How many OM's wives told the husband of the OW?

[So happy together]

Well I'm less angry at my H now because he is the one doing the work to repair the damage he did. He knows that what he was doing was wrong and hurtful, he gets to live with that now. He gets to live the consequences of his actions.

 

He got to see her for her real self at the end and what he saw wasn't pretty. He realizes he could have lost his family for a woman like that and he lives with that and he regrets it. He also realizes that you don't repair all this damage overnight and he is willing to stick by and do whatever it takes so we can get through this and past it.

 

Also what I posted were things that happened right after d-day, that was almost a year ago. She will eventually become just a faded bad memory in a bad moment in our lives.

 

What level of anger would you, as an OW deem appropriate? Maybe you could share with us what would be the correct procedure to follow in deciding if a MOW's H deserves to be told and how, I am curious about that?

 

I deem it appropriate that you punish your WH rather than worry about with whom he cheated. It could have been anyone. The fact is HE is the common factor. HE brought this into your life. Even if you feel OW was wrong, she is not your problem. Your cheating husband is. Just my opinion. I find it fascinating that (some) BS's will punish the hell out of OW and then go hysterically bond with the man who betrayed them far more than any OW did.

[So happy together]

Children are off limits(though mine were not)for me. Gay men....don't give a damn...did it resolve/solve something for me and fix a problem.....you betcha. I do have an affiliation with God and I will be held accountable by him and I know it. I am good with that too. When it comes to healthy solutions for problems...it seems no one used great judgment but I am okay with the vengeance thing when you "f" with my family. No, I am more than okay with it.

 

If anyone did anything to my kids there would be hell to pay.

[underwater2010]

I deem it appropriate that you punish your WH rather than worry about with whom he cheated. It could have been anyone. The fact is HE is the common factor. HE brought this into your life. Even if you feel OW was wrong, she is not your problem. Your cheating husband is. Just my opinion. I find it fascinating that (some) BS's will punish the hell out of OW and then go hysterically bond with the man who betrayed them far more than any OW did.

Oh don't worry about the BS addressing their WS. We do that and then more. Yes we do end up having sex with them again, in most cases. Is that not part of a marriage that is working to be saved. We understand that our spouse is a major part of the problem.

 

Yet there is this little detail of a stranger, or a friend, that decides it is perfectly fine to walk all over our marriage. You know the quote "He/She didn't respect the marriage so why should I?". Why should the OW/OM be surprised when the anger gets directed at them? They did a crappy thing to the BS, regardless if they made the vows or not.

 

I get that you don't understand and probably never will. But there are the answers you might be seeking. Maybe try putting the shoe on the other foot...it might help you understand.

[So happy together]

Oh don't worry about the BS addressing their WS. We do that and then more. Yes we do end up having sex with them again, in most cases. Is that not part of a marriage that is working to be saved. We understand that our spouse is a major part of the problem.

 

Yet there is this little detail of a stranger, or a friend, that decides it is perfectly fine to walk all over our marriage. You know the quote "He/She didn't respect the marriage so why should I?". Why should the OW/OM be surprised when the anger gets directed at them? They did a crappy thing to the BS, regardless if they made the vows or not.

 

I get that you don't understand and probably never will. But there are the answers you might be seeking. Maybe try putting the shoe on the other foot...it might help you understand.

 

I'm not saying you can't be angry at OW, or put some blame on her. I am culpable for my part in my affair-turned-relationship.

 

BUT

 

He is still the one who did not think for one moment about you, who was supposedly the love of his life. Clearly you are not or he wouldn't have sought another, even if just for sex. if there had been parameters in YOUR relationship, he would not have crossed the line, no? You're blaming her for crossing the line when it is exactly what your H did to you. Sounds like you are projecting a lot of your upset on the OW when the focus should be your H. You are still actively hating her, while forgiving your H. If you've forgiven him enough to have sex, then you should forgive her and move on. Stop wasting energy on it, as it is counter productive. And another thing, you say he realizes who OW 'really' is, but you don't know what he 'really' thinks. No matter what he tells you, you have no idea.

[firstandlast]

Just had a D day. MM's wife got a full confession. What are the chances she will spread the word? She wants to work it out with her H and already mentioned her concern that if she does tell then I will likely become single. But she must at least be thinking about it. Any ideas of what I should expect?

 

Expect it as a real possibility. My BS and I are in the process of reconciling, and even now, she gets the urge to tell the husband of my xMOW.

