Swansea Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Well today i got a cold bucket of water thrown at my back. ( shes a stranger to me because we dont really know each other but i wont delve deeper into that for sake of brevity). I get interested if i see a girl that seems introverted, and shy, and who seems like someone who isnt too social, i thought i had found this girl in a college class because shes always very quiet, looks in her own island, she even walks a bit funny likes she trying to remain in a silent box, if you could imagine an archetypal "loner" her actions would make her a good example, even when she had to give a speech infront of class she looked very nervous..And then i checked her facebook and she had only 20 friends... Well perfect right? I was going to ask her out today but something happened which struck me into not being able to ask her out, she went into a little store in the campus ( this is in between classes) and this one guy also talked with me a bit in the way, so i said.."**** it"...Now i have to wait 5 days to try again ffs... Well i come home disappointed in that i felt so ready, and had waited enough, and i thought i look pretty good today, i come home to facebook, look at hers and now she has 23 friends, i check whos new and theres a second profile of hers that didnt appear in my searches before, where its clearly her and she has 653 FRACKING friends, and apparently just got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago... Which turns the tables of my original perceptions drastically really. Although alot of her friends seem like the type who arent really her friends if u know what i mean ( ya ya ya i might be delving to much into this). Well now i ask my self, should i still ask her out, and if yes then should i even wait a facking week to do it, y not just do it on facebook if the possibilities have now gone even worst.. ( in my opinion.) Since we are strangers, the semester is almost over, and we only have like 4 classes left ( she sits somewhere where i cant really make any conversation), only way was to ask her out, but now this makes me think that i shouldnt, and if i do, asking her on facebook might seem very bad to do, but currently i feel so out of it i dont really care to just right a simple message even right now. The bucket of water was a necessary one i feel though, perhaps blessing in disguise, or is this reaction just an example of my own insecurities?
ja123 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 The bucket of water was a necessary one i feel though, perhaps blessing in disguise, or is this reaction just an example of my own insecurities? Well, if you know for sure that she just got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago, then you might end up being her rebound. It does sound like you might have some insecurities though. Just because someone is introverted, it doesn't mean they don't have a life. How much attachment are you looking for? Are you comfortable with a girl having her own life? Or are you looking to really fuse with someone? My hunch is that it's the latter, so I'm thinking you might have some insecurites which could lead to control issues, or unnessary disappointments due to expectations.
Author Swansea Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Well, if you know for sure that she just got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago, then you might end up being her rebound. It does sound like you might have some insecurities though. Just because someone is introverted, it doesn't mean they don't have a life. How much attachment are you looking for? Are you comfortable with a girl having her own life? Or are you looking to really fuse with someone? My hunch is that it's the latter, so I'm thinking you might have some insecurites which could lead to control issues, or unnessary disappointments due to expectations. I can without a doubt tell you that i would not be totally comfortable to have a relationship or even think about having one with someone who lives in a paradigm that would make me a bit uncomfortable, but that does have to do with my insecurities... Seems like my insecurities have made it so that id prefer to live in my little bubble where i envision myself in my bat cave ( my room) doing the usual, and being my introverted self, hanging out and having fun with SOME friends but not much, but when i get the idea that a girl likes to go clubbing, or just got out of a relationship, and has hundreds of friends, that bursts the bubble... When a girl has a certain lifestyle that i can take note of and its not one that seems adequate to my self my bubble bursts really... I would prefer someone who is a bit timid, more introverted, because i guess that when it comes to dealing with people like that, my expectations or predictions have been met and i have liked them... But if i see a girl that holds a whole lot of things in her life it makes me stick a profile into her that i might not like.. For example this chick had a picture where she looks depressed in her profile with 23 friends, but in her other one with 653 shes smiling in what seems like a party, and some of her "likes" are beauty parlors and such, so this makes me build a profile of her that included the idea of a girl who may be hard to connect with, she may be emotionally or logically fickle when compared to myself ( i can elaborate that if necessary) so this all changed my view.. If i at one point thought i could ask her out and shed be more around my situation in which we are interested to go out and a bit timid and deep in thoughts and connection, that got changed drastically today into a vision of her being actually quite social, maybe flirtish with lots of men, hanging out with alot of friends, and when so much social stuff is thrown like that, well that what can i say? I may be able to adapt but id find it adequate to start from another point.. Hope it doesnt sound like im rambling lol.
Author Swansea Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 And to answer your questions more directly, it may lead to trust issues and not realized expectations but i would try to be logical enough for myself not to be so fickle, and i wouldnt mind for it to be all in a grey area where she has a bit of her own life and is a bit social too as i guess i am, but the thing is that today, i now have two ying yang, polar opposite, views of her now if you were to just try to make assumptions out of someone. You are right that maybe just because someone is introverted it doesnt mean they follow a certain profile, i did the same mistake a while ago, i investigated into this one girl and she was even more timid than me in class but she had hundreds of friends online and would rant about liking to drink and dance in her profile despite her friends commenting on how she doesnt seem that way so it creates a whirl wind of images that make me insecure.. Too she she is out of a recent relationship and etc is too much of a pill to swallow perhaps. If i do ask her out either way now i feel so out of it as i said that i wouldnt even care about the cons of asking her out on facebook..
Author Swansea Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 No other helpful opinions? Is my problem too stupid or boring to help?
Sivok Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 So let me get this straight. You find a girl in class, you make all these assumptions about her, you follow her into a store, you leave, then you go ahead and stalk her life on facebook? Man, you are in major creep territory with this girl already - and all you had to do was go like 'hey aren't you also in 'so and so's class?' and make some remark about a recent lecture. Honestly I find your original post a bit disturbing and extremely stalkerish - infact you're asking us about your stalking finds. I think she's too in your head at this point for anything natural to flow from talking to her. You can try approaching her, but with the fact that you're going to have to act like you know nothing about her - you're going to come off as sketchy. Next time, if you find a chick you're attracted to in class, simply approach her and use the class as an icebreaker.
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