Sexy Teddy Bear Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Of course. I just had to break NC. Over 2 months of no contact and I just broke that about 2 minutes ago. The truth is, I have been struggling recently. I have been pretty stressed out because I having been thinking about her a lot because I found out that she may or may not be coming to my town to visit over the summer. If you're curious about why, I will tell you about it. But I won't go into detail in this post, let me just say she wouldn't be visiting because of me. If you knew the story, you would see it's really stupid to be stressed about that (unlikely) scenario, but I am, I can't help it. Then today I learn that she had been broken up with her new boyfriend for over a month. So I think, well... I don't exactly know what I'm thinking. I got a huge desire to contact her though. I messaged her on Facebook. I kept it short and simple, basically just asking her how she has been: Hey, how's it goin? Just thought I might try and catch up a little bit with you. For old times sake. So how have you been? Still interested in photography? You still doing the fostering thing with the puppies? But yeah, I just broke 2 months of NC. Hooray for me (not). I knew that it's just gonna end poorly. I knew that it was a bad idea, but I couldn't stop myself. At the moment I feel fine. I don't really feel set back at all. I Just hope that this screw up doesn't set me back to square one.
steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 If she replies keep it short and simple. Don't drag out the conversation and DON'T arrange to meet up. Remember, you broke up for a reason and nothing has changed. Stay strong!
Mack05 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 This advice below hasn't changed since March 1st. STB questionable name, I can't even type it (about a guy) on my keyboard. Some people bounce from relationship to relationship. Most times they learn nothing new and make the same mistakes. Rinse, lather, repeat. No matter what it's always good to get space after a relationship. I think it's especially worthwhile when you focus on your mistakes and the criticisms an ex might have made of you. It helps us grow as people and helps us avoid repeating mistakes. Wish your ex well (in your mind). Maybe she has found Mr right. High probability is after another honeymoon period ends, same story different guy..Your focus can't be on her and her actions. Your focus needs to be on you and self improving.. Let her leave her life in denial, in her own fantasy world. Choose a different wiser path than her. What is is going to take for you not to want to contact her? Her shagging her new guy in your living room as you watch? Where is your self respect dude? She is with another guy and here you are like a love sick puppy looking for the tiniest breadcrumb. It is really sad you need validation from this girl..
Author Sexy Teddy Bear Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 If she replies keep it short and simple. Don't drag out the conversation and DON'T arrange to meet up. Remember, you broke up for a reason and nothing has changed. Stay strong! Meeting up isn't gonna happen. I am half way across the country. What is is going to take for you not to want to contact her? Her shagging her new guy in your living room as you watch? Where is your self respect dude? She is with another guy and here you are like a love sick puppy looking for the tiniest breadcrumb. It is really sad you need validation from this girl.. Yeah, I know. I know it's sad. It's quite pathetic really. There was a while when I didn't have any desire to contact her. I was even thinking about getting a new girlfriend. There was one girl I almost got with, but I ended up turning her down because I knew it would have been nothing but sex, and I don't want that. But recently, I have been becoming weaker. I have actually been worried that I might become one of those lonely old men that lost the love of their life and never found another girl. My uncle is like that. He lost his love and he never remarried. I don't want to be like that.
Mack05 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Meeting up isn't gonna happen. I am half way across the country. Yeah, I know. I know it's sad. It's quite pathetic really. There was a while when I didn't have any desire to contact her. I was even thinking about getting a new girlfriend. There was one girl I almost got with, but I ended up turning her down because I knew it would have been nothing but sex, and I don't want that. But recently, I have been becoming weaker. I have actually been worried that I might become one of those lonely old men that lost the love of their life and never found another girl. My uncle is like that. He lost his love and he never remarried. I don't want to be like that. I agree it's pathetic and I'm pretty sure that is what your ex is thinking now. I mean what else does she need to do before you leave her be? If you maintain your current attitude, you will find things hard going forward. Hooking up with girls cause you are 'lonely' is a fast track to poor relationship after poor relationship. You probably will end up like the one person that you don't want to be -> your uncle..Life can be viciously ironic like that. You need to find happiness on your own. Unless you are TRULY happy inside, unless you live your life in the here and now, unless you live your life with zero fear and positivity, unless find your self respect -> what you crave will NEVER be obtained. So many LS posters simply don't get this. When your ship is order you send out the right messages to the universe. Right now you are a mess, looking to someone else for the easy solutions.. Wrong path...
Author Sexy Teddy Bear Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 I agree it's pathetic and I'm pretty sure that is what your ex is thinking now. I mean what else does she need to do before you leave her be? If you maintain your current attitude, you will find things hard going forward. Hooking up with girls cause you are 'lonely' is a fast track to poor relationship after poor relationship. You probably will end up like the one person that you don't want to be -> your uncle..Life can be viciously ironic like that. You need to find happiness on your own. Unless you are TRULY happy inside, unless you live your life in the here and now, unless you live your life with zero fear and positivity, unless find your self respect -> what you crave will NEVER be obtained. So many LS posters simply don't get this. When your ship is order you send out the right messages to the universe. Right now you are a mess, looking to someone else for the easy solutions.. Wrong path... I understand it's a bad idea to hook up with someone cause I'm 'lonely', that's why I turned that girl away. And I'm trying to find my own happiness, I really am. I'm trying to do stuff I like more often and have some fun with it. I'm doing projects and stuff around the house in an attempt to keep myself busy. I understand that I need to fix myself and be happy before I can truly move on and then I will be able to have whatever I so desire. "Looking to someone else for the easy solutions" <--- what do you mean by this? That is the only part of your post I don't quite understand.
Mack05 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 "Looking to someone else for the easy solutions" <--- what do you mean by this? That is the only part of your post I don't quite understand. Firstly nice reply STB... Secondly I might have been projecting above. I was a mess when I met the last girl I loved. I looked to her to make me happy and for awhile it worked. Later, I found out the hard way that if you are not happy and at peace entering a relationship, after awhile the relationship tends to follow how you were feeling before it.. Might take 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, 18 months but eventually it will happen. No one person can make us happy forever unless we are ourselves happy. It is an impossible task. What tends to happen is the relationship unravels very quickly. The 'false' foundations come tumbling down. When we (me and the last girl I loved) got together everything seemed perfect, but because we were both sad before we met we tried to go from a-z as quickly as possible. There were numerous reasons for this..It didn't work..Lessons learnt. I am single 18 months and I feel so much better....
Author Sexy Teddy Bear Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Well. She messaged me back. We chatted for a good 4 hours. We talked about basic things. What we have been up to and stuff. And of course the conversation transitioned to us and our relationship. I changed the subject quickly though. I have to be honest, I did try to play it sweet with her for a bit. I need to know I tried my best to make it work between us. But she has changed. She is no longer the girl I fell in love with. She is at that stage in her life where she wants to have fun. And she thinks she "loves" every guy that's nice to her. She obviously isn't ready for a real relationship yet. So I learned that I wouldn't take her back now even if she wanted me to. I am wondering if I want to remain acquaintances. I don't know. I'm just gonna have to see how I do now.
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