 

As others have said, seriously consider this as an opportunity to tell your husband yourself. I don't know whether you want to reconcile, but I can tell you from a crisis-management perspective, you'll want your husband to hear your explanation first.

 

And you know what? The consequences may not live up to your worst fears. It'll be bad, but your husband probably already suspects something. Getting everything out in the open will allow you both to have an honest, adult conversation about your relationship and where you want to go with it. Not to mention relieving you of the constant fear of getting caught.

 

I lied and then trickle-truthed for months. I wish I had just told the truth from the start. The true reconciliation would have begun much sooner. If that's not your goal, then telling the truth sooner is still better -- you're free and single that much sooner.

[Spark1111]

I deem it appropriate that you punish your WH rather than worry about with whom he cheated. It could have been anyone. The fact is HE is the common factor. HE brought this into your life. Even if you feel OW was wrong, she is not your problem. Your cheating husband is. Just my opinion. I find it fascinating that (some) BS's will punish the hell out of OW and then go hysterically bond with the man who betrayed them far more than any OW did.

 

Why do most OW feel absolved from blame?

 

I don't get it.

 

I did level both barrels at him. In fact, daily. But I never absolved her of blame either.

 

Together, they lied and deceived me in the worst ways imaginable, and yes, they were co-workers, and yes, she had met me on occasion.

 

So I guess I did not feel singly betrayed, I felt doubly betrayed as in it takes two. If it wasn't her and it turned into someone else, then I suppose I'd be at someone else's door.

 

I find it fascinating that APs can meet up for sex and then he goes home to the wife.

 

I mean really?

[So happy together]

You misunderstand. I said earlier that I accept I am culpable as well. What I don't understand is how it can be mostly blamed on OW and the MM is absolved and taken in, then together, they bash the sh*t out of OW. If OW is a monster, MM helped create the dynamic. So put blame where blame lies.

[So happy together]

And another thing, you say he realizes who OW 'really' is, but you don't know what he 'really' thinks. No matter what he tells you, you have no idea.

 

I'm curious. Are you seriously planning on being in a long term R with someone you had an A with believing that you will never be able to know what he really thinks? How are you planning on making that work?

 

 

You may know how he thinks, you may know his personality, but nobody can get inside the head of another and know exactly what they are thinking. You're not psychic.

[Turtles]

Don't you like when ow say: "don't blame me, it could have been anyone."

 

No, it couldn't have been anyone. Many people have ethics and wouldn't get involved with a married person. Thankfully not all women are that slutty...

 

Know who is slutty? Your husband - who could only keep his dick in his pants as long as there was no occasion to whip it out. He's the one who betrayed you and the one worth getting mad at. Unless she tied him to a chair and forced him to have sex with her, she's only an enabler.

[So happy together]

Don't you like when ow say: "don't blame me, it could have been anyone."

 

No, it couldn't have been anyone. Many people have ethics and wouldn't get involved with a married person. Thankfully not all women are that slutty...

 

Did you just call me slutty? Ha! I bet I've been with less partners in my 43 years than you've been with. Watch your potty mouth.

[So happy together]

What makes you think he is not being punished. He is being punished every day, every time he looks at his kids and sees and remembers what he put them through. Every time he sees me upset and angry and knows he caused it. He is working to make it up to me.

 

Do you know the OW in my case? Yeah I don't think you do. Stop acting like I'm somehow picking on your best friend. Punish the OW, that's funny. She is getting to walk away with no fall out from this. She will get over it as soon as she finds a new married man to get under.

 

My anger at her is justified. Do you even have a clue what she did? Why don't I call up your child and tell him to go eff himself and then how about when you're not home I will leave obscene messages on your machine as your child sits there and listens. Is all that okay with you? She is my problem when she does stuff to hurt my kids. How about if I get drunk and call you at work 45 times in a row hmm? Then you can come up to my work and I will cry that you crossed a line by doing so. How about if I get drunk another night and call your house and cell phone over and over and over again. At which point in all that is is okay for me to get angry? Hmm?

 

For someone who is supposedly so happy you sure seem to be very angry

 

 

Well, you don't know me. There are other posters here who know me well, and know I'm not full of anger. I wasn't addressing you personally, anyway. You are the one who just went off on an angry tangent, which is fine. Actually, that is what stbxw does to her ex. Does that make her just as crazy? He's left her, she's now stalking him. Lol. Some people are off their rockers and some are not. I would NEVER behave in that manner with anyone. I have never contacted stbxw or his child. Ever. So, aim your anger at her. And get a restraining order.

