. I've been proposed to three times but never got married (my choice). There is a guy right now who wants to marry me, and I could be married by the end of the week if I wanted it.

 

- again, doesnt apply to me. Usually, girls dont propose to guys and Ive never felt the urge to propose to anyone. If we're talking about getting laid tho, I've 2 girls on my speed dial who'd be up for some fun whenever I want them to be

(tho nowadays Im actually looking for serious dating)

 

Now wasn't this fun?

Oh, and I almost forgot - men age better than women - so in 50 years, I'll look like I'm 50 ;P

 

lets put this aside for a sec now - do you fight with real swords or are you doing kendo training w. wooden swords?

Have a friend who tried to get me into kendo but it looked fairly stale to me so I passed. Is it worth trying?

[MN85]

I think having an optimistic attitude and loving yourself for having something to offer is attractive, but I've got admit that I really don't like it when people cross into delusional territory. The "I'm perfect the way I am, I don't need to improve and anyone who doesn't agree with is missing out" mentality just seems a little misguided and arrogant. If you're using that as an internal mechanism to just improve your external attitude, then that's fine. But when it starts creeping outward it can be incredibly unappealing.

 

No one's perfect, we all have things we can improve on. Insisting that you don't is a flaw itself. I'm really irked by people who claim to be amazing/great/sexy/intelligent when they have blatantly obvious shortcomings. There's no shame in admitting you need to improve parts of yourself, in fact I find that sort of honesty to be much more attractive.

 

you are correct

[MN85]

It's a crappy ass post because you decided to single out one of the most well grounded and likable people on LS.

 

Your premise is fine, even if you come off as a blowhard...but next time, pick someone else to use as an example.

 

dude - even the most likeable person in the US has flaws

 

I'm not dissing her - in fact, I appreciate a good argument with someone who can respond to me with something else that "oh yeah, well **** you too!"

 

So, 2 things:

 

1. thx for getting my point

2. I'm not trying to offend anyone incl. Treasa - just arguing my point & voicing my opinion

 

and yes - I know I'm pretty outspoken which can irritate people sometimes. Cant say that Im not having a little fun w it tho