Bellalouise Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Hi Sorry this is so long but 6 years is a long time! I am 23 and I have been with my boyfriend for 6 and a half years, since I was 17 and he was 19. He was my first proper boyfriend and I was he's first girlfriend. In the beginning it was a very full on relationship and when we argued we used to really shout and scream etc, but we put this down to never being in a relationship before, knowing how to compromise or consider the other. I should also add that we're both very strong, stubborn characters, which I guess fuels things. Anyway, things have been up and down like most relationships and I do feel we have grown up together and shared many things e.g first jobs, graduating, deaths etc. We have talked about marriage and children in the future and have been saving to buy a house for the past year or so but I haven't struggled to find a permanent job since graduating Uni. We currently live with my parents, and have for about 4 years now as he used to live with his Dad but got abuse etc and doesn't speak to his mum due to her issues with abusive relationships. I feel this circumstance causes a lot of arguments as he does not always like living here because sometimes my parents can be bias towns my point of view and interfere sometimes, as most parents would. We never get much time to ourselves and when we do, we get on quite well etc. I have caught him talking to girls online a few times and I have trust issues with him now and suspect him sometimes. My main issue over the past few months is just simply that we don't really talk anymore or do things together or just simply have a laugh together. I feel that he doesn't make any effort, which in turn makes me distant and resentful so in turn he doesn't think I care or make an effort. We have said a few times we would split up but never done it, but things haven't always changed. This time it seems like it will happen because he has asked his Dad can he move back in and he said yes. My boyfriend seems okay with the break out, more just that its the right thing to do, as do I deep down. I thought I wold be ok, but yesterday we just held each other and cried, it feels like a person has died. He apologised for everything and knew he'd been horrible at times and said he regretted it. I feel so sad, as I have grown up with him and just can't imagine my life without him. I really do care about him more than I thought as I'm concerned that he has to move back with his Dad and then travel back here (about 12 miles ) everyday to work. I just want some advice really. Someone who has been through the same who can give me their advice or opinion as I am really confused. I think splitting up is the right thing to do, but because I feel so sad and the thought of not seeing him after the weekend is making me really sad and confused as I don't know if this is normal or if this is a sign that maybe we should give it one last go, as after last night us both in floods of tears holding each other, and him saying he still loved me I don't know if that's something to build on because I don't want to loose him ans regret it one day. Thanks Bella Louise
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 If you both really feel very strongly about each other, and the love you have has evolved, matured and changed but not died - I would suggest you both consider counselling. If you both want this to work, you have to evaluate your individual standards and boundaries and compare 'where you are'. It could be that in spite of the great affection, you two are growing apart, and even though you both hold each other in high regard, this isn't going to be enough to keep it all together in the long run. There's nothing wrong with loving someone - but not being with them. You guys have to decide what matters most. Counselling is not a tool designed to keep you together, necessarily. But it will give you a level playing field, and the scope to be able to discuss matters openly, bare your hearts and speak your minds. You are not OBLIGED to stay together. But it would be good to come to an agreement where you both understand how things are working.
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