[underwater2010]

I'm not saying you can't be angry at OW, or put some blame on her. I am culpable for my part in my affair-turned-relationship.

 

BUT

 

He is still the one who did not think for one moment about you, who was supposedly the love of his life.

 

In my case they both did (think of their spouse). That is why they chose the relationship with each other and why they broke it off. Neither on of them wanted to leave their marriage.

 

Clearly you are not or he wouldn't have sought another, even if just for sex.

 

You are so right.....and it drives a knife in my heart everytime that I think I was not enough for him. I hope that makes his MOW feel better about both of their actions. Does it make you happy?

 

if there had been parameters in YOUR relationship, he would not have crossed the line, no?

 

There were parameters....they were called vows. And yes he broke them.

 

You're blaming her for crossing the line when it is exactly what your H did to you. Sounds like you are projecting a lot of your upset on the OW when the focus should be your H. You are still actively hating her, while forgiving your H. If you've forgiven him enough to have sex, then you should forgive her and move on. Stop wasting energy on it, as it is counter productive.

 

I do not even talk with her. Let alone continue hating her, but I was trying to explain why there is anger the OW/OM. Take it or leave it, but it is there in all of its glory.

 

And another thing, you say he realizes who OW 'really' is, but you don't know what he 'really' thinks. No matter what he tells you, you have no idea.

 

You are so right....I don't know what he thinks. I hope that he wonders what the hell he was thinking. Mostly because of all the things that came out about her, from her own husband's mouth to my husband's ear. And via text and email.

 

Just so you know I have responded in bold. I do not hold hate for anymore, but was merely trying to explain it further to you. I am sorry if you cannot own up to the pain you have (might) caused, but striking out rather than having a discussion will not help anyone here.

[ladydesigner]

What lovely actions. You didn't expose your husband but you popped her name up on a website?AND you've had an affair? Say it with me... you know what word applies... . Hypocrite.. there we go.

I did not and I have been asked that question before and it is hypocrytical if I think about it. The proof I provided gives his name away so in a sense yes he has been exposed on that site.

 

My WH asked me why I did not expose myself on the site since I had an A as well. He is right, but as I stated I did that in one of my not so finer moments and cannot take it down as the site guidelines are set unfortunately.

 

LFH I already stated that in a post many posts before yours. I also stated that you never know what you will do in a blind rage. I stated it was not one of my best moments.

 

I'm curious LFH, what if the love of your life cheated on you? Someone who was your passion, your soulmate, your best friend and your lover? And then when they came clean and promised you the world kept cheating with the same AP behind your back while claiming to still want to be with you. It can make a person a little nutty. At least it did with me.

[ThatJustHappened]

What lovely actions. You didn't expose your husband but you popped her name up on a website?AND you've had an affair? Say it with me... you know what word applies... . Hypocrite.. there we go.

 

 

Sure is!

 

 

 

You know what? GO ASHLEY MADISON! Why shouldn't the company cash in on what so many are doing anyway?

Guy behind it is obviously a financial genius.

And before anyone pipes in with their nonsense about how not everyone is cheating look at this site. Seriously. Are you sooooo special you think you're the only ones cheated on? Most of the world is being cheated on every day. Get a grip. Whole industries are built around this.

 

 

Well I'm pretty interested in how mean people can be now. I actually have decided to take some lessons and speak to people the way they speak to others.

 

 

Aw... how cute you told her mommy and daddy. Such adult actions...smh

 

 

 

 

They don't.

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to high 5 you soooooo much.

 

 

First of all..WOAH. Having a bad day are we?

 

Second, just because a lot of people are doing it doesn't mean it's something that should be encouraged or promoted, especially in such a public way. A lot of people smoke..a lot of people drink and drive..a lot of people abuse their spouses..should those things be promoted too? You yourself have spoken out against affairs in the past and have agreed that your situation is fairly unique and not something you would wish on someone who cannot handle it. In MOST cases, cheating hurts everyone, OM/W, MM/W, BS, children of either or both parties..just like smoking, drunk driving, and abuse. Why encourage people to hurt themselves and their loved ones?

 

And if you do think cheating should be promoted on a billboard in the middle of a large city, then why are you so angry at another poster for putting the OW's name up on a website?

[spice4life]

They help take a huge crap all over someone's life and then get offended when someone shouts: "hey, it stinks in here because of you". They argue over who is more to blame for it stinking, the Mm's or the ow's. "well the MM took a bigger dump".

 

Sheesh!

 

As if people care whose pile was bigger when they are crapped on, the point is you had the audacity to do it!!!!

