coping with a broken heart :(

[ChazzB]

I think i posted this in the wrong forum...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/387205-broken-heart

 

 

Thanks guys i have been reading a lot and it is nice to know you are not alone.

 

Btw exes birthday is next week. I think i should not contact her at all...

[ChazzB]

having a difficult time coping today

 

tried meditating for a bit, talking to my friends, but I can't seem to get the knot off my chest

 

I feel like talking to her so bad...

[iouaname]

Open up a word document, write out everything that you feel you want to say or are feeling, and then delete it. Then make a list of ten things that you could do besides talking to her!

 

Also, a technique that I learned for when I am feeling overwhelmed is to reduce time in your mind. Instead of focusing on getting through the day, just focus on the hour or even the minute if you need to. Do something that will get you through the hour, but don't focus on anything after that. Then, deal with the next hour when it gets here.

[ChazzB]

i am gonna try that right now. thanks a lot

 

i already went to the topic for not coping / venting and wrote a lot of things, it helps.

 

this sucks because i couldn't get in touch even if i tried... ha...

[ChazzB]

hahaha I had posted a very long vent but i had net issues and lost all my text xD

 

that cheered me up a bit... was funny

[ChazzB]

the mornings are starting to get harder... it is the hardest part of the day for me, waking up and thinking non stop

[mtnbiker3000]

the mornings are starting to get harder... it is the hardest part of the day for me, waking up and thinking non stop

 

Yup. Mornings are the worst for me too. I usually spring awake at 4, 5 or 6 and then stare at the ceiling until the alarm goes off. No turning it off. Sometimes this goes away for a bit, but then comes back a few days or a week later. Hoping I will slowly start to be able to sleep 6 to 8 hours per night again. BTW today = 38 days NC

[ChazzB]

hope you can do it. bad sleep habits screw you badly

[iouaname]

Mornings are the toughest for me, as well. I have to force myself out of bed and I have an anxiety medication that I take that calms me a little bit. I know that eventually it does get easier, because I went through this at first and then it went away after a while.

 

The best thing that you can do is get yourself out of bed, shower if you're able to and then watch or read something that makes you feel good. That's what I've been doing and it has helped a lot!

[ChazzB]

at what point do you consider getting professional help?

[Kobe2345]

I would suggest run in the morning or play BBall like me, it will make you feel better

[ChazzB]

i do play / run / lift ... BBall is kinda tainted too hahaha, she used to go with me to all my games, she even started practicing / joined teams because of me... i do love the game though and i focus when

 

when i am doing something physical there is not much problem, it does get my mind off things... but when i am doing common stuff, even going to the movies or driving or something, is when i have my depressive lapses

 

 

today has been a pretty ****ty day so far...

[Kobe2345]

Its alrite ChazzB, i feel ya... I've been on NC for a while now, and there isn't a day i go by not thinking about my ex, it sucks i know... but try to stay strong and do the stuff you want to do and just push her out of your mind

[ChazzB]

so, if you have read my topics you know that the whole confirmation of my ex's lies came from a talk with her sister, who i wanted to mend things with, or at least, just get stuff straight since she's someone i will be in touch constantly because we work at the same company now

 

i bumped into her and said hi and she just started rambling about her sister coming back, that she has problems in the us and she wants to come back. I just told her I did not want to talk about her, she asked me if i had talked to her sister and i just said no. Then she told me something like "you can do better"

 

it is funny that the sister tells me that, more so considering she used to hate me so much when i was dating her sister. so i am thinking that i should not believe half the things she has told me. However the situations that happened before are self explanatory and would have lead to the same situation despite what she said (that actually just fills in the blanks perfectly), and things would not be different

 

now the point is. i don't expect the ex to contact me, actually. I am pretty sure i am still blocked off every communication media. But if she comes back chances are i will eventually bump into her / her bf (maybe). I know i just gotta keep it cool, minimize touch, be impersonal and leave with class. But these are still tough times. Her bday is incoming, and i still can't control myself.

 

Vent time over.

[ChazzB]

i broke nc... i sent her a mail to wish happy birthday... i wrote this

 

"happy birthday *****, i really hope you have a great day, that you are happy and that god blesses you"

 

she answered "thanks a lot, you too"

 

 

i have mixed feelings. well, i did this consciously....

[Nayan712]

Hey ChazzB, I'm going through a similar situation right now with the NC, but only been a couple days for me. Stay strong for me man, write what you need to here, you might not realize it, but reading similar situations like my own is helping me and others in our situation slowly push forward. And we'll help each other when we can.

 

Personally, I don't think it was a bad thing for you to wish her a happy birthday. To me, it shows you're a decent person who cares for people. I'm sure she knows that as well as it was obviously hard for you to do it, she knows. But maybe small steps like this can help you move on too and eventually down the line, when you feel like you're okay & if its something you both want, you guys can reconnect platonically.

