im 20 he is 16!! is it wrong to be with him??

[toughlove02]

We'll it all started 1 year ago I met my boyfriend 3 months after the father of my two kids left us to go to another country. I am taken away by the fact that he is so much mature then other people his age. I met him trough one of my mother's new friends at the time. He is the youngest son out of his older 3 brothers. I know...why can't I be with one of the older brothers well because they are hella immature, my boyfriend is the only one that got my attention somehow. He is the only one with a job out of all his brothers, the only reason why he got a job was because he felt like taking care of my kids and me, he even works 7 days every week for 8 hours! I don't need his help I work full time for my children and have my own place but he still was there even if I had already tried to brake things of with him he still stayed since he met me when my smallest kid was bearly one month old and my other kid was 2 yrs he grew love towards them and now calls them his kids and my kids love him as well and call him dad. I didn't want him to grow love for them because I knew he would not want to leave them or me. He is perfect in everyway and especially a perfect father. He comes straight from school to my home and visits until its time for both of us to go to work. He still stays with his family because he is still young to move out he is saving up for when the time comes to move in with me and get a home together. No one knows we are together and I'm afraid someone will find out before he actually is old enough to not matter (21) but he already is talking about marriage and it really does scare me. I'm older then him and I'm not ready to get married. I know age is just a number but its killing me I don't want him to later on look back and regret getting together. But I really do love him and he loves us but Im just afraid one of our families might find out. I don't know if it was ment to be or not but we are extremely happy together I have never ever felt this way before since he is actually the second person I have been with other then the father of my kids. My boyfriend does not look like his age and people actually think he is older then me his friends at school even said I that I look like a 16 year old since I'm kinda short and my boyfriend is extra tall he is actually 6.2 and I'm just 5.2 and I don't look my age either but our families know our age and they will definitely will not support our relationship.

[CarrieT]

I didn't even have to read your entire post.

 

Yep - technically 16 is a minor and your are an adult. Hands off...

 

Read this study that advises that the brain is still developing into your late 20s. No way possible to judge that a 16-year old would be a good father. He isn't even an adult yet.

 

Repeat: HANDS OFF and wait several years, at least...

[Poppy fields]

What are the statutory rape laws in your state? I don't think your children would benefit from their mother in jail and/or being labeled a sexual predator.

[MrCastle]

Wrong for you, right for him.

[AKisBaked]

didn't even bother reading your post I just read the topic and why are you trying to date a guy who is just entering puberty? LOL

[WhoreyBull]

Whether it is right or wrong, I don't think this is what your kids need at the moment... or that guy. He is a student, he doesn't need the pressure of being a dad.

Edited April 18, 2013 by WhoreyBull

[Treasa]

Out of curiosity, what year is this guy in high school? Sophomore? Junior?

[Toddbt12y1]

If you're in FL the legal limit(with parent consent) is 17. Depends on your state and if his parents wish to charge you. I'd not risk it.

[toughlove02]

Thanks for the responds ; We live in new jersey he is a senior at his highschool and will graduate this year. I've told him before that he does not need to worry about us but he insisted and the many times I've tried to end things he would still come and be with my kids even if its not his responsibility but he just won't understand and leave. Now its been a year and some months and you can say I'm in love with him. I just wished he was at least two years older and things won't be this complicated should I try and leave him?? And ask to wait

2 years and see if we could still be together?.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You know....you've already popped out two kids and you're barely 20, and 20 year old's aren't the sharpest tools in the shed because there is limited life experience, although you being a mother is going to put you on a completely separate track than your peers. But you're already committed to your situation, you don't come first anymore unfortunately, that's the sad part of having children at a young age, people don't get a chance to grow up themselves, just for themselves, make all the stupid mistakes and learn from them but continue to move on.

 

I think you've used bad judgment again...this guy, no matter how much he appears to be the "perfect guy", is only 16 years old...no guy is a complete man at that age, hell he's sees life through a very narrow periscope fueled by emotions and a drive he doesn't quite understand, nor where it resonates from. Just because he is responsible does not make him "mature", maturity comes with wisdom and experience, young people really have to stop looking at things this way, you're setting yourself up to looking a fool.

 

I think he's throwing everything at you right now because he wants to be the "fixer", he's got some issues in his past where he wants to fill the void or compensate for that lack of in someone else life, he essentially sees you as the damsel in distress, and he has empathy for your children.

 

Secondly, I don't even think you're in love with this guy...and I use "in love" very loosely at your age and especially his. You met this guy 3 months after your relationship ended, that isn't ever good, especially at your age where it takes time to process those emotions and work through them, especially with someone you were willing to have not 1, but 2 kids with. This guy is a rebound relationship, he was a nice guy that started coming in, being there and "fixing" things, he came at a time where you were emotionally vulnerable and could use the distraction. Many people like to get over someone by getting on top of someone else (yes yes you never planned it that way), well there's a cross over when that happens, it's like baking two separate meals into each other instead of one at a time, you end up getting them mixed and you don't know what is what exactly....where the other ends and the new begins.

 

I think he needs to move onto his life, he's not ready for this...he's got a long ways to go and should be trying to enjoy his life and work on priorities that further himself, he's not the one with kids...that's your responsibility and if some guy wants to take on it with you, then I think that guy should be older than 16, if not a bit older than you. But any guy without kids in his early to mid 20's should be furthering his own life, relationships aren't worth the sacrifice at that age because you end up sacrificing something you think will last forever and then you wasted all that time and have got nothing to show for it...other than the experience/knowledge, which is a very good thing, but not if you prioritized or derailed your life for it, because now you're going to have to start from square one.

