BLB93 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 So i've been seeing this guy who I met through my ex for months now. We started dating shortly after the breakup. At first there was some drama because my ex was offended that I was seeing him, being that they were sort of friends. That kind of blew over, and we've been doing the casual sex thing for a while and it's just not working for me. I'm developing feelings for him. He tells me that he feels the same way about me, so when I asked him why he wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me he said that we're pretty much already in a relationship, just a "very open one" because he doesn't want to give up sleeping with other people. Plus, he claims his "heart is with someone else." Everything's very misleading and confusing and I don't know if he's making me feel better or worse. We talk everyday, but we don't see each other that often. When we do, I have to be the one to come to his house and all we do is have sex then he falls asleep. He doesn't like if I hang out with other guys and wants all my attention. He can be a disrespectful jerk, yet i'm still attracted to him and find myself wanting to be with him. He knows i'm still in love with my ex and that i'm somewhat insecure, and I wonder if that's why he thinks he can take advantage of me. Am I not respecting myself? Should I break it off or is there some way I can change things?
charlietheginger Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 So i've been seeing this guy who I met through my ex for months now. We started dating shortly after the breakup. At first there was some drama because my ex was offended that I was seeing him, being that they were sort of friends. That kind of blew over, and we've been doing the casual sex thing for a while and it's just not working for me. I'm developing feelings for him. He tells me that he feels the same way about me, so when I asked him why he wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me he said that we're pretty much already in a relationship, just a "very open one" because he doesn't want to give up sleeping with other people. Plus, he claims his "heart is with someone else." Everything's very misleading and confusing and I don't know if he's making me feel better or worse. We talk everyday, but we don't see each other that often. When we do, I have to be the one to come to his house and all we do is have sex then he falls asleep. He doesn't like if I hang out with other guys and wants all my attention. He can be a disrespectful jerk, yet i'm still attracted to him and find myself wanting to be with him. He knows i'm still in love with my ex and that i'm somewhat insecure, and I wonder if that's why he thinks he can take advantage of me. Am I not respecting m yself? Should I break it off or is there some way I can change things? You're a vagina to him nothing more
ana0pera Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 You can't change an ******* or get someone who doesn't want to be with you change his mind. It sadly doesn't work that way, I've tried it too and failed. Trust me, you'd be better off not investing anymore time in him and moving on to someone who values you.
ses Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 A sincere man would have given the relationship the mark of exclusivity; he doesn't view you as a worthy commitment. Follow his actions, not his words. Unless you want to continue being in this limbo FWB, I would immediately end it with him. He will never give you what you want because he's already content with the free ass. Go NC, take a break from dating and give yourself time to heal from this relationship, and the one with your ex. Get tested for STIs, also. Don't put yourself through casual sex unless you can refrain from an emotional attachment. It's not worth the messiness and heartbreak. Lesson learned. Find a man who's deserving of your affection and love. Don't settle as just one of many options for someone.
2sunny Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I give him points for being honest! Your not listening to what he says... He wants sex - and with as many people that he chooses. He does it because YOU ALLOW it. Believe him - he's not the guy who will give you the relationship you want. You're betraying YOURSELF every time you see him/have sex with him. Get tested for diseases. 2
Author BLB93 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 He says that he hasn't slept with anyone else yet since we've started (idk whether to believe that or not) and we've always used condoms, but i'll get tested just to be safe. I'm not gonna let him use me anymore. He can be a close friend, but no more sex and trying to convince him to be with me, because he won't change.
