steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I think I need talking out of this or encouraged. Been a week no contact, minus a few hours. During that time I started talking to one of my exe's friends because I needed her Dad's phone number (used to work for him.) So we were chatting about stuff and I was just been polite. Ex has just text saying 'Why are you been all friendly-friendly with Beth? looool' I am really tempted to phone her saying 'Right, listen here you little c*nt..' and then go off on one. I have been so extremely depressed with the way my ex has been treating me and just want to shout at her and make her feel crap.
i.am Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Don't... Leave her alone. You will only be stroking her ego if you do shout back at her. Don't give the power back to her.
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 dude, not even WORTH your time. She was looking for ANY kind of ego boost. Beth told her you called her. And I'm pretty sure Beth told her the exact nature of why you called her for her fathers number. But, she had selective hearing and it went in one ear and out the other. She only gleaned what she wanted to hear out of that conversation and wants to believe that you contacted her friend ONLY to check up on her. I wouldn't respond. It's just cruel to yell at the simple-minded. 1
Author steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 She thinks she has control of me still. Is either getting jealous that I spoke to this girl (who used to fancy me) or just thinks I'm pathetic. She has caught me on a really bad day. Seriously, if she tries to be bitchy again I will rip her head off and sh*t down the hole.
geegirl Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Steve, you put yourself in situations that potentially prompt contact from this woman. NC means keeping away from anything tied to your ex, triggers are detrimental to your healing and that means speaking to her friends, her father, etc. When you do these things, you open the door to the possibility of contact. I have a feeling you are seeking passive ways to get to her. Don't respond to her. It only engages more back and forth. And this has been a pattern. She texts. You text back angry. Both lash. Then you say you are sorry. She is sorry. Same BS different day. Quit it. 2
Renard99 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Don't do anything, don't call don't message, don't email. First, it'll break NC. Second, who you talk to and what you do is none of her business... Keep it that way!
Author steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 I know Beth has a habit of been two-faced. Probably made it out more than it was. Even though she made some of the conversation about the ex.
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Ah the momentary power of quick-wittedness and clever repartee can still never match the beautiful put-down one can achieve by saying nothing at all. You've piqued her interest. She's being obnoxious. What business of her is it of HERS if you Do talk to other friends? She can shove it where the sun don't shine. Let her be. She tried, she failed. She may try again, in which case it will prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this round, at least (if you want to call it that) is yours..... 4
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 She thinks she has control of me still. Is either getting jealous that I spoke to this girl (who used to fancy me) or just thinks I'm pathetic. She has caught me on a really bad day. Seriously, if she tries to be bitchy again I will rip her head off and sh*t down the hole. And....you would be giving her exactly what she wants. The knowledge that she still has some sort of power over you. That she can still have an affect on you even if it's negative. Your silence will speak volumes to her. AND you give her nothing! She has no idea where your head is at. She has no idea how her text affected you. She has no idea if you hate her or if you just don't care. YOU GIVE HER NOTHING. She doesn't deserve it.
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Incidentally, heading a thread "urgent" implies an ego that needs feeding ("notice me!!") coupled with a sense that you have no will-power and cannot think for yourself. Think carefully about dramatic headings like that. I would associate words like 'urgent' and "desperate for support" as cries for help from someone in real honest-to-goodness emotional trouble, not from someone who actually knows what needs doing, but just wants to draw peoples' attention to yet another mini-drama. Hmmmm? 3
Author steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Steve, you put yourself in situations that potentially prompt contact from this woman. NC means keeping away from anything tied to your ex, triggers are detrimental to your healing and that means speaking to her friends, her father, etc. When you do these things, you open the door to the possibility of contact. I have a feeling you are seeking passive ways to get to her. Don't respond to her. It only engages more back and forth. And this has been a pattern. She texts. You text back angry. Both lash. Then you say you are sorry. She is sorry. Same BS different day. Quit it. I would of stayed completely away from her and her friends but I HAD to contact her friends dad for college work so had to talk to Beth. I've calmed down a bit, I hate her. She has massive effect on me still and it is killing me slowly. I am very depressed and once a thought gets stuck in my mind I can't calm down easily. There is no vent.
