Ladydrib Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Just had a D day. MM's wife got a full confession. What are the chances she will spread the word? She wants to work it out with her H and already mentioned her concern that if she does tell then I will likely become single. But she must at least be thinking about it. Any ideas of what I should expect?
Poppy fields Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Expect and plan for the worst. Hope for the best. 1
TheOW Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Just had a D day. MM's wife got a full confession. What are the chances she will spread the word? She wants to work it out with her H and already mentioned her concern that if she does tell then I will likely become single. But she must at least be thinking about it. Any ideas of what I should expect? personally I think the best thing to do is own up to ur H, may not seem like the best thing right now but i can assure you it is. You do not want to live in constant fear about if she tells him or not, everytime the phone goes you will worry. And what if MM tells her something she doesnt like and goes straight to ur H 3-4-10weeks down the line ? Its no way to live. Tell him yourself because sooner or later someone else will. 4
loredo21 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 exMOM wife called me on Dday and I didn't even think for one second if she would tell my H or not. I took that opportunity to come clean. Whether she was planning on telling him or not, I knew it was the right thing to do. Only you know your situation and circumstances. So you need to be the judge of that one, but I would agree with a PP. expect the worst. It almost always goes down that way. And my H needed to hear it from me. Not some stranger. 8
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 You may want to consider the strong possibility that this bit of news would be best coming from you rather than the OMW. 4
ladydesigner Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 My situation....I did not keep quiet. Same here. I exposed it first to my WH's partner and his wife (MOW worked for my WH) then I exposed to MOW's other employer who is a mutual friend. When the NC was broken I contacted the MOW's BS and he has since kicked her out. Also exposed her on a cheater site (I know not my best moment ). Most people in my circle know, and most people in my WH's circle know by word of mouth. 2
TheOW Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Same here. I exposed it first to my WH's partner and his wife (MOW worked for my WH) then I exposed to MOW's other employer who is a mutual friend. When the NC was broken I contacted the MOW's BS and he has since kicked her out. Also exposed her on a cheater site (I know not my best moment ). Most people in my circle know, and most people in my WH's circle know by word of mouth. Did you also expose your H on this cheaters site ? Just asking 1
ThatJustHappened Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Regardless..would you really want this Sword of Damacles hanging over your head and your marriage for the rest of your life? Every time the phone rings..every time he gets an email..it could be her or someone else exposing your affair. That sounds like torture to me. I would confess. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) First D-Day his wife found out - she wanted to keep it quiet - between the three of us. She did not tell my husband - another 4 months went by. The physical side of the affair started up again. Second D-Day my husband confronted me. He called her immediately. I couldn't get my youngest out of the house fast enough and by the time I got back he had already told my middle daughter. And I have to say, he was pissed. He was pissed because someone who called my husband "one of his best friends" was sleeping with his wife and my xMM's wife, who called herself a friend, didn't tell him. And then, lastly, my husband had an affair. I am aware of it, her husband is not. I have mentioned before there hasn't been a "no contact letter', she comes in and out of the office from time to time and even called him very recently while I was out of town. I have tried to handle things so much differently with him, but honestly it's a timebomb. I can tell (even though he doesn't say so) he's nervous. Every time she comes in, he wonders "Is this the day?". It's a a fuse that has yet to hit. I have to say, as bad as it could be, you had better be the one to tell him. Edited April 18, 2013 by lilmisscantbewrong
ladydesigner Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Did you also expose your H on this cheaters site ? Just asking I did not and I have been asked that question before and it is hypocrytical if I think about it. The proof I provided gives his name away so in a sense yes he has been exposed on that site. My WH asked me why I did not expose myself on the site since I had an A as well. He is right, but as I stated I did that in one of my not so finer moments and cannot take it down as the site guidelines are set unfortunately.
Goodbye Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Same here. I exposed it first to my WH's partner and his wife (MOW worked for my WH) then I exposed to MOW's other employer who is a mutual friend. When the NC was broken I contacted the MOW's BS and he has since kicked her out. Also exposed her on a cheater site (I know not my best moment ). Most people in my circle know, and most people in my WH's circle know by word of mouth. What is a cheater site?
ladydesigner Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 What is a cheater site? It is a website solely to out cheaters (specifically WS's) The OW in my situation was married. 1
Goodbye Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Same here. I exposed it first to my WH's partner and his wife (MOW worked for my WH) then I exposed to MOW's other employer who is a mutual friend. When the NC was broken I contacted the MOW's BS and he has since kicked her out. Also exposed her on a cheater site (I know not my best moment ). Most people in my circle know, and most people in my WH's circle know by word of mouth. It is a website solely to out cheaters (specifically WS's) The OW in my situation was married. That's messed up. 4
ladydesigner Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 That's messed up. Yes it is. You never know what someone will do in a blind rage.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 No different than the sites for WS or AP to hook up......discreetly of course. Know what's even more messed up? There's a giant billboard for Ashley Madison.com on Highland Ave (a major street in Los Angeles) that says something like "Your wife is hot, but ours are hotter". I'm talking GIANT, SUPER conspicuous billboard. 1
SidLyon Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Just had a D day. MM's wife got a full confession. What are the chances she will spread the word? She wants to work it out with her H and already mentioned her concern that if she does tell then I will likely become single. But she must at least be thinking about it. Any ideas of what I should expect? I would have told the MOW's husband if I could have, but he died shortly before d-day. In fact in some ways it was his death that set the d-day train in motion. I used to wonder if the MOW was grateful that he died before I could tell him or whether she would have preferred him to live and be told. Instead I told the BH's parents. Their son died while saving the life of the OW (his wife) and their child (who may actually be my fWH's child). The strange thing was that when I told them of the A, they didn't seem at all surprised. I now know that was because the OW had been having an A with yet another MM who left his own BW for the OW, and the dead BH's parents already knew of this whereas I didn't yet know. I and my family (including fWH) are not usually drama filled or drama seeking people, but there there was plenty to go around in the months after d-day! An absolute mess to be honest.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 There is a website where you "out" cheaters by name? Oh my. That's almost as bad as having your names read in church. You know the fact that my husband allowed that to happen to me (albeit he regrets it now) was almost a deal breaker for me. I know what I did was very hurtful but he could have stopped it - it was within his power - and he didn't. Then he has an affair and because of his "status" in the community and his business I choose to stay quiet. Such a dichotomy really. I honestly think that's one of the meanest things to do. Wow. 1
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Just had a D day. MM's wife got a full confession. What are the chances she will spread the word? She wants to work it out with her H and already mentioned her concern that if she does tell then I will likely become single. But she must at least be thinking about it. Any ideas of what I should expect? Time to confess the truth to your husband before your (x)MM's wife tells him the truth. Own your part in the affair, don't blame your own spouse for your decision to cheat on him and don't blame your (x)MM for the affair. Question is, do you want to fight for your marriage? your husband? Do you regret the A? Or was your marriage in shambles before your A and having the A has helped you realize that maybe divorcing is for the best. You need to decide what it is you want as well. If your H chooses to give you a chance, will you do all that is required to regain his trust and faith in you again? Do you still love him?