Sunshine87 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 You can't be close friends with some one you've fallen for. Cut him off. That is the ONLY way you will find peace. Trust me on this. If you attempt to maintain a "close relationship", it would be at best, superficial and at worst, a protracted, emotionally draining and painful period for you. Nip it in the bud and believe what he says. He told yo his heart is somewhere else: Believe him. He said he wants to keep his options open (I.e sleep with whoever he wants): Believe him He laid all the cards on the table so you will only have yourself to blame when it blows up. I'm sorry for sounding stern but sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest. Do the right thing now to protect yourself from anymore pain and heartache. Cut him off like a tumour: NOW. NO friendship. NOTHING. DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 You're in such a messed up emotional place that you can't even see something that couldn't be more obvious, you might as well be asking if fire is hot. First off, that was a very stupid decision to get into a relationship/FWB situation with your ex's somewhat acquaintance friend. I know some people do this and think it's ok, but it's a silly idea IMO and there's too many people on this planet to ever have to do that. Too close for comfort. Secondly, your next move was going into rebound mode. This allowed you to be deceived and manipulated into a situation because your awareness was zero and your emotionally vulnerability was high. You just can't sort out those emotions fast enough unless it was a very short and emotionally disconnected experience for you ( with your ex). Now you're asking if the sky is blue essentially because some guy has you come over and serve as a "hole", and then rolls over and wants nothing more from you. He's already told you he's emotionally invested in someone else, and then he's told you on top of that, that you should be committed to him while he bangs other chicks or is at least within his right to do so if the situation ever so arises, which he probably is stringing some other girl along too that's as clueless as you are. And then you have the nerve to ask whether he's respecting you after all of that? and then you think you can actually be a "close friend" with the douchebag? I mean what the hell is he even doing for you now? he pokes you then rolls over, wow...can't imagine why you would want to let go of that, so much closeness, affection, romance and "love" there! It's pathetic what you're willing to go through and settle for this idiot, he's making you look like a total piece of trash and you're just sitting there "confused"...confused by what? what is there to be confused about? He's using you as a sex object that he's in control of, hell you might as well charge money at least you'd get something out of it. Unless you start flicking the brain-switch to "ON" you're going to be used as a Fbuddy by many men at this rate. And for what? because you are "developing" emotions for this guy? wow....really wow...I mean god forbid a guy pats you on the head after intercourse, you might be immediately in love at this rate with so much "affection", and if he sees you...like more than this guy does, then he must really be the one! Are you getting where you are placing your own value at? Can you see why someone would use a person like that? Is this truly the best you think you can do and deserve? Does that seem in any way the behavior of anyone who respects themselves or anyone who really cares about you? Do you really need him to draw it on a card-board box and tell you this when it's already so obvious? You need to get out of this FWB one-sided relationship. Whatever it is that you think you're feeling is totally just you, this is your little fantasy magic world and he's not going to feel the same way and change, it doesn't work that way. You're just going to be investing more time, more emotions into absolutely nothing. You need to slap yourself out of this and be realistic, because as of now, you're going to be chewed up and spit out by men if this is all it takes for you to like a guy and still want to be with him, i can't imagine if you meet a guy with a half a brain that can actually BS you. You need to repair yourself emotionally and build up your self-respect/esteem, because a girl like you wants nothing but to feel loved and be in love that you'd go through such an extent to delude yourself into believing whatever it is you want to believe...when the reality is you're just another piece of @ss. You need to love yourself enough and tell yourself that it isn't good enough, because men like these guys love naive, insecure women like you...they'll just turn the tables on you and make you believe it's your fault and you'll be dumb enough to believe it and wasting your life and youth away trying to live up to some standard you can never meet because they never loved you that deeply in the first place, you never had a chance. 2
pcplod Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I'm developing feelings for him. It's tricky, isn't it? Either intentionally or unintentionally the "ground rules" between you are changing because feelings and emotions are changing. People use one another all the time. Sometimes this is by either explicit or implicit agreement and both are content with it, at least to begin with. But then circumstances change either due to external or internal influences. What you cannot expect that the other person will, by default, follow you in even broad synchronicity. That requires an agreement and a concession between you that is ideally more explicit than implicit and that is simply not there between you. So now you are beginning to feel used. My honest opinion is that if you can't negotiate new terms between that satisfy you both, then all you can do is to move on, as diffidently as you can, with as much of your dignity as intact as possible. This sort of thing doesn't have to personal unless you are determined that it must be.
BluEyeL Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Enough was said. Leave him immediately for your own sake. I know it's hard, but you must do it unless you want to suffer more and more. After that, stop dating for a while and work on your self esteem. Don't let men put you in the FWB zone again, even if that means you'll stay alone for a while. Don't sleep with men before commitment from their part. Wait. Work to become ok with being alone for as long as it takes to find that one person that will treat you right.
Recommended Posts