Author steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Incidentally, heading a thread "urgent" implies an ego that needs feeding ("notice me!!") coupled with a sense that you have no will-power and cannot think for yourself. Think carefully about dramatic headings like that. I would associate words like 'urgent' and "desperate for support" as cries for help from someone in real honest-to-goodness emotional trouble, not from someone who actually knows what needs doing, but just wants to draw peoples' attention to yet another mini-drama. Hmmmm? Okay, thank you, tara, your first post here was helpful, this one not so much. Urgency is a matter of opinion. Clearly, like her, you don't see how this affecting me. Change the title if you want, I couldn't think of anything else to put and need someone to calm me down quick, else I wouldn't of gotten a reply until this evening.
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I always check threads from members I know, and whose history I'm aware of, particularly if they're titled along the lines of - "What should I do?" ....because invariably they're questions about breaking contact. And I knew this one would be too. Why do you think I checked and replied. ...?
Author steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Ah the momentary power of quick-wittedness and clever repartee can still never match the beautiful put-down one can achieve by saying nothing at all. You've piqued her interest. She's being obnoxious. What business of her is it of HERS if you Do talk to other friends? She can shove it where the sun don't shine. Let her be. She tried, she failed. She may try again, in which case it will prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this round, at least (if you want to call it that) is yours..... I like this. It sums it up. Makes me feel in control. It is a feeling of lack of control that drive me crazy. I really want to verbally bash her head in. But knowing that by ignoring her I am still achieving the upperhand, that's good. I'm not been petty, I just don't want her in my life. She is dead to me.
iouaname Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 It is a feeling of lack of control that drive me crazy. Yep, I understand this feeling all too well. Trust me, breaking contact will only make you lose that control, so try to remember that every time you are feeling like going off on her. You have the control right now, and responding to her to curse her out will only make her think "Yep, I still own him!" Any time you want to contact her just take a deep breath and realize how you'll feel after and how much you'll regret losing the upper-hand.
geegirl Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I like this. It sums it up. Makes me feel in control. It is a feeling of lack of control that drive me crazy. I really want to verbally bash her head in. But knowing that by ignoring her I am still achieving the upperhand, that's good. I'm not been petty, I just don't want her in my life. She is dead to me. The thing is you both have verbally bashed each other with zero positive outcome. In the end you feel crap about doing it and you're sorry. If you want control, do the opposite of what you've always done. When someone ignores you, especially when you are trying to get a response, doesn't that just irk the crap out of you. You check your phone, you get agitated, you wonder why they're not responding, etc. Who's losing control? You. The person that is ignoring you has the upper hand. Moving forward. IGNORE. Even when you want to spit fire at her. 1
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Ignore. Not only because it's the right thing to do, and will be more effective than any response you can hope to come up with, but also this: You get into a verbal pissing match with a woman, 2-1 you're going to lose. They're simply much better at that sort of thing than we are, generally-speaking. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I like this. It sums it up. Makes me feel in control. It is a feeling of lack of control that drive me crazy. I really want to verbally bash her head in. But knowing that by ignoring her I am still achieving the upperhand, that's good. I'm not been petty, I just don't want her in my life. She is dead to me. Then keep her out of your life. The only person who can reintroduce her to your life is you. So don't. 1
Author steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 I won't contact her. I'm just so angry inside. I don't what to do...
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I won't contact her. I'm just so angry inside. I don't what to do... Free weights or a heavy bag. Far more productive. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 In my marriage I beat the absolute crap out of seven punch-bags. Truly. I ruined them. Not bad for a 4' 10" weed. Felt g-o-o-o-d.
Author steveT95 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 No wonder you're an expert on here!
siankat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I've only read the OP but nah man don't text cos you wanna rattle her cage some? Not texting is the way to do it judging by her little jealous outburst. She is gonna be twisting about that one and even more now you don't reply hehehe 1
ThatJustHappened Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Ignore. Not only because it's the right thing to do, and will be more effective than any response you can hope to come up with, but also this: You get into a verbal pissing match with a woman, 2-1 you're going to lose. They're simply much better at that sort of thing than we are, generally-speaking. Nicely said GT. We are indeed far more talented at verbal @sskicking. Men are better at..uh..hmmm....
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