diftant Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 There is a girl that lives in my dorm and I really like her. I've been talking with her, texting and hanging out with her on campus for 6 months. But whenever I ask her to go on a real date she says she is too nervous and gets upset. I have asked her to go on a real date quite a few times. She says she is nervous than gets upset. I've asked why and this is what she IM'd me a couple weeks ago: I'm nervous. I've never gone on a date with someone I'm not in a relationship with. All of my [three] relationships were in high school or right after. We knew each other and just jumped into relationships. I've had 3 relationships but I'm still really inexperienced. I have no clue what I'm doing with sex but you definitely do and I don't want to be horrible. It's embarrassing. Today everything moves too fast. I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with. I don't want to go past kissing with someone I'm not in a relationship with. But everyone these days does. I don't want to go on dates with a guy who is going on dates with other girls as well. I don't want to be competing for a guy... Chances are one of the other girls would have sex with the guy or be better at something and he'd pick her. I don't want to compete. I have 3 ex's and they all cheated. I obviously "lost" before. She has been with 1 guy sexually, I've been with around 20. That includes everything (sex, oral, fooling around). I've told her that we don't have to do anything sexual until she wants to, but she still says that she will suck, it'll be embarrassing and I won't be happy. I told her that I won't go on dates with other girls if we go out. But she asked me if I had multi-dated before, which I have, and she didn't believe me really. And she said that she doesn't want me to change for her or her to hold me back. She likes me. She has said so and it's obvious in the way she acts around me. She always gets upset when we talk about this, saying she probably wouldn't be good enough, doesn't want to be a disappointment, etc. She isn't just any other girl. If she was I would have given up a long time ago. She is extremely attractive, kind, caring, intelligent and different than most girls these days. She doesn't get drunk go clubbing, sleep around or smoke anything. It's hard to find a girl like her. I've dated a few other girls but my interest always goes back to her. I love her innocence, but that is also what seems to be screwing this up.
Poppy fields Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 You can't make her feel secure if she doesn't. You will have up be ready to take on a long term project if you want to make progress with her. She may be worth that to you. You will just have to be really patient. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 There is a girl that lives in my dorm and I really like her. I've been talking with her, texting and hanging out with her on campus for 6 months. But whenever I ask her to go on a real date she says she is too nervous and gets upset. I have asked her to go on a real date quite a few times. She says she is nervous than gets upset. I've asked why and this is what she IM'd me a couple weeks ago: I'm nervous. I've never gone on a date with someone I'm not in a relationship with. All of my [three] relationships were in high school or right after. We knew each other and just jumped into relationships. I've had 3 relationships but I'm still really inexperienced. I have no clue what I'm doing with sex but you definitely do and I don't want to be horrible. It's embarrassing. Today everything moves too fast. I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with. I don't want to go past kissing with someone I'm not in a relationship with. But everyone these days does. I don't want to go on dates with a guy who is going on dates with other girls as well. I don't want to be competing for a guy... Chances are one of the other girls would have sex with the guy or be better at something and he'd pick her. I don't want to compete. I have 3 ex's and they all cheated. I obviously "lost" before. She has been with 1 guy sexually, I've been with around 20. That includes everything (sex, oral, fooling around). I've told her that we don't have to do anything sexual until she wants to, but she still says that she will suck, it'll be embarrassing and I won't be happy. I told her that I won't go on dates with other girls if we go out. But she asked me if I had multi-dated before, which I have, and she didn't believe me really. And she said that she doesn't want me to change for her or her to hold me back. She likes me. She has said so and it's obvious in the way she acts around me. She always gets upset when we talk about this, saying she probably wouldn't be good enough, doesn't want to be a disappointment, etc. She isn't just any other girl. If she was I would have given up a long time ago. She is extremely attractive, kind, caring, intelligent and different than most girls these days. She doesn't get drunk go clubbing, sleep around or smoke anything. It's hard to find a girl like her. I've dated a few other girls but my interest always goes back to her. I love her innocence, but that is also what seems to be screwing this up. As the other poster said you just have to take it slow.....keep reassuring her be patient,theres nothing wrong with just kissing and being affectionate on dates....that is how it should be when dating....just because others are having sex doesnt mean everyone has too......stuff them.....let them make their choices....we are nto lemmings .......lots of people feel this way...just take it slow see where ti goes.....and be patient....good comes to those who wait......best wishes and good luck...cheers...............deb
Author diftant Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Do you think she is acting normal or reasonable?
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Do you think she is acting normal or reasonable? Yes, given her history, I think she has legitimate issues with being fearful of being betrayed. You have to decide if you can wait for her to trust you. Don't hurt her! 1
todreaminblue Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Do you think she is acting normal or reasonable? this is the thing...define normal......it is "normal" to be hesitant if you have had problems in the past......yes it is normal....deb
hudson701 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 If she's as extremely attractive as you make out then she will have plenty of options. She will know this, so don't be fooled. If she's not interested in dating after 6 months then she is just not that into you. 6 months is a long time to build attraction and establish whether you like someone or not. She's probably using you for emotional support until someone better comes along. Her constantly rejecting you is a polite way of saying Shes not interested. Sorry to be so blunt. It's happened to me loads of times before. I'm older and wiser now so realise all the bull**** games women can play. All my loving relationships have been very easy- ask girl out repeatedly, always says yes. Get to know one another, fall in love and become exclusive. Why so easy? Because the girls in question genuinely liked me from the start. 1
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