waiting4u Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I met a guy at a 3-day professional conference a couple weeks ago and got to know him over lunches / dinners/ drinks etc. We are meeting up at another conference in two weeks. We have a lot in common and he seems really into me. Thing is - we've been corresponding via email and it's becoming more and more flirtatious - I feel like it's setting up expectations. I'm flattered and curious, but ambivalent. I don't want to get into a 'fantasy relationship' online that will fall flat in real life. Is this a good idea to even pursue? Here are my concerns: 1) He lives two hours (by plane) away from me. Granted, it's one of my favorite cities (I seriously love that city), but how do you get to know someone and START dating long-distance? 2) I didn't even look at him in that way when I first met him - he kind of grew on me as the weekend progressed. It wasn't until the last night I was there that I realized he was interested in me and did a bit of a double take - especially when I got home and had a message from him. 3) He's good-looking in an unassuming way, but not a 'hottie' and rather quiet - not shy, just reserved. I mean, I don't go to pieces and want to rip his clothes off when we're together. I just feel sort of contented and happy - does that make sense? I know I obsess about stuff a bit too much, but should I even consider starting something up with this guy? It sounds like a long shot and I don't want to waste his time or mine.
todreaminblue Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I met a guy at a 3-day professional conference a couple weeks ago and got to know him over lunches / dinners/ drinks etc. We are meeting up at another conference in two weeks. We have a lot in common and he seems really into me. Thing is - we've been corresponding via email and it's becoming more and more flirtatious - I feel like it's setting up expectations. I'm flattered and curious, but ambivalent. I don't want to get into a 'fantasy relationship' online that will fall flat in real life. Is this a good idea to even pursue? Here are my concerns: 1) He lives two hours (by plane) away from me. Granted, it's one of my favorite cities (I seriously love that city), but how do you get to know someone and START dating long-distance? 2) I didn't even look at him in that way when I first met him - he kind of grew on me as the weekend progressed. It wasn't until the last night I was there that I realized he was interested in me and did a bit of a double take - especially when I got home and had a message from him. 3) He's good-looking in an unassuming way, but not a 'hottie' and rather quiet - not shy, just reserved. I mean, I don't go to pieces and want to rip his clothes off when we're together. I just feel sort of contented and happy - does that make sense? I know I obsess about stuff a bit too much, but should I even consider starting something up with this guy? It sounds like a long shot and I don't want to waste his time or mine. the biggest gift that you can get is too meet someone and feel happiness when they are in the room,when they walk in you feel a heart lift, you just feel right....content..even though with this i get butterflies and am nervous until he smiles....and then it is just happiness i feel..just plain happy....when i get that feeling....i know its right......it hardly ever happens for me...so i listen to that feeling...and enjoy that person for whatever time i am with them.........deb
Author waiting4u Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 That's lovely and romantic and all - but I don't really feel 'butterflies.' Doesn't that mean there's no spark? But then again, we mostly talked in a group setting and I was distracted. Everything he says I like - the places he's been, the work he does, the values he seems to have (we noticed two colleagues hooking up and he mentioned how he hoped the girl wasn't being 'taken advantage of' because the guy was much older). His reserve is endearing because I'm usually attracted to men who make me feel sort of anxious and insecure - aka butterflies.
FitChick Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I don't see this as a problem as long as you both can afford the plane trips and have no kids.
Author waiting4u Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 What do kids have to do with it? I have older kids and share custody. We're both in our late 30's.
Imajerk17 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 He sounds like a good guy. I cant say whether he is right for you or not. Many of us get into trouble though, because we're all about butterflies and fireworks above all else.
LittleTiger Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 What do kids have to do with it? I have older kids and share custody. We're both in our late 30's. If you have plans to turn this into a relationship, one of you will need to be able to move at some point. If it's just FWB, no problem. I think if you have enough reservations to be posting on the internet, he's not the guy for you anyway. At some point in a relationship you will have to have sex with him. If he's not doing it for you, that could become an issue, no matter how good a guy he is. You don't need constant butterflies or a desperate urge to rip his clothes off but, where a physical relationship is concerned, it sure helps.
Author waiting4u Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 If you have plans to turn this into a relationship, one of you will need to be able to move at some point. If it's just FWB, no problem. I think if you have enough reservations to be posting on the internet, he's not the guy for you anyway. At some point in a relationship you will have to have sex with him. If he's not doing it for you, that could become an issue, no matter how good a guy he is. You don't need constant butterflies or a desperate urge to rip his clothes off but, where a physical relationship is concerned, it sure helps. My biggest concern is building it up via email before I see him again. If we correspond too much and then it doesn't work out IRL, I don't want to be the b*tch that hurts his feelings. I just don't know him that well yet. He's not unattractive - I could totally handle having sex with him - although not in a FWB thing. I'm not into casual sex these days. Moving is a huge thing to think about when you just meet someone . . .
curlygirl40 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 You're going to need reservations. Plane reservations, and lots of em! O.K, sorry but you can't lob a softball like that..... Here's my first thought. You're reading WAY too much into this because yes, he might like you and might be flirting with you, etc. but you have NO idea what his intentions are. He just might be hoping that the next conference when you see each other that you will have some sexy time with him and that is it. To be thinking things like 'we live 2 hours away by plane' and wondering if you could date him long distance, etc. is WAY too premature considering you don't really know what he's looking for. He knows the distance, etc. if I had to guess, I would say he was just hoping to get lucky the next time you guys are in the same state. I could be wrong...it's happened before. But that's my take. You're reading way too into it considering you don't really know what he's looking for. Just because he's flirting and seems interested doesn't mean he's thinking long term. Let us know how it works out! If you hop over to the long distance relationship section you will see a bunch of stories of people who met just like this and then made it work out because there was a huge connection. All I'm saying is that I think you're putting the cart before the horse at the moment. Relax, have a good time getting to know him and then see where it goes from there. Good luck!
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