meat department Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 So I found out that I was involved with a married man, I ended it since he is a liar. He does not want to end it and his reasoning is this he is in a sexless marriage and can't get a divorce right now because of multiple financial reasons. They do not have children. My question is this of the OW how common is a sexless marriage and is that a normal excuse that man uses for an affair? He did say they have sex once every 4 months or so. He also didn't feel like it was just sex between us but something more. Is that common? Do you ask the MM the reasons they are having an A and what is the most common answer? ( I also don't want to get yelled at so I am not saying I am willing to be his OW just attempting to get answers for questions so I can move on)
Goodbye Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I was in a sexless marriage, so I can attest that they do exist. HOWEVER...I think this is a common MM excuse. Not so much the reason FOR the affair, but to keep you in the affair by making it seem like YOU are the primary partner. That is what my exMM would tell me...would swear up and down he hadn't had sex with his wife in over a year. But...looking back at it, I don't buy it for a minute. He was WAY too horny to really care about the state of their marriage and I don't think she knew their marriage was in trouble, so yeah. I think most MM claim to be in sexless marriages, but they aren't. Don't count on it. 1
Poppy fields Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I never asked the reasons the MM was having an affair. We talked about being in love and that we were sexually attracted to one another. I was too young, I think, to really give much thought to the reasons. At no point during our affair did he say he was not having sex with his wife though.
MissBee Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Frankly, I'd be insulted if someone said they were trying to date me because of their sexless marriage. That implies that they are out seeking sex, from me. If they said they were out of love, even that is more romantic. But to say "sorry I lied, I'm just not getting sex at home, please be with me" is not at all attractive to me. Any man leading off with his sexual deprivation is a red flag to me . Sexless marriages exist. However, my worry wouldn't be about if he is getting sex at home or not, it would be in his audacity to announce this as his reason for trying to be with you. 3
jlola Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 So I found out that I was involved with a married man, I ended it since he is a liar. He does not want to end it and his reasoning is this he is in a sexless marriage and can't get a divorce right now because of multiple financial reasons. They do not have children. My question is this of the OW how common is a sexless marriage and is that a normal excuse that man uses for an affair? He did say they have sex once every 4 months or so. He also didn't feel like it was just sex between us but something more. Is that common? Do you ask the MM the reasons they are having an A and what is the most common answer? ( I also don't want to get yelled at so I am not saying I am willing to be his OW just attempting to get answers for questions so I can move on) Girl, run while you are not too emotionally involved. Because it happens quick!! I have learned anytime I see a HUGE red flag you need to leave. Friend and I were talking the other day about how our boundaries have changed. We no longer accept bad behavior or emotionally unavailable men(look it up). Because in hindsight, every bad and painful relationship we were in had loads of red flags we ignored. NO MORE!!! I have never been in an affair. But have been with men who bring drama and passion, but little else. I would rather be alone than go through another emotional roller coaster with a man. My health can't take it, and I'm too vain to allow lack of sleep or mental anguish to age me. 1
loredo21 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 from my personal experience I am basically in a sexless marriage. We are lucky to get it in once a month. (when we do it's fabulous!) So technically if my H ever wanted to go off with an OW he could use the line that he was in a "sexless marriage" and it would be true. exMOM used this line on me. And said the only time they had sex was when she was trying to get pregnant. And it took 2 times. I am a pretty good people sensor and IMO she seemed like the type who would not be interested in sex. Now I am not into sex at all so I didn't need to use the excuse that I was in a sexless marriage. I used the "I'm in an emotionless marriage" line. And that was true. Again working with many many men over the years and from all times,ages, and walks of life it was the same story over and over again. no sex. no sex. no sex. Still to this day I have guy friends telling me this....sheesh. 1
Author meat department Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Thanks for all the responses. I am pissed at him and have no desire to contact him. I will say this I can see how easy it is to get into an A. There was a big part of me was like sure we can continue, it was fun and I am not dating so my emotions are in check but luckily self preservation kicked in. It has also made me realize that OW are people and make choices for themselves and it is all messy. 2
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