DM42 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Well I kind of saw it coming but could never be prepared for it or didn't want to believe it would happen. Anyway I was dating this girl and it was great for awhile, it always is, but there were issues there. I don't really want to get into them but they were pretty complicated and had an effect on us. Complicated issues usually take complicated solutions and while I think it is possible to fix them at this point I need to take care of myself because she said she no longer wants to be romantically involved with me but wants me as a friend. I can't do that because I feel I will get hurt more and more because I love her. She told me this last Friday night, so this is my 6th day of NC. I was doing ok with it but today I'm having a bad day and figured I would post on here. I don't want to say this is a problem because it's not a bad situation to be in. I belong to a country club because I really enjoy playing golf, especially now as it brings me some degree of happiness. I also use the gym and pool there. This girl works in the bar and grill there so she is close by. I was actually in there last Saturday because I play with a group on Saturday and we sit on the deck after and she came by and asked our table if we needed drinks. I ignored her. It's going to happen again though but I can avoid any real contact with her although I might see her. I'm just looking for advice on how to handle it, my idea is to avoid any interaction at all and I can avoid it for the most part but not all the time, if there is any interaction I will be short and to the point and not engage anymore than that. I truly believe I can handle that but will be trying to avoid it at all costs. I just moved to the area from another country less than a year ago and don't have a big support structure and sitting with all the guys after golf is something that I would look forward too. Anyway just looking for insight. I realize it a nice problem to have in this case but when it comes to matters of the heart it's hard to see the good in anything. Basically writing this post is helping me during my bad day and I'm just trying to make sure I can put another X on my calendar to mark another day of NC. Everyone who is on here I hope can keep their chin up and we will all get through our hurting. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Well I kind of saw it coming but could never be prepared for it or didn't want to believe it would happen. Anyway I was dating this girl and it was great for awhile, it always is, but there were issues there. I don't really want to get into them but they were pretty complicated and had an effect on us. Complicated issues usually take complicated solutions and while I think it is possible to fix them at this point I need to take care of myself because she said she no longer wants to be romantically involved with me but wants me as a friend. I can't do that because I feel I will get hurt more and more because I love her. She told me this last Friday night, so this is my 6th day of NC. I was doing ok with it but today I'm having a bad day and figured I would post on here. I don't want to say this is a problem because it's not a bad situation to be in. I belong to a country club because I really enjoy playing golf, especially now as it brings me some degree of happiness. I also use the gym and pool there. This girl works in the bar and grill there so she is close by. I was actually in there last Saturday because I play with a group on Saturday and we sit on the deck after and she came by and asked our table if we needed drinks. I ignored her. It's going to happen again though but I can avoid any real contact with her although I might see her. I'm just looking for advice on how to handle it, my idea is to avoid any interaction at all and I can avoid it for the most part but not all the time, if there is any interaction I will be short and to the point and not engage anymore than that. I truly believe I can handle that but will be trying to avoid it at all costs. I just moved to the area from another country less than a year ago and don't have a big support structure and sitting with all the guys after golf is something that I would look forward too. Anyway just looking for insight. I realize it a nice problem to have in this case but when it comes to matters of the heart it's hard to see the good in anything. Basically writing this post is helping me during my bad day and I'm just trying to make sure I can put another X on my calendar to mark another day of NC. Everyone who is on here I hope can keep their chin up and we will all get through our hurting. I am into avoidance........when i go no contact...its complete...... i think though i have matured a little in the fact i feel sometimes you have to face people or things that are not easy and cause mixed emotion but it is sometimes better to face what you dont want to face than to run and hide.........if you enjoy doing what you are doing and you run across her....limit the contact as much as you can......until it becomes second nature to focus on something else.....a conversation a person other than where she i sin relation to you...........try and focus on something else while she is around and see how you go....i wish you the best....deb 2
EmptyWalls Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Definitely keep doing what you enjoy. I sometimes but rarely have to see my ex do to certain situations. If I have to speak I keep it polite, short, simple. Then NC, agreed to avoiding contact as much as you can. Its not that we don't care but more a matter of doing whats best for us. Some people can still talk to their ex like nothing happened and that's good there is nothing wrong with that but for me, its gonna take some time. Hang in there, live, laugh, love. Keep putting good out there and good will come to you. 3
Author DM42 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Thanks Deb, I do wish I can avoid it entirely but unfortunately it's bound to happen. I've been there every day this week and haven't seen her so that's good. It's something that I need right now and it is really helping. Obviously I'm very attached to the place regarding her because it's where I met her. It's tough sometimes to be there and think of her but I think that attachment will go away more if I immerse myself into being there with her association. It's one place that has everything I need right now....a place to exercise, try and have some fun and do a little bit of socializing. I went into the bar on Tuesday night when I knew she was gone and the bartender told me that she left a beer for me but I think he is full of **** anyway so I didn't take too much out of that. I can't say enough how much just writing about it and having people just read it, let alone reply with support and advice helps. 1
Author DM42 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Definitely keep doing what you enjoy. I sometimes but rarely have to see my ex do to certain situations. If I have to speak I keep it polite, short, simple. Then NC, agreed to avoiding contact as much as you can. Its not that we don't care but more a matter of doing whats best for us. Some people can still talk to their ex like nothing happened and that's good there is nothing wrong with that but for me, its gonna take some time. Hang in there, live, laugh, love. Keep putting good out there and good will come to you. Thanks for that!
crustyjojo Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Hi DM42 Glad I found a fellow golfer on here. I face the same problem as you. My ex (who went back to his ex) and I both play and it is a big shared interest we had. It is actually how we got together. Like you I am not going to give up something I enjoy, and like you I moved to a new place from overseas so not in my home country. It sucks bigstyle, and yes it does feel it impedes my enjoyment of something I love doing. But, I have had a lot of support from the rest of the members - new people to go and play with etc, so I am not going to give it up. It is going to be hard the day he brings her to the club, but I know at some point I am going to have to deal with it. I am in NC with him, and yes I now avoid him at the club. There is no other way to deal with it. But if he says hi or whatever then all I can do is say hi back and leave it at that. Hope this helps a little and dont let it affect your game:)
Author DM42 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Hi DM42 Glad I found a fellow golfer on here. I face the same problem as you. My ex (who went back to his ex) and I both play and it is a big shared interest we had. It is actually how we got together. Like you I am not going to give up something I enjoy, and like you I moved to a new place from overseas so not in my home country. It sucks bigstyle, and yes it does feel it impedes my enjoyment of something I love doing. But, I have had a lot of support from the rest of the members - new people to go and play with etc, so I am not going to give it up. It is going to be hard the day he brings her to the club, but I know at some point I am going to have to deal with it. I am in NC with him, and yes I now avoid him at the club. There is no other way to deal with it. But if he says hi or whatever then all I can do is say hi back and leave it at that. Hope this helps a little and dont let it affect your game:) Well it certainly did affect my game since the breakup was only last week but whether I hit it bad or good it's better than moping around. I guess I'm in a better situation because it would probably be me that would bring someone to the club and she would have to serve us ; ) not what I want in any way though and not really something that would happen anytime soon. I'm glad to hear that there is plenty of support for you there.
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