 

If I were I'd let the guy go, to encourage him to pursue his own future and goals. Yes, maybe getting a job and feeling like a big responsible guy is a good thing for him, but try to make sure he sees the value in other things, like getting an education and pursuing other things that will further him down the road. If he just starts working now to get the best job for that quick money so he can live this little married life with you, he's going to end up at a dead end job and that money isn't going to be all that spectacular once he's paying bills and rent, and everything else that piles on you when you start making money.

 

Furthermore, once this honeymoon-nostalgia phase wears off and he starts getting the urge to do this or that, or getting tired of the grind and he's growing up and changing, he's going to feel resentful and tied down and then he might start going out and doing this or that. The thing is he has to grow up, he's only 16, you don't know what he's going to be like as he develops, this is just a phase for this guy, he thinks he's doing the right thing and this is what he wants when he doesn't even know himself.

 

IMO don't get into a serious committed relationship with this guy, let him live on his own. You do your own thing, if two or three years down the road he's still gaga for you and your kids then you can start..."thinking" about moving in together because I'm sure things will have changed by then, but seriously it's a bad idea, it's way too much for his age, it's going to put him in a position that's too committed, he's talking about of his butt right now thinking he's got it all figured out and the people who are truly going to pay for your foolish decisions are your children. Because now they've got to figure it out and understand how this man was apart of their lives and then suddenly gone, try to let someone else be the father figure, somebody in your family, somebody that will be there no matter what happens.

[Wesker]

Someone I know is 21, and got knocked up by a 16 year old. Because he had no money, no job, and basically no life, she was forced to give up her kid for adoption. The scary part is that she knows who is taking care of her kid, and is hoping someday to tell him who his real mom is. I'll be having a bag of popcorn with me to watch that "Springer" moment.

 

 

Point being. You're setting yourself up for a long, hard life.

[sb129]

I stopped finding 16 year old boys attractive when I turned 17...ick.

 

And now when I see one they barely look out of puberty.

 

Let this boy go- he isn't capable of giving you what you want/ need....

 

Your kids should be your first priority.

[Imported]

Yes OP as this would make you a pedophile.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Yes OP as this would make you a pedophile.

 

Do you have any clue what a pedophile is?

 

 

(didn't think so...)

[Geiss]

No, just society says it's wrong. There is only a 4 year age difference. When he is 18 and you are 22 nobody will say anything. I always like to give a big F you to society when I can. People used to get married at that age in the past. It would be wise though to make sure you don't do anything that can get you jail time. Even though it sounds like you already have.

 

I like how people always think they know when someone else is in love or not. They don't know. If you want to be with the guy then be with him and F everyone else. My friend was 23 going out with a 17 year old girl. 6 years later they are still together. It can work. I'm not a naysayer. Go for it I say. Just be careful of the pedophile police.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

As the age of consent in New Jersey is sixteen, there is nothing amiss about the idea of a random 20yo dating a random 16yo.

 

 

In the case of the OP here, it is likely she is getting herself further onto a life path which will threaten her stability both emotionally and financial.

 

It just sounds rather chaotic that a 16yo male is saving every penny toward eventually supporting two children fathered by somebody else. It just isn't going to add-up as being realistic in the long run.

 

 

But in general terms, 20 & 16 in New Jersey isn't cause for concern.

[PogoStick]

I love how LSers go ape **** when the guy is older in these situations. Older girl, just gets some mild caution.

 

FYI, guys don't mature until they hit 30. If it wasn't for the kids I'd say F- his brains out, good for him. But don't let him play daddy at 16. Go find an older guy. There are plenty who will accept you having kids.

 

Please stop having kids and focus on growing up. What's the plan here? Cosmetologist? Community college? How's mommy going to build a better future for herself?

[sb129]

If you want to be with the guy then be with him and F everyone else. My friend was 23 going out with a 17 year old girl. 6 years later they are still together. It can work. I'm not a naysayer. Go for it I say. Just be careful of the pedophile police.

 

If she didn't have kids, I would be far more inclined to agree with you- as they're both the age of consent, who really cares if they have a R, it might work out it might not, same as any other new R.

 

However, taking on a woman with two children is a pretty big deal for any man, let alone one that hasn't finished high school yet.

 

Its the kids and their stability that concerns me... they've already seen one guy walk out on their mum.

[toughlove02]

After reading all of this you all made me think more clearly I will defenetly try and make him understand that he still has a long way to go with his life and just hopefully if there is or ever actually was "love" and commitment in our relationship we will get together sometime in the future. Again thank you all. I really am glad I shared my situation here.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You know you are wrong. so why ask.

you are a pedophile.

 

when men do its wrong and people gets mad and

are against it.

its the same if a woman do it. so no need to

ask next time.

 

beside what are you doing with that kid?

he barely think in more mature stuff.

etc. have no money,cant take responsability for anything.

 

you got a issue. leave that kid alone.

 

 

 

 

ROFL - it seems you're the one with the issue here.

 

 

Do you have the first clue what a pedophile is??

 

It is obvious to all others that you don't.