Love Vs hate. How to cope & should I leave?

[Arabellad25]

Hi all. Just hoping for some sensible advice & support.. It's a rather complicated story.. & I really appreciate no one wants to listen to someone waffle on so I'm cutting it real simple.*

 

When I got with my bf a year ago we worked together! Before anything happened with him I really didn't think too highly of him as he seemed a bit sly & had a rep of messing women around ( I never understood how as he's no brad Pitt ).. now, when things started it was unexpected & He turned out to be *so so lovely to me / really caring and gave me a lot of attention. I've had a rough ride in a previous relationship a couple of years back so have been real closed since then.. Until meeting him that is.. He really made me comfortable & happy..*

 

Now, 10 months down the line I find out that he was actually still seeing 2 exes.. & he hadn't split with them properly, just told them he was busy at work. I was devastated... And went mental *at him.. I was fuming!!!!!! Within weeks one of his exes *had managed to get us both sacked from our *very *highly paid jobs ( v v complicated story on its own)*

 

Now, since then ( the past 3 months ) he has been with me every night / day & has done everything possible to make me feel I can trust him..*

 

Yes some people would say I'm stupid for staying with him but I decided to give him 1 shot as I knew what he was like when we started & somehow after the anger I felt relief it had all came up now so that it can b dealt with & decisions made... If he wanted me then i woukd give it a shot.. But ob the understanding of him seeing me only... And he is trying to prove himself.*

 

I should b happy!! I have him.. Hes with me.. We work well together.. We're considering getting a place together...

 

Just a few small issues;

 

*One part of me - hates him / hates what he did to all his exes / hates the.. *reputation *he had / hates that he LOST ME MY JOB ( It was my career, I'd been at the company 3 years & it was humiliating *) / i hate that I still haven't met his friends or family /I *hate that he has a daughter & walked out on her and her mum / hate that he could lie to me in the past.. I get so angry that he has done this & hurt so *many people in the process without taking a second thought...I hate that his friends know what he's like & they prob assume he's cheating on me / I hate that I've put up with so much & scarily sometimes I really want him to suffer for everything he did.. I can't help feeling that if I walked out tomorrow he would just hop onto the next 1/2 or 3 women that pop along. ( usually they're in their late 40s with cats btw - it would appear he didn't have high standards )*

 

On the other hand He hasn't done any wrong since It all came to light.. We've been together 90% of the time.. I love *being with him, we really make each other laugh & he holds me so tight.. I just want a normal happy life with a bf that wants to b there too.*

 

This is so tough for me to know if this is him acting or if he really does want to commit & move forward with me.

 

*We mentioned moving in together as when we start work again it would just make sense.. & he is up for it.. But I just feel like its me pushing for everything.. I've told him I'd never want to live with him if he's unsure but I don't usually get a straight answer.. Normally just a " I just wish we didn't need to argue sometimes " but the next week he will come searching for houses with me??

 

I'm so confused here... I need to know what he wants from this so I can decide what to do with my life. If I decide to leave him I'll leave this city & go to my hometown.. If I stay There's a chance we could b so happy but I worry that it's me pushing for things... As he seems happy floating along with whatever... I'm just confused... *We've spoken about all of this on a few occasions but nothing is ever really resolved.*

 

Any help?!*Feel free to read my previous post to find out about the whole cheating scenario.

 

Oh god, I rambled

[Arabellad25]

P.s When I say nothings resolved - he does say that of course he wants to be with me & comforts me.. He doesn't always say all the right things but does a pretty decent job. When I say both gs been resolved I just mean there's been nothing set in concrete about us moving in or he hasn't introduced me to anyone as his girlfriend. ( this isn't something I've ever whinged about )

[Lostint]

Why would you move in with someone who won't even introduce you to his friends? If you do this, you'll end up regretting it big time. It sounds like your expectations are very low after your previous, painful relationship. You deserve someone who will treat you well and cherish you. Not just somebody who's going with an easy situation. I'm sure it suits this guy to move in with you, for now.

[CompleteFailure]

*One part of me - hates him / hates what he did to all his exes / hates the.. *reputation *he had / hates that he LOST ME MY JOB ( It was my career, I'd been at the company 3 years & it was humiliating *) / i hate that I still haven't met his friends or family /I *hate that he has a daughter & walked out on her and her mum / hate that he could lie to me in the past.. I get so angry that he has done this & hurt so *many people in the process without taking a second thought...I hate that his friends know what he's like & they prob assume he's cheating on me / I hate that I've put up with so much & scarily sometimes I really want him to suffer for everything he did.. I can't help feeling that if I walked out tomorrow he would just hop onto the next 1/2 or 3 women that pop along. ( usually they're in their late 40s with cats btw - it would appear he didn't have high standards )*

 

But I just feel like its me pushing for everything.. I've told him I'd never want to live with him if he's unsure but I don't usually get a straight answer..

 

I'm so confused here... I need to know what he wants from this so I can decide what to do with my life.We've spoken about all of this on a few occasions but nothing is ever really resolved.*

 

If it's going to work at all, you really need to forgive him.

 

You've stated more than once that there is a lack of proper communication.

 

You know him and know whether or not he has it in him to change for good. Go with your gut.

 

You say you're confused and you need to know what he wants from this so you can decide what to do with your life. That is an extremely bad mentality to have.

 

YOU need to decide what YOU want to do with YOUR life and fit him in if it fits. If you guys were talking about marriage and moving in then there should definitely be a couple's discussion. If he's just leading you on and not committing than stop wasting your time.