laceyjane Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 This is gonna be long but I need to get it off me. I don't know where to start but I guess I can start by saying I had the best, crazy and passionate love with a guy I fell for the first time we met - online. Yes, I never knew you could fall for someone online and have probably the most special 3 years and 7 months relationship you could have in life. First year was wow. Maybe because I was young and lonely but that didn't matter, we madly fell in loved with each other. We talked almost 24/7 like it was never enough. We grew together and learned a lot from each other until one day he got hooked with junk and that pulled me so down. I didn't knew that he was addicted until things in his home became crazy for him resulting to us barely talking at all until he confesses he was in an oupatient rehab and was hooked for almost a year. I was in loved so I gave him a second chance until months after, just a night before, he said he was checking in an inpatient this time for 90 days means he got hooked again. I have never felt so depressed and broken for months. I felt betrayed. He promised and that was broken. It felt like I didn't knew him. Did I fell in love with the sober him or the one that was an addict? It just felt so unreal that it changed me. Pain changed me. After he was done, he contacted me. Only weeks later we realized we still loved each other but he didn't knew I had the bad side of me. I was with avenge of hurting him which broke us up a year after. I was lost and broken. I didn't know what to do. For that year, I wanted to end it because I knew I was wrong but I was a coward. He stopped talking to me when we broke up and that's when I knew it was really over. It's been almost 4 months now and yesterday I had a break down. I just feel so lonely right now. It's not fair how sometimes the most passionate love could end up like it never existed at all. It's not fair how sometimes those who love genuinely ends up getting their hearts broken.
siankat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Some relationships are meant to last, some to teach us, that feeling you felt, was real, but in the live situation was not going to work because an addict can never keep promises to others about not using, only to themselves. Some never make it. I feel for you i do. Your last statement echos rings of truth. It's too soon now maybe but think of it this way, better to love passionately and as you get wiser, make better choices, than to be cold inside because even those people who seemingly drift from one to the next without real attachment, do not necessarily have it better. Easier maybe. Find support where you can, lean on people if you need to. And look at how it happened here and be conscious not to repeat those mistakes when what you want is something different than what you have had. Choosing the wrong partner can easily become a familiar cycle that is hard to break. All the best
Author laceyjane Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Thank you. I needed that. You got me right in my core. I'm just taking time to completely move on. I guess I just wanna talk to him and hear how is he doing, not really get back with him because too many things have happened that caused pain to the both of us. Even when he got clean, I was paranoid at times whenever there were red flags. I guess because I needed more time for myself.
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