SalientPoint Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Hey guys, So basically my ex and I broke up right as I was taking a 6-week leave of absence from work to take care of my Dad who has serious cancer and other health problems. I live/work in a huge major city, and I had to temporarily move to a really tiny town of about 350 people, 3 hours away where there's pretty much nothing to do. Hence, I also don't know anyone here, and other than taking care of my Dad who sleeps a lot, and other household duties, it's been harder to stay motivated to soldier on. I did the purge of all online contact the other day, NC is in effect, and have started to realize more and more she's not coming back, so am moving into the thick of my depression. I can't sleep at night because I'm bummed out (and because of time difference when it's time for me to sleep I know she's awake so I just wait for texts and contact I know won't come and shouldn't want anyway) so in the morning and days like today, I'm always exhausted and I can't even find motivation to get out of bed. I try going for walks and bike rides and stuff, but the weather has been really bad lately, so I can't do that as much as I'd like. My friends have been nice about responding to texts and stuff, but there's only so much they can do when I'm far away. Any other ideas?
ThatJustHappened Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Yup. Make yourself get out of bed. Get dressed and go for a walk. Fresh air and exercise have been proven to increase serotonin levels.
geegirl Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Weekends were the hardest for me in that I had all this free time and it was the devil. I would get up from the bed only to move to the couch. I'm not sure why you are staying up hoping for a text because even if she texted you, after a good 8 hours sleep, the text will still be waiting. I'm not understanding the logic in depleting your health over a text. In that sense you have to be disciplined. My therapist told me to write a daily schedule. Bed time was hard because I would stay up as late as I could because nights made me feel good and I never wanted it to end. But according to my schedule, I had to be in bed by 10PM. So, 10PM I went to bed. Set the alarm in the morning, at your loudest and as far away from the bed as possible. It will annoy you so much you will be forced to get up and switch off. Then get yourself straight to the shower. As for the rest of the day, plan it. Include exercise, walks, reading, cooking healthy meals, time with your father, cleaning, chores. Fill it to the brim and get yourself exhausted, not exhausted from staying up for text messages. You have to train yourself to do this. It's easy to just lay in bed and be sad. And if you keep doing that, you will never get out of your rut. Your dad is suffering from cancer. That should give you at least a little perspective in life? No?
Author SalientPoint Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Weekends were the hardest for me in that I had all this free time and it was the devil. I would get up from the bed only to move to the couch. I'm not sure why you are staying up hoping for a text because even if she texted you, after a good 8 hours sleep, the text will still be waiting. I'm not understanding the logic in depleting your health over a text. In that sense you have to be disciplined. My therapist told me to write a daily schedule. Bed time was hard because I would stay up as late as I could because nights made me feel good and I never wanted it to end. But according to my schedule, I had to be in bed by 10PM. So, 10PM I went to bed. Set the alarm in the morning, at your loudest and as far away from the bed as possible. It will annoy you so much you will be forced to get up and switch off. Then get yourself straight to the shower. As for the rest of the day, plan it. Include exercise, walks, reading, cooking healthy meals, time with your father, cleaning, chores. Fill it to the brim and get yourself exhausted, not exhausted from staying up for text messages. You have to train yourself to do this. It's easy to just lay in bed and be sad. And if you keep doing that, you will never get out of your rut. Your dad is suffering from cancer. That should give you at least a little perspective in life? No? Thank you. That was all really good advice. I should clarify though, I'm not purposefully staying up waiting for texts, I just can't sleep in general because I'm sad, and the fact knowing she's out there makes it worse, but if I could get my body to go to sleep believe me I would. And yes, I definitely have perspective, just the normal things I would do to take my mind off a break up (ie work harder at work, hang out with friends, go to the movies etc) are not applicable here, so it's just finding new ways to try and get out of the funk. Thanks again though.
geegirl Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Thank you. That was all really good advice. I should clarify though, I'm not purposefully staying up waiting for texts, I just can't sleep in general because I'm sad, and the fact knowing she's out there makes it worse, but if I could get my body to go to sleep believe me I would. And yes, I definitely have perspective, just the normal things I would do to take my mind off a break up (ie work harder at work, hang out with friends, go to the movies etc) are not applicable here, so it's just finding new ways to try and get out of the funk. Thanks again though. The first few days starting my schedule, I couldn't get to sleep either. I went to the pharmacy and got me off the counter, non-habit forming sleep aid, like Tylenol/Advil. I only used it for the first few days in trying to get on a schedule. You probably can't sleep because your body clock is all over the place and you have made it a habit for your brain to feed your anxiety every night with the same thoughts. You've created a pattern. Break it. You did say that part of you staying up is because you know she is awake when you get to sleep so you wait.
Infnitysign Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Well this is how i went to bed and actualy getting up. Make a schedule for everyday of the week even if you don't even know how to do these things. Instead of taking the car to work or anywhere you need to go take the bus because then you'll be running on someone else time and then you'll have to get up and be on time for everything. Going to bed Before going to bed eat a big meal and go to the gym work out and run on tredmills until you sweat like crazy. ( eating dinner before the workout) Well this is just some of the things i did to help my anxiety and sleep deprevation.