underwater2010 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I am a BW that found out my husband was carrying on with a MOW. I told the MOW's BH. I figured that if she didn't care enough about my marriage then why should I care about hers. Also, two sets of eyes are better than one. I did give her about a month to come clean, then I sent him everything. She is lucky in that he still wants his marriage. Just the same is my husband is lucky that I still want mine. Good Luck. 1
Lillyfree Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 i came clean even though there was a big possibility that my H would never find out. he didn't want to have anything with OM, and that includes telling his gf... but from what i know he's in the minority. why would you allow for it to be hanging over your head? you might as well have a nice long talk with your H, not only for your own benefit but also because it will be a lot kinder for him to hear it from you than someone else.
HonestNeurotic Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Best to have the truth come from you to your husband. Because the Worst Trust Is Better Than The Best Lie. Always. A lie will haunt you. It will become this bigger beast than it originally was. That said - I just wanted to say that while I can certainly understand that a BS would want to inform the spouse of the OW that was with her man. Rant and rave to all her friends and family maybe. Even post on the cheaters outing sites. Yell at the OW's here. But to do this public scarlet letter type stuff by invading the OW's work? Outing adulterers in front of their church? I just think that kinda crappy. Kinda childish. Destroying someone else does nothing to fix your happiness. Not at all. And besides, my conduct outside of work has nothing at all to do with my ability to do my job. IMHO. Just a little too much anger that's totally justified, but put to negative use. 2
HonestNeurotic Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 No faults. Say she's a pig. But I sincerely think that HER WORKSPACE, unless you are working maybe at the same place, well, that's outta line. It resolves nothing for you. Or maybe it does? I doubt it. If it hurt her back as much as she hurt you, and then you felt whole again, well, maybe I'd agree that was the way to resolve it. An eye for an eye or as close to it as one can get. What if it was an affair with another MAN? Would you feel justified in outing someone that maybe didn't want others to know they were gay at their workplace? Does she have children, and will you out that there mother is a whore to them? Their schoolteachers? That's just not right. That's going to far. Scarlett Letter crapola. Again, IMHO. My sex live and my work life are not to be intertwined. There was once a woman that THOUGHT for some strange reason, that I went out with her husband. I did not. She made a mess at my work. I keep work and home life separate. It all worked out okay. But her husband I guess wandered quite a bit and well, even if I had been the one, she had no right to invade my work. Period. My employer threatened her with legal action. But hey. I get it. (I think, I can never presume to know another) She disrespected your space, and now you want to disrespect hers. They bomb us, we bomb them. Retaliation just isn't in my world of solutions for things like this. Well, for most things. It just doesn't balance anything at all. I don't want you to think that I am saying that you are right or wrong in how you feel. I'm just expressing that I don't find resolving emotional problems in a way that discredits another based on things that have nothing to do with WORK, or even CHURCH membership to be nothing but vengeance. What does it solve for you? It doesn't seem that it made you feel any better. I also find it pretty awful to cheat on a pregnant wife, and in her home. That's just deplorable to me. And your car? Deplorable. Indefensible. And I pretty much don't trust anyone that has any affiliations with invisible gods. But their wrongs are between them and their confessors, their ministers, it's not for me to say, even if I was done wrong. IMHO 1
Goodbye Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 If she had been married I would have told him so quick her head would have spun. I did tell her that if she continued to harass me or my family I would print out a copy of the IMs and send it to her father so he could see the lovely *&$% he raised. Since she is mid 40's her dad is older (70s) and I would not have hesitated. I sent an e-mail to his family informing them all of what he did not only to me but his own children. I went to her work and she had the nerve to call my H and tell him I had crossed a line. How do you even say that with a straight face??? Unreal. They erased the line when they had an affair. I also told numerous people where she worked and when so they could visit her also Are you still with your H?
Goodbye Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Have you considered making him the target of your aggression since he is the one who violated his marital vows? 4
Goodbye Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Wow, gee, no I never considered that. She got back the aggression she was dishing out. You did read my entire post right? Because it is appearing that you did not. Maybe try reading it again, that should help. I genuinely curious; with this level of anger, how do you ever "recover" into a livable marriage? 2
Recommended Posts