Estate Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Hey, So here is my story of the last year. I've met and dated a lot of girls but these are the ones that stand out in the story. Janaury of last year, met a girl. Dated for 5 months, well, 3 at most really. She put zero investment into it and come summer it appears she had been ****ing a guy behind my back. All I can gather is (something common in this city), she wanted a little company for the winter while everyone hibernates but then split once the action of the summer hit to party it up. Basically wanted her cake and ate it too. Had no problem stringing me along for almost 6 months. Next girl, 4 dates, not a lot but was showing very big interest, she was making it clear her interest... then disappears. Like... vanishes off the face of the earth. Next girl... dated for a month and a half, again, not long. I found out she had a boyfriend the entire time and stopped it. Why waste my time? Next girl, again, was showing very low interest, we didn't kiss after several dates, she dodged physical contact, yet she'd keep asking me out. I literally just stopped responding... I think she just liked me buying her dinner then making dodgy excuses to run home and dodge a kiss. Ridiclous. I cut her off. Recent girl... again, she made it very clear of her interest. Asked to be exclusive very early on. Then texts me she is leaving town for a new job in the summer (she knew this before meeting me but never told me of this). I say ok and attempt to leave it civilly... she has be ****ty with me ever since, going between texting me stupid things then ignoring me for a week before more stupid texts. In between those girls, I've met and slept with plenty of girls. I don't have a problem meeting women. I meet plenty, I've gone on dates with may, I've gone home with many. But each and every single one... it's just stupidness, drama, having boyfriends, wanting to be exclusive but leaving town then getting mad at ME for it?!?!? It's a bit frustrating. I mean, I can go out tonight and meet a girl no problem. I know I can, and maybe that's some guys dream but it is making the whole thing of finding someone of any substance completely meaningless. I can't even remember the names of half the girls I've met or gone on dates with in the last year... but NOT ONE were the slightest bit serious about anything. It just goes so far, maybe 2-3 dates, maybe 2-3 months, then they drop some bomb on me about themselves, the truth comes out and I just feel like they've wasted my time. I'm tired of dating for the sake of dating. If I'm going to take a girl out these days I'll only do it if I seriously see them as someone I'd like to date. Short-term things and hookups and just draining me, and they don't really feel good, as much fun as they are, the next day you have that empty feeling again... like, wow I had some awesome sex last night, I wonder what she got up to the rest of her day... oh wait, she didn't even leave her number... :/ I can't tell if I'm giving off some player vibe that I'm good for hooking up with short term or whether the girls I'm meeting are just drama queens and idiots but I'm not even focused on a specific "type", I've met all sort of girls. I'm at a bit of a loss. The thought of meeting another girl at a bar tonight just isn't appealing to me anymore. It's easy... but there's no satisfaction when she leaves tomorrow morning and I never see her again.
Author Estate Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Try Older Women. I wanted someone of quality, substance and potential for something longterm. How would an older woman (divorce? kids? Looking to blow off steam with a boytoy?) help achieve that in any way? Been there, done that.
hudson701 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 What are you doing exactly to meet so many women? Please, do tell. My mate constantly tells me I am 'wasted potential' and if he was me he would 'clean up'. The idea of plenty of casual sex is very appealing at the moment.
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 IN that case - you're on your own. Most older women aren't flighty shallow and materialistic. But I have no clue what to tell you otherwise. Have you tried actually NOT dating, and keeping your own company for a while? it seems like you're intent on phukking your way through the city until you find someone who matches your standards...... What exactly is it you think we can do for you?
Poppy fields Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Are you doing something weird to make these girls run? What are your major flaws?
debber01 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I wanted someone of quality, substance and potential for something longterm. How would an older woman (divorce? kids? Looking to blow off steam with a boytoy?) help achieve that in any way? Been there, done that. As an older woman (ahem), I have had the very long term relationship and that's what I'm looking for again. Divorced? Yep. Not my choice and he totally whacked out over a mid life crisis. But--I loved being married. I truly did. Just not to HIM! Lol. Kids? Yep. Both grown and out of the house. Looking to blow off steam with a boytoy? Nope. I have too much self respect for that. So you're not going for older women....why??
BluEyeL Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) Common, how much older than him? How old are you, OP? I don't think older than 3-4 years is feasible. Edited April 18, 2013 by BluEyeL
MoreThanThat Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 OP, maybe the issue of jumping to sex so fast with so many women is part of the problem? To me that reads player. I'd much rather get involved with someone who had not had sex in a year because he wanted something real than someone who had slept with enough of women in a year that he can't even remember their names. 1
BluEyeL Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I don't believe OP when he says he sleeps with a lot of women. So I'd ignore that statement and focus on the rest of the info. I think you should look at what types of women you are going for. Go for nerdier ones, or shy ones. They are not as likely to have boyfriends and/or disappear on you. Also, take a very honest look at your own behavior and if you might be doing something to scare them off, change that. Read some dating books too to get better at it. Also, keep dating, take it as an experience, you learn something from each encounter that doesn't work out. Good luck!