 

All this rationalizing and minimizing...

 

But no matter how much you try to polish a turd, it remains still: a turd.

 

I can understand this, but in your case AS, your exH was a personality disordered POS was he not? It doesn't matter how many OWs he chose to bang, it still doesn't change the fact that you chose to marry him. All of you were bambozzeled by this guy. It's not the OWs fault you didn't see what a POS he was. I'm sorry,but bashing perfect strangers because you're still pissed that you married this guy isn't going to change that...period.

[jlola]

I can understand this, but in your case AS, your exH was a personality disordered POS was he not? It doesn't matter how many OWs he chose to bang, it still doesn't change the fact that you chose to marry him. All of you were bambozzeled by this guy. It's not the OWs fault you didn't see what a POS he was. I'm sorry,but bashing perfect strangers because you're still pissed that you married this guy isn't going to change that...period.

 

 

My father has a personality disorder also. But it still is sad so many women where willing to spread their legs for him even though they knew he had kids.

 

One was my mother's best friend. She was also married. Her husband left her quick . I never found out till I was an adult the reason my "aunt did not come by anymore was because like my father,she had no morals.

 

He also had affairs with Ow. All "love" affairs. How many people can one be in love with in a lifetime. But like all PD's there is the idealization stage where they may chase you and romance you for years. Till they take their masks off.

 

Whether the OW knew us(his kids personally or not) I still think there is a huge lack of respect towards another family. Inserting yourself into a family's business without an invite is not right.

 

The OW know infidelity hurts spouse and kids. But rather ignore it and say, "hey he was the married one. I have no obligation to people I don't know". This is why society is going to pot. It's me,me,me.

 

There is a show called "What would you do". Where they stage situations where a child or a woman may be in need to help,may be in danger. So many people just walk by and ignore.

 

Then there are those who care about others.whether they know them or not and help. This is why we are here. Not to only watch out for ourselves, but for each other.

 

Probably why some states passed laws that says if you witness a crime happening and you do not report it, There will be consequences.

 

I was walking my puppies one night when a van sped up, pulled up along side of me and passenger door opened. It was a couple who had been arguing. But for an instant could have been someone looking to abduct. I was stunned because I had been by the grass as my puppies did their business and the van was smack in front of me.

 

Anyway all of the sudden a man came rushing pulled me by my waist and said "I've got your back". I will never forget that. Even though nothing happened, a total stranger was willing to put himself on the line for me.

 

I was shaking and thanked him. It stuck with me. There are still people out there who care how their actions will affect others whether they know them or not. There are still people with integrity.

[spice4life]

Jlola, I agree with what you say, but we ALL need to take responsibility for our bad choices. I married an abusive POS and I don't look to place blame on others because I was married to him. I accepted full responsibility for my choice without running around and blaming, attacking and judging others. It was my responsibility to take a look at myself honestly and figure out why made that choice to begin with. No one else is responsible for the choices I made that ended up hurting me.

 

And to be honest, taking anger out on strangers that did nothing to you is just as bad as ignoring a stranger who needs help. It's just as negative in my opinion. If someone is harboring so much anger over how much they were hurt by another they need to seek out more appropriate methods of expressing it.

[ladydesigner]

Whether the OW knew us(his kids personally or not) I still think there is a huge lack of respect towards another family. Inserting yourself into a family's business without an invite is not right.

 

The OW know infidelity hurts spouse and kids. But rather ignore it and say, "hey he was the married one. I have no obligation to people I don't know". This is why society is going to pot. It's me,me,me.

I strongly believe this. I just wanted to say thank you for posting it. I know not all OW are this way but the MOW in our situation thought exactly like this. It was mind blowing. At one point I was so sick of hearing her that I told her she could have him. Yet here he is my ass of a H begging me to stay, the MOW said she doesn't want him and then NC gets broken again I just wanted out of the whole mess, out of the triangle.

 

The MOW absolutely hurt my kids. My daughter still talks about MOW to this day. She knows daddy had a girlfriend because she intercepted their texts on his phone when she played on it. Both my kids have watched me cry, rage, fall apart, hospitalized, ptsd, all for the sake of infidelity!

[jlola]

And to be honest, taking anger out on strangers that did nothing to you is just as bad as ignoring a stranger who needs help. It's just as negative in my opinion. If someone is harboring so much anger over how much they were hurt by another they need to seek out more appropriate methods of expressing it.