[ChazzB]

thanks Nayan.

 

probably you have read it in other topics, breaking NC is sort of a regression, and that much is true. I have a lot in my mind and can't seem to take it off her. As I put before, this was not unexpected, but it doesn't make it easier.

 

She wrote me another mail telling me that she's not living with the guy anymore, that she is trying to be happy and she is doing well overall. I did not reply to that. I had already said the important stuff and anything else was just going to be returning to the vicious circle.

 

That is something I have clear. If she wants to get back, she will act upon it. She, not me, I already tried my best to no avail. Not breadcrumbs. Real stuff. Getting back, wanting to meet (i mean like really wanting it) and then accepting what i have asked from her, to be transparent, honest. I will not accept anything else. And even if that situation were to happen, I am not sure if I would really want to. Can I get over the things she did? Can I trust in her again? Will I feel at peace, and loved? Or will it be worthless, and painful for both of us?

 

I have always thought this. If a girl likes you and wants to be with you, she will take that leap of faith. If a girl tells me "she needs time to think about it" then it is an immediate no-no to me. Because i feel in that moment other kind of interests come to play, not only me and her. And I will probably feel this way with her. Because, deep down, she did not value me, our history, our probable future. She went and left me and tried with someone else. If she comes back, is it for me? Or is it because i am "the best option at the time", just waiting for some other better one to pop?

 

I try not to have any hope of getting back together. I don't want to cling to that because that is the same train of thought that stops you from moving on, and that is what caused me to ultimately go through all the bad times after i was starting to feel great.

 

Taking her off the equation, this was a great weekend. On friday I went to have dinner with a girl that I like ...although nothing will happen there xD she has a bf and her going out with me is just the thing I would not take if I were her bf. She has not let things go all out because of her bf but I think its all bs hehehe

 

On saturday I had a bball game, then salsa practice, then i went with some friends to a standup comedy show and then clubbing, it was pretty fun. Earlier during the day, one of my old time college friends just moved to the city i am in and he's staying at my place for a while. He is going through a similar phase and that is just someone else to talk to. We had some beers, a good talk and played some cards. Good times.

 

Yesterday I went to a 5k zombie survival race, it was very fun too. omw back i bought some pizza and had lunch at home with my friends, then i just did my chores o.o my clothes were not going to wash themselves (sadly)

 

 

Life goes on. That much I know.

[Chi townD]

thanks Nayan.

 

probably you have read it in other topics, breaking NC is sort of a regression, and that much is true. I have a lot in my mind and can't seem to take it off her. As I put before, this was not unexpected, but it doesn't make it easier.

 

She wrote me another mail telling me that she's not living with the guy anymore, that she is trying to be happy and she is doing well overall. I did not reply to that. I had already said the important stuff and anything else was just going to be returning to the vicious circle.

 

That is something I have clear. If she wants to get back, she will act upon it. She, not me, I already tried my best to no avail. Not breadcrumbs. Real stuff. Getting back, wanting to meet (i mean like really wanting it) and then accepting what i have asked from her, to be transparent, honest. I will not accept anything else. And even if that situation were to happen, I am not sure if I would really want to. Can I get over the things she did? Can I trust in her again? Will I feel at peace, and loved? Or will it be worthless, and painful for both of us?

 

I have always thought this. If a girl likes you and wants to be with you, she will take that leap of faith. If a girl tells me "she needs time to think about it" then it is an immediate no-no to me. Because i feel in that moment other kind of interests come to play, not only me and her. And I will probably feel this way with her. Because, deep down, she did not value me, our history, our probable future. She went and left me and tried with someone else. If she comes back, is it for me? Or is it because i am "the best option at the time", just waiting for some other better one to pop?

 

I try not to have any hope of getting back together. I don't want to cling to that because that is the same train of thought that stops you from moving on, and that is what caused me to ultimately go through all the bad times after i was starting to feel great.

 

Taking her off the equation, this was a great weekend. On friday I went to have dinner with a girl that I like ...although nothing will happen there xD she has a bf and her going out with me is just the thing I would not take if I were her bf. She has not let things go all out because of her bf but I think its all bs hehehe

 

On saturday I had a bball game, then salsa practice, then i went with some friends to a standup comedy show and then clubbing, it was pretty fun. Earlier during the day, one of my old time college friends just moved to the city i am in and he's staying at my place for a while. He is going through a similar phase and that is just someone else to talk to. We had some beers, a good talk and played some cards. Good times.

 

Yesterday I went to a 5k zombie survival race, it was very fun too. omw back i bought some pizza and had lunch at home with my friends, then i just did my chores o.o my clothes were not going to wash themselves

 

Run For Your Lives!!! I love those races! So, much fun! And you gotta love a race where your racing bid is worth a free beer at the end!!!