Author Estate Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Look, when I said I've dated and taken women home it was not to brag, it was to iterate the point that I'm not sitting at home crying that I'm not meeting anyone. I go out, I am social and I don't have a problem meeting people, that is all. So whether you believe that or not, it's not really relevant and I don't mind. In terms of meeting older women... ok, that's one suggestion but I'm just being honest. I don't see that as a solution. I know what I am looking for. I know the type of girl I am looking for. Someone of similar age, with their head screwed on and hopefully looking at at least be open to the option of something long term when dating and not just a brief encounter. So to that extent, I don't see older women as my solution. I'm not talking about meeting someone just to date or hookup with, I can do that, I am talking about meeting someone I could potentially have a future with. Perhaps I give off some "player" vibe but the funny thing is... when I decide I want to give things a chance with a girl... I'm usually the one who ends up played lately. I certainly don't advertise myself as a player in any way. I think I come across normal and if I find it easy to meet girls then I am doing something right in the beginning. I sometimes wonder if it is because I am foreign but I can't really believe all girls would be shallow enough to really do this. There can't really be such a scarcity of women in their late 20's looking for anything more than hookups or something meaningless but it is the majority of what I encounter.
Author Estate Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 So, girls get with you and either get tired of or disinterested on you in a short time, or they have something else running that they like more. Sounds like they see you as kind of a doormat OR you come off as clingy. One of the two. Thanks Bob, quality advice as always.
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 When you say you are foreign, how new are you to the country? I mean, could this be a legitimate cultural difference you are running into here that you just don't realize? I mean, if it keeps happening, it has to be something, and I don't think that many girls are bigoted.
Author Estate Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 When you say you are foreign, how new are you to the country? I mean, could this be a legitimate cultural difference you are running into here that you just don't realize? I mean, if it keeps happening, it has to be something, and I don't think that many girls are bigoted. I'm here 3 years, so not that new. I'd be lying if I said I haven't had girls say "You're my first <guy from my country>". Some girls are into this, nother notch on the bedpost... but I am not really into this. And while some girls give attention for this reason, I tend to screen them out as I'm no longer interested in that.
Author Estate Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Well,what are you going to do about the way girls view and value you? Your assertion is that, naturally, its the girls who are not of adequate quality, yet the pattern suggests that you.are viewed as somewhat disposable. Stats don't lie, man. It's true, I am a disposable human being, thanks again Bob.
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I'm here 3 years, so not that new. I'd be lying if I said I haven't had girls say "You're my first <guy from my country>". Some girls are into this, nother notch on the bedpost... but I am not really into this. And while some girls give attention for this reason, I tend to screen them out as I'm no longer interested in that. Well maybe some women are intimidated by you. They feel not as traveled or some such thing as you are. Maybe they find it hard to relate to you. Some Americans are very traditional, and you might not fit into their picture perfect idea in their head. Just throwing stuff out there. Not trying to be offensive.
Author Estate Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Well maybe some women are intimidated by you. They feel not as traveled or some such thing as you are. Maybe they find it hard to relate to you. Some Americans are very traditional, and you might not fit into their picture perfect idea in their head. Just throwing stuff out there. Not trying to be offensive. That's not a bad suggestion at all. And something I've thought about before. A lot of girls ARE very traditional here. There is a lot of girls still with high school sweethearts and such while the "foreign" guy is fun for a while but ultimately they won't have a future with what they don't feel familiar with. Having said that, I would like to this this would be the minority rather than the majority so I don't really know...
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 That's not a bad suggestion at all. And something I've thought about before. A lot of girls ARE very traditional here. There is a lot of girls still with high school sweethearts and such while the "foreign" guy is fun for a while but ultimately they won't have a future with what they don't feel familiar with. Having said that, I would like to this this would be the minority rather than the majority so I don't really know... I think that would also depend on what region of the country you live in. Middle America and the South would have much more traditional women.
Author Estate Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 So, you are not white, and these are white girls, or just you're not American and you're dealing with American girls? This is NOT a racial thread. I am white.
Poppy fields Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 This is NOT a racial thread. I am white. WTF would would it matter if you weren't? Perhaps Barnacle Brain thinks all foreigners are of color, out to steal his white women. 1
ja123 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 How are you meeting these girls, OP? I have a feeling that you start things without a lot of forethought, even though you say you know what you're looking for. What are you looking for exactly? You mention someone around you age group, but you haven't been specific. Are you looking more at physical "types", or do you know the type of personalities that may complement yours. Anyhow, it's better, IMO, to take it easy and not be so frenzied in your desire to have a GF. Just take it cool and meet women socially. There's a lot of great things to get involved with depending on your interests: volunteering at a film festival, sports, marathons, SPCA, night classes, etc. These activities are personally rewarding too. You can learn a lot and grow as a person while having fun. Good luck!
Recommended Posts