 

 

Duh,some murderers,rapist,thieves,drunken alcoholics ho drive have one nothing to me either. But watching them run amock hurting others and not caring does not make me a fan.

 

i don't think anyone here is taking anger out on OW, It is the non-chalant "hey, I don't know the wife or kids, so I have no obligations to be respectful to them" attitude.

 

Yes, many do not know the wife or kids. You just know the twisted version of spouse they hear from poor,poor WS.

 

I know the game because my father demonizes my mother, the kindest most loyal human on the face of the Earth. My sister had demonized all of her 4 ex husbands. Now on her 5th. When she tries to talk bad about any of her ex'(except #2 who was affair partner" I remind he I and others know the real story. She is the selfish one. Made her cry a few times. But rewriting history is very common and I understand why people get triggered when OW act like they know the spouse and what went on in the marriage because MM is always telling the truth..

 

It irks me when people tell me to talk to my mother because of her behavior towards my father. I stopped talking to them because none of them know the reality. He is the bad parent. He is the selfish one, He is the instigator. He is the liar. But he does what he does very well.

 

I stopped speaking with hm because why bother. It's a bunch of lies anyway. But he is so convinced his version is real, he actually believes his own BULLCRAP!

[spice4life]

Duh,some murderers,rapist,thieves,drunken alcoholics ho drive have one nothing to me either. But watching them run amock hurting others and not caring does not make me a fan.

 

i don't think anyone here is taking anger out on OW, It is the non-chalant "hey, I don't know the wife or kids, so I have no obligations to be respectful to them" attitude.

 

Yes, many do not know the wife or kids. You just know the twisted version of spouse they hear from poor,poor WS.

 

I know the game because my father demonizes my mother, the kindest most loyal human on the face of the Earth. My sister had demonized all of her 4 ex husbands. Now on her 5th. When she tries to talk bad about any of her ex'(except #2 who was affair partner" I remind he I and others know the real story. She is the selfish one. Made her cry a few times. But rewriting history is very common and I understand why people get triggered when OW act like they know the spouse and what went on in the marriage because MM is always telling the truth..

 

It irks me when people tell me to talk to my mother because of her behavior towards my father. I stopped talking to them because none of them know the reality. He is the bad parent. He is the selfish one, He is the instigator. He is the liar. But he does what he does very well.

 

I stopped speaking with hm because why bother. It's a bunch of lies anyway. But he is so convinced his version is real, he actually believes his own BULLCRAP!

 

Just for the record, regarding the bold part above, I never subscribed to that way of thinking. Hey, I completely understand how you feel about your father as mine was a classic narcisisst. I don't believe he had any physical affairs, but he certainly had emotional ones. He also scape goated my mother to the enth degree and I believe that's why she became ill and died before her time. She was carrying around all the crap he projected onto her. I also know that it was her choice to stay as well. If she chose to not take it anymore and leave there would have been a line around the block vying for a chance to date her she was that beautiful...inside and out. And I'm talking about decent educated men who would have given her the sun stars and the moon. It's sad she was too emotionally drained by my father to realize it. I struggle with the sadness around that sometimes, but again she undeniably chose to stay, so there wasn't much we could do.

[spice4life]

Duh,some murderers,rapist,thieves,drunken alcoholics ho drive have one nothing to me either. But watching them run amock hurting others and not caring does not make me a fan.

 

i don't think anyone here is taking anger out on OW, It is the non-chalant "hey, I don't know the wife or kids, so I have no obligations to be respectful to them" attitude.

 

Yes, many do not know the wife or kids. You just know the twisted version of spouse they hear from poor,poor WS.

 

I know the game because my father demonizes my mother, the kindest most loyal human on the face of the Earth. My sister had demonized all of her 4 ex husbands. Now on her 5th. When she tries to talk bad about any of her ex'(except #2 who was affair partner" I remind he I and others know the real story. She is the selfish one. Made her cry a few times. But rewriting history is very common and I understand why people get triggered when OW act like they know the spouse and what went on in the marriage because MM is always telling the truth..

 

It irks me when people tell me to talk to my mother because of her behavior towards my father. I stopped talking to them because none of them know the reality. He is the bad parent. He is the selfish one, He is the instigator. He is the liar. But he does what he does very well.

 

I stopped speaking with hm because why bother. It's a bunch of lies anyway. But he is so convinced his version is real, he actually believes his own BULLCRAP!

 

To the bolded part, yes, there are a few who do.