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 There's ALWAYS something to do. Even if you're staying in a small town. Plan a trip away from Smallville. A minivacation. Give yourself something to look forward to. 1
Lostint Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I don't know if you like to read, and I'm sure it sounds trite but a good book can really help take your mind off things and let you lose yourself in another reality for a while. 1
CompleteFailure Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 For sleep, do you have access to a 24 hour classical radio station? I find that really helps to lower my brainwaves. Use headphones if you can. Also, meditation might help. I don't really have any motivational tips for getting and staying out of bed. I take frequent naps/meditation throughout the day. Food and feeding my cats is pretty much the only thing forcing me to do anything. I've got way too much time on my hands at this point. It sounds crazy but I wouldn't mind having a text buddy. Someone we can just let loose all of our sh.t onto
Author SalientPoint Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 For sleep, do you have access to a 24 hour classical radio station? I find that really helps to lower my brainwaves. Use headphones if you can. Also, meditation might help. I don't really have any motivational tips for getting and staying out of bed. I take frequent naps/meditation throughout the day. Food and feeding my cats is pretty much the only thing forcing me to do anything. I've got way too much time on my hands at this point. It sounds crazy but I wouldn't mind having a text buddy. Someone we can just let loose all of our sh.t onto Yeah, that would be cool. But I don't know the best way to get you my info privately.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Have you gotten out of bed yet? If not, there's always porn. Jussayin'... 1
CompleteFailure Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Yeah, that would be cool. But I don't know the best way to get you my info privately. You can send me a pm over at pandora's aquarium(google) forums. Username = "Useless". They have a members list you can search through. I'd suggest reconfirming our identities by re-posting on LS with something we would have discussed over there so we know we're not someone else.
Author SalientPoint Posted April 21, 2013 Author Posted April 21, 2013 Have you gotten out of bed yet? If not, there's always porn. Jussayin'... I had to today to drive my Dad around, but if not for that then I probably wouldn't have. Haha, touchè!
Author SalientPoint Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 You can send me a pm over at pandora's aquarium(google) forums. Username = "Useless". They have a members list you can search through. I'd suggest reconfirming our identities by re-posting on LS with something we would have discussed over there so we know we're not someone else. It said I didn't have permission to access it :-/
CompleteFailure Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 It said I didn't have permission to access it :-/ I think you have to be a member in order to browse the members list. Also, I believe you need to be approved by a moderator to join the forums.
Author SalientPoint Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 I think you have to be a member in order to browse the members list. Also, I believe you need to be approved by a moderator to join the forums. Hmm, well any other ideas haha.
CompleteFailure Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Hmm, well any other ideas haha. You could give me a forum with pm access to join, or a fake email account solely for this?
ViresSanctity Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 I'm having similar problem as you. I'm waking during night times with feelings of panic. So I end up having half-awake naps during the day where I feel worse for wasting time. I had a nights sleep last night after drinking for 6 hours though.
Standard-Fare Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 You may not even want to think about it right now, but exercise is pretty much always the answer. Not only does it make you feel better mentally and physically, it also makes you look better. But I do realize when you're depressed, and having a hard time even getting out of bed, exercise can seem ambitious. For me, when motivation is low, I'd have had success with signing up for specific fitness classes. If you pay for something and schedule in advance, chances are you're not going to flake out. Also, in your case, it sounds like you could really use some structure within your schedule. For me, yoga was the answer. I have some issues with it, and I think the whole "culture" surrounding it can be pretty cheesy, but, when you strip it down to its basics, stretching and strengthening is really good for you. I don't know how small of a town you're in, or what your local options are. But I assume there's SOMETHING you can sign up for within driving distance. Find whatever works for YOU. Karate, weights, cycling, kickboxing, what the f*ck ever. Sign up for some classes! Or splurge and work with a trainer. Do it every day. I promise you will feel a lot better.
Author SalientPoint Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 You may not even want to think about it right now, but exercise is pretty much always the answer. Not only does it make you feel better mentally and physically, it also makes you look better. But I do realize when you're depressed, and having a hard time even getting out of bed, exercise can seem ambitious. For me, when motivation is low, I'd have had success with signing up for specific fitness classes. If you pay for something and schedule in advance, chances are you're not going to flake out. Also, in your case, it sounds like you could really use some structure within your schedule. For me, yoga was the answer. I have some issues with it, and I think the whole "culture" surrounding it can be pretty cheesy, but, when you strip it down to its basics, stretching and strengthening is really good for you. I don't know how small of a town you're in, or what your local options are. But I assume there's SOMETHING you can sign up for within driving distance. Find whatever works for YOU. Karate, weights, cycling, kickboxing, what the f*ck ever. Sign up for some classes! Or splurge and work with a trainer. Do it every day. I promise you will feel a lot better. Thank you! Yes, I've been trying to incorporate more exercise into the regime right now, that is the main goal. The town unfortunately is quite small, around 350 people max, and literally the only thing they really have there is a church and a liquor store, and the nearest town with a gym/fitness options is probably around 40 miles away each way, which wouldn't even be a problem if the point of why I was there wasn't caring for my Dad. He has his good days and not so good days, but most of the time I have to be pretty close to him, so it makes it harder to travel and get out, which was a lot of the problem exacerbating the breakup. I can't hang out with friends or spend more time at work or the gym etc due to this care taking gig I'm on right now, otherwise I hope I wouldn't be bothering you guys with my issues constantly But you're right, when I do get some time I'll have to re-focus on more walks/bike rides. Thanks!
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