Eggplant Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Just because someone was a BS doesn't give them a pass to take their unresolved anger out on the OWs/OMs/MW/MMs in this forum. Yes! But my post wasn't talking about personal attacks, and your post that I posted about wasn't responding to a post attacking anybody on this forum personally. So this is a good response perhaps to somebody else? Anyway, my question is: what are we as a society to do when injustice is done? Shall we mind our own business? Do you think a pregnant wife who gives her husband children and then gets betrayed brought it on herself for picking poorly and is therefore not a victim?
SidLyon Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 If anyone did anything to my kids there would be hell to pay. I also told the OW's adult son and will be telling the other son as soon as he's old enough, because she was screwing my fWH while she was pregnant with him. My H could possible even be the younger child's father. I'm fairly sure there was "hell to pay" for the OW after I told her son of the A. After all his father had just died while saving their lives. There has been no repercussions to me at all. After all I wasn't the one betraying and deceiving my family. 3
spice4life Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yes! But my post wasn't talking about personal attacks, and your post that I posted about wasn't responding to a post attacking anybody on this forum personally. So this is a good response perhaps to somebody else? Anyway, my question is: what are we as a society to do when injustice is done? Shall we mind our own business? Do you think a pregnant wife who gives her husband children and then gets betrayed brought it on herself for picking poorly and is therefore not a victim? Okay, last T/J for me. Yes, she is a victim, but there comes a point in time where one should start looking at "why" they ignored the red flags instead of focusing on blaming others. In the case, the husband was going to treat her badly no matter what, so the cheating wasn't the only issue there were a ton of others based on what was posted regarding the story. He was a narcisisst with a whole host of issues and finding out about the affair gave her the info she needed to kick his a** out for good. I'm not saying it was right, but in a sense, the OW gave her the opportunity to release herself from what would have been a lifetime of all kinds of indirect abuse. I know because this happened to my mother. Narcisisst are emotional vampires that suck you dry and before you realize it you are nothing but a shell of yourself. If it were me in this case, I would be thanking my lucky stars that I found out he was a POS and that he was someone elses problem now. I would see the affair and subsequent d-day as a silver lining that enabled me to save myself and more importantly my children. Why harbor anger at the OW I definitely think cheating on a spouse who is pregnant is reprehensible for sure. In a case where the WS is severly personality disordered it's awful too, but if it wasn't the cheating it was going to be some other kind of abuse no matter what. Shouldn't someone in that case eventually, once they are ast the pain, look at why and how they ended up with that person?
spice4life Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I have had three relationships in my life. My ex husband, the father of my children. He is not personality disordered that I know of, but it wouldn't be surprised if he was considering his behavior. He is then one that cheated twice. After we split I went back to my home country thinking maybe a relationship would be successful with someone of my cultural values. He's the one that was the NPD and hid it from me. Thankfully I left before we had children (which he wanted but I held off because something wasn't quite right with his behavior that I just couldn't put my finger on at first.) Then the relationship I am in right now. The first guy I didn't "choose" to marry. Being from an immigrant family I was TOLD to marry. Being only 19 at the time, not being self sufficient, having little friends and life skills, I was too frightened to risk being cut off from my family (when you are an immigrant shunning is a death sentence). I was cheated on twice (apparently more but i only knew of two in the marriage). the first ow i forgave. She was repentant and asked to be forgiven. because she had some decorum and empathy i got over it. The second ow was a wretched skank who to this day is a psychotic b*tch. both ow KNEW we were married. They had seen me and my child before. Yes I fault then for falling for him, because I expect my sisters say no when they hear marriage and children, its not that difficult, I turn down married men all the time. I can get over the stupidity of the first woman because at least she understood what she did was wrong and was remorseful for it. The second one is demonic. I practice that same critical inquiry here. If an ow understands her culpability, feels bad for it, tries to make it right, I applaud her and urge her to forgive herself and hold her head up. But for ow who brag about the damage like children and women are fodder: no. Those people deserve nothing but scorn until they start acting with some dignity. Thanks for clearing that up. When you mentioned your NPD ex in this forum a few months ago I assumed it was your exhusband and couldn't for the life of me figure out why you were still so angry at the OW! Everytime I read your posts I was thinking in the back of my mind that she freed you from the a**hole and a lifetime of possible abuse...lol. I kept thinking that if it were me I would have been handing him over on a golden platter (sp?)! This makes much more sense. Thank goodness because I was viewing your anger as seriously misplaced when I thought you married and had children with the NPD guy. You're normal again in my mind...hahaha. Carry on!