 

Dude, you are doing ALL of the right things so far! Accept for the little contact that you're having with her.

 

So, what you need to do is plan a trip. Grab some friends and come up with a game plan. A long weekend of white water rafting, or deep sea fishing, or cattle runs or Fantasy Baseball Camp (though, that one is pretty expensive). Do the research, find a place, work the budget on how much each needs to come up with, plan a date and then just go!!!

 

Let me ask you, during the run, or going to the comedy club or Salsa dancing. I bet your Ex didn't pop into your head TOO much during those times? I'm banking on not that much. Doing things, having fun and keeping busy is very theraputic.

[ChazzB]

yeah you are right about that.

 

As for the travel. I had that planned, i went to San Antonio with some friends for a ball game and shopping and stuff, but joke was on me because around that time it was when we broke NC, like 2 weeks before i touched bottom.

 

I am planning another one for this weekend but i am not sure, if finances add up i will go... those are great plans but are a little out of my budget we will go to "Feria de San Marcos", the 2nd largest carnival (sort of) in the country. I got some friends there and they tell me its a blast. And it will be cheap i hope xD

[Chi townD]

Well, no one said that you have to go NEXT WEEKEND! Lets say you have three other friends. You decide to go Deep Sea Fishing in the Florida Keys. Most boat charters is going to be 300 to 750 depending on what you're fishing for. So, lets go low end and say 400. Well, that's 100 per person. Lets say you stay at the Sunrise Suite Resorts. It's a condo and sleeps up to 6. Rate is 175 to 300 a night. So, let go middle of the road and say 250 per night. Divide that by four is 62.5 per night. Lets say you stay 3 nights and that's 187.50. The flight to Key West and Hotel with 2 rooms is 684. So, not including spending money and cab fair, the trip is 784 for a weekend getaway in August.

 

Now, lets say theres only 3 of you going. You would only need one room. And if you fly into Miami and take a cab out to the Keys. The cheapest flight AND hotel will be 508 plus 100 for the fishing trip. 608 total. Now August is 16 weeks away, to you would have to save $38 buck a week.

 

Not too expensive.

[ChazzB]

i was just thinking it was more expensive, not that i wanted to plan on it for this weekend.

 

Those numbers seem affordable man i will start talking to my friends for it. It does seem awesome. Thanks a lot.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I have traveling down to a science. I've been to no less than 20 different countries, and have been in almost every state. It's just working the budget and finding out the cheapest way to do it. You just got to do your homework. I just got back from doing my second tour of Spain. I cyclied the Camino de Santiago. Amazing time! But the kicker is, the most expensive thing about that trip was the flight. I got to Pamplona and had to rent a mountain bike and I just went from there to Santiago. I stayed in hostels which were about 15 euro and that's still less than $20 american AND a meal included at some of these! And some amazing wine in the Basque Country! . Stopped off at Burgos for an extra day....Just amazing. Obviously I had to have more than one meal a day, but there are so many Bistro's and Cafe's along the way, it was no problem.

 

In country, I think I spent no more than $400. And that's was me not being conservative. It could have been a little cheaper. The flight was $1350 if I remember correctly. Flights are what kill ya.

 

AND there are a TON of pretty girls doing the Camino... from Ireland, France, Germany, America, England, Canada, Korea, Poland....And they take the time to talk with you, if not for anything else but to pass the time while traveling. Very friendly.

 

I mean, come on dude! That would be one hellva story to tell.

 

"Dude, where have you been?" You could say, " Oh, I just spent the last couple of weeks touring around Spain. Met a girl from Dublin and she had the most sexy ass Irish Brough."

 

P.S. I've been to Dublin too. Fun as hell!

[ChazzB]

im going to start saving. i got a couple debts i want to pay first but one of my year purposes was to travel more (at least twice during the year).

 

I want to go to Europe but yeah the flights are expensive i actually think i can get cheaper rates if i fly to Laredo TX (a 3 hr drive from my city) and take the flight from there, than buying it in the mexican airlines.

 

The only downside i see right now is the avaliability of time. I need to work out some deal with my boss or something because if i go all the way there, it has to be at least for 2 weeks else it will just be wasted money

 

foreign girls should help me forget right ? hahaha

[ChazzB]

well, a tough day today

 

i dreamt of the ex, i hate when the subconscious plays jokes on you like that...

 

i also got the news that she is no longer living with the other dude. have not heard anything straight from her though :/

 

not much I can do but focus on myself...

Edited April 30, 2013 by ChazzB

[ChazzB]

today it is not so bad. trying to take it one day at a time, make some habits again

 

i am having trouble with my sleeping habits, any suggestions?