[Eggplant]

I can understand this, but in your case AS, your exH was a personality disordered POS was he not? It doesn't matter how many OWs he chose to bang, it still doesn't change the fact that you chose to marry him. All of you were bambozzeled by this guy. It's not the OWs fault you didn't see what a POS he was. I'm sorry,but bashing perfect strangers because you're still pissed that you married this guy isn't going to change that...period.

The world needs no laws or police! The victims all should know better.

 

Come on, have some empathy. We as a society have to stick up for people, or all of our social institutions, like marriage, business, etc., collapse from lack of faith.

[jlola]

Just for the record, regarding the bold part above, I never subscribed to that way of thinking. Hey, I completely understand how you feel about your father as mine was a classic narcisisst. I don't believe he had any physical affairs, but he certainly had emotional ones. He also scape goated my mother to the enth degree and I believe that's why she became ill and died before her time. She was carrying around all the crap he projected onto her. I also know that it was her choice to stay as well. If she chose to not take it anymore and leave there would have been a line around the block vying for a chance to date her she was that beautiful...inside and out. And I'm talking about decent educated men who would have given her the sun stars and the moon. It's sad she was too emotionally drained by my father to realize it. I struggle with the sadness around that sometimes, but again she undeniably chose to stay, so there wasn't much we could do.

 

 

In seeing how your father treated your mother, how can you be a party to aiding in the disrespect? My mother also had health issues because of my father and could barely keep weight on. Emotionally I know she was in a lot of pain.

 

The thing is there were some FOO issues she dealt with as well as cultural that made her more prone to staying and putting up with the bull. That is on her and that is for her to deal with.Not anyone else. I would never dream of being party to bringing anyone who has done me no harm any pain.

 

My mother taught me to never disrespect anyone who has done you no harm. The only time you do not respect, is if they disrespected you first. I live by that rule and I sleep well at night.

 

I do not know why my mother stayed. I can guess, but do not know all. I am not in their head. For me, my mother was raised in a home were girls did not matter. The boys did. So she was invisible. There was a lot of pain in her life when she grew up. Lots and lots of it that I cannot get into right now.

 

But all I know is she is a kind person and one who puts others before herself all the time. What I do not understand is when OW talk about BS staying. Well, how did they know she would stay anyway? Not till Dday do they get 100% confirmation wife will stay.

 

But they are more than willing to go ahead and cheat with him. then when the wife gives him another chance, they think she is weak and deserves what she gets.

[spice4life]

The world needs no laws or police! The victims all should know better.

 

Come on, have some empathy. We as a society have to stick up for people, or all of our social institutions, like marriage, business, etc., collapse from lack of faith.

 

Oh please...spare me the dramatics. This is a support and discussion forum for people who have ended up in, for whatever reason, affairs. I have plenty of empathy so no need to preach to me. I also have enough faith to know that sometimes people make less than stellar choices and can change for the better too. I've seen it happen plenty of times right here in this forum. Just because someone was a BS doesn't give them a pass to take their unresolved anger out on the OWs/OMs/MW/MMs in this forum. Sometimes it is what it is...unresolved anger. I would say the same thing to an AP who is doing the same...it' not right to do that no matter what side of the fence you're on.

[spice4life]

In seeing how your father treated your mother, how can you be a party to aiding in the disrespect? My mother also had health issues because of my father and could barely keep weight on. Emotionally I know she was in a lot of pain.

 

The thing is there were some FOO issues she dealt with as well as cultural that made her more prone to staying and putting up with the bull. That is on her and that is for her to deal with.Not anyone else. I would never dream of being party to bringing anyone who has done me no harm any pain.

 

My mother taught me to never disrespect anyone who has done you no harm. The only time you do not respect, is if they disrespected you first. I live by that rule and I sleep well at night.

 

I do not know why my mother stayed. I can guess, but do not know all. I am not in their head. For me, my mother was raised in a home were girls did not matter. The boys did. So she was invisible. There was a lot of pain in her life when she grew up. Lots and lots of it that I cannot get into right now.

 

But all I know is she is a kind person and one who puts others before herself all the time. What I do not understand is when OW talk about BS staying. Well, how did they know she would stay anyway? Not till Dday do they get 100% confirmation wife will stay.

 

But they are more than willing to go ahead and cheat with him. then when the wife gives him another chance, they think she is weak and deserves what she gets.

 

I've never said anything like that about BS's. I have been quilty of saying using kids as an excuse to stay in a sh*tty situation is just that, an excuse, because I know better. And when I said that I meant it universally affair or not.

 

This is way off topic so I'm going to stop the T/J. Thanks for your input.