So happy together Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 If the shoe fits.... Concerning my partners: three. NONE of them were taken by anyone but me... Don't play the comparison game with a person who actually believes in honesty... Just so we're clear, I didn't sleep with your husband. And I'm not slutty. Just because I don't agree with your morals does not make me your enemy. I believe in honesty. I haven't lied to anyone. 1
So happy together Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Angry tangent, lol I don't need a restraining order, she crawled back under her rock. But thanks for your concern. I often wonder why a MM is a great guy in the OW's eyes during the affair and an even greater guy if he leaves the bs for her. But, if he goes back to his wife suddenly he is now an awful person in the eyes of the OW and the wife is just so stupid for taking him back. Also I keep hearing OW's posting how they think the MM/MW never gets punished enough (read that on another thread yesterday too). I don't think any of them have ever said exactly what the punishment is suppose to consist of though?? *all asked inquisitively and not angrily* I will tell you, I honestly would not have thought poorly of my boyfriend if he had decided to work on the marriage. I don't think that any man is a bad person if he goes back. And when I mentioned yesterday about MM being punished enough ( that isn't exactly what I said, you may be speaking of someone else) but I did say that I can't figure out how a BS can just get back together with someone whom they feel has betrayed them and hysterically bond, make all nicey nice, and then hate the OW with a passion, as though she was the problem. The problem was and still is the MM, who broke the marriage vows. I won't even try to say what the punishment is, what I was trying to convey is that the H is forgive, the OW is not. If you're going to forgive the H, then the OW should be afforded the same thing. The problem is not these OW, coming on to your H and he just can't possibly resist the temptation. He made a decision to walk all over your marriage vows. With my boyfriend, the marriage was long over, so I don't think it's quite the same, we have extreme circumstances.
So happy together Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I have had three relationships in my life. My ex husband, the father of my children. He is not personality disordered that I know of, but it wouldn't be surprised if he was considering his behavior. He is then one that cheated twice. After we split I went back to my home country thinking maybe a relationship would be successful with someone of my cultural values. He's the one that was the NPD and hid it from me. Thankfully I left before we had children (which he wanted but I held off because something wasn't quite right with his behavior that I just couldn't put my finger on at first.) Then the relationship I am in right now. The first guy I didn't "choose" to marry. Being from an immigrant family I was TOLD to marry. Being only 19 at the time, not being self sufficient, having little friends and life skills, I was too frightened to risk being cut off from my family (when you are an immigrant shunning is a death sentence). I was cheated on twice (apparently more but i only knew of two in the marriage). the first ow i forgave. She was repentant and asked to be forgiven. because she had some decorum and empathy i got over it. The second ow was a wretched skank who to this day is a psychotic b*tch. both ow KNEW we were married. They had seen me and my child before. Yes I fault then for falling for him, because I expect my sisters say no when they hear marriage and children, its not that difficult, I turn down married men all the time. I can get over the stupidity of the first woman because at least she understood what she did was wrong and was remorseful for it. The second one is demonic. I practice that same critical inquiry here. If an ow understands her culpability, feels bad for it, tries to make it right, I applaud her and urge her to forgive herself and hold her head up. But for ow who brag about the damage like children and women are fodder: no. Those people deserve nothing but scorn until they start acting with some dignity. I'm sorry these things happened to you. Life is not easy.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yes. Yes I am. I think maybe I just shouldn't post. I thought I was doing better, but obviously not. I hope you feel better soon.
Goodbye Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 My husband has apologized for what he did. He spends everyday making it up to us. He gets to live with the consequences. She has never apologized for her part in it. She then harrased me and verbally assaulted my child. She has never apologized for any of that. So tell me why she should be afforded the same consideration of forgiveness as my husband? Did your H apologize to her as well? That would probably help her to respond better to the whole situation. Chances are your H promised her he was ditching you and promised her the world. She is probably pissed and bitter. She probably feels sorry for you. She'd probably extend an apology if she felt that there was honest disclosure by your H and that she'd not been thrown under the bus to take the blame. Just guessing...
Goodbye Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Ok, well yes then, the OW in your case sounds like a nightmare. It is good that your H was accountable to all involved.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Oh my. Do NOT let the other OW on this board hear you say that. :laugh: So..does that mean that all OWs are interchangeable?? 3
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